Undeniable Deceit - Tora/Saga, Saga/Nao - 2/10
Title: Undeniable Deceit
Chapter(s): 2/10
Author: sentimentalenvy
Pairing/Characters: Tora/Saga, Saga/Nao
Rating: M15
Genre: AU/Romance/Comedy
Synopsis: I really thought I would spend the rest of my life with one person and one person only. He was my first love, kiss, boyfriend, best friend and partner. The thought of betraying anyone never occurred to me until I found myself craving for another boy other than Nao. I need to control this darker, deceitful, and wild side of me but I don’t know how to tame it. Maybe I don't want to.
Comments: I'm trying to update as much as I can before Spring semester starts @_@. But I really don't wanna rush things either >_< . This ones pretty boring but I needed a filler ;\
2
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Nao hasn't had the time for anything with me lately. He's so caught up in his studies and small study session get togethers with his nerdy friends I feel as if he has no time for me. I've tried to think of the positive side of things, and I'm quite patient when I want to be. Nao is important to me, so I'm doing my best to cope with these things. He calls me sometimes to tell me about how stressed he is, and I welcome it but all this just doesn't feel the same anymore.
Months have gone by and I don't even see him during our hangout spots anymore, and Shou doesn't even know where he is nowadays. No matter how many messages I leave in his voicemail Nao doesn't return any of my calls. If he does, it feels like every once in a blue moon. I wonder if we're even going to be okay.
"Again?" I ask as I look down at Nao and I looked at him in disbelief.
I mean I'm fine with his busy plans but nowadays I feel as if Nao doesn't even have the time for me anymore. Hell I think I even see Tora and Kai more than him and that's just for meet ups on the whole student council crap. Every second that passes I keep on telling myself to calm down because I really don't want Nao and I to get into another argument, but I have a feeling that I'm not going to last today. Nao is like a fucking time bomb when he's pissed. He's got that whole angelic face going on but there is a dark side of this guy that people don't know about. Lucky bastards...
"I'm sorry Saga-kun! But you have to understand-"
"I know I know," I mutter, lifting up both my hands to stop him from saying the same thing over and over. If I hear another excuse I'm going to go insane.
"It's just that this last year is so important to me...and the universities-"
"For fucks sake Nao I get it! Stop telling me the same fucking thing over and over again! The moment we started going out you've made it clear enough. What more do you want from me? Do you even want anything from me anymore? Exactly where are we getting at, Nao? You may be at your busiest time right now...and you say after you get past this everything will be alright but - won't you be even busier in college? Where are we getting at?" I pause for a moment because the look on your face is indescribable and I'm not sure what you're thinking right now.
"Saga...I'm - I-I'd really like to talk more about this but I've got to-"
"Gotta run? Figures. You don't need to say anything Nao," I sigh as I look away in shame. How can I be such a god damn asshole? I can't possibly ask him to choose me over his studies. Studies should most definitely come first and especially at our age, it would be pretty stupid for kids like us to even have time for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Before I can apologize to him how sorry I am, I'm already staring at his retreating back and I'm filled with this uneasy guilt I can't even begin to describe it. I need someone to talk to, but Nao has always been that one person to fill the void. But Nao has been so caught up in his work I haven't really had anyone to fall back on. Ugh what am I saying!? I'm the man in the relationship so I should act like a fucking man. I don't need anyone's reassurance or comfort. Nao has always told me about how I'm strong and independent - I guess that's his way of adding fire to my ego.
What do I do now? I'm already doing fine in my normal non AP honors classes, so I don't have much school stuff to worry about. Actually student council work has been taking up a lot of my time...not like Nao has noticed because I've never gotten a chance to tell him; nor does he have the chance to listen. The whole point of this council thing is because of him, so what's the point of continuing? Kai would most likely be upset and let me go, and Tora...that bitch will only rub it in my face of how much of a bigger man he is and call me a quitter and a failure.
No, I will not loose to him. If Tora's in a bunch of AP and Honors classes like Nao then why does he have all the time in the world for such a time consuming thing such as being the president of a student council? I shake my head and attempt to clear out my head for a moment. Nao's right when he says this is our last year. I should be working and looking forward to something. If Nao's going to work hard then I should too.
"Hey."
I whirl around to see Tora hovering unusually close behind me. I twitch and jerk away and I stared at him with a surprised look on my face that clearly said holy shit.
"Don't do that." I glare at him and as usual his calm expression doesn't change. I seriously wonder at times about why he's always like this. I wonder if there's an expression on his face other than dotted eyes and a straight line as his lips. If I were to draw a fanart of him, it would probably look something like this: (>:|).
"Do what?" He asks, immediately snapping me out of my stupid pondering.
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head as I look the other direction to adjust my strap attached to my bookbag. I'm really not in the mood to quarrel with Tora today, and apparently he seemed to notice. We aren't really all that close and I feel as if he knows me from the back of his hand.
"Something's bothering you," He stated simply, and I almost forgot about Hiroto that popped out from behind Tora's tall figure. Another way to give someone a heart attack...having a squirel flying out from a behind a tree would be one of them.
"No kidding," I scoff softly as I leaned against the lockers. "I don't really wanna talk about it. Since you're here why don't we just meet up with Kai at your house? I'll carpool with you. Beats walkin'."
"Sure," Tora shrugged, but there's something about the expression in his attitude that he wasn't going to let it go. He doesn't seem to want to show it but some part of him is worried about me. I'm sort of glad to know that the most stoned looking person at our school has a heart of some sort.
"I'm coming too!" Hiroto suddenly chirped up as I suddenly noticed again that he was there. Woops.
"Where's your car?" Tora suddenly asked curiously in his not so curious voice.
"Don't have it."
"Why not? I've noticed that you've been driving to school yourself lately."
"Not today. Because this time I nagged the hell outta Nao to drive me to school today," I tell him quickly before starting off befor he could question me anymore. Because I really don't want to talk about Nao right now...he's been the one making me feel so fucking miserable lately. I feel horrible for thinking these things but my feelings are always honest and I'm only human. I just want somone to care. Is that too much to ask for?
☆ ♪ ☆ ♪ ☆ ♪ ☆
"Saga...oi Saga!" I hardly hear the irritated tone in Kai's voice.
I can't believe I ended up drifting off into my own thoughts again. This whole Nao thing is bugging the hell out of me. Maybe I should have a talk with him tonight. I really don't want to be the one to wake up alone by myself. Denial is the one word I hate the most, and I don't want to be dellusional in believing I'll live a perfect life with Nao. I love him, but I don't know if I see a future between us. I'm so confused...
"Saga," Tora's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and he pinches my cheeks in between his fingers.
"What?!"
Kai asked me to repeat to him of what Tora and him were talking about earlier. All I can say is I heard something about our bake sale being a success. And uh...something about having a traditional festival in our school...but I'm afraid if I voice the wrong things...Kai will lecture me again.
"Cherry Blossom Festival?" I suggest nervously, hoping it'll get me out of this spotlight Kai has set on me.
"A sakura festival sounds like a good title for the event," Tora commented as he immediately jotted down the information on his planner. He peered at another set of dates of events we've planned out earlier and filled in an empty slot on the paper.
I've never really thought about dorky and cute Tora looked in those nerdy glasses. He looks somewhat more...innocent? Does the word innocent and Tora even mix? I want to chuckle at my inner thoughts but I decide against it. I guess it's because I see a different person when I see him in spectacles. He doesn't look like he's wearing a mask of one of those emotionless yakuza bosses at school. Heh. Or it's probably because he looks more like himself when he's in his own home. I'd like to see him casual with ungelled hair in his pajamas. I'm curious to see what a fucked up Tora would look like. Ah he'd beat me to a pulp if he could read my mind. Ha ha.
Awh crap I've just realized: When did Tora take off his contacts and change into new clothes? When did Kai take off his coat and slip on his glasses? Where did this half drunken cup of tea in front of me come from? Oh god where the fuck as my mind been throughout this entire meeting?
"Saga."
"Wuh?"
"Pay attention," Tora let out a small chuckle, and I had to put up the tough guy act. So I simply snorted and looked away.
"I am."
"You aren't, but I think you're mind works best when you're set on auto. Sakura Festival sounds so pretty for a festival name," He laughed, fiddling with a pencil between his fingers. "I'll give you kudos for that."
"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or sarcasm." I stare at him with my bored hooded eyes.
"Well anyway, I think we should call it a day. Dealing with a zombie Saga wasn't what I had in mind for this meeting," He pouted, and started stacking up his papers which were probably in alphabetical order.
"Saga! I don't want you zoning out anymore! You either tell us your problems or get over it yourself," Kai pouted as he stood still in front of Tora's doorway. Ah, I guess it was obvious there were things distracting me from focusing.
"Don't wanna," I frown and stick my tongue out at him and hop over to Tora's couch to stand my ground. "I'll get it figured out. Don't worry Kai."
"Well alright...but if you have anything you wanna talk to us about you let us know. I really don't want you to be distracted during the Cherry Blossom Festival."
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"You've been out of it lately," Tora says as usual, getting right to the point.
The meeting had ended and I was pretty much a walking zombie the entire day so you could see how I looked like during the whole meeting. Hiroto ended up not tagging along which was surprising because he's normally seen hanging around Tora most of the time. Which I am very curious about because there are so many things I don't know about them. Or why Tora's always walking around with a stoic look on his face. Is there something about his past or is his personality naturally like that?
"You might as well tell me what's going on. You can choose not to tell me, but I know you're gonna say it's because you don't want to be a burden. But let me remind you that keeping things bottled up inside you is only going to be more of a burden to me, Kai and the rest of the student council," Tora said, shutting the door as he walked over to the couch to make himself confortable beside me. I hate it when he's always right.
"Well I guess it's pretty obvious it's about Nao," I unwillingly mutter with a shrug. I know Tora's going to press it out of me anyway. I might as well get this out in the open, and talking to someone could be one of the best solution. Tora nods at me as a gesture to continue. "Well...you know how he's in a bunch of nerdy AP and honor classes right?"
"...."
"No offense." I shift my gaze away because that look he's giving me is making me too nervous. "I just don't think we're really gonna get anywhere if this continues any longer. I mean Nao's always been the bookworm and half the time I see him he's always got his head buried in his work or he's always in front of his laptop."
"...."
"No offense. Oh my god you see?! You've got probably 2 times more his workload and you have time to talk to me? I mean is it that hard to make some time for your boyfriend? I'm not asking for much. I don't even need a day alone with him. A lunch or a simple nice conversation with no arguments would be good enough," I mumble as my eyes were glued firmly to my fiddling fingers on my lap. Tora hums in understanding and I wait for him to say something.
"Everyone prefers to do things at their own pace. And I'm assuming Murai-san has to work a little harder," Tora smirked. "Not everyone's a genius either."
"You're so conceited," I found myself chuckling when I thought about how Nao would kill me if he saw me smiling while questioning his IQ.
No doubt Tora was the top student in our school with the highest test scores and what not. I suddenly wondered about what Tora wanted to do with his life. Didn't all geniuses have parents with high expectations? Why did he always look so calm no matter what the situation was? I've never seen him with an expression other than a calm looking one. I wonder what his real smile looks like. I wonder if he's dated anyone before. They would most likely have seen more than one expression I'm sure.
"What about you?" I ask, suddenly changing the topic. It may have looked suspicious, but I swear I'm not. It's just that at the moment, I don't feel like thinking about the problems between Nao and me. Besides, talking about Tora has shifted my topic of interest.
"Heh? What about me? Oi, isn't this about you and Murai"
"Yeah but this is a good distraction. Don't you think?" I ask giddily, tucking my legs beneath me as a shift into a better sitting position. "So tell me. Why do you always wear that face?" I look at Tora expectantly and he stares back at me with a blank stare.
"Cause I was born with it."
"No, seriously. Spill the beans Mr. Emo," I sigh because I'm not in the mood to be playing these corny games. "Why is it that you're always walking around with this calm expression on our face? You do know that you scare a good percentage of the population of our school with that yakuza face. People are scared to approach you because they obviously judge you before they get to know you. And even if you're actually a pain in the ass you're not that much of a bad person..."
"What are you saying? I am who I am," Tora muttered back with a shrug. "What's wrong with putting up a calm expression all the time? At least this way people take me seriously..."
"...what...?" I look at him with curious eyes as he lets out a soft sigh before continuing.
"I can't believe I'm telling you this...uh you of all people. Eh I guess it's surprising to you when I say that I've been often bullied as a kid..."
"Bullied? No way. Really? I would've figured you were the giant king of the sandcastles," I fake a gasp as he snorted and socked me on the arm. Ow. Sometimes I wonder if he forgets that he's taller and stronger than me.
"Shut up dude," He shot me a warning glare. "The point is, things are just easier this way. If people are scared of me, then fine. I'm alright with that. I didn't come to school to make friends. My parents don't really care what I do either. They've never really paid much attention to me but all I've really wanted was to just live my life the way I wanna live it."
"Live...life. Tora," I begin to speak and I wonder if I should really ask, but I do anyway because my curiosity always gets the best of me. "What do you wanna do in the future? After we graduate...where are you gonna go?" I don't notice that I'm suddenly curled against him like a cuddling dog.
"I guess it isn't obvious since I don't let it. I wanna be in a band. I don't even know if I want to go to college or not. It would be pretty pointless, wouldn't it?"
"Well yeah I guess...you kind of do what I wanna do as well," I laugh at the coincidence, because Tora isn't complaining about an A- (not like he gets any), or anything related to schoolwork. For once I love the fact that the people around me aren't talking about school. I've gotten rather sick of school myself. "Hm...what do you play?"
"Guitar."
"Oh sweet. But if I were to be in a band, I'd prefer to be a bassist," I nod in confirmation as he stares at me with bewildered eyes. "Don't look at me like that."
"No I'm just surprised that's all," Tora smirked. "We have more in common than I thought."
"Yeeah but don't expect anything more out of it," I grin back in giddyness. I don't know why I'm feeling so giddy right now. But I'm not complaining because he's getting my mind off of Nao.
We end up engaging into a conversation about almost anything that came out of our mouths. Majority of the topics we've chosen were mostly about music and I realize that we're such music fanatics. He tells me of his dreams and interests and I find it unreal that I've unwrapped so much about Tora I hadn't known or expcted. He's actually a very gentle person - but I won't tell him that.
"I wanna be in a band too," I blurt that out of nowhere and I think it's because a part of me wants to join Tora in his big dream. We don't care so much for school as much as a normal stressful student would, and most of all, he has the time to talk to me and actually listen to me.
Eventually we started talking about Nao again, and he said the best advice he could give me is to just let the relationship run its natural course. Whatever happens, happens. If it's not meant to be, then it's not. He's so dull. I wonder if he's ever even been in a relationship before. The advices he's given me weren't bad at all, but I got some sort of vibe that he doesn't have a lot of experience himself either.
Before I leave, I spontaneously jump on him and throw my arms around his neck to give him a big hug. It may be kiddy and childish...prolly girly for me but I owe him that much. I don't know what I'd do if I kept everything bottled up inside of me. I thought all this was going to be the end for me. Whatever happens...happens...right? I give Tora one last squeeze and I think about what he meant by that. What happens if Nao and I end up breaking up? What would happen then?
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1 | 3
Chapter(s): 2/10
Author: sentimentalenvy
Pairing/Characters: Tora/Saga, Saga/Nao
Rating: M15
Genre: AU/Romance/Comedy
Synopsis: I really thought I would spend the rest of my life with one person and one person only. He was my first love, kiss, boyfriend, best friend and partner. The thought of betraying anyone never occurred to me until I found myself craving for another boy other than Nao. I need to control this darker, deceitful, and wild side of me but I don’t know how to tame it. Maybe I don't want to.
Comments: I'm trying to update as much as I can before Spring semester starts @_@. But I really don't wanna rush things either >_< . This ones pretty boring but I needed a filler ;\
2
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Nao hasn't had the time for anything with me lately. He's so caught up in his studies and small study session get togethers with his nerdy friends I feel as if he has no time for me. I've tried to think of the positive side of things, and I'm quite patient when I want to be. Nao is important to me, so I'm doing my best to cope with these things. He calls me sometimes to tell me about how stressed he is, and I welcome it but all this just doesn't feel the same anymore.
Months have gone by and I don't even see him during our hangout spots anymore, and Shou doesn't even know where he is nowadays. No matter how many messages I leave in his voicemail Nao doesn't return any of my calls. If he does, it feels like every once in a blue moon. I wonder if we're even going to be okay.
"Again?" I ask as I look down at Nao and I looked at him in disbelief.
I mean I'm fine with his busy plans but nowadays I feel as if Nao doesn't even have the time for me anymore. Hell I think I even see Tora and Kai more than him and that's just for meet ups on the whole student council crap. Every second that passes I keep on telling myself to calm down because I really don't want Nao and I to get into another argument, but I have a feeling that I'm not going to last today. Nao is like a fucking time bomb when he's pissed. He's got that whole angelic face going on but there is a dark side of this guy that people don't know about. Lucky bastards...
"I'm sorry Saga-kun! But you have to understand-"
"I know I know," I mutter, lifting up both my hands to stop him from saying the same thing over and over. If I hear another excuse I'm going to go insane.
"It's just that this last year is so important to me...and the universities-"
"For fucks sake Nao I get it! Stop telling me the same fucking thing over and over again! The moment we started going out you've made it clear enough. What more do you want from me? Do you even want anything from me anymore? Exactly where are we getting at, Nao? You may be at your busiest time right now...and you say after you get past this everything will be alright but - won't you be even busier in college? Where are we getting at?" I pause for a moment because the look on your face is indescribable and I'm not sure what you're thinking right now.
"Saga...I'm - I-I'd really like to talk more about this but I've got to-"
"Gotta run? Figures. You don't need to say anything Nao," I sigh as I look away in shame. How can I be such a god damn asshole? I can't possibly ask him to choose me over his studies. Studies should most definitely come first and especially at our age, it would be pretty stupid for kids like us to even have time for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Before I can apologize to him how sorry I am, I'm already staring at his retreating back and I'm filled with this uneasy guilt I can't even begin to describe it. I need someone to talk to, but Nao has always been that one person to fill the void. But Nao has been so caught up in his work I haven't really had anyone to fall back on. Ugh what am I saying!? I'm the man in the relationship so I should act like a fucking man. I don't need anyone's reassurance or comfort. Nao has always told me about how I'm strong and independent - I guess that's his way of adding fire to my ego.
What do I do now? I'm already doing fine in my normal non AP honors classes, so I don't have much school stuff to worry about. Actually student council work has been taking up a lot of my time...not like Nao has noticed because I've never gotten a chance to tell him; nor does he have the chance to listen. The whole point of this council thing is because of him, so what's the point of continuing? Kai would most likely be upset and let me go, and Tora...that bitch will only rub it in my face of how much of a bigger man he is and call me a quitter and a failure.
No, I will not loose to him. If Tora's in a bunch of AP and Honors classes like Nao then why does he have all the time in the world for such a time consuming thing such as being the president of a student council? I shake my head and attempt to clear out my head for a moment. Nao's right when he says this is our last year. I should be working and looking forward to something. If Nao's going to work hard then I should too.
"Hey."
I whirl around to see Tora hovering unusually close behind me. I twitch and jerk away and I stared at him with a surprised look on my face that clearly said holy shit.
"Don't do that." I glare at him and as usual his calm expression doesn't change. I seriously wonder at times about why he's always like this. I wonder if there's an expression on his face other than dotted eyes and a straight line as his lips. If I were to draw a fanart of him, it would probably look something like this: (>:|).
"Do what?" He asks, immediately snapping me out of my stupid pondering.
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head as I look the other direction to adjust my strap attached to my bookbag. I'm really not in the mood to quarrel with Tora today, and apparently he seemed to notice. We aren't really all that close and I feel as if he knows me from the back of his hand.
"Something's bothering you," He stated simply, and I almost forgot about Hiroto that popped out from behind Tora's tall figure. Another way to give someone a heart attack...having a squirel flying out from a behind a tree would be one of them.
"No kidding," I scoff softly as I leaned against the lockers. "I don't really wanna talk about it. Since you're here why don't we just meet up with Kai at your house? I'll carpool with you. Beats walkin'."
"Sure," Tora shrugged, but there's something about the expression in his attitude that he wasn't going to let it go. He doesn't seem to want to show it but some part of him is worried about me. I'm sort of glad to know that the most stoned looking person at our school has a heart of some sort.
"I'm coming too!" Hiroto suddenly chirped up as I suddenly noticed again that he was there. Woops.
"Where's your car?" Tora suddenly asked curiously in his not so curious voice.
"Don't have it."
"Why not? I've noticed that you've been driving to school yourself lately."
"Not today. Because this time I nagged the hell outta Nao to drive me to school today," I tell him quickly before starting off befor he could question me anymore. Because I really don't want to talk about Nao right now...he's been the one making me feel so fucking miserable lately. I feel horrible for thinking these things but my feelings are always honest and I'm only human. I just want somone to care. Is that too much to ask for?
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"Saga...oi Saga!" I hardly hear the irritated tone in Kai's voice.
I can't believe I ended up drifting off into my own thoughts again. This whole Nao thing is bugging the hell out of me. Maybe I should have a talk with him tonight. I really don't want to be the one to wake up alone by myself. Denial is the one word I hate the most, and I don't want to be dellusional in believing I'll live a perfect life with Nao. I love him, but I don't know if I see a future between us. I'm so confused...
"Saga," Tora's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and he pinches my cheeks in between his fingers.
"What?!"
Kai asked me to repeat to him of what Tora and him were talking about earlier. All I can say is I heard something about our bake sale being a success. And uh...something about having a traditional festival in our school...but I'm afraid if I voice the wrong things...Kai will lecture me again.
"Cherry Blossom Festival?" I suggest nervously, hoping it'll get me out of this spotlight Kai has set on me.
"A sakura festival sounds like a good title for the event," Tora commented as he immediately jotted down the information on his planner. He peered at another set of dates of events we've planned out earlier and filled in an empty slot on the paper.
I've never really thought about dorky and cute Tora looked in those nerdy glasses. He looks somewhat more...innocent? Does the word innocent and Tora even mix? I want to chuckle at my inner thoughts but I decide against it. I guess it's because I see a different person when I see him in spectacles. He doesn't look like he's wearing a mask of one of those emotionless yakuza bosses at school. Heh. Or it's probably because he looks more like himself when he's in his own home. I'd like to see him casual with ungelled hair in his pajamas. I'm curious to see what a fucked up Tora would look like. Ah he'd beat me to a pulp if he could read my mind. Ha ha.
Awh crap I've just realized: When did Tora take off his contacts and change into new clothes? When did Kai take off his coat and slip on his glasses? Where did this half drunken cup of tea in front of me come from? Oh god where the fuck as my mind been throughout this entire meeting?
"Saga."
"Wuh?"
"Pay attention," Tora let out a small chuckle, and I had to put up the tough guy act. So I simply snorted and looked away.
"I am."
"You aren't, but I think you're mind works best when you're set on auto. Sakura Festival sounds so pretty for a festival name," He laughed, fiddling with a pencil between his fingers. "I'll give you kudos for that."
"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or sarcasm." I stare at him with my bored hooded eyes.
"Well anyway, I think we should call it a day. Dealing with a zombie Saga wasn't what I had in mind for this meeting," He pouted, and started stacking up his papers which were probably in alphabetical order.
"Saga! I don't want you zoning out anymore! You either tell us your problems or get over it yourself," Kai pouted as he stood still in front of Tora's doorway. Ah, I guess it was obvious there were things distracting me from focusing.
"Don't wanna," I frown and stick my tongue out at him and hop over to Tora's couch to stand my ground. "I'll get it figured out. Don't worry Kai."
"Well alright...but if you have anything you wanna talk to us about you let us know. I really don't want you to be distracted during the Cherry Blossom Festival."
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"You've been out of it lately," Tora says as usual, getting right to the point.
The meeting had ended and I was pretty much a walking zombie the entire day so you could see how I looked like during the whole meeting. Hiroto ended up not tagging along which was surprising because he's normally seen hanging around Tora most of the time. Which I am very curious about because there are so many things I don't know about them. Or why Tora's always walking around with a stoic look on his face. Is there something about his past or is his personality naturally like that?
"You might as well tell me what's going on. You can choose not to tell me, but I know you're gonna say it's because you don't want to be a burden. But let me remind you that keeping things bottled up inside you is only going to be more of a burden to me, Kai and the rest of the student council," Tora said, shutting the door as he walked over to the couch to make himself confortable beside me. I hate it when he's always right.
"Well I guess it's pretty obvious it's about Nao," I unwillingly mutter with a shrug. I know Tora's going to press it out of me anyway. I might as well get this out in the open, and talking to someone could be one of the best solution. Tora nods at me as a gesture to continue. "Well...you know how he's in a bunch of nerdy AP and honor classes right?"
"...."
"No offense." I shift my gaze away because that look he's giving me is making me too nervous. "I just don't think we're really gonna get anywhere if this continues any longer. I mean Nao's always been the bookworm and half the time I see him he's always got his head buried in his work or he's always in front of his laptop."
"...."
"No offense. Oh my god you see?! You've got probably 2 times more his workload and you have time to talk to me? I mean is it that hard to make some time for your boyfriend? I'm not asking for much. I don't even need a day alone with him. A lunch or a simple nice conversation with no arguments would be good enough," I mumble as my eyes were glued firmly to my fiddling fingers on my lap. Tora hums in understanding and I wait for him to say something.
"Everyone prefers to do things at their own pace. And I'm assuming Murai-san has to work a little harder," Tora smirked. "Not everyone's a genius either."
"You're so conceited," I found myself chuckling when I thought about how Nao would kill me if he saw me smiling while questioning his IQ.
No doubt Tora was the top student in our school with the highest test scores and what not. I suddenly wondered about what Tora wanted to do with his life. Didn't all geniuses have parents with high expectations? Why did he always look so calm no matter what the situation was? I've never seen him with an expression other than a calm looking one. I wonder what his real smile looks like. I wonder if he's dated anyone before. They would most likely have seen more than one expression I'm sure.
"What about you?" I ask, suddenly changing the topic. It may have looked suspicious, but I swear I'm not. It's just that at the moment, I don't feel like thinking about the problems between Nao and me. Besides, talking about Tora has shifted my topic of interest.
"Heh? What about me? Oi, isn't this about you and Murai"
"Yeah but this is a good distraction. Don't you think?" I ask giddily, tucking my legs beneath me as a shift into a better sitting position. "So tell me. Why do you always wear that face?" I look at Tora expectantly and he stares back at me with a blank stare.
"Cause I was born with it."
"No, seriously. Spill the beans Mr. Emo," I sigh because I'm not in the mood to be playing these corny games. "Why is it that you're always walking around with this calm expression on our face? You do know that you scare a good percentage of the population of our school with that yakuza face. People are scared to approach you because they obviously judge you before they get to know you. And even if you're actually a pain in the ass you're not that much of a bad person..."
"What are you saying? I am who I am," Tora muttered back with a shrug. "What's wrong with putting up a calm expression all the time? At least this way people take me seriously..."
"...what...?" I look at him with curious eyes as he lets out a soft sigh before continuing.
"I can't believe I'm telling you this...uh you of all people. Eh I guess it's surprising to you when I say that I've been often bullied as a kid..."
"Bullied? No way. Really? I would've figured you were the giant king of the sandcastles," I fake a gasp as he snorted and socked me on the arm. Ow. Sometimes I wonder if he forgets that he's taller and stronger than me.
"Shut up dude," He shot me a warning glare. "The point is, things are just easier this way. If people are scared of me, then fine. I'm alright with that. I didn't come to school to make friends. My parents don't really care what I do either. They've never really paid much attention to me but all I've really wanted was to just live my life the way I wanna live it."
"Live...life. Tora," I begin to speak and I wonder if I should really ask, but I do anyway because my curiosity always gets the best of me. "What do you wanna do in the future? After we graduate...where are you gonna go?" I don't notice that I'm suddenly curled against him like a cuddling dog.
"I guess it isn't obvious since I don't let it. I wanna be in a band. I don't even know if I want to go to college or not. It would be pretty pointless, wouldn't it?"
"Well yeah I guess...you kind of do what I wanna do as well," I laugh at the coincidence, because Tora isn't complaining about an A- (not like he gets any), or anything related to schoolwork. For once I love the fact that the people around me aren't talking about school. I've gotten rather sick of school myself. "Hm...what do you play?"
"Guitar."
"Oh sweet. But if I were to be in a band, I'd prefer to be a bassist," I nod in confirmation as he stares at me with bewildered eyes. "Don't look at me like that."
"No I'm just surprised that's all," Tora smirked. "We have more in common than I thought."
"Yeeah but don't expect anything more out of it," I grin back in giddyness. I don't know why I'm feeling so giddy right now. But I'm not complaining because he's getting my mind off of Nao.
We end up engaging into a conversation about almost anything that came out of our mouths. Majority of the topics we've chosen were mostly about music and I realize that we're such music fanatics. He tells me of his dreams and interests and I find it unreal that I've unwrapped so much about Tora I hadn't known or expcted. He's actually a very gentle person - but I won't tell him that.
"I wanna be in a band too," I blurt that out of nowhere and I think it's because a part of me wants to join Tora in his big dream. We don't care so much for school as much as a normal stressful student would, and most of all, he has the time to talk to me and actually listen to me.
Eventually we started talking about Nao again, and he said the best advice he could give me is to just let the relationship run its natural course. Whatever happens, happens. If it's not meant to be, then it's not. He's so dull. I wonder if he's ever even been in a relationship before. The advices he's given me weren't bad at all, but I got some sort of vibe that he doesn't have a lot of experience himself either.
Before I leave, I spontaneously jump on him and throw my arms around his neck to give him a big hug. It may be kiddy and childish...prolly girly for me but I owe him that much. I don't know what I'd do if I kept everything bottled up inside of me. I thought all this was going to be the end for me. Whatever happens...happens...right? I give Tora one last squeeze and I think about what he meant by that. What happens if Nao and I end up breaking up? What would happen then?
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