I just hope he comes back alive...

[selynne]

A Big Bite
Originally uploaded by selynne.

This is my youngest nephew, Evan. He'll be two in November. It seems like I was just writing about his birth. Doesn't he look so sweet and innocent?


Within the last month he has:

1. Gotten into the fridge (someone forgot to lock it), taken out a whole carton of eggs, and dropped each one on the floor.
   
   
2. Grabbed a new, full bag of Lay's potato chips off the kitchen table and dumped the entire thing onto my sister and brother-in-law's brand new couch.
   
   
3. Dragged the kids' step stool out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, pushed it up to the counter, and grabbed my sister's "Razzle-Dazzle" (ie, VERY RED) fruit smoothie from Juice it Up!, after which he climbed back down, carried it out into the living room and dumped the entire thing all over their newly-cleaned carpet.
   
   
4. Opened the front door (when no one was watching) and took a stroll not only down the street, but ACROSS IT.
   
   Twice.
   
   
5. Got stuck on top of the dresser drawers in his closet, after deciding to scale the damned thing at 2am.
   
   
6. Climbed on top of the kitchen table and swung a dish towel at the spinning ceiling fan.
   
   
7. Snuck into the bathroom after discovering that someone had left the toilet seat up (and the door open, obviously), took a toy cup from the bathtub, and gave the TOILET BOWL WATER a taste test.
   
   I kid you not.
   
   I think I just threw up a little in my own mouth.
   

The first three items on this list all happened on the very same night, when Cindy had gone to class and her husband was left alone with the kids. The problem here is that Mike is a teacher, and once school starts up again he always has work things to do in the evening that COMPLETELY OCCUPY HIS BRAIN. Those kids could set themselves on fire and he wouldn't notice for at least half an hour.

My sister's family is up in the mountains for the weekend with my parents, and when Mom called last night she told me that they're all filthy (as usual) and having a great time. Also, Evan has decided that he loves spending time under the picnic table. Apparently he filched an entire stick of butter while they were making dinner, sat under the table and very happily rolled it around in the dirt until someone finally noticed. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he took a few bites while he was at it.

You know, all things considered.

Forget a bell. This kid should be under 24-hour video surveillance.