Have You Seen This Man? - Chapter 2
Title: Have You Seen This Man? - Chapter 2
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Humor
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Notes: I am so incredibly sorry that it took this long to put up, everyone! My life has been super hectic lately, and the month just flew by. I don't plan on being this slow with updates, really. This chapter is twice as long as the last one, so I hope it doesn't disappoint... I hope you guys are still there, too! Your reviews and compliments flatter me so. ^_^ I love all of your feedback, so please let me know what you think! No spoilers in this chapter.
Summary: Kakashi comes back from a mission, only to find a mask-less picture of himself in the jounin lounge. Now that everyone seems to think they know how he looks, how is he going to find someone that believes otherwise to help him catch the culprit?
Thank you to my ever-patient beta, Beasiesgal!
PS - If you get the aniseed reference, I <3 you and you deserve cookies. I very unfortunately did not come up with that on my own, but it begged to be used in this story. Such a clever idea!
Iruka stifled a huge yawn, intent on filing away the last of the leftover paperwork before his shift was over. Genma was supposed to be here any minute to relieve him. Although, knowing Genma, Iruka was prepared to stay a few minutes late. The chuunin looked up at the clock tiredly, giving a small sigh. Somehow, his shift seemed to last a lot longer than usual today. Perhaps it was the headache that had been tormenting him since morning, or the fact that he hadn't had any classes today, it being the weekend. He actually missed his students, especially after dealing with crazy shinobi all day. Either way, he just wanted to be on his way.
The image that stared back at Kakashi was a grotesque one to be sure, even when stacked up against all of the other horrifying things the man had seen in his lifeline. He gave an involuntary shudder, still trying to make some sense of what he was seeing, and still failing miserably. The picture began as a standard one, the alarming part starting just where his mask usually hid his face. Where his well proportioned mouth and perfect teeth were supposed to reside, there instead were two hideously large lips staring back at him with long beaver-like teeth peeking out. If not for the fact that it was his face peering rather creepily back at him, the jounin himself would have had trouble believing the image was a false one.
Kakashi finally looked up at the crowd, speechless. His aura of killing intent currently seemed to be doing battle with the feeling of sheer bafflement that still gripped him. A million thoughts buzzed through his head and for possibly the first time in his life, he had difficulty holding onto one. The jounin fought to keep the puzzlement off of his face, going for the most simple query he could muster. "Who...?"
"No one knows," someone piped up. "But we're pretty sure it went up a few hours ago..."
"Yeah, and there are more around the village."
"But I don't look like this!" Kakashi exclaimed helplessly, hands shaking. As he glanced from face to face, everyone averted their eyes and the jounin had a sudden, sinking feeling of dread. They didn't believe him! Him! Then again, he was having just as much trouble believing the whole situation as reality. "I'm serious! This is the most ridiculous excuse for a joke I've ever seen! This isn't how I look!"
"Right," someone murmured sarcastically. Luckily for them, Kakashi couldn't be sure as to who it was.
The crowd shuffled around, some making for the exit while others guiltily tried to hide their disbelief or amusement by turning their heads or hiding their mouths behind their hands. Kakashi looked imploringly to Raidou, who looked pointedly uncomfortable from where he stood. Sure, they weren't the best of friends, but they had been on more than a few missions together. Surely Raidou didn't believe this?
"Look, Kakashi... I'd like to believe you, but you know... It would explain an awful lot."
"But," Kakashi began, then promptly stopped, cursing his luck as realization dawned on him. Of all the people to be arguing with about this, Raidou was probably the poorest choice, given the situation at hand. Face. Whatever. Kakashi clenched his teeth in annoyance, forcibly pushing down the growl of frustration that threatened to escape his lips.
"Look," the tokubetsu continued, "No one important is going to think differently of you because of what your face looks like." Turing around, Raidou glared pointedly at the crowd. "Right?" He turned back to Kakashi, smiling apologetically. "C'mon, it's not that big a deal. We were bound to find out sooner or later, right? I'm sure everyone will forget about it as soon as some other piece of gossip comes up."
"But I really don't look like this!" Kakashi spat out, glaring at the paper. He just couldn't believe this!
"Well, you'd say that anyways, right?" Raidou edged towards the door, hands up in defense. "Anyways, if that is the case, you of all people know how to remedy the situation." The special jounin shrugged, letting out a defeated sigh.
Kakashi's eyes narrowed at the retreating crowd. There was a way to set this straight. Which was what bugged him the most. Whoever was responsible for this had effectively backed him into a corner, whether they knew it or not. He'd either have to reveal his face or live with the mockery until the village tired of it all. Someone had done all this damage without even laying a finger on him, and if they thought the jounin was going to let it go, they were going to be in for a seriously nasty surprise.
"I'm not doing it," he muttered to no one in particular, crumpling the paper in his fist. "I will get to the bottom of this." Taking a deep breath, Kakashi forced himself to stay calm as he considered his options. There was no way he was going to be beaten this easily. Oh, no. Whoever had done this wouldn't know what hit them, when he caught up to them. Their plan might have been a clever one, but he was a genius.
Kakashi allowed himself a small smirk before biting his thumb and making the necessary hand signs. "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" An annoyed looking pug poofed into existence, sitting atop his other hand.
"Yes, boss?"
"Listen carefully, I need you to track something for me..."
~ ~ ~
Raising his arms above his head, Iruka stretched, trying to work some of the tension out of his shoulders. He sensed a mischievous presence seconds too late, tensing up.
"Hah!"
Biting down on a yelp of surprise, the teacher turned his head to glare at Anko, who currently seemed bent on attacking his unguarded ribs. She stuck out her tongue, dodging a playful swipe, all the while giggling at his exasperation.
"Anko!"
"Nii-san, you must be really distracted for me to sneak up on you like that! Daydreaming about Kakashi again? That was some prank you pulled... I almost forgot how sadistic you can get when you try!" The kunoichi stuffed her hands into her coat pockets, rocking on her heels, just outside of Iruka's immediate attack range.
This time, Iruka did let out a strangled yelp, face going scarlet. "What are you talking about!" A feeling of dread coiled in his stomach as he desperately tried to remember the previous night's events. He hadn't told anyone- he couldn't have! It was all a blur to the chuunin, however, and just trying to remember made his temples throb.
"You can't be serious," Anko blinked owlishly, before erupting into another fit of cackling. "Oh, Iru-kun, you have it bad. I can't believe we didn't notice before!"
"We...?" the chuunin asked weakly, and suddenly sensed that his day was about to get a whole lot worse.
"You really don't remember? Last night over drinks? You told us all about your cute little crush, and then you threatened us... But since none of us are purple, I guess we're safe for now. Ooh, but you did get Kakashi! I wish I'd seen his face when he saw!"
"And I thought it was a mercy that I couldn't remember last night," Iruka groaned, burying his face in his arms. What had ever possessed him to bring up Kakashi last night? Suddenly, the rest of Anko's earlier statement registered, and the chuunin quickly looked up again. "Wait, what you mean I got him?"
Anko looked entirely too pleased with the situation, Iruka thought, sensing impending doom. The kunoichi never grinned like that without reason. Or dango. Lots of dango. The grin was downright predatory in nature and it made the chuunin instinctually want to hide under his desk.
"I wonder if Kotetsu and Izumo can remember... I can't believe you don't, though! Maybe we should talk about it over drinks tonight!" Anko tapped at her chin as if deep in thought.
Iruka held his hands up, shaking his head frantically. "I don't know what you're talking about, but there's no way you lot are getting me to go out for drinks again. Never mind the hangover I've had all day and my apparent memory loss. Just... please tell me I didn't do anything stupid."
"Stupid? No way, Iru-kun! Your pranks are always brilliant," Anko purred.
"...you're not going to tell me are you."
"Has anyone ever told you how fun you are to antagonize, nii-san?"
Iruka just glared, flushing even brighter than before. Apparently Kakashi wasn't alone in his strange fascination with tormenting him. Kami! He still couldn't believe he'd let such a carefully hidden secret out after a few drinks. It was shameful for a ninja. Worse yet was that he couldn't remember any of what had supposedly taken place, which was never a good sign.
"Fine, fine. Just promise you won't dye us purple? After what I saw in the jounin lounge today, I'm convinced that no one's safe from your fiendish ways. You should go take a look! I heard Kakashi was pretty shaken."
Iruka rubbed at his temples miserably. Clearly, Anko was bent on talking in circles just to rile him up until he exploded. What was with jounin and that strange hobby they seemed to share lately? On one level, he really, really didn't want to know what he'd supposedly been up to. And yet, there was still a bit of morbid curiosity as to what could have made Anko so thoroughly amused.
"Sorry I'm late," Genma chose that moment to waltz into the missions room, grinning around a senbon while glancing at the clock sheepishly. "At least I'm not Kakashi, eh? You would have been here all night."
Iruka just sighed, gathering his belongings. "I guess I'm going to the jounin lounge, then. Apparently there's something very interesting I need to see in there." The chuunin gave a nod to Anko and Genma, who had both dissolved into a fit of giggles at the mention of it, before he turned on his heel to leave.
Something told him he hadn't even heard the worst of whatever 'it' was, yet.
~ ~ ~
Kakashi was more unhappy than he'd been in a long, long time. Even that mission where he'd forgotten to bring Icha Icha along hadn't left him feeling so frustrated as he felt now. It didn't help that he had a cantankerous pug's congested yammering to put up with on top of it all. How such a nice day had dissolved into such a miserable mess was beyond him. Villagers avoided him left and right, sensing the thick aura of annoyance and discontent that practically stuck to his person. It didn't, however, stop them from pointing and laughing regularly.
"There's no way we're gonna find whoever did this by scent alone, boss."
It was the umpteenth time Pakkun had said something similar that day, and Kakashi just growled in response. The pug sniffled loudly before sneezing. "They definitely knew who they were dealing with. I'd better get a steak for all this trouble, boss."
Running a hand through his hair, the jounin's shoulders slumped even further in near defeat. "I can't believe this," he hissed, glaring at everything and nothing at the same time. There had been so many scents on the paper and in the jounin lounge alone that Pakkun had become almost instantly congested. He'd started talking funny hours ago, and had become completely useless for tracking anything shortly thereafter. Kakashi didn't really know why he'd made the diminutive pug stick around in such a state, though he had to admit that it was better than being alone for now.
Whoever was behind all of this had deftly anticipated Kakashi's first reaction, as Pakkun had pointed out at least ten times. Not only had they only posted the photo in such a high traffic area, but they had gone to great lengths to mask their scent and affect Pakkun's sense of smell even further.
"That aniseed oil was clever, boss. Clever but mean."
Kakashi had to agree, even though the thought annoyed him greatly. It wasn't just clever, it was downright brilliant. The culprit had poured aniseed oil right where everyone in the jounin lounge would be sure to step in it, thus creating a thousand crisscrossing trails to be dealt with. Pakkun's sensitive nose had been assaulted before he even took the first whiff, and he'd been complaining about a headache for some time. Though the jounin was loathe to admit it, he knew they wouldn't be getting to the bottom of the mess by relying on scent to track the culprit. The rest of his ninken would doubtlessly end up like Pakkun if he summoned them, which left Kakashi at a loss as to what his next move should be. Apparently, aniseed oil was a very common thing for shinobi and villagers alike to buy. Stopping at at least eight different stores hadn't given them any clues whatsoever.
Pakkun unexpectedly stopped in the middle of the street, glaring up at his master. "Are you even listening? Is that crumpled scrap of paper really that important? This doesn't seem like official mission business, somehow."
Kakashi sighed heavily, briefly looking heavenward in hopes that he'd get an answer, or even a tiny clue. He was going to get an endless amount of grief over this, he knew, but Pakkun could be ruthlessly unrelenting when he wanted to be. At least it would be one less thing to worry about. The jounin wordlessly uncrumpled the offensive piece of paper and thrust it at his grumpy dog, muttering something under his breath.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, I don't look like that!"
Pakkun examined the paper. Though it was crumpled, he could instantly see what his master was so upset over. What a hideous face! Not only that, but it looked frighteningly realistic. If he didn't know better, he'd have definitely believed it was the real deal. The pug chuckled despite his sinus afflictions, his entire frame shaking from the effort of not letting giggles turn into full blown guffaws.
"That's rich! Hah! Whoever did this was a genius, that's for sure! An evil genius!"
"It's not funny, Pakkun! Now everyone thinks I really look like that, and they won't be convinced otherwise unless I take off my mask!" Kakashi's voice had taken on a tone of petulant hysteria at this point.
"Well, there's an easy solution, then." Pakkun regarded his master with a deadpan expression, though still howling with laughter on the inside. Just wait until the rest of the pack found out about this! They would be in hysterics. If he didn't get a steak for his troubles very soon, they certainly would be hearing about it all; and in great detail.
"Not a chance! There's no way some prankster is going to have me backed into a corner like this! I'm not going to let someone's idea of a bad joke ruin what I've been keeping secret for years!"
"You talk as if it's a matter of life and death, Kakashi. Honestly, it's just your face."
"But-!"
"Well, that's your business, but I'd just love to know how you plan on finding this culprit." The ninken snickered. It rather sounded like a choking cat, Kakashi itched to point out, but refrained. One person plotting his downfall was quite enough for today. "I wouldn't like to be in his place when- if you find him!"
"Oh, I'll find him all right..." And when he did, he wouldn't even know where to start with them. If there was even anything left to start with, by that time.
"Still..." Pakkun looked back at the picture, mirth once again threatening to get the better of him. "This is utterly priceless! It makes perfect sense if someone hasn't ever seen your face before..."
"That's just the thing! I can't believe no one believes me!" Kakashi wanted to pull his hair out from the sheer frustration of it. So wrapped up in his own thoughts was the jounin that he ran slap-bang into someone as he rounded the corner, knocking them over. The jounin could practically feel people turn to stare at him incredulously. The Copy Nin, of all people, quite literally running into innocent bystanders. Honestly, the day could not get worse.
Or... maybe it could, Kakashi thought glumly when he saw a familiar scar bisecting his victim's face and wide brown eyes staring back at him. His heart sank further when he saw Iruka's hand reach for the half crumpled piece of paper he must have lost hold of in his surprise. It was too late to make a mad dive for the incriminating piece of paper without humiliating himself further, so the jounin did what he was best at, adopting an air of cool nonchalance when chuunin's gaze finally settled on him.
"Hello, Iruka-sensei. Fancy running into you here."
Kakashi thought he saw a vein begin to pop out on Iruka's forehead as the chuunin's face turned bright red, but he could just as easily have imagined it. Offering his hand to help the other man up, the jounin reached behind his head to rub at his neck sheepishly with his other hand. "Maa, sorry about that, by the way. I've been a bit... distracted, today. Who knew a single piece of paper could cause so much trouble?"
"This one?" apparently Iruka couldn't help but glance at it, and his eyes nearly bugged out when he did. "Is this what was in the jounin lounge?" The tanned sensei paled considerably. Probably in disgust, Kakashi thought glumly, though he was amused with the sensei's quick hue change. The jounin could feel his cheeks start to burn despite himself.
"I don't look like that!" he said hastily, snatching the offending article from the chuunin's grasp. Apparently Iruka's blush was contagious, because soon the jounin's entire face suddenly felt like it was on fire. He was never going to live this down, he just knew it. "Not that I can get anyone to believe me," he added, scowling to hide his embarrassment.
"I believe you," Iruka said simply, wearing a slightly dazed expression, and Kakashi's head snapped up to regard the chuunin with unveiled surprise in his visible eye.
"You do?" Kakashi ignored Pakkun's obviously amused snort.
"Well, at least when you say you don't look like that," Iruka pointed towards the offending photograph. "Not that you have the best reputation for honesty," he added, stifling a nervous chuckle as he brought a hand up to rub at his facial scar.
Kakashi merely grunted in response, but begrudgingly had to admit to being glad that someone was on his side... That it was Iruka of all people was a bit... shocking. He wouldn't have blamed the chuunin if he'd started to laugh outright. Then again, it was just like the tanned sensei not to think ill of anyone, the jounin mused. Kakashi fought the urge to crumple the hateful piece of paper again as Iruka edged closer to inspect it. The chuunin let out a low whistle, eyes widening once again.
"Hmm. I have to say, it's pretty convincing. Someone must have known what they were doing..." Once again, Iruka trailed off almost nervously.
"Yeah, I figured that much out myself... The question is, who? When I get my hands on them..."
"Well, I'd have to say that half of Konoha has a pretty good motive. Everyone who has ever wanted to see your face... Well, this is their chance, if you give in and take off your mask and reveal your handsome face just to prove everyone wrong. Very clever, really." Iruka spoke as if in a rush, without so much as stopping to catch his breath. His face turned redder and redder by the minute.
Kakashi raised a brow, leering slightly. "Mmm... So you think my face is handsome, Sensei? Sorry to disappoint you, but compliments won't get the mask off either..." The jounin gave his signature one eyed smile at the chuunin's indignant blush, which was threatening to overtake the sensei's neck as well as face.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Iruka bit his lower lip, obviously trying to force his traitorous blush down with sheer willpower. So far, it didn't appear to be working. Kakashi simply couldn't help but push the chuunin's buttons, as the reactions were always worth it. Teasing the ever-blushing sensei always proved to be ridiculously entertaining. Iruka was an enigma without even trying to be, the jounin thought fondly, neatly skirting the real reason he couldn't seem to leave the other man alone.
"Hello, I'm still here!" The annoyed voice roused Kakashi from his thoughts. He was surprised to see that it was Pakkun speaking, however, and not Iruka.
"Ah, yes, Pakkun... Did you have any other brilliant ideas as to how to track down this mysteriously devious culprit who's trying his best to outsmart us? If you can't track them by scent, there's got to be another obvious way, right?" The jounin missed Iruka's frame stiffening at his words, too busy glaring down at his dog, words heavily laden with sarcasm.
Pakkun rolled his eyes at his dim master. Honestly, some days... As if the distant look he'd been giving Iruka earlier wasn't obvious enough, the level of pheromones the jounin was exuding on top of it all was downright laughable. Not that the chuunin sensei was much better by any means.
"Actually, while I'm not sure how to go about searching for this... picture posting psycho, I have a good idea as to how you might want to go about searching for clues..."
Kakashi raised both brows in interest and looked towards Iruka. The chuunin's expression mirrored his own. "Do tell, Pakkun."
"Well," the dog began, "I think you and Iruka sensei should discuss it. You two seem to work well together. You're both obviously smart, and he's the only one who believes you, anyways."
"That's your brilliant plan," Kakashi deadpanned, ignoring Iruka's sudden fit of snickering. The chuunin was quite clearly failing at hiding his amusement. Kakashi failed to see what was so funny. Pakkun's plan hadn't been anywhere near the level of genius he needed, but it didn't sound like a complete dud, all things considered.
"Just what's so funny?" Pakkun's features scrunched up in indignation as he regarded Iruka. It only proved to make the chuunin become further undone, however. "I didn't hear you offering up any clever plans!"
"N-nothing! Well- it's just that you said Kakashi-san and I seem to work well together...!" Iruka's figure shook with barely contained mirth, though he tried his best to get ahold of himself.
It was oddly endearing, Kakashi thought, staring at the chuunin's lips as the man stuttered out an apology. The jounin chucked quietly, amusement shining in his visible eye. "Why, I'm hurt, sensei! Surely two are better than one. I think we'd make a great team!" he grinned so widely that the material of his mask actually stretched noticeably. Pakkun might not have known it, but he'd supplied Kakashi with a perfect opening. If he could just play his part smoothly, his ruined day might be salvageable after all.
"Really." Iruka stared at him with open incredulity and slight suspicion, but Kakashi refused to let it deter him.
"Say, Iruka-sensei. What do you think about discussing this mystery over dinner?"
Iruka's eyebrows looked as if they were trying to leap off of his forehead at the invitation. "You... you're kidding, right," the chuunin finally choked out, eyes wide. Kakashi frowned slightly behind his mask, but pushed on.
"Eh? Think of it as an apology for earlier. Besides, you are the only one who believes me," the jounin whined almost petulantly. He tried to keep a confident air about him, but it was rapidly slipping. Iruka's continued silence was decidedly unnerving, as was the shocked look that hadn't left the chuunin's features. All in all, it was very demoralizing to Kakashi, who was hit with a wave of sudden apprehension. "We could go for sake instead, if dinner is too much," he added hastily, and nearly stumbled over his words. The small blush that warmed Iruka's cheeks did nothing to steady his erratic heartbeat. At least the chuunin wasn't scowling at him or screaming yet.
"Actually," Iruka finally seemed to calm down enough to speak, "I... think dinner might be a good idea... I never have any good ideas over sake," he chuckled nervously, but smiled nonetheless. "What time?"
"Well, I have some things to do first... How is... seven?" Kakashi's voice sounded distant in his own ears. Had Iruka really accepted? He could barely connect the fact that it was himself speaking. Meanwhile, Inner Kakashi was turning cartwheels at Iruka's answer.
"That's perfect. I'll expect you at nine." The chuunin pulled a wry grin at the jounin's indignant squawk of protest.
Kakashi allowed himself the briefest of hidden smiles before transporting away. At the very least, it was going to be quite and interesting night. Provided that it didn't end in disaster, of course.
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Humor
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Notes: I am so incredibly sorry that it took this long to put up, everyone! My life has been super hectic lately, and the month just flew by. I don't plan on being this slow with updates, really. This chapter is twice as long as the last one, so I hope it doesn't disappoint... I hope you guys are still there, too! Your reviews and compliments flatter me so. ^_^ I love all of your feedback, so please let me know what you think! No spoilers in this chapter.
Summary: Kakashi comes back from a mission, only to find a mask-less picture of himself in the jounin lounge. Now that everyone seems to think they know how he looks, how is he going to find someone that believes otherwise to help him catch the culprit?
Thank you to my ever-patient beta, Beasiesgal!
PS - If you get the aniseed reference, I <3 you and you deserve cookies. I very unfortunately did not come up with that on my own, but it begged to be used in this story. Such a clever idea!
Iruka stifled a huge yawn, intent on filing away the last of the leftover paperwork before his shift was over. Genma was supposed to be here any minute to relieve him. Although, knowing Genma, Iruka was prepared to stay a few minutes late. The chuunin looked up at the clock tiredly, giving a small sigh. Somehow, his shift seemed to last a lot longer than usual today. Perhaps it was the headache that had been tormenting him since morning, or the fact that he hadn't had any classes today, it being the weekend. He actually missed his students, especially after dealing with crazy shinobi all day. Either way, he just wanted to be on his way.
The image that stared back at Kakashi was a grotesque one to be sure, even when stacked up against all of the other horrifying things the man had seen in his lifeline. He gave an involuntary shudder, still trying to make some sense of what he was seeing, and still failing miserably. The picture began as a standard one, the alarming part starting just where his mask usually hid his face. Where his well proportioned mouth and perfect teeth were supposed to reside, there instead were two hideously large lips staring back at him with long beaver-like teeth peeking out. If not for the fact that it was his face peering rather creepily back at him, the jounin himself would have had trouble believing the image was a false one.
Kakashi finally looked up at the crowd, speechless. His aura of killing intent currently seemed to be doing battle with the feeling of sheer bafflement that still gripped him. A million thoughts buzzed through his head and for possibly the first time in his life, he had difficulty holding onto one. The jounin fought to keep the puzzlement off of his face, going for the most simple query he could muster. "Who...?"
"No one knows," someone piped up. "But we're pretty sure it went up a few hours ago..."
"Yeah, and there are more around the village."
"But I don't look like this!" Kakashi exclaimed helplessly, hands shaking. As he glanced from face to face, everyone averted their eyes and the jounin had a sudden, sinking feeling of dread. They didn't believe him! Him! Then again, he was having just as much trouble believing the whole situation as reality. "I'm serious! This is the most ridiculous excuse for a joke I've ever seen! This isn't how I look!"
"Right," someone murmured sarcastically. Luckily for them, Kakashi couldn't be sure as to who it was.
The crowd shuffled around, some making for the exit while others guiltily tried to hide their disbelief or amusement by turning their heads or hiding their mouths behind their hands. Kakashi looked imploringly to Raidou, who looked pointedly uncomfortable from where he stood. Sure, they weren't the best of friends, but they had been on more than a few missions together. Surely Raidou didn't believe this?
"Look, Kakashi... I'd like to believe you, but you know... It would explain an awful lot."
"But," Kakashi began, then promptly stopped, cursing his luck as realization dawned on him. Of all the people to be arguing with about this, Raidou was probably the poorest choice, given the situation at hand. Face. Whatever. Kakashi clenched his teeth in annoyance, forcibly pushing down the growl of frustration that threatened to escape his lips.
"Look," the tokubetsu continued, "No one important is going to think differently of you because of what your face looks like." Turing around, Raidou glared pointedly at the crowd. "Right?" He turned back to Kakashi, smiling apologetically. "C'mon, it's not that big a deal. We were bound to find out sooner or later, right? I'm sure everyone will forget about it as soon as some other piece of gossip comes up."
"But I really don't look like this!" Kakashi spat out, glaring at the paper. He just couldn't believe this!
"Well, you'd say that anyways, right?" Raidou edged towards the door, hands up in defense. "Anyways, if that is the case, you of all people know how to remedy the situation." The special jounin shrugged, letting out a defeated sigh.
Kakashi's eyes narrowed at the retreating crowd. There was a way to set this straight. Which was what bugged him the most. Whoever was responsible for this had effectively backed him into a corner, whether they knew it or not. He'd either have to reveal his face or live with the mockery until the village tired of it all. Someone had done all this damage without even laying a finger on him, and if they thought the jounin was going to let it go, they were going to be in for a seriously nasty surprise.
"I'm not doing it," he muttered to no one in particular, crumpling the paper in his fist. "I will get to the bottom of this." Taking a deep breath, Kakashi forced himself to stay calm as he considered his options. There was no way he was going to be beaten this easily. Oh, no. Whoever had done this wouldn't know what hit them, when he caught up to them. Their plan might have been a clever one, but he was a genius.
Kakashi allowed himself a small smirk before biting his thumb and making the necessary hand signs. "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" An annoyed looking pug poofed into existence, sitting atop his other hand.
"Yes, boss?"
"Listen carefully, I need you to track something for me..."
~ ~ ~
Raising his arms above his head, Iruka stretched, trying to work some of the tension out of his shoulders. He sensed a mischievous presence seconds too late, tensing up.
"Hah!"
Biting down on a yelp of surprise, the teacher turned his head to glare at Anko, who currently seemed bent on attacking his unguarded ribs. She stuck out her tongue, dodging a playful swipe, all the while giggling at his exasperation.
"Anko!"
"Nii-san, you must be really distracted for me to sneak up on you like that! Daydreaming about Kakashi again? That was some prank you pulled... I almost forgot how sadistic you can get when you try!" The kunoichi stuffed her hands into her coat pockets, rocking on her heels, just outside of Iruka's immediate attack range.
This time, Iruka did let out a strangled yelp, face going scarlet. "What are you talking about!" A feeling of dread coiled in his stomach as he desperately tried to remember the previous night's events. He hadn't told anyone- he couldn't have! It was all a blur to the chuunin, however, and just trying to remember made his temples throb.
"You can't be serious," Anko blinked owlishly, before erupting into another fit of cackling. "Oh, Iru-kun, you have it bad. I can't believe we didn't notice before!"
"We...?" the chuunin asked weakly, and suddenly sensed that his day was about to get a whole lot worse.
"You really don't remember? Last night over drinks? You told us all about your cute little crush, and then you threatened us... But since none of us are purple, I guess we're safe for now. Ooh, but you did get Kakashi! I wish I'd seen his face when he saw!"
"And I thought it was a mercy that I couldn't remember last night," Iruka groaned, burying his face in his arms. What had ever possessed him to bring up Kakashi last night? Suddenly, the rest of Anko's earlier statement registered, and the chuunin quickly looked up again. "Wait, what you mean I got him?"
Anko looked entirely too pleased with the situation, Iruka thought, sensing impending doom. The kunoichi never grinned like that without reason. Or dango. Lots of dango. The grin was downright predatory in nature and it made the chuunin instinctually want to hide under his desk.
"I wonder if Kotetsu and Izumo can remember... I can't believe you don't, though! Maybe we should talk about it over drinks tonight!" Anko tapped at her chin as if deep in thought.
Iruka held his hands up, shaking his head frantically. "I don't know what you're talking about, but there's no way you lot are getting me to go out for drinks again. Never mind the hangover I've had all day and my apparent memory loss. Just... please tell me I didn't do anything stupid."
"Stupid? No way, Iru-kun! Your pranks are always brilliant," Anko purred.
"...you're not going to tell me are you."
"Has anyone ever told you how fun you are to antagonize, nii-san?"
Iruka just glared, flushing even brighter than before. Apparently Kakashi wasn't alone in his strange fascination with tormenting him. Kami! He still couldn't believe he'd let such a carefully hidden secret out after a few drinks. It was shameful for a ninja. Worse yet was that he couldn't remember any of what had supposedly taken place, which was never a good sign.
"Fine, fine. Just promise you won't dye us purple? After what I saw in the jounin lounge today, I'm convinced that no one's safe from your fiendish ways. You should go take a look! I heard Kakashi was pretty shaken."
Iruka rubbed at his temples miserably. Clearly, Anko was bent on talking in circles just to rile him up until he exploded. What was with jounin and that strange hobby they seemed to share lately? On one level, he really, really didn't want to know what he'd supposedly been up to. And yet, there was still a bit of morbid curiosity as to what could have made Anko so thoroughly amused.
"Sorry I'm late," Genma chose that moment to waltz into the missions room, grinning around a senbon while glancing at the clock sheepishly. "At least I'm not Kakashi, eh? You would have been here all night."
Iruka just sighed, gathering his belongings. "I guess I'm going to the jounin lounge, then. Apparently there's something very interesting I need to see in there." The chuunin gave a nod to Anko and Genma, who had both dissolved into a fit of giggles at the mention of it, before he turned on his heel to leave.
Something told him he hadn't even heard the worst of whatever 'it' was, yet.
~ ~ ~
Kakashi was more unhappy than he'd been in a long, long time. Even that mission where he'd forgotten to bring Icha Icha along hadn't left him feeling so frustrated as he felt now. It didn't help that he had a cantankerous pug's congested yammering to put up with on top of it all. How such a nice day had dissolved into such a miserable mess was beyond him. Villagers avoided him left and right, sensing the thick aura of annoyance and discontent that practically stuck to his person. It didn't, however, stop them from pointing and laughing regularly.
"There's no way we're gonna find whoever did this by scent alone, boss."
It was the umpteenth time Pakkun had said something similar that day, and Kakashi just growled in response. The pug sniffled loudly before sneezing. "They definitely knew who they were dealing with. I'd better get a steak for all this trouble, boss."
Running a hand through his hair, the jounin's shoulders slumped even further in near defeat. "I can't believe this," he hissed, glaring at everything and nothing at the same time. There had been so many scents on the paper and in the jounin lounge alone that Pakkun had become almost instantly congested. He'd started talking funny hours ago, and had become completely useless for tracking anything shortly thereafter. Kakashi didn't really know why he'd made the diminutive pug stick around in such a state, though he had to admit that it was better than being alone for now.
Whoever was behind all of this had deftly anticipated Kakashi's first reaction, as Pakkun had pointed out at least ten times. Not only had they only posted the photo in such a high traffic area, but they had gone to great lengths to mask their scent and affect Pakkun's sense of smell even further.
"That aniseed oil was clever, boss. Clever but mean."
Kakashi had to agree, even though the thought annoyed him greatly. It wasn't just clever, it was downright brilliant. The culprit had poured aniseed oil right where everyone in the jounin lounge would be sure to step in it, thus creating a thousand crisscrossing trails to be dealt with. Pakkun's sensitive nose had been assaulted before he even took the first whiff, and he'd been complaining about a headache for some time. Though the jounin was loathe to admit it, he knew they wouldn't be getting to the bottom of the mess by relying on scent to track the culprit. The rest of his ninken would doubtlessly end up like Pakkun if he summoned them, which left Kakashi at a loss as to what his next move should be. Apparently, aniseed oil was a very common thing for shinobi and villagers alike to buy. Stopping at at least eight different stores hadn't given them any clues whatsoever.
Pakkun unexpectedly stopped in the middle of the street, glaring up at his master. "Are you even listening? Is that crumpled scrap of paper really that important? This doesn't seem like official mission business, somehow."
Kakashi sighed heavily, briefly looking heavenward in hopes that he'd get an answer, or even a tiny clue. He was going to get an endless amount of grief over this, he knew, but Pakkun could be ruthlessly unrelenting when he wanted to be. At least it would be one less thing to worry about. The jounin wordlessly uncrumpled the offensive piece of paper and thrust it at his grumpy dog, muttering something under his breath.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, I don't look like that!"
Pakkun examined the paper. Though it was crumpled, he could instantly see what his master was so upset over. What a hideous face! Not only that, but it looked frighteningly realistic. If he didn't know better, he'd have definitely believed it was the real deal. The pug chuckled despite his sinus afflictions, his entire frame shaking from the effort of not letting giggles turn into full blown guffaws.
"That's rich! Hah! Whoever did this was a genius, that's for sure! An evil genius!"
"It's not funny, Pakkun! Now everyone thinks I really look like that, and they won't be convinced otherwise unless I take off my mask!" Kakashi's voice had taken on a tone of petulant hysteria at this point.
"Well, there's an easy solution, then." Pakkun regarded his master with a deadpan expression, though still howling with laughter on the inside. Just wait until the rest of the pack found out about this! They would be in hysterics. If he didn't get a steak for his troubles very soon, they certainly would be hearing about it all; and in great detail.
"Not a chance! There's no way some prankster is going to have me backed into a corner like this! I'm not going to let someone's idea of a bad joke ruin what I've been keeping secret for years!"
"You talk as if it's a matter of life and death, Kakashi. Honestly, it's just your face."
"But-!"
"Well, that's your business, but I'd just love to know how you plan on finding this culprit." The ninken snickered. It rather sounded like a choking cat, Kakashi itched to point out, but refrained. One person plotting his downfall was quite enough for today. "I wouldn't like to be in his place when- if you find him!"
"Oh, I'll find him all right..." And when he did, he wouldn't even know where to start with them. If there was even anything left to start with, by that time.
"Still..." Pakkun looked back at the picture, mirth once again threatening to get the better of him. "This is utterly priceless! It makes perfect sense if someone hasn't ever seen your face before..."
"That's just the thing! I can't believe no one believes me!" Kakashi wanted to pull his hair out from the sheer frustration of it. So wrapped up in his own thoughts was the jounin that he ran slap-bang into someone as he rounded the corner, knocking them over. The jounin could practically feel people turn to stare at him incredulously. The Copy Nin, of all people, quite literally running into innocent bystanders. Honestly, the day could not get worse.
Or... maybe it could, Kakashi thought glumly when he saw a familiar scar bisecting his victim's face and wide brown eyes staring back at him. His heart sank further when he saw Iruka's hand reach for the half crumpled piece of paper he must have lost hold of in his surprise. It was too late to make a mad dive for the incriminating piece of paper without humiliating himself further, so the jounin did what he was best at, adopting an air of cool nonchalance when chuunin's gaze finally settled on him.
"Hello, Iruka-sensei. Fancy running into you here."
Kakashi thought he saw a vein begin to pop out on Iruka's forehead as the chuunin's face turned bright red, but he could just as easily have imagined it. Offering his hand to help the other man up, the jounin reached behind his head to rub at his neck sheepishly with his other hand. "Maa, sorry about that, by the way. I've been a bit... distracted, today. Who knew a single piece of paper could cause so much trouble?"
"This one?" apparently Iruka couldn't help but glance at it, and his eyes nearly bugged out when he did. "Is this what was in the jounin lounge?" The tanned sensei paled considerably. Probably in disgust, Kakashi thought glumly, though he was amused with the sensei's quick hue change. The jounin could feel his cheeks start to burn despite himself.
"I don't look like that!" he said hastily, snatching the offending article from the chuunin's grasp. Apparently Iruka's blush was contagious, because soon the jounin's entire face suddenly felt like it was on fire. He was never going to live this down, he just knew it. "Not that I can get anyone to believe me," he added, scowling to hide his embarrassment.
"I believe you," Iruka said simply, wearing a slightly dazed expression, and Kakashi's head snapped up to regard the chuunin with unveiled surprise in his visible eye.
"You do?" Kakashi ignored Pakkun's obviously amused snort.
"Well, at least when you say you don't look like that," Iruka pointed towards the offending photograph. "Not that you have the best reputation for honesty," he added, stifling a nervous chuckle as he brought a hand up to rub at his facial scar.
Kakashi merely grunted in response, but begrudgingly had to admit to being glad that someone was on his side... That it was Iruka of all people was a bit... shocking. He wouldn't have blamed the chuunin if he'd started to laugh outright. Then again, it was just like the tanned sensei not to think ill of anyone, the jounin mused. Kakashi fought the urge to crumple the hateful piece of paper again as Iruka edged closer to inspect it. The chuunin let out a low whistle, eyes widening once again.
"Hmm. I have to say, it's pretty convincing. Someone must have known what they were doing..." Once again, Iruka trailed off almost nervously.
"Yeah, I figured that much out myself... The question is, who? When I get my hands on them..."
"Well, I'd have to say that half of Konoha has a pretty good motive. Everyone who has ever wanted to see your face... Well, this is their chance, if you give in and take off your mask and reveal your handsome face just to prove everyone wrong. Very clever, really." Iruka spoke as if in a rush, without so much as stopping to catch his breath. His face turned redder and redder by the minute.
Kakashi raised a brow, leering slightly. "Mmm... So you think my face is handsome, Sensei? Sorry to disappoint you, but compliments won't get the mask off either..." The jounin gave his signature one eyed smile at the chuunin's indignant blush, which was threatening to overtake the sensei's neck as well as face.
"I didn't mean it like that!" Iruka bit his lower lip, obviously trying to force his traitorous blush down with sheer willpower. So far, it didn't appear to be working. Kakashi simply couldn't help but push the chuunin's buttons, as the reactions were always worth it. Teasing the ever-blushing sensei always proved to be ridiculously entertaining. Iruka was an enigma without even trying to be, the jounin thought fondly, neatly skirting the real reason he couldn't seem to leave the other man alone.
"Hello, I'm still here!" The annoyed voice roused Kakashi from his thoughts. He was surprised to see that it was Pakkun speaking, however, and not Iruka.
"Ah, yes, Pakkun... Did you have any other brilliant ideas as to how to track down this mysteriously devious culprit who's trying his best to outsmart us? If you can't track them by scent, there's got to be another obvious way, right?" The jounin missed Iruka's frame stiffening at his words, too busy glaring down at his dog, words heavily laden with sarcasm.
Pakkun rolled his eyes at his dim master. Honestly, some days... As if the distant look he'd been giving Iruka earlier wasn't obvious enough, the level of pheromones the jounin was exuding on top of it all was downright laughable. Not that the chuunin sensei was much better by any means.
"Actually, while I'm not sure how to go about searching for this... picture posting psycho, I have a good idea as to how you might want to go about searching for clues..."
Kakashi raised both brows in interest and looked towards Iruka. The chuunin's expression mirrored his own. "Do tell, Pakkun."
"Well," the dog began, "I think you and Iruka sensei should discuss it. You two seem to work well together. You're both obviously smart, and he's the only one who believes you, anyways."
"That's your brilliant plan," Kakashi deadpanned, ignoring Iruka's sudden fit of snickering. The chuunin was quite clearly failing at hiding his amusement. Kakashi failed to see what was so funny. Pakkun's plan hadn't been anywhere near the level of genius he needed, but it didn't sound like a complete dud, all things considered.
"Just what's so funny?" Pakkun's features scrunched up in indignation as he regarded Iruka. It only proved to make the chuunin become further undone, however. "I didn't hear you offering up any clever plans!"
"N-nothing! Well- it's just that you said Kakashi-san and I seem to work well together...!" Iruka's figure shook with barely contained mirth, though he tried his best to get ahold of himself.
It was oddly endearing, Kakashi thought, staring at the chuunin's lips as the man stuttered out an apology. The jounin chucked quietly, amusement shining in his visible eye. "Why, I'm hurt, sensei! Surely two are better than one. I think we'd make a great team!" he grinned so widely that the material of his mask actually stretched noticeably. Pakkun might not have known it, but he'd supplied Kakashi with a perfect opening. If he could just play his part smoothly, his ruined day might be salvageable after all.
"Really." Iruka stared at him with open incredulity and slight suspicion, but Kakashi refused to let it deter him.
"Say, Iruka-sensei. What do you think about discussing this mystery over dinner?"
Iruka's eyebrows looked as if they were trying to leap off of his forehead at the invitation. "You... you're kidding, right," the chuunin finally choked out, eyes wide. Kakashi frowned slightly behind his mask, but pushed on.
"Eh? Think of it as an apology for earlier. Besides, you are the only one who believes me," the jounin whined almost petulantly. He tried to keep a confident air about him, but it was rapidly slipping. Iruka's continued silence was decidedly unnerving, as was the shocked look that hadn't left the chuunin's features. All in all, it was very demoralizing to Kakashi, who was hit with a wave of sudden apprehension. "We could go for sake instead, if dinner is too much," he added hastily, and nearly stumbled over his words. The small blush that warmed Iruka's cheeks did nothing to steady his erratic heartbeat. At least the chuunin wasn't scowling at him or screaming yet.
"Actually," Iruka finally seemed to calm down enough to speak, "I... think dinner might be a good idea... I never have any good ideas over sake," he chuckled nervously, but smiled nonetheless. "What time?"
"Well, I have some things to do first... How is... seven?" Kakashi's voice sounded distant in his own ears. Had Iruka really accepted? He could barely connect the fact that it was himself speaking. Meanwhile, Inner Kakashi was turning cartwheels at Iruka's answer.
"That's perfect. I'll expect you at nine." The chuunin pulled a wry grin at the jounin's indignant squawk of protest.
Kakashi allowed himself the briefest of hidden smiles before transporting away. At the very least, it was going to be quite and interesting night. Provided that it didn't end in disaster, of course.