Take a Chance - Tora/Saga - 1/4
Title: Take a Chance
Chapter(s): 1/4
Author: sentimentalenvy
Genre: AU/Romance/Comedy/little angst?
Rating: PG-13 *omguh what o: ?*
Warnings: language
Pairing/Characters: Tora/Saga
Synopsis: “Don’t be such a girl Saga-chan,” Tora rolled his eyes as he chucked the can of hairspray aside.
Comments: Actually, I found this lying around in my files forever ago. Originally it was supposed to be an Uruha/Aoi but I figured a good balance in my Gazette and alice nine. works will do me good o_o; Wasting a fic is not cool either o:
1
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“Tora-chan, what do you wanna do when you grow up?” A little brown headed boy asked, hopping in front of the brunette who was busying himself in front of the mirror with his mother’s hair products.
The dark haired boy didn’t respond, and he continued to shuffle around the bathroom counter for that one hairspray that would definitely make his hair spike up this time. Finding the one hairspray he was looking for, he started spraying his hair and styling it. He wasn’t aware of Saga’s presence in the room as he sprayed and sprayed.
“Ack! Tora that’s enough!” The boy hacked as he waved at the space between them. “Mou, Tora-chan! You’re going to put a hole in the ozone layer!” He sighed, and pouted.
“Don’t be such a girl Saga-chan,” Tora rolled his eyes as he chucked the can of hairspray aside. “What do you think of my new hair?” He asked, his hair was poofing out in all directions and Saga had to stare and shake his head.
“Let me do it,” Saga mumbled as he pulled up a little stool. “Sit,” He sighed, and Tora huffed before he plopped onto the stool. Saga was always the master hair dresser, so it was normal that he only trusted Saga with his hair.
“Whooa! Saga you’re amazing!” Tora gaped at himself in the mirror as Saga couldn’t help but chuckle at his masterpiece. “Doode, you should become a hair dresser or something! Or you could also be a fashion designer! When we grow up, you can help dress me up and make sure my hair looks good,” He grinned at Saga from the mirror, and the boy rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“You ignored my question,” Saga huffed, and took a small comb to brush out the spikes in Tora’s hair. He took a shy glance at Tora from the mirror, and apparently, his dark haired friend seemed clueless. “You weren’t listening,” Saga pouted.
“You always ask me stuff when I’m busy,” Tora countered with a shrug, but Saga continued anyway.
“I said, what do you wanna be when you grow up?” Saga asked, and set down the little comb and reached out to grab at a brush to comb the longer parts of Tora’s hair. “And don’t say that…what was that word…..? Gigolo. I asked my mom about that and she gave me a beating because she thought that was what I wanted to be,” Saga muttered with an obvious hint of bitterness in his tone. Tora could even hear the pout in his voice as he spoke.
“Oh I don’t wanna be that anymore. My mom said it was bad too. I don’t know why she thought you wanted to be one. I already told her it was me who wanted to do it,” Tora scoffed, and shrugged.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re avoiding my question?” Saga asked curiously, and leaned on Tora’s right shoulder. “You’re not leaving until you tell me.”
“Awh come on Saga! We’re 14 for god sake. We don’t even have to think about this shit until we’re like 18 or something. Saga gasped, and smacked Tora on his arm.
“Don’t say that word!”
“What? You say it too,” Tora turned around, and grabbed the brush out of Saga’s hand. “What was that for?”
“I do not say the S word. I say crap. My mom said it was okay,” Saga frowned, and took the brush back from Tora. He turned Tora back around and continue to brush at Tora’s hair. “Answer me. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I wanna be a pimp.”
“…”
“What?” Tora asked, eying Saga from the mirror. If this was an anime, he could have sworn Saga would be a little chibi staring at him with beaded eyes. “What the hell is so funny?!”
“I didn’t laugh!” Saga exclaimed, his went wide as he stepped back from Tora. “I just thought you were kidding around for a moment.”
“Why the hell would I wanna kid around about that?” Tora snorted, grabbing the brush from Saga’s hand for the second time.
“Cause’ it doesn’t make any sense. All this stuff sounds pretty much the same to me.”
Tora ignored Saga’s question and stood up to checked if his hair was alright in front of the mirror, and tossed the brush on the counter before he walked out the bathroom with a grumble of thanks.
Later that day, Saga had found Tora sitting on the grass at the park they always met at. Tora seemed pretty pissed, and Saga hadn’t meant to piss off his friend, but the thought of Tora being a pimp was ridiculous. All Tora ever thought about nowadays was women...girls, breasts, ass - whatever had a man getting hard, hot and horny. Was this how puberty destroyed their train of thought?
Saga walked down the mini hill towards the grass and stopped halfway down the grassy slope and plopped himself down beside his friend. For the first few seconds, both were silent until Tora had ended up sneezing in his jacket sleeve.
“Bless you,” Saga murmured softly, and didn’t take a single glance at Tora.
“…”
“Can you please just talk to me? I don’t want our friendship to go downhill because of what you thought I thought,” Saga pouted a little and scooted a little closer towards the brunette. “Please don’t be mad at me. If you want to be a pimp, I’ll support you! I promise! What do you need? Women?! Money? New Car? Pimp stick? Rings? Mad hatter hat? I’ll do your hair; I’ll design your clothes!” Saga half whined, and tugged lightly at the left sleeve of Tora’s jacket. He sort of regretted his sudden action, but he had prayed to the gods at that millisecond, and hoped that Tora wouldn’t shove him aside.
“I’m not going to un-friend you Saga,” Tora scoffed, and lightly shrugged Saga off. “Every time I tell you I wanna do something, you don’t take me seriously. It’s not only the women,” Tora sighed. “I don’t know what has come over me but…these past two years I don’t know…I feel great, like… like this sort of good feeling I get around the ladies. Confidence? You know how nobody has been interested in me when we were younger until now. This whole growing up thing is amazing. Remember what we said about screwing puberty?! Shit I take that back! It’s awesome!” Tora let out a loud laugh as he flopped down to his back.
Saga stared at him in disbelief, but he caught himself quickly and ended up pouting as he watched Tora close his eyes. What did he mean? He was sounding like their seniors at their high school. Saga had hoped Tora wouldn’t abandon him for those empty headed losers. He had no idea what had come over him, but he hadn’t shown much of an interest in the kind of things a normal male would be interested. Perhaps puberty wasn’t very friendly with him like it was with Tora. Tora was already so tall, and his features don’t make him look like a normal 14 year old kid at all. Saga was almost six months older. Wasn’t he supposed to look more grown up than him? Instead, people were thinking of him as Tora’s little brother. How…offensive.
He was always shy around girls, and the boys in his class were already growing little hairs on their chins while his was as smooth as glass. It wasn’t like he cared or anything. Saga didn’t want to grow up, but he did think of the future quite often. The only person he cared about was Tora, and he remembered the mini promise they made as innocent little five year old boys. No girls would get in their way. “We’re better than those sluts.” Tora had put it that way. Saga blamed Tora’s father for knowing those kinds of foul languages, he blamed it all on Tora’s father.
Saga let out an audible sigh and lowered himself on his back beside Tora. They were only 14 and Saga already doubted so many things. He knew he was eventually going to tell Tora of his feelings sooner or later. He wasn’t counting on never telling him at all, because Saga knew he was going to fall into that feeling of regret. Maybe he should tell Tora right now. He somehow had a feeling that if they were older, it would be much harder. Yes, Saga had certainly thought about the future an awful lot. He blamed his mother for the worry genes.
Right now was better than later and it was most definitely better than never. If Tora were to reject him, which is what he will expect with a prediction of 98.9%, then that was life wasn’t it? But…he couldn’t risk this could he? He couldn’t risk anyone, anything, or his feelings. He had been single all this time because he never wanted to feel the negative experiences of love. All these stories that were told to him from his friends - he didn’t want any part of that. There are times where he eve told Tora that he wanted to stay single forever and he wouldn’t mind being alone. Tora never believed him because Saga was always the one clinging to Tora like he was some sort of lifeline.
The action and decision was a spur of the moment, and before Saga could stop those words from slipping out of his mouth, it was already too late.
“You’re so silly,” Saga mumbled, his eyes half closed, he crawled closer to Tora and rested his head against the brunette's shoulder. Then, it flew out of his mouth before he could catch it. “Love you,” That had come out softer than a whisper, but for that split second, he had forgotten about how sensitive Tora’s ears were.
Almost too quickly, Saga felt nothing but air and he was startled when he almost came face to face with the prickly grass beneath them. He looked up.
“What the hell man?!”
Saga stood up and his mind was frantically digging for excuses and cover ups. What to say? What could he say? Tora wasn’t gay, what the fuck was he thinking?! All he ever talked about was women, porn, women, and more porn?! What else did he want?! For gods sake they were kids for crying out loud. Sometimes Tora scared the hell out of Saga because he truly believed that Tora was growing up too fast, and he was leaving Saga behind in the process. Did Tora even notice? Or was he too blinded by his masculinity?
“What are you saying?” Saga finally asked, amazed that his voice was surprisingly calm. He had to be strong for Tora…and himself. “What did you think I meant?” He hid part of his shaking voice with a snort and rolled his eyes before turning away to bite at his tongue. Hard. Tora couldn’t see him like this. He’d be fucked for life.
“What do you mean? Dude I know you swing that way Saga, but I totally swing the opposite direction!” Tora said, backing up a little every three seconds. “Oh my god did I just say totally?!”
Saga knew Tora couldn’t see his face, and he liked it because he found that his cheeks have gotten a tad moist from what he was currently hearing from Tora’s mouth. Was Tora even listening to what is coming out of his mouth?! So Tora wouldn’t accept him if he found out he liked guys too? This was the real side to Tora Saga hadn’t known? Saga let out a voluntary loud scoff for Tora to hear.
“What the fuck are you talking about?! Don’t get so cocky you bastard!” Saga suddenly exclaimed, swinging his whole body around to face his friend. “I didn’t mean that in the gay way you-stupid-fuck!” Saga had enunciated on the fuck to prove to Tora he was serious.
Saga was lying to himself, and he was lying to Tora, but if that was how it was going to be, then fine, Saga would rather lie than be humiliated by his closest friend. Tora was taken back by the sudden curses shooting out of Saga’s mouth like a tennis ball machine. He knew Saga was pissed, because it wasn’t like Saga to be saying bad words at all.
Saga turned his back towards Tora and huffed. Tora hesitantly took a couple of steps towards Saga and wondered if he should beg his friend for forgiveness from misunderstanding or leave right now and deal with everything tomorrow. His head hurt, he was too confused, and he was feeling lazy. He wasn’t in the mood for patching up an argument but in the end of the debates running through his head, he eventually gave in. Saga knew that Tora knew Saga wasn’t the type to curse. Heck Saga never liked using the F word.
“Saga…?”
No answer.
“Oh come on…! Look, I…I apologize okay?” Tora said softly, and made his way a little closer to Saga who still had his arms crossed. “You just… can’t just go around telling another guy you love him okay? They’re just gonna get the wrong idea. They’re gonna think you’re queer-”
Saga’s heart stopped, and he wasn’t sure if he remembered how to breathe. An uncomfortable silence filled their surroundings. Those words…those words weren’t words of the Tora he once knew. If Saga were to turn around and tell off Tora, he would. He would tell Tora that he was full of shit. But once again, the thought of loosing Tora over such a thing was ridiculous and it wasn’t worth it. Then a thought had struck him, and it struck him good. Saga wasn’t going to let his feelings get in the way of what made Tora happy. Right, he was just being selfish. Tora obviously did not have feelings for people of the same sex, and Saga was no exception.
Tora was patient enough to let Saga think things through for a moment, and eventually, Saga turned around to meet Tora face to face once more.
“I’m sorry,” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it that way,” Saga smirked a little. A fake smirk, but it’ll do. “That ego of yours will never change will it? You even think boys like you that way,” He let out a small, short laugh.
“You never know,” Tora pouted, and he instantly felt relieved when Saga rolled his eyes. Saga always rolled his eyes, and to him it was sort of a symbol of Tora’s hopelessness. “I am sorry though…I shouldn’t have acted that way. It must have hurt your man pride,” Tora said sheepishly as Saga punched him hard on the arm.
“Just don’t say it again...stupid,” Saga snorted, and turned his back towards Tora once more.
“Well fine if you’re gonna be that playful then I will be too,” He smirked as he pounced on Saga from behind.
Saga would have taken that gesture differently if it hadn’t been for his inner conscience telling him not to go there. And from that day on Saga promised he wouldn’t.
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11 years later…
“Oi oi oi. A, B, C or D?”
Seductive light brown eyes snuck a glance at a blonde haired woman strutting her way by his and Saga’s booth. Tora shot a quick glance at Saga who didn’t bother to look, nor did he look like he cared. Furrowing his eyebrows in annoyance, he gave his band mate a nudge.
“Meh…” Saga muttered with disinterest, and shot a glare at Tora for almost spilling his light beer. “What are you talking about this time? Rating her on a scale of 1-10 or breast sizes?”
“Awh naw that hoe’s a 34 C. too small,” Tora chuckled. “Hm,” He craned his head back to the woman who was walking out of the restaurant bar by now. He looked back at Saga who was zoning out into his cup. “What’s up with you? 11 years later and you’re still a goody too shoe. When are you ever gonna go out there and get some ass?” He asked, leaning an arm on Saga’s shoulder.
“Excuse me?” Saga snorted. “For your information, I like to take the time to choose my ladies Mr. One Night stand.”
“Huh…whatever man,” Tora shrugged, and chugged down his last drink for the night, or so Saga thought.
“Saga-chaan, why you be so coote?” Tora giggle snorted and playfully shoved Saga against his car. Saga huffed in annoyance and shoved the man off him before quickly opening the car door to stuff his drunken friend into the car. There was no way he was going to be seen like this. As much as Saga loved Tora, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and humiliated. God, Tora reeked of alcohol. “Saga-chan. Don’t you wanna get laaaid? MY GOD you’re such a VIRGIN! Hurry up so we can share secks stories!” Tora yelled carelessly as Saga looked around frantically to see if people were staring. Stupid. Of course they were staring.
“Forgive me Tora. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” Saga huffed as he jerked open the backseat of the car door. “But I’m going to be shoving you in the backseat. If you’re gonna vomit, there’s a plastic bag in the back so throw up your shit there. One ounce of stomach fluid on my car and I will have your head,” Saga patted Tora on the back and carefully led his friend into his car.
“C’mon you don’t even act like a fooking rawk star!” Tora pouted childishly as Saga forced Tora to bend over and enter the backseat. “C’mere!” With a forceful tug, Saga fell into the back causing the car door to shut by itself.
“What the hell Tora?! For gods sake you’re fucking 26! Act like it!” Saga frowned. He was not amused. “Geez I am going to lecture you tomorrow and lock up your liquor,” He muttered in annoyance. Helping Tora sit up, he tried to find some other way to do it, but it was hard not to help Tora sit up without having to sit on his lap. If Tora was sober, Saga would have probably been punched or possibly thrown out of his own car.
“Okay, now stay still while I put on your seat belt. Don’t you dare throw up on me.” Saga shot Tora a stern look as he reached for the seat belt.
“Mou, Saga! You’re so annoying. Stop yelling at me!”
“Shut up! I’m not yelling at you!” Saga yelled.
“Man you piss me off!” Tora scoffed in annoyance as he shoved at his friend. Saga’s back collided against the back of the driver’s seat. He was pissed. If he could kick Tora’s ass in the car without drawing attention, he would. But it would be unfair to Tora since he probably didn’t mean to.
“You’re just angry because you didn’t get to bring a girl home tonight,” Saga snorted. “Don’t blame me for your inconvenience.” Saga shot Tora a stern look. Tora huffed, crossed his arms and looked away from Saga like a child being denied of TV time.
“What about you?” Tora finally asked. Saga could sense the hesitance in his voice, and he went over a quick debate in his mind. He wasn’t really sure if it was really worth it. Nevertheless, he went in for the kill anyway.
“What about me?”
“No girl?” He asked curiously as he leaned his head back to watch Saga. “I’ve never seen you with a girl. Ever. It makes me angry…”
“H…Hah?”
“You know. You’re not that much older, and I’ve never seen you with a girl. You hardly have any dates…you don’t go out often unless I drag you out. You’ve never even let anyone kiss you. I can’t stay forever and make sure you end up with a normal social life, nice woman and a family if you continue acting like this. What am I gonna do with you?” Tora sighed, and Saga could have sworn he thought Tora was a sober man already. No way - impossible. Saga had much to drink himself. That was probably it.
“So? Why don’t you worry about yourself? Look at the state you’re in. I’m taking you home,” Saga sighed deeply.
He didn’t want to talk about his future plans, or what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Live hopelessly alone while Tora continued his partying life or finally settled down? What the hell was he to do? No matter…he wasn’t going to worry about that kind of shit right now. The present is the present, and the future is the future. There is no past - not to him at least. The childhood memories with Tora and him were dead now, weren’t they? He had to admit, he loved the kiddy Tora that kept on telling him not to give into the things that turned him into who he wasn’t. He wanted to ask Tora the same damn question.
He shook his head out of his thoughts and reached for the seat belt when Tora placed his hand on Saga’s wrist to stop him. Saga looked at Tora curiously and the look in Tora’s eyes seemed pitiful. Oh hell no. There was no way in hell. Not being able to be more with Tora was one thing, but he was not going to receive pity from his best friend.
“What? Don’t look at me like that,” Saga said, and his eyebrows furrowed together as he felt more uncomfortable.
Tora pulled Saga into his arms and they stayed just like that…just like that. So many things flooded into Saga’s mind about if Tora was that drunk or not. Then again, normal Tora would have done this…minus the straddling in lap thing. He couldn’t help but let himself rest against his friend, enjoying that feeling and imagining the fact that Tora was holding him like this because he wanted to. Saga was so sick and tired of playing this game. He wanted to quit, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t live with Tora, but he couldn’t live without Tora in his life either. What should he do? He didn’t know.
“Saga,” He mumbled after the first couple minutes of silence. Saga pulled away from Tora’s embrace and half heartedly looked him in the eyes.
Tora leaned forward and pecked Saga’s lips softly. Saga’s eyes widened at the spontaneous action that was so not like Tora.
“Tora…what the hell are you doing…?” Saga couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t have a choice.
Saga figured that being witnessed or not, Tora would rather eat cockroaches than kiss another male. Saga wasn’t so sure if he should let this nonsense continue any further. He treasured the feeling of Tora’s soft lips continuously descending upon his, but he knew in his heart that this moment had nothing but false hope written all over it. But he couldn’t stop himself from taking Tora’s face into the palm of his hands and kiss him back. Saga felt Tora’s arms embrace his lithe body and he willingly surrendered as his body was crushed against Tora’s. Tora would have never done this in his right mind, and Saga felt horrible for taking advantage of it.
He knew he was only going to want more, but Tora was an addiction. He would do anything to receive one more touch, one more kiss, one more embrace, or anything that showed signs of love and affection.
“The things I do for you…” Saga mumbled with a sigh against Tora’s cheek.
Saga was going to hell by giving himself the privilege to indulge himself in the one person he could never have completely. One day he will come clean with his true feelings with no excuses, no cover ups - no fake smiles. Perhaps when that day comes, when he is ready, he’ll tell Tora the truth and take that chance.
omg I'm so tired x_x I must go to bed in time to do more studying o: Hope this update was worth it o:
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00 | 2
Chapter(s): 1/4
Author: sentimentalenvy
Genre: AU/Romance/Comedy/little angst?
Rating: PG-13 *omguh what o: ?*
Warnings: language
Pairing/Characters: Tora/Saga
Synopsis: “Don’t be such a girl Saga-chan,” Tora rolled his eyes as he chucked the can of hairspray aside.
Comments: Actually, I found this lying around in my files forever ago. Originally it was supposed to be an Uruha/Aoi but I figured a good balance in my Gazette and alice nine. works will do me good o_o; Wasting a fic is not cool either o:
1
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“Tora-chan, what do you wanna do when you grow up?” A little brown headed boy asked, hopping in front of the brunette who was busying himself in front of the mirror with his mother’s hair products.
The dark haired boy didn’t respond, and he continued to shuffle around the bathroom counter for that one hairspray that would definitely make his hair spike up this time. Finding the one hairspray he was looking for, he started spraying his hair and styling it. He wasn’t aware of Saga’s presence in the room as he sprayed and sprayed.
“Ack! Tora that’s enough!” The boy hacked as he waved at the space between them. “Mou, Tora-chan! You’re going to put a hole in the ozone layer!” He sighed, and pouted.
“Don’t be such a girl Saga-chan,” Tora rolled his eyes as he chucked the can of hairspray aside. “What do you think of my new hair?” He asked, his hair was poofing out in all directions and Saga had to stare and shake his head.
“Let me do it,” Saga mumbled as he pulled up a little stool. “Sit,” He sighed, and Tora huffed before he plopped onto the stool. Saga was always the master hair dresser, so it was normal that he only trusted Saga with his hair.
“Whooa! Saga you’re amazing!” Tora gaped at himself in the mirror as Saga couldn’t help but chuckle at his masterpiece. “Doode, you should become a hair dresser or something! Or you could also be a fashion designer! When we grow up, you can help dress me up and make sure my hair looks good,” He grinned at Saga from the mirror, and the boy rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“You ignored my question,” Saga huffed, and took a small comb to brush out the spikes in Tora’s hair. He took a shy glance at Tora from the mirror, and apparently, his dark haired friend seemed clueless. “You weren’t listening,” Saga pouted.
“You always ask me stuff when I’m busy,” Tora countered with a shrug, but Saga continued anyway.
“I said, what do you wanna be when you grow up?” Saga asked, and set down the little comb and reached out to grab at a brush to comb the longer parts of Tora’s hair. “And don’t say that…what was that word…..? Gigolo. I asked my mom about that and she gave me a beating because she thought that was what I wanted to be,” Saga muttered with an obvious hint of bitterness in his tone. Tora could even hear the pout in his voice as he spoke.
“Oh I don’t wanna be that anymore. My mom said it was bad too. I don’t know why she thought you wanted to be one. I already told her it was me who wanted to do it,” Tora scoffed, and shrugged.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re avoiding my question?” Saga asked curiously, and leaned on Tora’s right shoulder. “You’re not leaving until you tell me.”
“Awh come on Saga! We’re 14 for god sake. We don’t even have to think about this shit until we’re like 18 or something. Saga gasped, and smacked Tora on his arm.
“Don’t say that word!”
“What? You say it too,” Tora turned around, and grabbed the brush out of Saga’s hand. “What was that for?”
“I do not say the S word. I say crap. My mom said it was okay,” Saga frowned, and took the brush back from Tora. He turned Tora back around and continue to brush at Tora’s hair. “Answer me. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I wanna be a pimp.”
“…”
“What?” Tora asked, eying Saga from the mirror. If this was an anime, he could have sworn Saga would be a little chibi staring at him with beaded eyes. “What the hell is so funny?!”
“I didn’t laugh!” Saga exclaimed, his went wide as he stepped back from Tora. “I just thought you were kidding around for a moment.”
“Why the hell would I wanna kid around about that?” Tora snorted, grabbing the brush from Saga’s hand for the second time.
“Cause’ it doesn’t make any sense. All this stuff sounds pretty much the same to me.”
Tora ignored Saga’s question and stood up to checked if his hair was alright in front of the mirror, and tossed the brush on the counter before he walked out the bathroom with a grumble of thanks.
Later that day, Saga had found Tora sitting on the grass at the park they always met at. Tora seemed pretty pissed, and Saga hadn’t meant to piss off his friend, but the thought of Tora being a pimp was ridiculous. All Tora ever thought about nowadays was women...girls, breasts, ass - whatever had a man getting hard, hot and horny. Was this how puberty destroyed their train of thought?
Saga walked down the mini hill towards the grass and stopped halfway down the grassy slope and plopped himself down beside his friend. For the first few seconds, both were silent until Tora had ended up sneezing in his jacket sleeve.
“Bless you,” Saga murmured softly, and didn’t take a single glance at Tora.
“…”
“Can you please just talk to me? I don’t want our friendship to go downhill because of what you thought I thought,” Saga pouted a little and scooted a little closer towards the brunette. “Please don’t be mad at me. If you want to be a pimp, I’ll support you! I promise! What do you need? Women?! Money? New Car? Pimp stick? Rings? Mad hatter hat? I’ll do your hair; I’ll design your clothes!” Saga half whined, and tugged lightly at the left sleeve of Tora’s jacket. He sort of regretted his sudden action, but he had prayed to the gods at that millisecond, and hoped that Tora wouldn’t shove him aside.
“I’m not going to un-friend you Saga,” Tora scoffed, and lightly shrugged Saga off. “Every time I tell you I wanna do something, you don’t take me seriously. It’s not only the women,” Tora sighed. “I don’t know what has come over me but…these past two years I don’t know…I feel great, like… like this sort of good feeling I get around the ladies. Confidence? You know how nobody has been interested in me when we were younger until now. This whole growing up thing is amazing. Remember what we said about screwing puberty?! Shit I take that back! It’s awesome!” Tora let out a loud laugh as he flopped down to his back.
Saga stared at him in disbelief, but he caught himself quickly and ended up pouting as he watched Tora close his eyes. What did he mean? He was sounding like their seniors at their high school. Saga had hoped Tora wouldn’t abandon him for those empty headed losers. He had no idea what had come over him, but he hadn’t shown much of an interest in the kind of things a normal male would be interested. Perhaps puberty wasn’t very friendly with him like it was with Tora. Tora was already so tall, and his features don’t make him look like a normal 14 year old kid at all. Saga was almost six months older. Wasn’t he supposed to look more grown up than him? Instead, people were thinking of him as Tora’s little brother. How…offensive.
He was always shy around girls, and the boys in his class were already growing little hairs on their chins while his was as smooth as glass. It wasn’t like he cared or anything. Saga didn’t want to grow up, but he did think of the future quite often. The only person he cared about was Tora, and he remembered the mini promise they made as innocent little five year old boys. No girls would get in their way. “We’re better than those sluts.” Tora had put it that way. Saga blamed Tora’s father for knowing those kinds of foul languages, he blamed it all on Tora’s father.
Saga let out an audible sigh and lowered himself on his back beside Tora. They were only 14 and Saga already doubted so many things. He knew he was eventually going to tell Tora of his feelings sooner or later. He wasn’t counting on never telling him at all, because Saga knew he was going to fall into that feeling of regret. Maybe he should tell Tora right now. He somehow had a feeling that if they were older, it would be much harder. Yes, Saga had certainly thought about the future an awful lot. He blamed his mother for the worry genes.
Right now was better than later and it was most definitely better than never. If Tora were to reject him, which is what he will expect with a prediction of 98.9%, then that was life wasn’t it? But…he couldn’t risk this could he? He couldn’t risk anyone, anything, or his feelings. He had been single all this time because he never wanted to feel the negative experiences of love. All these stories that were told to him from his friends - he didn’t want any part of that. There are times where he eve told Tora that he wanted to stay single forever and he wouldn’t mind being alone. Tora never believed him because Saga was always the one clinging to Tora like he was some sort of lifeline.
The action and decision was a spur of the moment, and before Saga could stop those words from slipping out of his mouth, it was already too late.
“You’re so silly,” Saga mumbled, his eyes half closed, he crawled closer to Tora and rested his head against the brunette's shoulder. Then, it flew out of his mouth before he could catch it. “Love you,” That had come out softer than a whisper, but for that split second, he had forgotten about how sensitive Tora’s ears were.
Almost too quickly, Saga felt nothing but air and he was startled when he almost came face to face with the prickly grass beneath them. He looked up.
“What the hell man?!”
Saga stood up and his mind was frantically digging for excuses and cover ups. What to say? What could he say? Tora wasn’t gay, what the fuck was he thinking?! All he ever talked about was women, porn, women, and more porn?! What else did he want?! For gods sake they were kids for crying out loud. Sometimes Tora scared the hell out of Saga because he truly believed that Tora was growing up too fast, and he was leaving Saga behind in the process. Did Tora even notice? Or was he too blinded by his masculinity?
“What are you saying?” Saga finally asked, amazed that his voice was surprisingly calm. He had to be strong for Tora…and himself. “What did you think I meant?” He hid part of his shaking voice with a snort and rolled his eyes before turning away to bite at his tongue. Hard. Tora couldn’t see him like this. He’d be fucked for life.
“What do you mean? Dude I know you swing that way Saga, but I totally swing the opposite direction!” Tora said, backing up a little every three seconds. “Oh my god did I just say totally?!”
Saga knew Tora couldn’t see his face, and he liked it because he found that his cheeks have gotten a tad moist from what he was currently hearing from Tora’s mouth. Was Tora even listening to what is coming out of his mouth?! So Tora wouldn’t accept him if he found out he liked guys too? This was the real side to Tora Saga hadn’t known? Saga let out a voluntary loud scoff for Tora to hear.
“What the fuck are you talking about?! Don’t get so cocky you bastard!” Saga suddenly exclaimed, swinging his whole body around to face his friend. “I didn’t mean that in the gay way you-stupid-fuck!” Saga had enunciated on the fuck to prove to Tora he was serious.
Saga was lying to himself, and he was lying to Tora, but if that was how it was going to be, then fine, Saga would rather lie than be humiliated by his closest friend. Tora was taken back by the sudden curses shooting out of Saga’s mouth like a tennis ball machine. He knew Saga was pissed, because it wasn’t like Saga to be saying bad words at all.
Saga turned his back towards Tora and huffed. Tora hesitantly took a couple of steps towards Saga and wondered if he should beg his friend for forgiveness from misunderstanding or leave right now and deal with everything tomorrow. His head hurt, he was too confused, and he was feeling lazy. He wasn’t in the mood for patching up an argument but in the end of the debates running through his head, he eventually gave in. Saga knew that Tora knew Saga wasn’t the type to curse. Heck Saga never liked using the F word.
“Saga…?”
No answer.
“Oh come on…! Look, I…I apologize okay?” Tora said softly, and made his way a little closer to Saga who still had his arms crossed. “You just… can’t just go around telling another guy you love him okay? They’re just gonna get the wrong idea. They’re gonna think you’re queer-”
Saga’s heart stopped, and he wasn’t sure if he remembered how to breathe. An uncomfortable silence filled their surroundings. Those words…those words weren’t words of the Tora he once knew. If Saga were to turn around and tell off Tora, he would. He would tell Tora that he was full of shit. But once again, the thought of loosing Tora over such a thing was ridiculous and it wasn’t worth it. Then a thought had struck him, and it struck him good. Saga wasn’t going to let his feelings get in the way of what made Tora happy. Right, he was just being selfish. Tora obviously did not have feelings for people of the same sex, and Saga was no exception.
Tora was patient enough to let Saga think things through for a moment, and eventually, Saga turned around to meet Tora face to face once more.
“I’m sorry,” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it that way,” Saga smirked a little. A fake smirk, but it’ll do. “That ego of yours will never change will it? You even think boys like you that way,” He let out a small, short laugh.
“You never know,” Tora pouted, and he instantly felt relieved when Saga rolled his eyes. Saga always rolled his eyes, and to him it was sort of a symbol of Tora’s hopelessness. “I am sorry though…I shouldn’t have acted that way. It must have hurt your man pride,” Tora said sheepishly as Saga punched him hard on the arm.
“Just don’t say it again...stupid,” Saga snorted, and turned his back towards Tora once more.
“Well fine if you’re gonna be that playful then I will be too,” He smirked as he pounced on Saga from behind.
Saga would have taken that gesture differently if it hadn’t been for his inner conscience telling him not to go there. And from that day on Saga promised he wouldn’t.
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11 years later…
“Oi oi oi. A, B, C or D?”
Seductive light brown eyes snuck a glance at a blonde haired woman strutting her way by his and Saga’s booth. Tora shot a quick glance at Saga who didn’t bother to look, nor did he look like he cared. Furrowing his eyebrows in annoyance, he gave his band mate a nudge.
“Meh…” Saga muttered with disinterest, and shot a glare at Tora for almost spilling his light beer. “What are you talking about this time? Rating her on a scale of 1-10 or breast sizes?”
“Awh naw that hoe’s a 34 C. too small,” Tora chuckled. “Hm,” He craned his head back to the woman who was walking out of the restaurant bar by now. He looked back at Saga who was zoning out into his cup. “What’s up with you? 11 years later and you’re still a goody too shoe. When are you ever gonna go out there and get some ass?” He asked, leaning an arm on Saga’s shoulder.
“Excuse me?” Saga snorted. “For your information, I like to take the time to choose my ladies Mr. One Night stand.”
“Huh…whatever man,” Tora shrugged, and chugged down his last drink for the night, or so Saga thought.
“Saga-chaan, why you be so coote?” Tora giggle snorted and playfully shoved Saga against his car. Saga huffed in annoyance and shoved the man off him before quickly opening the car door to stuff his drunken friend into the car. There was no way he was going to be seen like this. As much as Saga loved Tora, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and humiliated. God, Tora reeked of alcohol. “Saga-chan. Don’t you wanna get laaaid? MY GOD you’re such a VIRGIN! Hurry up so we can share secks stories!” Tora yelled carelessly as Saga looked around frantically to see if people were staring. Stupid. Of course they were staring.
“Forgive me Tora. You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” Saga huffed as he jerked open the backseat of the car door. “But I’m going to be shoving you in the backseat. If you’re gonna vomit, there’s a plastic bag in the back so throw up your shit there. One ounce of stomach fluid on my car and I will have your head,” Saga patted Tora on the back and carefully led his friend into his car.
“C’mon you don’t even act like a fooking rawk star!” Tora pouted childishly as Saga forced Tora to bend over and enter the backseat. “C’mere!” With a forceful tug, Saga fell into the back causing the car door to shut by itself.
“What the hell Tora?! For gods sake you’re fucking 26! Act like it!” Saga frowned. He was not amused. “Geez I am going to lecture you tomorrow and lock up your liquor,” He muttered in annoyance. Helping Tora sit up, he tried to find some other way to do it, but it was hard not to help Tora sit up without having to sit on his lap. If Tora was sober, Saga would have probably been punched or possibly thrown out of his own car.
“Okay, now stay still while I put on your seat belt. Don’t you dare throw up on me.” Saga shot Tora a stern look as he reached for the seat belt.
“Mou, Saga! You’re so annoying. Stop yelling at me!”
“Shut up! I’m not yelling at you!” Saga yelled.
“Man you piss me off!” Tora scoffed in annoyance as he shoved at his friend. Saga’s back collided against the back of the driver’s seat. He was pissed. If he could kick Tora’s ass in the car without drawing attention, he would. But it would be unfair to Tora since he probably didn’t mean to.
“You’re just angry because you didn’t get to bring a girl home tonight,” Saga snorted. “Don’t blame me for your inconvenience.” Saga shot Tora a stern look. Tora huffed, crossed his arms and looked away from Saga like a child being denied of TV time.
“What about you?” Tora finally asked. Saga could sense the hesitance in his voice, and he went over a quick debate in his mind. He wasn’t really sure if it was really worth it. Nevertheless, he went in for the kill anyway.
“What about me?”
“No girl?” He asked curiously as he leaned his head back to watch Saga. “I’ve never seen you with a girl. Ever. It makes me angry…”
“H…Hah?”
“You know. You’re not that much older, and I’ve never seen you with a girl. You hardly have any dates…you don’t go out often unless I drag you out. You’ve never even let anyone kiss you. I can’t stay forever and make sure you end up with a normal social life, nice woman and a family if you continue acting like this. What am I gonna do with you?” Tora sighed, and Saga could have sworn he thought Tora was a sober man already. No way - impossible. Saga had much to drink himself. That was probably it.
“So? Why don’t you worry about yourself? Look at the state you’re in. I’m taking you home,” Saga sighed deeply.
He didn’t want to talk about his future plans, or what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Live hopelessly alone while Tora continued his partying life or finally settled down? What the hell was he to do? No matter…he wasn’t going to worry about that kind of shit right now. The present is the present, and the future is the future. There is no past - not to him at least. The childhood memories with Tora and him were dead now, weren’t they? He had to admit, he loved the kiddy Tora that kept on telling him not to give into the things that turned him into who he wasn’t. He wanted to ask Tora the same damn question.
He shook his head out of his thoughts and reached for the seat belt when Tora placed his hand on Saga’s wrist to stop him. Saga looked at Tora curiously and the look in Tora’s eyes seemed pitiful. Oh hell no. There was no way in hell. Not being able to be more with Tora was one thing, but he was not going to receive pity from his best friend.
“What? Don’t look at me like that,” Saga said, and his eyebrows furrowed together as he felt more uncomfortable.
Tora pulled Saga into his arms and they stayed just like that…just like that. So many things flooded into Saga’s mind about if Tora was that drunk or not. Then again, normal Tora would have done this…minus the straddling in lap thing. He couldn’t help but let himself rest against his friend, enjoying that feeling and imagining the fact that Tora was holding him like this because he wanted to. Saga was so sick and tired of playing this game. He wanted to quit, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t live with Tora, but he couldn’t live without Tora in his life either. What should he do? He didn’t know.
“Saga,” He mumbled after the first couple minutes of silence. Saga pulled away from Tora’s embrace and half heartedly looked him in the eyes.
Tora leaned forward and pecked Saga’s lips softly. Saga’s eyes widened at the spontaneous action that was so not like Tora.
“Tora…what the hell are you doing…?” Saga couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t have a choice.
Saga figured that being witnessed or not, Tora would rather eat cockroaches than kiss another male. Saga wasn’t so sure if he should let this nonsense continue any further. He treasured the feeling of Tora’s soft lips continuously descending upon his, but he knew in his heart that this moment had nothing but false hope written all over it. But he couldn’t stop himself from taking Tora’s face into the palm of his hands and kiss him back. Saga felt Tora’s arms embrace his lithe body and he willingly surrendered as his body was crushed against Tora’s. Tora would have never done this in his right mind, and Saga felt horrible for taking advantage of it.
He knew he was only going to want more, but Tora was an addiction. He would do anything to receive one more touch, one more kiss, one more embrace, or anything that showed signs of love and affection.
“The things I do for you…” Saga mumbled with a sigh against Tora’s cheek.
Saga was going to hell by giving himself the privilege to indulge himself in the one person he could never have completely. One day he will come clean with his true feelings with no excuses, no cover ups - no fake smiles. Perhaps when that day comes, when he is ready, he’ll tell Tora the truth and take that chance.
omg I'm so tired x_x I must go to bed in time to do more studying o: Hope this update was worth it o:
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