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[self_biased]

It's been a while since I've written anything on here. Myspace kinda took it's place for a while. There are just a lot of things I don't feel like revealing to those users though, so I come back here, the place where only one person I know of reads it

Comments

[gothickitten22]

It's because you hold things in that you come off as a cold, unfeeling person.

I didn't call you lazy.

I dont understand why these things happen to our child either. It just means I have to be very careful when it comes to just about anything dealing with food and medicine. Its just my family history I was afraid of him inheriting.

I know you dwell on things that have been said to you. I didn't tell you that you are a bad father, so stop thinking that.. I told you " nice parenting skills". I guess I just expected you to catch on to the fatherly role as quickly as I caught the motherly one. You hadn't been spending a whole lot of time with us and I just feel ditched or dumped on. It's not fair. Having baby night shift, having baby day shift, and having no time to myself to do anything, yet expected to do dishes, laundry and pick up after everyone is a bit much.I've got alot on my plate you know? I've just been feeling like I need some help.. and who better to spend time with your son, than you? When he was born, I thought we'd be parents together, that we'd raise him together.. not just me raise him myself. Which is the vibe I'm getting from you.. that you'll just step in every now and then while I take the rest myself. Lately you have been spending more time with us. I've noticed, so don't think I haven't. I didn't tell you that you are a failure either.

I know that sometimes you get looked at like your a failure by someone. I know she can make you feel like one.. but I just think that she's kinda used to doing it all herself as well.. Most guys are completely clueless on how to calm a baby, and usually make it worse.. so.. if you are handeling him and you can take care of it.. you just gotta say so.

I do want you to be part of the family you know. It just helps if your actually around to be part of it. I don't think it works when you leave while he naps and come home when he's in bed for the night. Then go do your thing for hours outside. I guess it's a deep emotional thing cause I didnt get alot of time with my father, and I think that time is precious. As you said.. you always think about death.

I guess alot of what your venting about things you hate about me. Cause..it sure sounds like it.

I do love you.. I just told you I loved you and I kissed you today. I cuddle with you at night.. I find it difficult to smile because I'm just trying to get everything done..I cant remember alot of shit half the time, and just being a mom in general is very tireing. I dont think it helps either that some things you do to try to get me to smile, just pisses me off. I dont look at you like your a failure. If I see your having an obvious problem with Devin then I try to help out. Thats all. Its not me taking him away from you because you can't do it. I'm not sitting here thinking that your completely retarded or anything. When you do this retreating thing of yours that just pisses me off even more. Cause then your ditching. And thats not cool. Hell, I would love to just go somewhere with you.. like out..like a date or something. But we havent the transportation nor funding for such an occassion. Hell dont you think it's crossed my mind that I"m not cut out to be a mom? Just because I can't do it by myself? That now twice he's been to the ER and its probably my fault? That he's gonna have allergies and that's my fault too? I dont know. I guess I think you think parenting is easy.. but to me .. it isn't. It's very hard, and I think you dont know or understand that about me.