WTF is wrong with Jessica Simpson?!?
Loaded question, I know. And I realize I haven't posted for like two weeks and now that I am, it's over this walking bottle of spray-on tan, but seriously. SERIOUSLY.
WHAT THE FUCK.
As you might guess, I'm watching my DVR'd results show for DWTS right now and have been scrambling to find my earplugs since Ditzy McDeffingtone took the stage the first time. (Side note: PASHA! It's PASHA!!! I missed you Pasha!! You do your thing baby. Mama lurves herself some hot latin dancin! Hugs, hugs, hugs!) (OK, I'm done. Really.) I know she's moved on to country now, but it doesn't matter -- and it doesn't help. I just have to know: who in God's name told her she could sing in the first place? She's completely tone deaf. DEAF.
And OH GOD her rendition of "Angels" made me want to weep -- and then stab myself in the ear. I mean, I have to wonder why Robbie Williams wasn't all like, "Keep your shitty voice off my awesome song, beeotch." (Because that's exactly the kind of thing Robbie would say) Or why the ABC folks thought this was a good idea! If they wanted to use "Angels", just get Robbie over here! Or -- and here's a novel thought -- play the original recording THAT DOESN'T SUCK. (This is v key) Her absolute lack of musical talent, paired with the obscene way she was sucking and licking and practically eating the microphone, was so disturbing and distracting that I couldn't even enjoy what I'm sure was a lovely performance by Cheryl and Macks.
Plus -- and this is obviously off topic -- Len and Bruno are really BFF's? My world is all askew.
OH! And now that I've started watching tonight's Fringe, I have only one thing to say at the two minute marker: EGADS. Shirtless in boxers with stubble, OH MY! Thank the dear and fluffy lord for Walter's insomnia. Can I go sleep in the tub with Josh too? My ample busom would provide a comfortable resting place for that handsome head of his. It's a completely selfless gesture, I assure you.
I also feel the need for a rootbeer.
WHAT THE FUCK.
As you might guess, I'm watching my DVR'd results show for DWTS right now and have been scrambling to find my earplugs since Ditzy McDeffingtone took the stage the first time. (Side note: PASHA! It's PASHA!!! I missed you Pasha!! You do your thing baby. Mama lurves herself some hot latin dancin! Hugs, hugs, hugs!) (OK, I'm done. Really.) I know she's moved on to country now, but it doesn't matter -- and it doesn't help. I just have to know: who in God's name told her she could sing in the first place? She's completely tone deaf. DEAF.
And OH GOD her rendition of "Angels" made me want to weep -- and then stab myself in the ear. I mean, I have to wonder why Robbie Williams wasn't all like, "Keep your shitty voice off my awesome song, beeotch." (Because that's exactly the kind of thing Robbie would say) Or why the ABC folks thought this was a good idea! If they wanted to use "Angels", just get Robbie over here! Or -- and here's a novel thought -- play the original recording THAT DOESN'T SUCK. (This is v key) Her absolute lack of musical talent, paired with the obscene way she was sucking and licking and practically eating the microphone, was so disturbing and distracting that I couldn't even enjoy what I'm sure was a lovely performance by Cheryl and Macks.
Plus -- and this is obviously off topic -- Len and Bruno are really BFF's? My world is all askew.
OH! And now that I've started watching tonight's Fringe, I have only one thing to say at the two minute marker: EGADS. Shirtless in boxers with stubble, OH MY! Thank the dear and fluffy lord for Walter's insomnia. Can I go sleep in the tub with Josh too? My ample busom would provide a comfortable resting place for that handsome head of his. It's a completely selfless gesture, I assure you.
I also feel the need for a rootbeer.