Step Sixy-Two
This is fun, isn't it?
Watching me die, that is.
One.
Oh, we're just friends, Seiichi!
Two.
We're still just friends. Oh, by the way-can you help me take him out this weekend?
Three.
Okay, so we're more than friends. You're not mad at me, right?
Four.
Oh, you're just being so jealous and selfish! Think about me every once in a while!
Fall.
Watch me fall, watch me die. Isn't it fun to know that you're a murderer? Oh, I know what you're going to say. You'll say that no, you didn't cause any of this. You didn't steal the one person who kept me alive seven years ago, you didn't rip my heart out of my chest and tear it to shreds. You didn't do anything unethical to the man who encouraged me through the hours and hours of physical therapy, who kept me sane while I was hooked up to every tube imaginable, who slapped me silly when I told him I was prepared to die. No, I'm supposed to congratulate both of you and happily stay out of the way while I die inside. Physically, I am here. That's it.
I'm getting so thin, much thinner than before.
I just want to wake up. I want to close my eyes and reopen them, and have everything reset. I want to hold onto him and never have him let go of me. I want to touch him, kiss him, don't care if I have to share him. I lie awake at night, mentally begging for someone to talk to, someone I can hold a meaningful conversation with-more than pleasantries and cute nicknames. I want to be able to live, to never be a shadow of myself again.
My eyes have died. I stare in the mirror and see no light in them. It will not return.
Yukimura? Yukimura's the creepy one.
He's a freak.
It's never gotten to me before. Now I see myself as what I really am-a monster.
I am a skinny, scarred, gay, polyamourous sexual deviant.
Monster.
You've won. You've both won. I lost.
This time, I lost forever.
You have a front-row seat to watch me fall.
It's fun, isn't it?
I'm leaving for Hiroshima tonight, not sure when I'll be back. Leave a message on my phone if you really need me. I think that I'll ghost hunt while I'm there...there's still some bombed out abandoned buildings in the area. I want to explore and see if I can find some communicative ghosts, which would be all kinds of awesome. =)
Oh Shinji, I finally looked up and saw that love pentagon that the trainees have started. I guess they're going to be the ones that start the Annual Trainee Free-for-All Orgy at the end party. I was verrrry happy that I left before all of that happened. =) Two thousand yen says we end up with a love octagon by the time the program is over.