In Which I Talk About My Personal Life
(instead of just making oblique references to it.)
was just out to dinner with Fate and Nishaant. bit of a tradition throughout undergrad, but i have no idea when we'll be able to do it again. Fate and i are graduating and she doesn't know what she's doing next year because her amazingly awesome plan to teach at the Asian University for Women fell through because they're stupidly illogical fuckers. there's a good chance she'll be out of the country though.
me, i just went by the registrar's this morning to put off academically graduating so i can take classes next year if i want, though i'll still be walking at the ceremony in two weeks. i'm done with two bachelor's degrees at this point, so there's really no legitimate reason to take more classes (i've had senior standing since sometime second year, actually, which is funny), it just gives me the security blanket of financial aid in case i can't find a job (i get a full ride with grants and stuff, so if i take classes i should be earning money and not losing it).
until this past Saturday, i was pretty much set on getting a job out in Berkely, CA and moving in with Tamzin for next year. i contacted people (professors, friends who live in the area and/or are moving there, mostly fellow Women's Studies majors) and compiled stuff to apply to, and looked into cost of moving and moving in expenses to see if i was being realistic.
but Saturday, my mother came to stay with me for the weekend and asked me to look for apartments. what this means is she's serious about leaving my dad. i've always encouraged her with this, but in the past two years, when it's gotten really bad, i've also learned not to push and to wait for her to get it all together in her head and tell her i'm here the minute she makes a decision. i guess she just did.
in August, my lease for my current apartment on campus will end, and i'll be free to get an apartment with her somewhere (close by because the area is good and we wouldn't know where else to go anyway, with my little brother and school and things). she's tentatively wanted to do this before, and there's a chance she'll change her mind or something will come up (something always has before) but this might be for real because i really can move with her (and she wouldn't go back if she signed a lease with me), and she and my middle brother both have jobs, even though it's not full time (and i don't know that i trust my brother having a job to actually amount to anything).
(god. i need a real job. stat. anyone have suggestions for a Women's Studies/Biology double major? i've worked in a cancer research lab, criminal justice, and a whole lot in between. i'm FLEXIBLE.)
it just occurred to me that i hadn't made any plans to stick around here at all past August. on some level i knew it was most likely, i just didn't want to accept it. i knew i'd probably have to stay for my family, but that would be the only reason i would do it. and i can never make concrete plans for my family. everything i looked at was going out of state or country and then discarded without consciously acknowledging why i was doing it, which in turn made me avoid making plans at all.
well i guess it's about that time. so yes. i can do this. i can work, (or at the least, take random classes), i can live with my mother (theoretically. i did it for most of my life.) and try to have lots of free time so i can continue to get life together and apply to grad/med schools.
i'm still glad i decided to take a year off--i'm actually starting to look forward to the idea of applying, when before it would just be this overwhelmingly intimidating THING looming over my head. i've talked to professors about contacting them later for specific recommendations, and i have test scores and stuff ready to go, and my school's career center stays open to alumni for a year after graduation, so there'll be support. this should be do-able.
June-July, supposedly, my family (parents, brothers) and i are going to Bangladesh. tickets have been bought, passports prepared. i have no idea how the hell i'm going to interact with my father. mom and i aren't sure how to avoid it or if we even should, so we decided to just keep quiet and go with it. (it's ironic because all my life, ever since coming to America, all i've wanted is to go back and visit. until about a year and a half ago. i guess i have an internal time limit of how long i want things. but i'm too distracted and emotionally dead these days to feel anything but a vague regret.)
i am listening to this song on repeat and relating on many many many levels.
so--5 papers more to go. two short (3-4 page responses for Feminist Thought) and three long (Red Light Districts and Sex Work Topography in Bangladesh; Where the Fuck Am I Going In Life With This Women's Studies Major and Potential Medical School--On a Scale of 1-10 of Personal, This is Possibly an 11+ (working title); Latitudinal Gradient of Plant Defense: Asclepias syriaca aka Happy Fun Tiemz With Milkweed aka What I Was Doing in Lab for 20 Hours at a Time Extracting DNA and Measuring Cardenolide Concentrations and Shit).
i have a headache and a slight fever but if i really focus, this will all be done BEFORE i get seriously sick. right? right. *goes to work*
was just out to dinner with Fate and Nishaant. bit of a tradition throughout undergrad, but i have no idea when we'll be able to do it again. Fate and i are graduating and she doesn't know what she's doing next year because her amazingly awesome plan to teach at the Asian University for Women fell through because they're stupidly illogical fuckers. there's a good chance she'll be out of the country though.
me, i just went by the registrar's this morning to put off academically graduating so i can take classes next year if i want, though i'll still be walking at the ceremony in two weeks. i'm done with two bachelor's degrees at this point, so there's really no legitimate reason to take more classes (i've had senior standing since sometime second year, actually, which is funny), it just gives me the security blanket of financial aid in case i can't find a job (i get a full ride with grants and stuff, so if i take classes i should be earning money and not losing it).
until this past Saturday, i was pretty much set on getting a job out in Berkely, CA and moving in with Tamzin for next year. i contacted people (professors, friends who live in the area and/or are moving there, mostly fellow Women's Studies majors) and compiled stuff to apply to, and looked into cost of moving and moving in expenses to see if i was being realistic.
but Saturday, my mother came to stay with me for the weekend and asked me to look for apartments. what this means is she's serious about leaving my dad. i've always encouraged her with this, but in the past two years, when it's gotten really bad, i've also learned not to push and to wait for her to get it all together in her head and tell her i'm here the minute she makes a decision. i guess she just did.
in August, my lease for my current apartment on campus will end, and i'll be free to get an apartment with her somewhere (close by because the area is good and we wouldn't know where else to go anyway, with my little brother and school and things). she's tentatively wanted to do this before, and there's a chance she'll change her mind or something will come up (something always has before) but this might be for real because i really can move with her (and she wouldn't go back if she signed a lease with me), and she and my middle brother both have jobs, even though it's not full time (and i don't know that i trust my brother having a job to actually amount to anything).
(god. i need a real job. stat. anyone have suggestions for a Women's Studies/Biology double major? i've worked in a cancer research lab, criminal justice, and a whole lot in between. i'm FLEXIBLE.)
it just occurred to me that i hadn't made any plans to stick around here at all past August. on some level i knew it was most likely, i just didn't want to accept it. i knew i'd probably have to stay for my family, but that would be the only reason i would do it. and i can never make concrete plans for my family. everything i looked at was going out of state or country and then discarded without consciously acknowledging why i was doing it, which in turn made me avoid making plans at all.
well i guess it's about that time. so yes. i can do this. i can work, (or at the least, take random classes), i can live with my mother (theoretically. i did it for most of my life.) and try to have lots of free time so i can continue to get life together and apply to grad/med schools.
i'm still glad i decided to take a year off--i'm actually starting to look forward to the idea of applying, when before it would just be this overwhelmingly intimidating THING looming over my head. i've talked to professors about contacting them later for specific recommendations, and i have test scores and stuff ready to go, and my school's career center stays open to alumni for a year after graduation, so there'll be support. this should be do-able.
June-July, supposedly, my family (parents, brothers) and i are going to Bangladesh. tickets have been bought, passports prepared. i have no idea how the hell i'm going to interact with my father. mom and i aren't sure how to avoid it or if we even should, so we decided to just keep quiet and go with it. (it's ironic because all my life, ever since coming to America, all i've wanted is to go back and visit. until about a year and a half ago. i guess i have an internal time limit of how long i want things. but i'm too distracted and emotionally dead these days to feel anything but a vague regret.)
i am listening to this song on repeat and relating on many many many levels.
so--5 papers more to go. two short (3-4 page responses for Feminist Thought) and three long (Red Light Districts and Sex Work Topography in Bangladesh; Where the Fuck Am I Going In Life With This Women's Studies Major and Potential Medical School--On a Scale of 1-10 of Personal, This is Possibly an 11+ (working title); Latitudinal Gradient of Plant Defense: Asclepias syriaca aka Happy Fun Tiemz With Milkweed aka What I Was Doing in Lab for 20 Hours at a Time Extracting DNA and Measuring Cardenolide Concentrations and Shit).
i have a headache and a slight fever but if i really focus, this will all be done BEFORE i get seriously sick. right? right. *goes to work*