i hate...
I hate everything. I hate how i'm not okay, but i have to pretend i am because of conditioning and because no one really cares. I hate how when i try to reach out for help because i'm feeling lost and desperate, i can't express myself properly. I hate being numb and i hate conflicting emotions. I hate the feeling of falling uncontrollably in the dark. I hate the fact that i hate everything. I hate the fact that i'm too much of a coward. There would be nothing to complain about because then i'd be dead already and i wouldn't have to deal with this shit. I hate that fact that nothing will come of this even and i'll probably be back at it again another night when i no longer can pretend to be okay, again. I fucking hate this. I want to cut and i want to die, but i hate the fact that i know i'll fail if i try again. I hate the fact that i really have nothing to live for and no one to live for. I hate feeling so alone, and i hate how being alone is my reality. There are people all around me, but they ignore, and anyone who does pay attention to be does so because it's a part of their job. I hate going crazy but i guess i am. I just hate everything right now so don't mind me. Hate is tearing me apart from the inside out, and i hate not knowing exactly what i should be hating.