Life update
I don't really feel 'WTF!', but I am not really feeling depressed. Well maybe a little. But I think I am more anxious than anything else.
I had an interview at the ARC of Monroe for a Behavioral Technician full-time position on Monday that I think went pretty well. I was honest with my answers and tried to use my past experiences to answer the questions they asked me to the best of my ability. I mailed out a thank you note the following day. All good steps right? I think I could have answered the "What are three strengths you have?" questions a little better. For some reason, that one caught me off guard and I stumbled a little. My friend Becky told me that I could have added answers to the questions they asked me in the thank you note I gave them. I have never thought of this before; it's a good idea and I will keep it in mind for the next thank you note I write.
Although I feel the interview went well, I am still very worried. I am worried because today is my last day at Harris Seeds. I knew it was a seasonal job and I was preparing for afterwards but it still sucks when your boss tells you she's letting you go for the season. I don't blame her, I can't really. I can tell she does not enjoy this time of year, but she is very pleasant in executing the duty. But I am very anxious and I can feel the anxiety growing in me. I haven't heard back from the ARC yet (yes, I know, the interview was only three days ago...) and I am doubting my ability to get the job, or any job for that matter. I know I should remain resilient and stay positive, but I'm fucking scared.
What will happen if I don't get this job? I have applied to at least 100 jobs in the past month and a half and have only gotten a few phone calls back from them. Granted I haven't had an opportunity to call and check up on them, however, a lot of them did not have call back information. That aside I am beginning to doubt my ability to get a job. I am beginning to think, "Why do I suck at life so much" (in my more extreme anxieties of not knowing what to do), "Why can't I get even a part-time job somewhere, anywhere?", "Is it too hard to ask for a part-time/full-time job; for work?", "I just don't get what I am doing wrong...". I so want to work, I so want a job... why is it so difficult for me to find one?
Perhaps things will work out in the end. I am still all set to start school at the end of the month. I would prefer not to go back, but if it's what I need to do then I will. I have to admit, and I am not one to really put too much faith into these things but, I went and saw a psychic (for shits and giggles) about a year and a half ago and she told me, when I had mention the thought of going back to school, that I should; that it would be to my benefit. Is that why I am not finding any work? Does Karma want me to go back to school? I just don't know.
More than anything I am afraid of what my mom is going to say about all this. My spiteful, judgmental mother. I can just hear her know telling me how much of a loser I am as to why I haven't found another job yet and it's all my fault because I am irresponsible and I need to try ten times harder and then twenty times more harder on top of that. Hear her doing research on how to get rid of my car and write off the lease to someone else and give me a list of junkers to buy because I was stupid and retarded in getting my car in the first place (even though it was one of the best options I had at the time...). Tell me I spend too much money on myself even though I have not bought one new piece of clothing for myself in over a year (and all my clothes are falling apart and I desperately need new clothes). I know this sounds depressing but it's the truth as to what she is going to do when she finds out that I have been let go at Harris Seeds and haven't found anything else yet... And I think that is a major source of my anxiety at the moment. I just wish I had parents that were a little more supportive of my struggles and were more understanding. If I could, I would go out and work 10 million jobs right now, but that's not realistic. *sigh*
On a more positive note, I am picking up some perdiem hours at Westwood Commons (the old folks' home). And I have an interview for Cottage Grove (another old folks' home) this coming Monday. It's for perdiem, but I guess I am happy that they are giving me the opportunity to interview. I am also going to be doing more artwork and working outside in my garden and in the barn with the horses. I would love to give riding lessons to people, but without insurance for it, it's not possible.
Here's hoping things will get better.
I had an interview at the ARC of Monroe for a Behavioral Technician full-time position on Monday that I think went pretty well. I was honest with my answers and tried to use my past experiences to answer the questions they asked me to the best of my ability. I mailed out a thank you note the following day. All good steps right? I think I could have answered the "What are three strengths you have?" questions a little better. For some reason, that one caught me off guard and I stumbled a little. My friend Becky told me that I could have added answers to the questions they asked me in the thank you note I gave them. I have never thought of this before; it's a good idea and I will keep it in mind for the next thank you note I write.
Although I feel the interview went well, I am still very worried. I am worried because today is my last day at Harris Seeds. I knew it was a seasonal job and I was preparing for afterwards but it still sucks when your boss tells you she's letting you go for the season. I don't blame her, I can't really. I can tell she does not enjoy this time of year, but she is very pleasant in executing the duty. But I am very anxious and I can feel the anxiety growing in me. I haven't heard back from the ARC yet (yes, I know, the interview was only three days ago...) and I am doubting my ability to get the job, or any job for that matter. I know I should remain resilient and stay positive, but I'm fucking scared.
What will happen if I don't get this job? I have applied to at least 100 jobs in the past month and a half and have only gotten a few phone calls back from them. Granted I haven't had an opportunity to call and check up on them, however, a lot of them did not have call back information. That aside I am beginning to doubt my ability to get a job. I am beginning to think, "Why do I suck at life so much" (in my more extreme anxieties of not knowing what to do), "Why can't I get even a part-time job somewhere, anywhere?", "Is it too hard to ask for a part-time/full-time job; for work?", "I just don't get what I am doing wrong...". I so want to work, I so want a job... why is it so difficult for me to find one?
Perhaps things will work out in the end. I am still all set to start school at the end of the month. I would prefer not to go back, but if it's what I need to do then I will. I have to admit, and I am not one to really put too much faith into these things but, I went and saw a psychic (for shits and giggles) about a year and a half ago and she told me, when I had mention the thought of going back to school, that I should; that it would be to my benefit. Is that why I am not finding any work? Does Karma want me to go back to school? I just don't know.
More than anything I am afraid of what my mom is going to say about all this. My spiteful, judgmental mother. I can just hear her know telling me how much of a loser I am as to why I haven't found another job yet and it's all my fault because I am irresponsible and I need to try ten times harder and then twenty times more harder on top of that. Hear her doing research on how to get rid of my car and write off the lease to someone else and give me a list of junkers to buy because I was stupid and retarded in getting my car in the first place (even though it was one of the best options I had at the time...). Tell me I spend too much money on myself even though I have not bought one new piece of clothing for myself in over a year (and all my clothes are falling apart and I desperately need new clothes). I know this sounds depressing but it's the truth as to what she is going to do when she finds out that I have been let go at Harris Seeds and haven't found anything else yet... And I think that is a major source of my anxiety at the moment. I just wish I had parents that were a little more supportive of my struggles and were more understanding. If I could, I would go out and work 10 million jobs right now, but that's not realistic. *sigh*
On a more positive note, I am picking up some perdiem hours at Westwood Commons (the old folks' home). And I have an interview for Cottage Grove (another old folks' home) this coming Monday. It's for perdiem, but I guess I am happy that they are giving me the opportunity to interview. I am also going to be doing more artwork and working outside in my garden and in the barn with the horses. I would love to give riding lessons to people, but without insurance for it, it's not possible.
Here's hoping things will get better.