health issues, size acceptance, and contentment with our bodies as women
I was participating in a conversation about size acceptance, prejudice, and living with ourselves. It was about body image, the food we eat, shape, size, and health, and the discussions were interesting at first
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Well, there's this and then there's the, "Oh, well, if eating smaller portions is good for me, then eating NOTHING or just ONE meal a day must be EVEN better!" All or nothing...all or nothing (that's what I meant by "stop eating." *sigh*
I was a SKINNY kid. I was always thin. I still think of myself as thin and am frustrated that it now takes work to be what my body always was naturally till my early 20s (you know, when I moved out and didn't have my mom's restrictions on reasonable eating and Could Eat Everything I Wanted! ...AND when the fallout of the past 10-15 years started hitting once I was safer...)
So...yeah...I've done it. I've lost weight. I've lost weight healthily with monitoring my eating and with exercise and with both combined. I've been fit, I've become fit, I've become unfit. I've been pregnant, I've lost weight after, I've gained weight after. I've starved myself, I've eaten compulsively. The only thing I haven't done is to embark on a path of bulimia.
I know it can be done. I am just ENTIRELY DAUNTED by the overwhelming energy that goes into watching and managing all of that ALL THE TIME and doing it EVERY DAY and doing it FOREVER AND EVER.
But I'm glad you value my input. That matters to me.
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I have a couple of friends who were reed slim in their adolescent/young adult years while their mothers were large women. One of them said to me, once, that she used to be her daughter's size until she had children. By that time, she was probably at least 200-250 pounds.
I know that I've found it harder to keep from 'letting myself go' now that I've turned 30, and yes, it's daunting.
Does it have to be overwhelming energy that you put in? Is there no way to reduce the amount of effort it takes to maintain a diet? I don't mean to decry your previous attempts, but you've already spoken of your propensity to make it 'all or nothing' - is it possible that you're doing the same here?
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Oh, it's not POSSIBLE, it's CERTAIN.
Does it have to be overwhelming energy that you put in?
The time involved now is negligible...but in just over a month, I'll be back at school with planning and teaching and driving and grading and stress...and even if I build a good habit this summer, history says that when fall/winter/school comes, I'll be miserable and busy and guilty and Where The Hell Will I Find Time?
And I'm convinced I'm just going to injure myself again and again.
Is there no way to reduce the amount of effort it takes to maintain a diet?
I mean...I will still have to plan meals, cook meals, parcel servings from leftovers, track food, spend the energy to avoid binging, resist temptations, get all my work done at school, stay on top of things, PLAN BETTER, use more energy to teach, find time to exercise REGULARLY, hope I don't re-injure the ankle or something new, manage my crazy in addition to that, keep getting everything, cope with the stress of mesy house when I'm not here to mind after it a few times a day, cope with the fact that I have no way to pick up kids this year to give Husband some time off doing his thing...So...it seems entirely overwhelming, the amount of energy this will take.
I know that I've found it harder to keep from 'letting myself go' now that I've turned 30, and yes, it's daunting.
YES. And I'll be 40 next year.
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Screw history?
I was thinking of trying something: no matter what's still on my plate, I stop eating when I hit 80% full. I keep a lot of takeaway containers, or glad wrap or something, and I put the food away and keep it for the next day.
Eat anything - but only to 80% fullness - and see how it works.
I was thinking, it would take the planning effort out of meals.
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It's REeeeaaaaallly Haaarrrrrd!
ETA: I am also ALREADY stressed about school and when that stress goes up along with the demands on my time.....PANIC....and how does ANYONE deal with panic without OMGeatingEVERYTHING? And HOW does anyone stay awake for 4-8-hour grading sessions without MUNCHING???
ETA2: But the 80% rule sounds VERY smart. Someone else framed it as, "Eat until you're not hungry, not until you feel full."
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I suspect that I deal with it by doing other things - like getting angry, yelling, cursing, and wanting to beat stupid people into bloody pulps.
*hugs* The omg-panic-must-eat reaction would be a big issue - although I know the urge to snack while working can be a bit of a problem for me when it goes too far.
I see what you mean by the "plunging into it and stressing yourself out" part of your personality when it comes to health issues, hon. And, yeah, I imagine that having a family complicates it, too.
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Oh...I can't even think about that without cringing!
The omg-panic-must-eat reaction would be a big issue
Yeah...when I'm panicky and anxious...when the meds aren't enough...I STILL have pathetic coping mechanisms for not feeling like I'm flying apart.
the urge to snack while working can be a bit of a problem for me when it goes too far.
And when I'm using it to try and stay awake and to motivate myself while grading in marathon chunks of time? Arg.
I see what you mean by the "plunging into it and stressing yourself out" part of your personality when it comes to health issues, hon.
Thanks for understanding. And...there's so much and it seems forever because (even with times when I relax the "rules") it HAS to be forever... And I hate sweating and I hate the heat and I hate BEING or GETTING hot and I hate bright lights and the sun and.... This is why crawling under the covers to hide sounds Really Really Good a lot of the time. I HAVE eaten well for four days straight now...
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Given your history with conflict and violence, I'm not surprised. *hugs*
If you don't like heat and sweating and all that, is swimming in any way an option? Is there a local pool that you could take the kids to and swim in or something?
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