Hexagon Oakville
This week kind of sucked; someone at work made an off-hand remark on Thursday and that just led to dark parallels about death and death and death. At the end of it, I just wanted to not feel like I was the only one to feel that way... I want others to know how it feels too.
I want them to know what to know what it feels like when one part of them knows that something has always been there and always will be there, and then another part knows that it is gone, and that those two parts can't be reconciled.
I want them to know what it feels like to dream that everything is alright, and wake up screaming in horror because it wasn't real.
I want them to know how it feels to catch a glimpse of something and remember something suddenly and go from fine to not fine in a blink, because it tears open another yet part of the wound that they thought had closed.
I want them to know how it feels to be afraid to go home because there is no going home anymore, real home doesn't exist anymore, and they can never go back and everything is tainted.
I want them to know how it feels to lie awake at night and recount all the things that they did wrong, again and again and again and again.
Does that sound like I want them to suffer? I guess it does.
But it's not like I can roll and say, "well it didn't happen to you, how can you help me unless it happens to you too?" But when they talk I want to say "well that's fine for you, but that's not quite the same here" or "you are totally off base" but I can't say that because they mean well but then the distance just increases and I feel more alone.
The feeling has passed for now but it resurfaces now and then.
I had dinner at Hexagon in Oakville today, the place you go when you don't wanna fight for a reservation at Alo. it was nice. Their bread was really good. We should have gone with our first instincts even if it meant going for the same thing for a course. Can't go wrong with a signature dish or three, like the octopus (charred to within an inch of its life), the duck, and the pinata (apple). I really liked the tartare (brussel sprouts, deep fried), agnolotti (brie-creamy), and black cod too, but Justin was not as big a fan. Foie gras was richer than I might have liked and could have used more bread/cracker to hold it. Black sesame dessert was intense but not really satisfying. Maybe should have had the rhubarb. Lots of stuff served on literal rocks. We will be back. This entry was originally posted at https://duinemerwen.dreamwidth.org/325197.html.
I want them to know what to know what it feels like when one part of them knows that something has always been there and always will be there, and then another part knows that it is gone, and that those two parts can't be reconciled.
I want them to know what it feels like to dream that everything is alright, and wake up screaming in horror because it wasn't real.
I want them to know how it feels to catch a glimpse of something and remember something suddenly and go from fine to not fine in a blink, because it tears open another yet part of the wound that they thought had closed.
I want them to know how it feels to be afraid to go home because there is no going home anymore, real home doesn't exist anymore, and they can never go back and everything is tainted.
I want them to know how it feels to lie awake at night and recount all the things that they did wrong, again and again and again and again.
Does that sound like I want them to suffer? I guess it does.
But it's not like I can roll and say, "well it didn't happen to you, how can you help me unless it happens to you too?" But when they talk I want to say "well that's fine for you, but that's not quite the same here" or "you are totally off base" but I can't say that because they mean well but then the distance just increases and I feel more alone.
The feeling has passed for now but it resurfaces now and then.
I had dinner at Hexagon in Oakville today, the place you go when you don't wanna fight for a reservation at Alo. it was nice. Their bread was really good. We should have gone with our first instincts even if it meant going for the same thing for a course. Can't go wrong with a signature dish or three, like the octopus (charred to within an inch of its life), the duck, and the pinata (apple). I really liked the tartare (brussel sprouts, deep fried), agnolotti (brie-creamy), and black cod too, but Justin was not as big a fan. Foie gras was richer than I might have liked and could have used more bread/cracker to hold it. Black sesame dessert was intense but not really satisfying. Maybe should have had the rhubarb. Lots of stuff served on literal rocks. We will be back. This entry was originally posted at https://duinemerwen.dreamwidth.org/325197.html.