Safe (Lost Memory) - Part VI
Title: Safe (Lost Memory)
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Rating: R
Summary: He always carries a gun. He probably carries a code. He has never wanted to protect a man all his life. Until he is lost. Who is he protecting? And who is he protecting him from?
Kai had filed a leave of absence for a whole week. His reason being 'Sehun is in shock from the recent incident and he wouldn't allow his subject to be in such a state, hence he needs to provide complete security by himself'. It was a valid reason being an important matter to the case. Kai made that point clear.
Sehun woke up alone in his bed that morning though. His head was fuzzy but he was sure he and Kai had slept on the same narrow space his bed could provide. He rubbed his eyes and tried to recall what happened the previous night. He closed his eyes shut when he reached the point where Kai had pressed his lips onto his. He felt his cheeks warm from the memory and covered himself with his blanket.
▬
Kai didn't pull away immediately. He stayed still, so did Sehun. He was shocked at how his lips were soft against his. It shaped up together with his in perfect fit as if they were made for each other. Sehun's heartbeat raced as he closed his eyes from the sudden action and all he could sense is the wet plump lips effortlessly sending a tingling sensation down his spine. They broke apart eventually and Kai was left staring him in the eyes. There was an awkward silence.
He blinked. Kai didn't. "I'm not good at anything like this." He said straightforwardly. Sehun silently had an intake of breath. "And I just realized this just now. Even though it's still unclear to me, I think..." Kai couldn't find the right word. "If it's uncomfortable I'll stop. I can be professional." He said slowly. He doesn't know where it was coming from, but something inside him urges him to touch Sehun. To care for him, to let him feel something. He still couldn't put a finger on it, but he's sure there's something.
Sehun couldn't believe his ears. Was Kai telling him he's open to it? It felt weird, most especially since he didn't expect Kai to feel that way. He didn't expect Kai to feel the same way he did towards him. When Sehun didn't answer, Kai looked away.
"Sorry." He stood and drew himself away from the still silent Sehun, disappointed but accepting, when Sehun caught his hand. Swiftly, he pulled Kai, him kneeling on his bed to reach him and Kai was bowed down to him, standing beside his bed. Sehun clutched at his collar and gave him back the kiss.
▬
The heat crept up onto him more. He remembers how their skin flushed in contact when they slept together on the same bed. He couldn't quite explain the funny feeling in his stomach, but when he thinks back, a smile just creeps up on his face.
There was a little knock on the open door and Sehun jumped up from under the sheets. He hastily uncovered himself and found Kai standing by the door frame.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?" He asked.
"Uh, no." Sehun blushed.
"Hm." Kai walked forward and sat on the bed. "About last night..."
Sehun bit his inner lower lip hard. What if he suddenly say he didn't mean it or he just acted funnily last night and he was sorry. He dreaded it anyway.
"I just want to say I will protect you all my life." Kai meant it, he could hear it from his tone.
"Thanks." Sehun answered after 5 seconds of sighing in relief in his mind.
"Kai." He added.
Kai looked up at him.
"What if I'm suddenly not someone you expect me to be?" He's still involved in the syndicate after all.
"As a cop, my instincts are right most of the time. And you are what I think you are. I believe in you." He said without pausing to think of an answer. "Otherwise..." He looked at Sehun warmly. "We'll get there."
Sehun still couldn't believe how things went from Kai yelling harsh words at him to locking eyes with him in probably the most gentle way he could imagine, coming from Kai. However, he's still trying to be cautious. He doesn't know himself. His dreams didn't give much of a clear explanation of what kind of person he is. If he really is a diamond, he still doesn't know if he's been part of the syndicate because he was forced to, or because he's willing to. He didn't want to trust himself yet. Even if Kai already did.
•
Kai watched him as he focused on gaining back his memory through writing numbers and codes that he envisions from his dreams. Before, Kai didn't really watch him and care only for the digits he had written down. But today was weird as he can feel Kai's intense gaze on him.
"Uhm." Sehun started as he took a peek at Kai but looked away immediately as he flustered about the way he stares. Kai must have gotten the hint as he, too, looked away pretending he was bored at the moment.
A few more minutes of silence, Kai had let Sehun deal with himself as he sat silently beside him, Sehun rubbed the side of his head. He shut his eyes tight and felt his world sway a little. A hand landed on top of his shoulder and he looked behind him to find a worried Kai.
"Are you okay?"
Sehun nodded and continued to rub his temple.
"I guess you should stop here and continue tomorrow." Kai advised and stood from the couch. He offered a hand to Sehun who was seated on the floor in front of the center table to help him stand. Sehun gladly took it and stood weakly. He had been into it for a while anyway. It's late and he's a little sleepy too.
"Go to sleep now." Kai pat him on the arm and gave a small smile before turning his back to leave. Sehun just stared at the retreating figure.
"Uh, Kai." Sehun's fingers fidgeted with the hem of his own shirt.
Kai stopped and looked back to find Sehun still on the same spot.
Sehun blinked a few times and dropped his gaze. "Nothing." He shook his head.
Kai looked confused for a moment before nodding. "Okay. Goodnight."
Sehun bit his lip and nodded too. "Goodnight."
Kai was almost at his door, Sehun had turned to face his bedroom door as well, their rooms opposite each other, when Kai suddenly turned back. "Sehun."
Sehun immediately looked back.
"You can stay with me if you're afraid." He motioned to his room with his thumb.
The younger held his breath. "No, it's okay."
Kai nodded, the nth time that night. "Okay."
They turned their backs again when Kai spoke once more.
"Uhm."
Sehun turned to see Kai face to face with him.
"Just call me if you need help with anything."
Sehun nodded.
"Okay. Goodnight." Kai smiled. And he pecked him on the lips which left Sehun in slight shock.
Kai had almost fully turned his back when Sehun reached out for his arm.
"Just stay with me." Sehun offered with a blush.
A pause.
"Sure." Kai answered confidently.
•
It completely changed. Everything Sehun had woken up to was an image he had never seen living in for the next days of his life, but it's here now. Kai was poised at the kitchen early in the morning, with his apron on, his hair beautifully disheveled at the back and Sehun wanted to reach out to touch it. It wasn't too different from the previous days he had with him visually. But what made it different was the smile he gave when he looked around and found Sehun watching him from behind. The deep low "good morning" that escaped his wonderful lips, and the security he found from his heartwarming gaze. Sehun didn't feel sick nor ill. He didn't feel lost. He feels complete, even with the missing memory, as if his past didn't matter to him now. He was a new Sehun. And he almost wished he didn't regain whatever he had lost from the past.
His fingers curled at the touch of Kai's lips. Heavy rain poured outside and they could hear the echo of the pounding rain on the ground. Thunders surrounded the roads, lightnings painted the sky. As loud as the raindrops beat the empty pavements, Sehun's heartbeat pounded just as hard against Kai's chest. The cold urged them to wrap themselves with each other. Kai's one hand caressing Sehun's hair, his other cupping the back of his head. Their lips disconnected once, heaving breaths to send back to their lungs. The wall they're leaning on held all the pressure made by their bodies, emitting body heat for one another. Kai was a mix of gentle and rough, Sehun responded both aggressively and passionately. He didn't expect anything to turn this way a few minutes ago.
The rain just started to pour, the thunder roared and the lighting struck. The mental image of dark clouds circling the city outside sent chills to his spine. It was either he was scared of thunderstorms in the past or it just disturbed his memories and imagined blowing guns and dark nightmares. Either way, it just made him cling more to Kai. He hugged him from the back and whispered "I'm scared."
The next thing he knew, he was backing up against the wall as Kai licked and sucked on his lips. It wasn't exactly how he expected him to distract him from the noises outside, but it made him feel better. A lot better.
Kai kissed the side of his mouth, sliding towards his jaw, tracing it down to his chin and planted a soft kiss there. Sehun rested his cheek on his cheek and all Kai could hear is Sehun's small low pants which was in the same rhythm as his.
"There's nothing to be scared of." Kai finally kissed a spot on his shoulder when the loud drops of rain ceased outside. The sky turned blue and bright again, and Sehun watched the lights play from behind his eyelids as his eyes drooped from weariness.
•
The two had a free and open life within the four walls of the apartment. They didn't care, whatever they do, they didn't care. All they care about is themselves and nothing really matters at the moment. Kai didn't worry about his work. It was worth going on leave for a week. Sehun didn't bother remembering his dreams. Kai told him so, which he needed to hear the second time to believe it. There was one day Sehun was cleaning the dishes when Kai's arms snaked from behind him and wrapped them gently around his waist.
More than anyone, Kai is most surprised about himself. He didn't have these strong feelings before, everything was unfamiliar but it didn't make him feel weird nor strange, instead it felt good, light and warm, no matter how strong it was. He can't seem to detach himself from Sehun, Sehun seemed to not want him to anyway.
It was the very first time Sehun encountered his dream again. Kai decided to sleep later and finish some of his work he took home when he filed for leave, so Sehun had to go to bed before him.
Sehun was in a very dark room where he can only see shadows. There were two human shadows. He realized the one closer to him was his, the other belonged to a taller figure standing behind him. Sehun was calm and composed, as if there was nothing wrong at all. Not even when they're in a place he could hardly distinguish, or see anyone clearly. The tall man behind him just stood and didn't utter a single word. Sehun wanted to look at him, to turn around and see his face. It felt familiar at the same time intriguing. In all his dreams there was always someone whispering behind him, someone who urges him. Someone who tells him what to do. What if this someone is the mastermind? The boss. The head of the syndicate who has trapped and abused him, his skill. He wanted to look at his face but even though he willed himself to, he can't. He had no control of his arms and limbs. It didn't feel like a dream, it felt like a memory.
Sehun was sweating on his bed, trying to wake up. Being stuck in a dark place that's silent and creepy made him want to jump up awake and reach out for anything to hold. But his vision is still there in the dark room, no light at the least. It felt like 5 minutes of staring into the shadows when his own body moved, slowly, very slowly facing the guy behind him. In his mind, his heart pounded. The Sehun in that dream, or memory, was free of worry, anxiety, and trouble. He was calm. But the person dreaming was anticipating and scared at the same time. He wants to run away but see his face as well. He was going to be the key. When the Sehun in the memory had finally turned around fully, he came face to face with a taller man with scary fiery eyes, taller than he expected, younger than he had thought of. The dark shadows on his face made it hard for him to recognize his face, but the Sehun standing right in front of him knew him well. Sehun opened his mouth to speak, but Sehun was pulled awake by something. He gasped and his eyes widened.
"What's wrong?" Kai was rather holding him tightly. "Sehun."
Sehun sat up and hugged his legs. He didn't know what exactly happened. He wasn't too scared. He was more of confused. The feelings that he had back at the dark room and the feelings he had now were too different. It was as if he was in two different human bodies.
"Sehun. Speak up." Kai shook him a little. "Do you need water? I'm going to get water." Kai stood from his bed almost immediately.
"I'm okay." Sehun found his voice. He croaked. "I'm fine, Kai."
“What was the dream?” He sat back, suddenly alarmed. He realized he had been slacking off about the case. He was too focused on Sehun alone that he had forgotten about the dangers and risks they have at the moment. He had almost forgotten he was a cop with a dream. An honourable cop straight from the States. Someone who had been relied on by everyone from the quarters.
Sehun narrowed his eyes. “There was a man. A man who dictates what I should do. I couldn’t see his face. It was dark.”
Kai looked at him knowingly. “Could he be the mastermind behind the syndicate.” He told himself more than Sehun.
Sehun shook his head. “I’m not sure. But it’s what I’m thinking too.”
Kai stood sharply which startled Sehun a little.
“I need to make a few new arrangements. I need to go out tomorrow.”
•
Kai bought a new apartment for Sehun. He decided to move places every now and then until the case is closed. If Sehun was directly handled by the boss of a syndicate as large as that, the boss might know a lot about Sehun. It also means another thing, Sehun isn’t just any other diamond. He isn’t just a key. He is an ace. There is no doubt the boss would want him back, dead or alive. Sehun knows something more than just a simple code. He knows something more.
Kai gave Sehun 10 minutes to pack his things. Even though he had changed a lot during the past few days, his cop side just naturally plays out. He ordered Sehun to rush, Sehun didn’t mind much. He knows how Kai is.
Minutes later, they were in the car. As soon as Kai had closed the door at his side, Sehun began wondering how long will they have to hide. To run. To continue living like an outcast in the world. How long exactly will they have to wait until he can be as normal as everyone else? How long does Kai have to worry about him 24/7, thinking he's always in danger? Sehun bit his lower lip. He knew the answer. Until he finds himself. And that's what he's been working hard for. He just can't do it yet. He closed his eyes and sighed.
Kai had fastened his seat belt next to him in the driver's seat. "Anything wrong?"
"Nothing." Sehun clasped his hands on his lap. "Do you think we'll ever stop running?"
Kai reached out and put his hand on top of Sehun's. "Eventually. When this is over, you will. Everything will be okay." He raised his hand and pat his head gently, ruffling his hair a bit. "Are you tired?"
Sehun shook his head. "Are you?"
"If it's protecting you," Kai looked him straight in the eyes. "Never."
The drive has yet been just 15 minutes but the skies had turned very dark, angry gray clouds circled around the city and soft little raindrops hit the roof and windshield of the car. Kai turned on the wipers as the rain slowly pours hard and harder as they stroll along the slightly empty roads, given it was not even past 7 in the morning.
"There's a storm coming." Sehun muttered under his breath, a little smoke coming out of his lips due to the cramped cold space within the car. Kai turned on the heater, focusing his eyes on the road as blinding lightnings struck from the sky, and thick heavy rain poured down on the ground. A thunder roared and Sehun slightly jumped in surprise. The sound makes him feel uneasy, whether it was just another phobia he doesn't know. But it always reminds him of gunshots and the likes. Kai squinted his eyes on the road ahead, he wasn't aware of the coming storm, had he known he would have pushed back the schedule of their move.
"We're a few roads away. You think you can deal with it for a few more minutes?" Kai's voice was comforting. If he had the chance, he would pull him into a hug. He can feel how Sehun is too disturbed by the current situation, however he'd rather speed up than stop to calm the other down.
"Sleep for awhile and I'll wake you up when we get there." Kai took a glance at Sehun, giving him a small smile to give him assurance.
Sehun returned it warmly and closed his eyes, resting the back of his head on the soft headrest, slowly falling into slumber. There he found himself face to face with the guy from his dream last night. It was weird and it played where it actually stopped the last time. As if the memory was there, only in his dreams.
He opened his mouth again and said something. But Sehun didn't hear anything, like the scene is muted and that explains the eerie silence from last night. The man in front of him opened his mouth back in reply. He couldn't hear the words. Sehun felt goosebumps creeping into his skin as the man in front of him slowly clears in his vision. The eyes, the nose, the lips, and the single earring. Sehun couldn't believe he's seeing this. He can recognize him. His eyes fell to the lips of the tall familiar man, and slowly it opened to say one word. Just one. Yet it scared him too much. It read: "Kill."
Sehun woke up to the shaking of the car. He grasped the door handle to steady himself. He thought it was the impact of his dream and that's when he realized what's actually happening. The storm was just as bad, and he looked sideways at Kai who was speeding up like mad, turning the wheel left and right, as he checked the side mirror from now and then. Sehun looked back and saw cars chasing them from behind.
"It's the syndicate."
"The syndicate!? How did you know?"
"Same van." Kai answered in short sentences. In just one day, he had miscalculated a lot of things. He was furious. He wasn't being careful.
Sehun leaned back on his seat, grabbed his seat belt and prayed.
There was a dead end, Kai could see it a few meters away. The two cars are still on his tail but he sped up and managed to put a distance between them. Sehun stayed still nervously beside him. When they were a few good meters away from the chasing cars as well as the wall ahead, Kai purposely stopped. Sehun saw what the problem was. There was nowhere else to run.
Kai geared the car up, stepping on the gas a bit to prepare it. He was breathing hard from the amount of effort he had put into driving. Sehun thinks he knows what Kai is planning. He grabbed at his sides to hold himself in place. He looked nervously at Kai.
"Are we safe?"
Kai put more pressure on the gas pedal. The engine roared.
"Until my last breath."
Amidst the rain, Kai stepped hard on the gas and let the car run towards the dead end, the cars behind them blindingly coming after them. When Kai was nearly there, he took a huge turn, slightly throwing Sehun towards the left but thankfully kept in tact by his seat belt. Kai faced the cars coming for them and sped right up in the middle, past them, until he's driving away for good. The dead end caught the syndicate by surprise which left them no time to chase the retreating car of Kai and Sehun.
Sehun finally released his breath that he had been holding since then. They finally escaped and the rain had stopped. The sun was peeking out from the new clouds and the morning was going fine. Only one thing was bothering Sehun now.
His one-time savior from before. What was he doing in Sehun's dream?