F.E.A.R., Doom, Quake, etc.

Dec 20, 2005 00:41

You're a soldier in a quasi-military government operation, only on the job for a very short while when everything falls apart and you're sent in to make sense of some big corporate/alien/wormhole mess.

In spite of all your training and technology, we can only arm you with a pistol or perhaps a steel bar. If this is one of those 'realistic' games you can only pick up ammo you have guns to shoot it from and vice versa.

The first thing that happens is that you get separated from everyone else on your team.

Second, you need to establish communications with the fleet (or is that base?), or restart the network so they can establish communications to you. The sophisticated computer communications network? Merely a red button on the wall that says [Activate] which turns green when you hit it.

We have more than 30 servers at work, and its a complicated process recovering from a server outage, but before your own computer could finish the OS splash screen, your commander is speaking to you from the space uplink.

There always seems to be a civilian who needs help crossing the complex in order to set off or shut down something impressive, and you've been volunteered to escort them.

Except for when they get lost or you fall into the sewer.

If I was going to change things around I'd drain the sewer, hide the exploding barrels, sweep up the spare bullets, put the guns back on the shelf...

And these first aid health kits everywhere. Have you looked into a first aid kit these days? The kind they just leave on the wall in case of emergencies couldn't help very much against repeated blasts with a rocket, or multiple gunshot wounds.

I think by level 23 the average super soldier would look like a mummy with all the gauze wrap and ace bandages they're wearing from these first aid kits.

It'd make more sense if the character WAS a mummy:

Consider, Band-Aid brand bandages are the only ones with the waterproof seal that would give a gun toting mummy that vital cohesion needed to survive the underwater levels.

Broken gas pipes and burning cars always set you on fire, as if you were a pile of oil-soaked rags...or a thousand year old mummy.

Ah well, I could point out more examples, but unfortunately sleep or sanity got to me first. Its late and I'm off to bed.

Just one thing before I go: The telephone company will be gratified to know that in spite of buildings crumbing down, the military on the roof, the auxiliary reactor on level 3 failing, and a portal of doom in the basement, at least you can still get a dial tone to order pizza.
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