Dear Gott...
So, a lot of dilemas going on in my head. Mom bought me a sports bra that she demands I wear instead of my binder. She still doesn't even know it's a binder; she thinks it's a swimsuit. That does explain why she thinks it's bad for my skin, but seriously. I thought things were FINALLY getting better, but here we are. It's like playing Sorry!.
So, on top of the lovely fact that I feel guilty for her wasting her money, and that getting out the door is once more a challenge, there's another little problem that I thought we had gotten over.. For my friend's coming of age party (not even going to try to spell what it's called, because I'll murder it and offend someone. She's Jewish) we have to dress formal. My mom says I have to pick something from the girl's list to wear. Despite the jab to my pride, this is fine because on the list is a suit. Of course, to mom this means some uber cute outfit that in her mind is somehow tomboyish. Which doesn't even matter because I'm not just a tomboy. Seriously.
Normally (aka the past few months) I'd be completely fine with this and maybe see it as a test for my masculinity (ha, not much there anyways). Like, if I can pass in this monster of an outift, even for a second, I've got it made. But the fact that I had already began to feel insecure because of the bra thing made it so that my reaction was to sulk. Which made my mom mad. Really, she thinks this is going to change after all these years? If I had come out in college I'd have been on T (testasterone) for nearly 5 years already. But, since I came out as a minor under her roof, that ain't happening. So, am I being selfish by not wanting to dress up like a girl for two full days? My current solution is to partially change when I get there (take of whatever short, cute jacket I'm assigned to and leave it on a chair) and try my best to either act like my outfit's a joke or be over the top gay. I think I'll go with the latter for laughs. Because I did that once before and it was fun.
Even though I have this solution for that weekend, this opened my eyes to something. There is no fucking way she'll let me go to prom in a tux. And there's less chance of me going in anything else. So, there goes a little bit of hope for the future. There's a chance that I could change in the bathroom when I got there (on my first date, my date had a similar plan in the event my mom should make me wear girl cloths and make-up). But alas. Maybe I just won't go. Maybe I will sit at home and play RemmCen, which by the way you all have to go to. Right now. ( remmingtoncenter.proboards.com ) It's chill.
Oh, and I chickened out on telling that girl. Just as well because she told me a few days later that she likes this guy named Gray. One of these days, I tell you, I will get me a girlfriend... Or a boyfriend if I happen to be swinging that way. You never know.
So, on top of the lovely fact that I feel guilty for her wasting her money, and that getting out the door is once more a challenge, there's another little problem that I thought we had gotten over.. For my friend's coming of age party (not even going to try to spell what it's called, because I'll murder it and offend someone. She's Jewish) we have to dress formal. My mom says I have to pick something from the girl's list to wear. Despite the jab to my pride, this is fine because on the list is a suit. Of course, to mom this means some uber cute outfit that in her mind is somehow tomboyish. Which doesn't even matter because I'm not just a tomboy. Seriously.
Normally (aka the past few months) I'd be completely fine with this and maybe see it as a test for my masculinity (ha, not much there anyways). Like, if I can pass in this monster of an outift, even for a second, I've got it made. But the fact that I had already began to feel insecure because of the bra thing made it so that my reaction was to sulk. Which made my mom mad. Really, she thinks this is going to change after all these years? If I had come out in college I'd have been on T (testasterone) for nearly 5 years already. But, since I came out as a minor under her roof, that ain't happening. So, am I being selfish by not wanting to dress up like a girl for two full days? My current solution is to partially change when I get there (take of whatever short, cute jacket I'm assigned to and leave it on a chair) and try my best to either act like my outfit's a joke or be over the top gay. I think I'll go with the latter for laughs. Because I did that once before and it was fun.
Even though I have this solution for that weekend, this opened my eyes to something. There is no fucking way she'll let me go to prom in a tux. And there's less chance of me going in anything else. So, there goes a little bit of hope for the future. There's a chance that I could change in the bathroom when I got there (on my first date, my date had a similar plan in the event my mom should make me wear girl cloths and make-up). But alas. Maybe I just won't go. Maybe I will sit at home and play RemmCen, which by the way you all have to go to. Right now. ( remmingtoncenter.proboards.com ) It's chill.
Oh, and I chickened out on telling that girl. Just as well because she told me a few days later that she likes this guy named Gray. One of these days, I tell you, I will get me a girlfriend... Or a boyfriend if I happen to be swinging that way. You never know.