today
I've been crying over her a lot today...I just feel like I lost my best friend and so much more. I don't understand so many things right now. I wonder if she could ever understand just how much I've always loved her. I just miss the passion we used to share for each other. I feel like I still have it for her and that her passion for me died a while ago. I think there is more to it then I know which could be a factor in why I understand so little. I just wanted to experience so much more with her. If our memories were so great then why did they have to come to an end? I just wish I knew more sometimes. I miss sharing my life with her. It is hard going from what we had to what is now so quickly. It is the last thing I ever wanted. I know you can't force someone to love you and that is the last thing I want because well it takes to people to love and if it wasn't something sincere and genuine then it should end. I trully thought what we had was true love and I believe that that never dies. but somehow it did in her and well I don't understand. I don't understand how he is better then me. sometimes I just feel so betrayed. IDK I just want her to be happy and I know I keep saying that and some people think why would you want her to be happy? why would you want someone who has done this to you to be happy? I don't think they understand just how much I loved this god given woman. I mean sometimes I feel so lucky just to have ever laid eyes on her but that for a time period I was given the privlege to call her my own is such a blessing and I will never forget her or any of the beautiful memories we made together. She has single handely made the last year the highest point in my life. She gave me such Joy that I had never felt before. If it hadn't been for her I would of never known the things I know today. She was my angel. I'm honored to be able to say she was my first. my first love. my first kiss. I know at one point in time she did love me, really really love me. I just hope she finds a man someday who will treat her like she deserves. like a princess. I can't be upset with God for giving me such an awful and heartbreaking end in our relationship because everything else we had was so beautful. Even though I understand so little now atleast I have him to guide me and people to keep me living. I know I can make it without her but my heart dosen't want to. I just have a hard time believeing that there is any girl out there that compares at all with her. because I've never seen or met anyone who is even close to what she is. I just pray that he will help me let go. I've just gotta remember to breathe.
~Brian
~Brian