This Sucks.
"We can pretend that things don't bother us, but we all know that even the smallest thing could make us fall apart."
Two weeks.
Two whole weeks of annual leave where we spent every day (or almost) together.
Where we found ourselves at Northland, Doncaster, Chadstone, Ikea Richmond, Ikea Springvale, DFO Essendon, and the City.
Where we got closer, where we talked about the future, made plans... Everything.
And now we can't even find time to talk.
WTF.
*headwall*
No matter what I do, or how I try to fix things, it just never works out. Our schedules just clash too much. AND IT'S PISSING ME OFF.
It all started last Saturday, we agreed the night before that we'd go out and celebrate our 2.3yrs a day early since he had work on sunday. So I slept all day, after having done two double shifts last week ( Tuesday & Friday-my last day in dialysis =[ ), my tiredness had finally caught up to me. And I woke up at 3pm! Only to find that at 4pm Brian would take a nap after work since he's been tired a lot lately.. Which was fine. Until he didn't wake up till 1130pm. "-__-
So... No date.
Then came Sunday, he did plan on coming to my house for his lunch break, but at the last min- I asked Smooth_poison to come with me to DFO south wharf.. So no date again, and we couldn't see each other after coz I went to church, he had bowling straight after I'd finished church and he didn't finish till 830pm. By then it was too late for me to go out coz it was my first day at Western Hospital Footscray yesterday. I was on the morning shift and needed to leave earlier than usual because it's further and more traffic than williamstown..
Bring on the fights.. I won't even go into details because it was probably just stupid.
.. So much for our 2years and 3months.
Monday: my first day at 2West - Plastics, Head&Neck, Neurosurgical. I knew I had to find a way to get Thursday off because I'd be going to his Grad.
So I asked Janine aka Jaja (yes, Arianne's friend) to swap with me and she said yes because she didn't like Saturdays. So she'd do my Thursday AM. I'd do her Saturday PM.
I remembered him saying at hjs last week that he still had the Friday off so we could hang then, so I was quite happy with the swap. Meaning I could go to his Grad and still see him Friday... Until he said he was working then too. >=\
So I planned on seeing him before work today, since he usually doesn't work Tuesdays, and I'm on a PM shift... Until he said he was working 11-4.
I MEAN FOR FUCKS SAKE. SERIOUSLY?
Then I realized it was time for me to give up.
Stop trying to make things work when they obviously are not meant to. That I'm just wasting my time and effort into figuring how to see him. There is obviously some cosmic reason as to why my plans keep failing.
How depressing and frustrating is that? When all you want to do is see your boyfriend and you can't even manage that!!
ARGHHHHHH! I am so annoyed!
This is exactly why I hate spending too much time with him!
I find myself getting used to being around him every day and then BAM! he's just not available anymore. It's so frustrating!!
What makes it worse is feeling like I'm the only one feeling this way?
Like he is all cool, calm and collected about not seeing me-- like he's not bothered, when I'm going crazy!!
I feel so UN-IMPORTANT. < / 3
and let me tell you, THAT SUCKS.
Sighhhhhhh.
I need to get a life. "-__-
Tama na. ayoko na. Pagod na ko.
I'm tired of this feeling.
And I just want to be happy again.
But then what kind of relationship would that be if it was all rainbows and butterflies, right?
Well actually, that sounds fkn fantastic! .. But you know what I mean. :T
Anyways, wish me luck on this rotation.
If you don't hear from me-- I've been drowned in the amount of work I have to do in this damn busy busy ward :(
Be happy!
.. Just so one of us is happy at least..
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