The Award For The BEST LIE Goes To You . . .
I've learnt that in life, nothing is ever fair.
That sometimes, you just can't have what you really really want.
Whether it be materialistcally or otherwise.
Sometimes you're blinded by the fact that you want it (whatever IT is) so bad-- that you don't see the DAMAGE its causing, to people around you and more importantly-- to YOU.
And that's what I am right now.
DAMAGED.
HEAVILY BROKEN. (What ever you want to call it)
AGAIN.
Why?
Because I was so caught up in how PERFECT my life was going with Emylle,
that I failed to see the TRUTH behind all the LIES he told me.
=(
And yeah, it HURTS.
It hurts to know that I put everything I had left in me (from my issues with Justin), to TRY to make sure I took it slow- and that I thought things through,
only to find out that he'd been lying to not only ME, but to his family, Arianne AND. . . HIS GF.
Yep... GIRLFRIEND. (Well, EX since SUNDAY, 07/09/08)
Get it?
All this time we spent on the phone, txting, getting to know each other...
He was still with her.
How stupid am I huh?
REWIND:
SATURDAY, 06/09/08:
After feeling a bit weird about how he called me early that morning to say he wanted me to be his GF..
I went to work. 3-9.30PM.
Like I said, it was Tita Myrna's (Arianne's mom) bday.
I made a late entrance (I brought a change of clothes to work and got dressed there-- no way was I gonna party in my uniform EW)
And I immediately saw Emylle sitting with Kuya Armyr and them..
I avoided him at all costs (OF COURSE, awkward..)
But he found his way to me, with Ate Leah and Ate Ruby teasing us and teasing us.
When the party died down and we dropped Ate Leah and Ate Ruby to their cars,
Emylle told Gene to go in first and pulled me to the side of their front door...
I forget what we were talking about but he hugged me, we held hands like two people falling in love...
And he kissed me... On the CHEEK.
That was pretty much the HIGHLIGHT of the night..
SUNDAY, 07/09/08:
Went to Church at Enjoy!Church.
Emylle wasn't there because he had to clean the house to make up for not telling his parents that he was going to sleep over at Arianne's.
Then we went to Maccas on the Ring Rd.
Me, Ate Apryl, Arianne.
They interrogated me, squeezing out all the juicy things that Emylle and I did at Arianne's house (which was nothing much REALLY)
That night, went to Silver Chopsticks with the Family for Father's day - MY TREAT.
(Me, Ate, Mom, Dad, Ate Melodee, Kuya Greg)
MONDAY, 08/09/08:
Nothing. Just a normal day.
TUESDAY, 09/09/08:
AM: Worked. 7AM-3PM
PM: Emylle starts acting weird again.
He appologises out of no where for being a "bitch".
And I am UBER confused.
He said that he didn't want to face me until he knew he'd changed himself or something like that..
After a while I started getting annoyed, I mean WTF is he on about?!
He said he'd call after Him, his mom and his sister had a talk..
My reply: "Don't bother calling me, if you don't know what you're gonna say to me. I have no time for useless excuses... Just go to sleep. Nyt."
But he called anyways.
11.09PM:
He tells me that he's sorry.
He didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. Especially me.
A lot of people are angry at him, but some have forgiven him.
And I'm like WTF? "Why? What's wrong?"
CONVO; *it was in filo, but this is the translated version*
Him: "I'll tell you when I've fixed things"
Me: "No, tell me NOW"
Him: "Uhmm.. I lied.."
Me: "about?"
Him: "June 2: while we were moving houses, my GF and I decided to *cool off* to be sure about how we felt for each other.. We hardly talked then.. And we broke up last Sunday..."
Me: "what?"
Him: "hmm"
*SILENCE*
Me: "so all this time........"
*SILENCE* -- I've started to cry at this point...
Me: "hm... i should go, goodnight"
*END*
I'm hurt. DEEPLY.
I want to scream, shout, punch him...
But I just can't.
In a way, I feel sorry for him because he not only lost me.. But he lost Arianne, his BESTFRIEND because of his mistakes.
I met up with Arianne at maccas with Ate Apryl, she was worried about me.
She knew how much I liked Emylle.
She knew that I thought He was THE ONE.
She though he was the one for me.
So she was hurt too.
She found out from his Sister Rachelle.
Apparently at the party on sat night Emylle's family was there but left early.
Arianne: "uy, you'll meet the girl that your Kuya's courting later.."
Rachelle: "huh? Ate, my kuya has a gf..."
Arianne: "no, they broke up two months ago because she cheateed on him"
Rachelle: "huh? impossible, kuya even has plans to send her perfume & a bag...."
And because Emylle told Arianne that he hadn't told his family about his break up with the gf, Arianne just changed the subject...
Monday night, Rachelle txt Arianne saying "Ate, Kuya said he broke up with Ate Alen last Sunday..."
And that's where it all started to come out...... =(
__________________
The thing that hurt me the most was that he made up a story about this girl (making her out to be a cheater, two timer) saying that they were still together when he moved here..
But he found out that she was cheating on him with one of his friends.
FCK.
I'm so stupid.
How could I have let this happen to me?
Sometimes I feel as though, I have a sign on my head saying "GAME" or "PLAY WITH MY HEART/FEELINGS"
I then think about what I said about the filo boys I see at Centro, the ones with girlfriends and yet have another girl in their arms because their gfs aren't there.
And I think of how much I hate those girls that do that to themselves.
That let boys walk all over them and say "hey, do it again"..
Am I so different?
I told myself I'd go slow with Emylle.
And in some aspects I am proud of myself because I said NO when he asked me to be his gf last Saturday,
I didn't let him kiss me on the lips at Arianne's house.
But then, the bigger and worse part about it all is that I let myself be taken for a ride.
I ALWAYS had a feeling that he was just TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
And I was right. But did I stop myself?
NO.
I'm so angry at him.
I want to say that I HATE HIM..
But the truth is, I DON'T.
Because if I HATE HIM, then I have to HATE MYSELF TOO..
I let him tear my defences, my walls down. I never stopped him.
I let him get so close to me, without even finding out for sure if he was lying or not.
... I let myself FALL for him, without knowing that I was damaging another girls HEART.
... I feel USED.
... I feel EASY.
... I feel CHEAP.
... I feel like a TRUE WHORE. And that is just not fair for me.
Because all I ever wanted was to LOVE and BE LOVED.