The Rain Hasn't Passed... The Storm's Just Starting [2/8]
I’m scared. Mikey… I don’t know where I am, but I know it’s really far away from you. Daddy drove for a really long time, and he said something about no one ever finding us. He’s being more scary than nice now. When he smiles at me there’s a real mean look in his eyes. I don’t know what it means, but I don’t wanna find out. Please… please, come and get me. I’m so scared.
Things aren’t getting better. We’re living in a really big house now, but I didn’t get see any part of it because Daddy locked me in a closet again. This closet is a little bit bigger so I can lay down when I go to sleep. Daddy let me keep my box in the closet. My favorite toys are in it, and I play with them a lot when I’m locked in. I used to have a picture of our whole family back when we were really little. You were still a baby. That’s back when we were happy. I don’t have it anymore because Daddy caught me looking at it and tore it up. I see you in my dreams every night, but now I won’t ever see Mommy again. I miss her a lot.
I think Daddy forgets about me sometimes. Some days he doesn’t let me out of the closet, and I hate when I go to the bathroom on myself. He doesn’t let me change clothes a lot though. If I smell really bad, and he can smell me from outside the closet he lets me shower and change my clothes. I don’t like to take showers, but Daddy sits there and watches me so I can’t do anything else. When he watches me, it’s not the same like when you used to. You made sure that I got a good bath, but Daddy just makes sure I don’t use any of the hot water. The way he looks at me scares me.
I still can’t say what kind of food I want, so I still have to drink sink or shower water. The shower water is colder so it tastes better, but I don’t take showers a lot so the sink water is good enough. I’m trying so hard to talk, Mikey. Daddy still calls me “stupid” all the time because I can’t say anything besides “rain”. I tried to say I was sorry, but I couldn’t. I just can’t.
Mikey… I wanna see you so bad, but I can’t. I try to sleep a lot, but I always hear loud music and people talking and laughing. The whole house smells bad, and I can’t get away from it. The clothes Daddy gives me smells like it. If I smell it for a long time it makes me cough a lot.
Daddy had a big party the other day. I don’t think it was his birthday. He let me out of my closet and told me to go sit in the shed in the backyard. I saw a lot of people drink out of red cups and some had white sticks in their mouth and the end of the sticks were smoking. I think that’s what the smell in my clothes came from. They looked like they were having a lot of fun and didn’t even pay attention to me as I went out the back door. The shed was just a small wood house with no lights. I was too scared to go sit in it, but Daddy told me that if I didn’t he would lock me in my closet and never let me out. The way Daddy looked at me made me believe him so I was good and went inside it, and he put a lock on the door. I couldn’t see anything, but I think there were a lot of bugs in there. Some crawled over my feet and my arms, but I didn’t cry because Daddy would get mad if he knew I did.
I didn’t sleep that night because I was too scared. Daddy let me out a long time after. It was night when he unlocked the door and told me to back to my closet. I wish I could have stayed in the shed because my closet smelled worse then ever. It smelled like what the people where drinking and like what you smelled like when you used to run home to check on me but worse. There were spots on the floor and even on my toys, but I didn’t touch them to find out what it was.
I’m not allowed to shower again. I can still go to the bathroom, but Daddy said that I was wasting water by showering. I hate being in my closet and smelling really bad. I always wish that I was somewhere else or someone else. There’s probably a lot of people who are way happier than me. I was happy a little when you were in my dreams, but you’re not anymore and I’m not happy. Will I ever be happy again? I hope you’re happy. You probably are because Daddy told me he would be happy if I was alive. You probably feel the same way.
I shouldn’t be alive anymore. I just make people sad. Maybe I’ll go to heaven where you told me Mommy was. Mommy and I would be happy in heaven, and Daddy and you would be happy here. That sounds good, right? I gonna miss you, Mikey, but at least we’ll be happy again.
But I still wish you would find me.
Comments and Con-crit. greatly appreicated :].