(no subject)
I feel like cleverness is something greatly admired by children, but it loses dominance in our minds as we grow older. I know that being clever is a good trait to have, but I question my mental flexibility. It requires cycling through many options and ideas in one's head before picking the one that "feels right". If I'm going to grow up in the real world I'll have to wave goodbye to this sheltered life. I don't think I'm suited for anything too cut-throat. I'm willing to work, but I'm not willing to cheat. What worries me is that I might become the person that is willing to do anything to get ahead. I don't want to sacrifice character for status, but status is associated with more instant gratification.
I took the Art History exam today. It wasn't as bad as I expected, I really only want a 3 to make Boehler happy. I doubt I got anything higher. I went to sleep when I got home and had nightmares about the subject. I don't know why, it was scarier in my dreams, and I had already gotten it over with. I don't know if I can really call it a nightmare though, it was mostly just exciting. After the test I think I saw Alex trying out for drum major, if that was him then he was really flamboyant. I have a field trip "tomorrow" which will get me out of class tomorrow and Friday. I doubt I'll go Friday, but I might take the day off to study for AP Statistics. By study I mean learn, since I am a huge failure.
I think one of the signs that I haven't really progressed is that I have a crush on the same guy I did when I was in junior high, despite not having seen him in forever. There was this brief thing with another guy, but I came back. I think I just really miss junior high. It was a pleasant surprise, after being treated like shit throughout the lower grades it was nice to find both teachers and classmates that believed in me and kind of expected something out of me. No one is competent at this school, which is why I want to do something nice for the few teachers that are. They include Boehler, Mr G, and Godsey. I'm not ready for college.
I took the Art History exam today. It wasn't as bad as I expected, I really only want a 3 to make Boehler happy. I doubt I got anything higher. I went to sleep when I got home and had nightmares about the subject. I don't know why, it was scarier in my dreams, and I had already gotten it over with. I don't know if I can really call it a nightmare though, it was mostly just exciting. After the test I think I saw Alex trying out for drum major, if that was him then he was really flamboyant. I have a field trip "tomorrow" which will get me out of class tomorrow and Friday. I doubt I'll go Friday, but I might take the day off to study for AP Statistics. By study I mean learn, since I am a huge failure.
I think one of the signs that I haven't really progressed is that I have a crush on the same guy I did when I was in junior high, despite not having seen him in forever. There was this brief thing with another guy, but I came back. I think I just really miss junior high. It was a pleasant surprise, after being treated like shit throughout the lower grades it was nice to find both teachers and classmates that believed in me and kind of expected something out of me. No one is competent at this school, which is why I want to do something nice for the few teachers that are. They include Boehler, Mr G, and Godsey. I'm not ready for college.