nightmares
Right, I guess it is about time I do this,
I have been having nightmares every night for years now.
My uncle said a dream journal might help me,
write everything down as soon as I wake up.
I've been lazy to do so, and also not really believing in it.
I found a way that keeps me from having certain nightmares, although it doesn't always work.
Before I fall asleep, while laying in bed, I picture all the nightmares that keep coming back randomly, and I tell myself, I do not want to dream about that tonight.
And usually, I don't. But I always forget something, or the dream comes back in a variety.
I read up a lot on nightmares, and about all of the articles say: confront your fears, deal with them, get over it.
I can't point it out though.
There are a few dreams that keep coming back in different varieties:
My parents dying or leaving me one way or another,
(which I guess really is the huge fear of mine)
the end of the world through some nature catastrophe,
(I couldn't care less)
Jon and me in Taiwan, getting lost because the travels weren't planned accordingly,
(that would never happen, no way I would go there with him unprepared)
being with Jon, having a wonderful time, but he leaves me - to back to another country/for another girl/because he just doesn't love me anymore,
(true, that's another one of my biggest fears)
Jon and me doing the naughty, but someone enters the house, it's my parents, I'm freaked out at them discovering us, when I leave the room, it's all good, they accept this relationship, but when I go back to fetch Jon, he has vanished into thin air,
Mats and Jan in my dreams, having fun like old times, Jan even bakes the cake, but then they die or are hurt,
(I miss them, both of them)
Christof, everytime it starts out real nice, and then it ends, as quickly as it had started
(day before yesterday he died in a meteor impact -_-)
I run really fast, and jump really high, it is great for awhile, but then it stops, and I can neither run nor jump anymore, and it all pulls me down into the earth,
Someone wants to kill me, chasing us (usually Jon and me), shooting at us, we have to run, to escape, and are always too slow,
I can do magic! Well, it always is like flicking my finger and something moves at the other end of the room, and when I want to demonstrate it to others, it won't work, everybody laughs at me,
I go to school naked, or without pants, but I think everybody has this dream sometimes,
I am in one of those camps again, travel, choir or study, either way, lots of new people, new dorms, new roommates, all that crap all over again, and of course I am missing my luggage, and I get ditched out in the middle of nowhere, lost and alone,
Those aren't the only nightmares I have, but these few dreams really do keep coming back to me, and while it doesn't sound freaky or horrible at all, it always is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Certain dreams I remember from last days:
We are on vacation, my parents and me, and Jon is also there.
Jon and me are at the wrong time at the wrong place, and get into trouble because those people thought we took something from them.
He tells me to go and leave this place, he runs by himself.
I go and tell my parents we really need to leave, but they ignore me.
I am in the apartment, while those people come and search our place.
I hide in the bed under the covers (great plan huh?) and they don't notice me at first.
When one of them turns around to check under the covers, it is not me laying there, but an unconcious girl.
I was hiding in plain sight, among them, they thought I was one of them.
They dragged that girl into the bathroom with my help, and while I was told to sit there next to her, they start cutting her open, guts spilling out, and she wakes up and freaks out,
I just thought "god, that should've been me"
~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't really remember where I was, I still kind of remember how it looked like though, but I can't find the words...
We are many people, that's for sure, maybe one of those camps again, I remember evil people, tricking us to do something, and having to run and hide, and while that happened, the sky turned red and meteors started falling down, crashing into everything, setting buildings on fire.
I took Christof (no idea where he came from) by the hand and ran with him, then he stops and he said "it is so good to see you again Lann!" and I let go of his hand, run a few steps further and turn around, that's when the meteor hit him.
After that, almost everyone was dead, corpses everywhere, and a few people and me got into this van, to get away from all that, I still remember the faces even though I don't recognize any one of them, black and burnt, children mainly, and there was this hole in the van, and when we opened it there were several body parts.
I woke up, and actually got up, talked to Jon for a few seconds, who was angry at me at that time, and laid down again. I couldn't go back to sleep, my heart was still pounding, images still so vivid.
I really don't know why I keep having nightmares, it has been so many years now...
I remember having them in 9th, 10th grade already, because that is when I told my parents.
I love the feeling of laying down, but about every night before I close my eyes, I am scared to go to sleep, and I often toss and turn thinking about what I don't want to dream about.
There have been short periods of time when I didn't have nightmares every night, that's when Jon was laying next to me, when I could reach out and touch him and know he was there with me.
And I know it is not a problem of sleeping alone because sometimes, when I sleep in a bed with my mom, I still have nightmares, it never helped.
My mom says I should maybe see a shrink, my dad said I should probably go see a neurologist.
I shall try to keep a dream diary (I know I probably won't) but maybe it will help.
I have been having nightmares every night for years now.
My uncle said a dream journal might help me,
write everything down as soon as I wake up.
I've been lazy to do so, and also not really believing in it.
I found a way that keeps me from having certain nightmares, although it doesn't always work.
Before I fall asleep, while laying in bed, I picture all the nightmares that keep coming back randomly, and I tell myself, I do not want to dream about that tonight.
And usually, I don't. But I always forget something, or the dream comes back in a variety.
I read up a lot on nightmares, and about all of the articles say: confront your fears, deal with them, get over it.
I can't point it out though.
There are a few dreams that keep coming back in different varieties:
My parents dying or leaving me one way or another,
(which I guess really is the huge fear of mine)
the end of the world through some nature catastrophe,
(I couldn't care less)
Jon and me in Taiwan, getting lost because the travels weren't planned accordingly,
(that would never happen, no way I would go there with him unprepared)
being with Jon, having a wonderful time, but he leaves me - to back to another country/for another girl/because he just doesn't love me anymore,
(true, that's another one of my biggest fears)
Jon and me doing the naughty, but someone enters the house, it's my parents, I'm freaked out at them discovering us, when I leave the room, it's all good, they accept this relationship, but when I go back to fetch Jon, he has vanished into thin air,
Mats and Jan in my dreams, having fun like old times, Jan even bakes the cake, but then they die or are hurt,
(I miss them, both of them)
Christof, everytime it starts out real nice, and then it ends, as quickly as it had started
(day before yesterday he died in a meteor impact -_-)
I run really fast, and jump really high, it is great for awhile, but then it stops, and I can neither run nor jump anymore, and it all pulls me down into the earth,
Someone wants to kill me, chasing us (usually Jon and me), shooting at us, we have to run, to escape, and are always too slow,
I can do magic! Well, it always is like flicking my finger and something moves at the other end of the room, and when I want to demonstrate it to others, it won't work, everybody laughs at me,
I go to school naked, or without pants, but I think everybody has this dream sometimes,
I am in one of those camps again, travel, choir or study, either way, lots of new people, new dorms, new roommates, all that crap all over again, and of course I am missing my luggage, and I get ditched out in the middle of nowhere, lost and alone,
Those aren't the only nightmares I have, but these few dreams really do keep coming back to me, and while it doesn't sound freaky or horrible at all, it always is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Certain dreams I remember from last days:
We are on vacation, my parents and me, and Jon is also there.
Jon and me are at the wrong time at the wrong place, and get into trouble because those people thought we took something from them.
He tells me to go and leave this place, he runs by himself.
I go and tell my parents we really need to leave, but they ignore me.
I am in the apartment, while those people come and search our place.
I hide in the bed under the covers (great plan huh?) and they don't notice me at first.
When one of them turns around to check under the covers, it is not me laying there, but an unconcious girl.
I was hiding in plain sight, among them, they thought I was one of them.
They dragged that girl into the bathroom with my help, and while I was told to sit there next to her, they start cutting her open, guts spilling out, and she wakes up and freaks out,
I just thought "god, that should've been me"
~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't really remember where I was, I still kind of remember how it looked like though, but I can't find the words...
We are many people, that's for sure, maybe one of those camps again, I remember evil people, tricking us to do something, and having to run and hide, and while that happened, the sky turned red and meteors started falling down, crashing into everything, setting buildings on fire.
I took Christof (no idea where he came from) by the hand and ran with him, then he stops and he said "it is so good to see you again Lann!" and I let go of his hand, run a few steps further and turn around, that's when the meteor hit him.
After that, almost everyone was dead, corpses everywhere, and a few people and me got into this van, to get away from all that, I still remember the faces even though I don't recognize any one of them, black and burnt, children mainly, and there was this hole in the van, and when we opened it there were several body parts.
I woke up, and actually got up, talked to Jon for a few seconds, who was angry at me at that time, and laid down again. I couldn't go back to sleep, my heart was still pounding, images still so vivid.
I really don't know why I keep having nightmares, it has been so many years now...
I remember having them in 9th, 10th grade already, because that is when I told my parents.
I love the feeling of laying down, but about every night before I close my eyes, I am scared to go to sleep, and I often toss and turn thinking about what I don't want to dream about.
There have been short periods of time when I didn't have nightmares every night, that's when Jon was laying next to me, when I could reach out and touch him and know he was there with me.
And I know it is not a problem of sleeping alone because sometimes, when I sleep in a bed with my mom, I still have nightmares, it never helped.
My mom says I should maybe see a shrink, my dad said I should probably go see a neurologist.
I shall try to keep a dream diary (I know I probably won't) but maybe it will help.