(no subject)

[sensesxspiral]

"friends stick together"
friends are just extended family.
does that mean "[families] stick together"?
families dont stick together.
ive only seen families fall apart.
ive only seen siblings cutting throats.
ive only seent he violence.
the tempers.
the hatred.
never the murderous desire for love.
sometimes it seems friends are closer than family.

is it bad to feel this unwanted?
i feel like im begging for attention.
even when i get the attention it's bittersweet.
it feels dirty.
it feels like i asked for it.
like i dont deserve it.
like i begged.
so ive stopped.
i wont ask.
i wont try.
i believe that ive comprehended the hints.
i feel like i know when its over.
so why wont you end it?
why are you keeping me in such anticipation?
i should end it.
i know i should.
but i cant.
im too in love with the thought of having someone around.
too enamored with the idea of someone that loves me.
i feel tied down.
but in the best way possible.
i love him..
im pretty sure.
if youre still free, start running away.