Children, children
I just spent $80 at Costco.
$52 of that total went towards THIS. My nephew Cameron, as I've probably mentioned before, is obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean. He watches the movies every day and spends hours pretending to be Jack Sparrow and/or Will Turner.
So I can now cross him off my Christmas list.
(Cameron, not Jack Sparrow. Or Will Turner. For obvious reasons.)
I suppose this means that I've officially started shopping for The Dreaded Day (holy god, someone stop me, I was hoping to spend the entire month of December either unconscious and/or stranded on a desert island someplace) but I didn't dare wait any longer. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't pick this up ASAP, despite the price and the sheer freaking difficulty of finding a place to hide the damned thing for the next two months.
Because yes, the box really IS 2 1/2 feet long. It wouldn't even lie flat in the back of the cart. A COSTCO cart. We had to prop it up and arrange everything else around it.
Anyway, as Mom and I were leaving (I don't have a Costco membership, but my parents do through the family business) I kept wondering if I'd spent too much, if it wasn't silly and wasteful to spend fifty-plus dollars on a plastic toy for a four year old. And normally, I would probably say that it was. But you know, here's the thing:
When Cameron actually saw that ship, a week or two ago, after a good friend of mine at work told us about it (and nearly bought it for Cam herself, god, she's such a sweetheart) he was ENTHRALLED. He named all the characters and the ship and made us take him back around two or three times just to look at it. He talked about it in the car during the ride home, he told both of his parents (several times), and he's still talking about it today. "The Big Black Pearl" he calls it, and really, after all that... I can't not get it for him. Just the thought of the expression on his face, come Christmas morning... that's well worth the $52.
So I guess that's my answer.
But speaking of kids...
Dear Unnamed 4th Grade Boy:
When you throw yourself off of a swing in order to punch another student in the face (and a girl, no less) you'd better believe that I'm coming over to have a little chat with you. Screaming "BUT I MISSED HER!" over and over again about three inches from my face does not engender my good will. Neither does walking away from me while I'm mid-sentence, refusing to give me your name, or acting as if you can no longer hear me.
If you hadn't indeed missed that girl by about three inches (and I hadn't been further distracted by the lovely and talented Unnamed 4th Grade Girl, which explained a LOT about why you were so angry, see below) I would have hauled your ass into the office right quick, for defiance if not the attempted assault, which is a suspendable offense. And what's more, I would have enjoyed myself doing it, because this place has drained the last of my soul and I am Just. That. Evil.
Dear Unnamed 4th Grade Girl:
I'm trying to help you out here. I'm trying to get your side of the story. Most importantly, I'm trying really really hard NOT to sound like a shrieking harpy witch. So please do not turn on your heel and walk away from me while I'm trying to figure out what happened. Do not laugh and smirk at me when I demand that you come back. And when you finally DO come back, dragging your feet and rolling your eyes, do not stand with your back to me, refusing to make eye contact or speak or communicate AT ALL WHATSOEVER IN ANY WAY, as if I'm inconveniencing you simply by existing and you won't even deign to speak with me. I'm trying to find out if you and your friends really did say that those two boys on the swings "made a cute couple" (which enraged Unnamed 4th Grade Boy so completely that he tried to punch your little friend in the face).
By not answering my questions, or nay, even acknowledging my presence, you make me think that you are indeed guilty of suggesting The Gay, which is generally a big no-no in grade school circles, as ridiculous as it sounds. Usually I couldn't care less, but once someone takes a swing it becomes kind of a big deal.
And also, your friend already owned up and apologized, after which she was given a stern lecture and released from my tyrannical clutches. I would have done the same for you if a) you had spoken AT ALL, even in your own defense, which would have helped me figure out what the hell actually happened so I could resolve the situation properly, or b) you had simply apologized, period.
But nope. You refused both options. How dare I even suggest such a thing?
(When a kid stonewalls me like this - which doesn't happen often - it usually means that there's something else going on that I need to get to the bottom of. In THIS case, however, I have a student who is already notorious on campus for refusing to answer to anyone, be they teachers, aids, or even the principal. Therefore, I'm not going to waste a lot of time extending olive branches.)
I'm sorry, what was that you just muttered to the fence? "Just leave me alone? Don't talk to me? Mind your own business?"
Oh oh oh!! You're THAT girl!
I've heard stories about you. You've only been here a few months, but have already been suspended for defiance, swearing, running away from your teacher and striking an adult(!).
And here I was hoping that I wouldn't have to tangle with you. EVER.
Okay, you know what? Don't speak anymore. I know, it's difficult. Instead let me give you my "I Will Not Be Disrespected/Look Me In The Eye While I'm Talking To You/You Cannot Treat An Adult This Way/I Don't Appreciate Your Rudeness/Would You Like To Go Back To The Office Because I'd Be Happy To Take You There/etc., etc., etc." spiel. Should you think about hitting me, as you did my coworker less than two weeks ago, please keep in mind that I am a good ten years older than her and have MUCH less patience. I don't care if your father really IS a preacher, there are certain acts I absolutely will not tolerate, and I'd be thrilled to get you suspended.
Again.
There are very few people I'm willing to take shit from these days, and YOU, my dear, are not among them.
But hey! In happier news, I love me some Etsy. Possibly a little too much.
$52 of that total went towards THIS. My nephew Cameron, as I've probably mentioned before, is obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean. He watches the movies every day and spends hours pretending to be Jack Sparrow and/or Will Turner.
So I can now cross him off my Christmas list.
(Cameron, not Jack Sparrow. Or Will Turner. For obvious reasons.)
I suppose this means that I've officially started shopping for The Dreaded Day (holy god, someone stop me, I was hoping to spend the entire month of December either unconscious and/or stranded on a desert island someplace) but I didn't dare wait any longer. I knew I'd regret it if I didn't pick this up ASAP, despite the price and the sheer freaking difficulty of finding a place to hide the damned thing for the next two months.
Because yes, the box really IS 2 1/2 feet long. It wouldn't even lie flat in the back of the cart. A COSTCO cart. We had to prop it up and arrange everything else around it.
Anyway, as Mom and I were leaving (I don't have a Costco membership, but my parents do through the family business) I kept wondering if I'd spent too much, if it wasn't silly and wasteful to spend fifty-plus dollars on a plastic toy for a four year old. And normally, I would probably say that it was. But you know, here's the thing:
When Cameron actually saw that ship, a week or two ago, after a good friend of mine at work told us about it (and nearly bought it for Cam herself, god, she's such a sweetheart) he was ENTHRALLED. He named all the characters and the ship and made us take him back around two or three times just to look at it. He talked about it in the car during the ride home, he told both of his parents (several times), and he's still talking about it today. "The Big Black Pearl" he calls it, and really, after all that... I can't not get it for him. Just the thought of the expression on his face, come Christmas morning... that's well worth the $52.
So I guess that's my answer.
But speaking of kids...
Dear Unnamed 4th Grade Boy:
When you throw yourself off of a swing in order to punch another student in the face (and a girl, no less) you'd better believe that I'm coming over to have a little chat with you. Screaming "BUT I MISSED HER!" over and over again about three inches from my face does not engender my good will. Neither does walking away from me while I'm mid-sentence, refusing to give me your name, or acting as if you can no longer hear me.
If you hadn't indeed missed that girl by about three inches (and I hadn't been further distracted by the lovely and talented Unnamed 4th Grade Girl, which explained a LOT about why you were so angry, see below) I would have hauled your ass into the office right quick, for defiance if not the attempted assault, which is a suspendable offense. And what's more, I would have enjoyed myself doing it, because this place has drained the last of my soul and I am Just. That. Evil.
Dear Unnamed 4th Grade Girl:
I'm trying to help you out here. I'm trying to get your side of the story. Most importantly, I'm trying really really hard NOT to sound like a shrieking harpy witch. So please do not turn on your heel and walk away from me while I'm trying to figure out what happened. Do not laugh and smirk at me when I demand that you come back. And when you finally DO come back, dragging your feet and rolling your eyes, do not stand with your back to me, refusing to make eye contact or speak or communicate AT ALL WHATSOEVER IN ANY WAY, as if I'm inconveniencing you simply by existing and you won't even deign to speak with me. I'm trying to find out if you and your friends really did say that those two boys on the swings "made a cute couple" (which enraged Unnamed 4th Grade Boy so completely that he tried to punch your little friend in the face).
By not answering my questions, or nay, even acknowledging my presence, you make me think that you are indeed guilty of suggesting The Gay, which is generally a big no-no in grade school circles, as ridiculous as it sounds. Usually I couldn't care less, but once someone takes a swing it becomes kind of a big deal.
And also, your friend already owned up and apologized, after which she was given a stern lecture and released from my tyrannical clutches. I would have done the same for you if a) you had spoken AT ALL, even in your own defense, which would have helped me figure out what the hell actually happened so I could resolve the situation properly, or b) you had simply apologized, period.
But nope. You refused both options. How dare I even suggest such a thing?
(When a kid stonewalls me like this - which doesn't happen often - it usually means that there's something else going on that I need to get to the bottom of. In THIS case, however, I have a student who is already notorious on campus for refusing to answer to anyone, be they teachers, aids, or even the principal. Therefore, I'm not going to waste a lot of time extending olive branches.)
I'm sorry, what was that you just muttered to the fence? "Just leave me alone? Don't talk to me? Mind your own business?"
Oh oh oh!! You're THAT girl!
I've heard stories about you. You've only been here a few months, but have already been suspended for defiance, swearing, running away from your teacher and striking an adult(!).
And here I was hoping that I wouldn't have to tangle with you. EVER.
Okay, you know what? Don't speak anymore. I know, it's difficult. Instead let me give you my "I Will Not Be Disrespected/Look Me In The Eye While I'm Talking To You/You Cannot Treat An Adult This Way/I Don't Appreciate Your Rudeness/Would You Like To Go Back To The Office Because I'd Be Happy To Take You There/etc., etc., etc." spiel. Should you think about hitting me, as you did my coworker less than two weeks ago, please keep in mind that I am a good ten years older than her and have MUCH less patience. I don't care if your father really IS a preacher, there are certain acts I absolutely will not tolerate, and I'd be thrilled to get you suspended.
Again.
There are very few people I'm willing to take shit from these days, and YOU, my dear, are not among them.
But hey! In happier news, I love me some Etsy. Possibly a little too much.