Kids
Funny thing.(as in odd)
Lately, due to my environment, I have been recalling memories from around the time I was 3 and 4 years of age. Until now, where I have a large enough collection of memories to see in my mind together. And it hit me. I realized that on some level, I was a walking emotional shell. I went to my day care/pre-school and didn't know any of the kids, didn't really remember anything beyond my own personal emotional experiences and simply did not care. Although to say that I did not care implies I knew to care, which I did not. That is not to say I didn't know that Susie's name was Susie, but I didn't think on it, didn't really care, simply and only knew it in the moment and thus never remembered. In fact, I would venture to say that it is like I am looking out my child eyes and feeling what I felt in my memories, but I almost wasn't really there. Except for now when I see it in my mind. Like... somehow I can gain the memories from all these experiences because they are in my body, but I myself, the one that thinks and translates what I perceive from this world is, and was separate from what I perceived. Basically... back then... I was not home, only my perceiver/feeler body was in the moment.
Yet, I had this illusion, as I think all adults do, that there is someone there, just like ourselves, but simply unaware of the world because they are too new to it. And perhaps this is the case, I simply was unaware because I was too new to the world. Perhaps I WAS aware, I mean the sheer act of remembering those things would imply such. Unless you go back to the idea that our brain would store the memories, making us there, regardless of presence.
Ok, this is all starting to sound like Dark City to me. But it was an odd realization... that perhaps, I wasn't home. My memories were like a documentation and less like an experienced moment.
That the "I", the part of me that thinks and relates, is a product of my evolution into adulthood, and not something that existed before said evolutions. I was simply... there. No I. Only a little bundle of perceivingness that responded only when the bundle that was me was being invaded by some unknown, intolerable, outside force.
Question of the day: Do you remember all the way to birth? Or even much of your childhood before age 5 or 6? And if so... explain how it seems to you. Do you find the same conclusion? Or do you find you were every part a part of that moment, thinking, feeling and interacting... as your other memories are?
My memories that I interact with start at about age 5 or 6.
Lately, due to my environment, I have been recalling memories from around the time I was 3 and 4 years of age. Until now, where I have a large enough collection of memories to see in my mind together. And it hit me. I realized that on some level, I was a walking emotional shell. I went to my day care/pre-school and didn't know any of the kids, didn't really remember anything beyond my own personal emotional experiences and simply did not care. Although to say that I did not care implies I knew to care, which I did not. That is not to say I didn't know that Susie's name was Susie, but I didn't think on it, didn't really care, simply and only knew it in the moment and thus never remembered. In fact, I would venture to say that it is like I am looking out my child eyes and feeling what I felt in my memories, but I almost wasn't really there. Except for now when I see it in my mind. Like... somehow I can gain the memories from all these experiences because they are in my body, but I myself, the one that thinks and translates what I perceive from this world is, and was separate from what I perceived. Basically... back then... I was not home, only my perceiver/feeler body was in the moment.
Yet, I had this illusion, as I think all adults do, that there is someone there, just like ourselves, but simply unaware of the world because they are too new to it. And perhaps this is the case, I simply was unaware because I was too new to the world. Perhaps I WAS aware, I mean the sheer act of remembering those things would imply such. Unless you go back to the idea that our brain would store the memories, making us there, regardless of presence.
Ok, this is all starting to sound like Dark City to me. But it was an odd realization... that perhaps, I wasn't home. My memories were like a documentation and less like an experienced moment.
That the "I", the part of me that thinks and relates, is a product of my evolution into adulthood, and not something that existed before said evolutions. I was simply... there. No I. Only a little bundle of perceivingness that responded only when the bundle that was me was being invaded by some unknown, intolerable, outside force.
Question of the day: Do you remember all the way to birth? Or even much of your childhood before age 5 or 6? And if so... explain how it seems to you. Do you find the same conclusion? Or do you find you were every part a part of that moment, thinking, feeling and interacting... as your other memories are?
My memories that I interact with start at about age 5 or 6.