Um, well, zombies are not necessarily something you would expect to see on a ranch... Different, certainly. I was pretty sure that the troublesome "bitch" was a human even before it became evident. Zombies. . . **shudder**
Like the note at the bottom said I did NOT know what to write for this one. I sat there thinking about "what does one find at a ranch." My brain bounced back and forth from "hot farm hands" to "free range livestock" and a few other things. I started the story four times at least and I finally thought this idea was unique enough (I might also be reading a Zombie short story anthology which put me in an undead mood). I was hoping people would get that "something isn't adding up" with the description of the 'female' and the lack of a specific type of herd. I'm really glad it disturbed you, that was the intent.
The Wander Inn Dude Ranch had faired well after the End of Days and if you didn’t believe it spoken all you would have to do is walked along the property and see the herd kept well fed within the fences.
This may be part of your deceptive tone, but I feel that using the second person here is a lot more inviting and folksy than you may have initially intended for it to be. When we make the tonal switch to "ZOMBIES!" it doesn't strike me as ironic or cute, it's just kinda weird. Additionally, the intransitive verb you seek is 'fare'; the ranch had 'fared' well.
There was one sentence in particular that rubbed me the wrong way:
Four bullets, she had only ever seen twelve of the creatures so the clip of fifteen should cover her, as long as she didn’t miss.
I really don't know what this sentence is trying to say! I mean, I do, but I tried to diagram it and it's really kind of fragmentary. The way it works now is that it reads "Four bullets, as long as she didn't miss," which doesn't make that
( ... )
Mind you, that's not terribly good logic on Nichole's part; there certainly could be other zombies she hadn't seen. But that's not my department. *laughs* I agree completely. (Skimmed your edit before starting on my own.)
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I was hoping people would get that "something isn't adding up" with the description of the 'female' and the lack of a specific type of herd. I'm really glad it disturbed you, that was the intent.
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That was..... freaky. And kind of unexpected.
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Good luck this week.
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The Wander Inn Dude Ranch had faired well after the End of Days and if you didn’t believe it spoken all you would have to do is walked along the property and see the herd kept well fed within the fences.
This may be part of your deceptive tone, but I feel that using the second person here is a lot more inviting and folksy than you may have initially intended for it to be. When we make the tonal switch to "ZOMBIES!" it doesn't strike me as ironic or cute, it's just kinda weird. Additionally, the intransitive verb you seek is 'fare'; the ranch had 'fared' well.
There was one sentence in particular that rubbed me the wrong way:
Four bullets, she had only ever seen twelve of the creatures so the clip of fifteen should cover her, as long as she didn’t miss.
I really don't know what this sentence is trying to say! I mean, I do, but I tried to diagram it and it's really kind of fragmentary. The way it works now is that it reads "Four bullets, as long as she didn't miss," which doesn't make that ( ... )
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*laughs* I agree completely. (Skimmed your edit before starting on my own.)
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