School Starts...
I've made it so far in my first day back to my last semester of college. It hasn't been a bad day, but I've been so tired i have to remind myself often it's a good day. Sleepy = grumpy, I guess. Caffeine = better attitude-- to a point. I expect I'll like my classes after I know what to expect. In my first class the prof read "You Are Special" by Max Lucado to illustrate sociological/psychological points. It was such a great book. During the discussion all I could think about was who I have to get copies for. :)
As usual I feel extremely self-conscious about my body with young, thin people all around me. In a way, I have to use it to remind myself to stay on target. In another way, in order to function I half to remind myself that most people are not thinking about me at all or how fat I am. I have trouble not believing that if they are thinking about me, then they must be disgusted. At least as disgusted as I am when I see me. In reality, I am an intelligent person. I am friendly. I have a quirky sense of humor. And I make good points in class. It's not all about my body.
I got through my first couple of food challenges on campus. No junk from my trip to the bookstore to hide until later. No junk from the lunch counter as my "dessert". Why would I need dessert in the middle of the day anyway? For that matter, why have I been conditioned to think that we ever deserve desert? Not a soap box, just reminding myself that junk is not necessary for me.
In other news, I've decided to expand my motivation wall to include most of my major goals. It's inspiring to see, and working on it reminds me why my goals mean so much to me.
after caffeine and a lengthy vent, I officially feel better. Time to get to class.