not quite mrs. dahl, but hopefully someday a bit like tessmer, morris, and vail
i got my first salaam today.
it's an Indian Subcontinent (and possibly nearby areas?) tradition. on special occasions (like Eid, probably major pujas though i'm not sure, one's wedding, birthday, a first meeting or meeting after a long time): you bend down to touch the feet of your elders. Hindus touch the feet and then touch their head, Muslims touch the feet and bring it close to their mouth, and various other religions/sects do something similar. the key is touching the feet. it is awarding honor generally reserved for the most respected and loved of elders.
in my lifetime, i've only done it to my grandmothers, and my dad's oldest sister, who is currently the family eldest and became the equivalent of dadi after my dad's mom died. (my grandfathers died before i was old enough to do it, and theoretically i should also greeted my father and my uncles in this way on aforementioned special occasions, but it never quite seemed right. it should be noted that this is not something you do casually or perfunctorily, and although in some situations it is expected, no one will force you. they might be insulted or offended, but commenting on it is tactless and highlights the fact that they were not worthy of an expected level of respect.
before i left for the Dominican Republic, with all the fubar that was starting to unfold with dad, i said goodbye to my mother this way. it was fleeting, and not quite the normal usage (greeting, not goodbye) and i have always had far too informal a relationship with my parents for her to even think of expecting it, but it was to reassure her that just because i was growing up and traveling around on my own leaving her alone to deal with dad for a little while, did not mean she wasn't still semi-god equivalent in my mind.
so basically--highest of honors. people i have done it for can be counted on one hand.
a student did it for me today.
i sort of froze in shock, stilling my legs that had been swinging a little, childishly, while i sat on a desk in front of the class because i don't usually sit anyway and can't be bothered with chairs. i spluttered. i blinked. i belatedly wondered if i was supposed to touch her head and give blessing. but my students all laughed and seemed to understand when i pointed out that this was the first time anyone had done this to me. i am not an elder!
my army of nieces and nephews may refer to me as khalamoni or fupi (auntie), but they are all too young to give salaam like that. my student just turned twenty. i am barely older than her.
she insisted, however, that i was her teacher, which yes, makes me an elder, and it was her birthday, which is a special occasion.
i am touched and honored and actually don't want to refuse the position for once. whether she meant to or not, to me it was a reminder of the responsibility that comes with being a teacher; that level of faith and trust automatically given that i never trained for, never expected to have in this particular way, and am not necessarily consciously always thinking about or comfortable with when i do. but i can say that i take it seriously.
i'm never going to be someone who dresses business casual with a high level of comfort, who specializes in textbook appropriate professional relationships, or happy with anything that lacks intensity. but i like my button-downs with the sleeves rolled up for business and i like that i can get along with everyone in my own way and be objective, decent, and open to changing my mind even to people i don't like too much. i especially like that when i do have an affinity for people, i can make friends easily. i'm always going to be someone who cracks jokes, makes people laugh, is a little more inappropriate than some people are comfortable with, but if they're good people, they'll come around because there's more to me than that, and honestly, i like to push boundaries and i'm alright with that. these are qualities worth having and i am someone worth knowing and getting to know and i've been forgetting that for too long.
so happy birthday, and thank you for the lesson.
ETA: this is of course, my personal experience. the region is large and one of the most densely populated in the world, and tradition and culture varies. i am privileged with a family that left me room to be willful and assert independence and be selective about which parts of my parent culture i wanted to take, since i've spent most of my life in the U.S. although i've never felt pressured to show respect in any form to anyone i didn't think deserved it and it's not custom in my extended family (half of whom are in Bangladesh) to do so, i imagine that it might be different for other parts of the country, or even other families.
it's an Indian Subcontinent (and possibly nearby areas?) tradition. on special occasions (like Eid, probably major pujas though i'm not sure, one's wedding, birthday, a first meeting or meeting after a long time): you bend down to touch the feet of your elders. Hindus touch the feet and then touch their head, Muslims touch the feet and bring it close to their mouth, and various other religions/sects do something similar. the key is touching the feet. it is awarding honor generally reserved for the most respected and loved of elders.
in my lifetime, i've only done it to my grandmothers, and my dad's oldest sister, who is currently the family eldest and became the equivalent of dadi after my dad's mom died. (my grandfathers died before i was old enough to do it, and theoretically i should also greeted my father and my uncles in this way on aforementioned special occasions, but it never quite seemed right. it should be noted that this is not something you do casually or perfunctorily, and although in some situations it is expected, no one will force you. they might be insulted or offended, but commenting on it is tactless and highlights the fact that they were not worthy of an expected level of respect.
before i left for the Dominican Republic, with all the fubar that was starting to unfold with dad, i said goodbye to my mother this way. it was fleeting, and not quite the normal usage (greeting, not goodbye) and i have always had far too informal a relationship with my parents for her to even think of expecting it, but it was to reassure her that just because i was growing up and traveling around on my own leaving her alone to deal with dad for a little while, did not mean she wasn't still semi-god equivalent in my mind.
so basically--highest of honors. people i have done it for can be counted on one hand.
a student did it for me today.
i sort of froze in shock, stilling my legs that had been swinging a little, childishly, while i sat on a desk in front of the class because i don't usually sit anyway and can't be bothered with chairs. i spluttered. i blinked. i belatedly wondered if i was supposed to touch her head and give blessing. but my students all laughed and seemed to understand when i pointed out that this was the first time anyone had done this to me. i am not an elder!
my army of nieces and nephews may refer to me as khalamoni or fupi (auntie), but they are all too young to give salaam like that. my student just turned twenty. i am barely older than her.
she insisted, however, that i was her teacher, which yes, makes me an elder, and it was her birthday, which is a special occasion.
i am touched and honored and actually don't want to refuse the position for once. whether she meant to or not, to me it was a reminder of the responsibility that comes with being a teacher; that level of faith and trust automatically given that i never trained for, never expected to have in this particular way, and am not necessarily consciously always thinking about or comfortable with when i do. but i can say that i take it seriously.
i'm never going to be someone who dresses business casual with a high level of comfort, who specializes in textbook appropriate professional relationships, or happy with anything that lacks intensity. but i like my button-downs with the sleeves rolled up for business and i like that i can get along with everyone in my own way and be objective, decent, and open to changing my mind even to people i don't like too much. i especially like that when i do have an affinity for people, i can make friends easily. i'm always going to be someone who cracks jokes, makes people laugh, is a little more inappropriate than some people are comfortable with, but if they're good people, they'll come around because there's more to me than that, and honestly, i like to push boundaries and i'm alright with that. these are qualities worth having and i am someone worth knowing and getting to know and i've been forgetting that for too long.
so happy birthday, and thank you for the lesson.
ETA: this is of course, my personal experience. the region is large and one of the most densely populated in the world, and tradition and culture varies. i am privileged with a family that left me room to be willful and assert independence and be selective about which parts of my parent culture i wanted to take, since i've spent most of my life in the U.S. although i've never felt pressured to show respect in any form to anyone i didn't think deserved it and it's not custom in my extended family (half of whom are in Bangladesh) to do so, i imagine that it might be different for other parts of the country, or even other families.