I hate my life right now.

[sekseewon187]

All I can do in the center is think, think about anything and everything. Yeah sure I'm sober and I'm alive, but I'm not complete. My drugs did help me with my sorrows, and it helped me get through my days,but did it really help me? No it didn't, it gave me more problems and caused me even more sorrow. Yeah I didn't really know how to deal with my emotions, and thats why I used, but I'm starting to feel things I've haven't felt in a long time. An actual feeling of self-worth, and that I am someone not just some punk that everyone likes to think is a fuck-up. Yeah they all say well shes in rehab, but i'm bettering myself so that I can actually live life for what it is worth, not just to live life to just get high. Don't get me wrong I love my pot, to fucking death, I'm a stoner for life, but there are limits. As a wise friend always told me,"you have to differenciate the using from real life, like you can't just use and do nothing, you can't say ok should I go to work or should I get drunk? you need to still function for your own being and your own state-of-mind." The famous words of Luis De Oliveria...
I just need to rethink alot of things. Like the big picture of everything. But sometimes I think nothing really matters, cause I'm still alone, I don't have anyone or anything to call my own. I have so much to give inside and I think sometimes its me. What am I doing wrong? I just want someone to hold, someone to cuddle with at night, someone to say it'll be alright. Someone that knows me better than I know myself, God Damn it I need to get out of that place.
October 17th, 2005----the best fucking day of my life, FREEDOM AT LAST!!!