Death to whoever first thought "sparkling" was a reasonable noun.
Sometimes you want to write something that's well thought out, in character, and contains a coherant and entertaining plot. And sometimes you just want to take the piss out of someone else's fanfic by having three Unicronians mock it mercilessly with bad attempts at witty banter. Actual writing will return as soon as my beta is done with it, here is some MST.
Cyclonus should have been aware the second Shockwave invited him for energon in his personal quarters that something was amiss.
Scourge: I call rape scene.
Galvatron: Again? *snarls as Cyclonus sighs resignedly*
Scourge: Sorry, Cyc. I think it’s the horns.
Shockwave had been elusive these past few orns, and Cyclonus had wanted to find out exactly what he was up to The invitation had seemed inconspicuous enough, and Cyclonus had taken the oppotunity to find what the mech was hiding.
Cyclonus: The last I checked he was up to being dead.
Scourge: Then it would be very suspicious if he invited you over for drinks, wouldn’t it?
Cyclonus: *conceding nod* Point.
So like a fool, he had drunk the energon given to him, while he and Shockwave played cat and mouse with information, Soundwave making him work to get even the slightest hint.
Galvatron: At least you had the sense to bring Soundwave along for backup, even if he is being an unhelpful glitch.
Scourge: No such luck, it’s a typo. You’d think it would be easy to tell the purple uptight mouthless freak whose name ends in ‘wave’ from the blue uptight mouthless freak whose name ends in ‘wave’.
Infurated to his limit and not wishing to kill or otherwise maim one of the high command and be branded forever like Galvatron in unprincipled rage,
Galvatron: I would have you know that my rage is very principled! *pats his cannon smugly* They just happen to be my own principles.
Scourge: Would he even be in the high command if he wasn’t under about five stories worth of rubble? It isn’t as if we need anyone keeping an eye on Cybertron for us anymore, we have the whole Autobot army doing it for us.
Cyclonus: Either way I would doubt anyone would care if I mangled him. He isn’t tremendously popular.
Cyclonus had stood and begun to leave when the drugs in the energon finally took effect. He had collapsed to the floor, servos and circits unresponsive to his increasingly frantic CPU.
Scourge: And here we go.
Cyclonus: At least they acknowledge I could easily overpower him without being impaired.
A slow set of footfalls stopped by him, and Shockwave bent to pick him up. Cyclonus could not see where he was being carried, immobilised as he was, but he knew that this could not be good.
Scourge: You never know, he might be taking you to a surprise party or a nice soothing bath.
Cyclonus: Or we could be going by comics canon and he’s going to tie my mutilated body to the wall.
He cursed his ineffective body, his now over-active CPU, his stupidity in trusting in Shockwave, and most of all Shockwave himself. The fragger had deliberately set a plot for him, knowing that he would come.
Scourge: *feels obliged to make a pun about Cyclonus coming, but feels it would be inappropriate. And by inappropriate, he means liable to get him shot*
He just wish he knew why the blasted fragger wanted him immobalised. Terrible possiblites ran through his head, Galvatron being killed due to his absense only one of them.
Galvatron: Bah! As if I need a babysitter.
"I believe I owe you an explanation Cyclonus." The regal tone had Cyclonus' attention immediately. "Do not attempt to speak, you will be unable to.
Cyclonus: *thoughtful* Interesting. I may have to borrow the recipe.
Scourge: Don’t look at me like that.
Galvatron's reign will bring ruin to all decepticons with his madness. I should rule the decepticons, alone having the capability.
Galvatron: How dare he! *levels a heavy blast at the fic screen, which bulges and wobbles slightly before snapping back into place*
Cyclonus: *winces* My lord, it’s only a story, none would dare challenge your rightful leadership over the Decepticons.
Galvatron: They had better not, or they will face a worse fate than Shockwave’s! *settles down again with a scowl*
Scourge: *is cowering behind his chair, his huge wings the only things protruding out over the seat back*
However, I will need a second, strong enough to rule with me, yet subveriant to my will. Cyclonus, you should be honoured to be my chosen second, but as you are hopelessly attached to that Galvatron, it appears I must take precautions.
Cyclonus: …how DARE he! *barely manages not to throw himself at the screen*
Scourge: *from behind the seat* You know, I think I’ll just stay down here for the rest of the fic.
You will bear my sparkling, and thus you will have to bend to my rule." Cyclonus' processors stalled in horror.
Cyclonus: I second the horror, what?
Galvatron: Oh, not this nonsense again.
Scourge: *pokes nose up over the seat back* I think I’ve seen this technique on Jerry Springer. It didn’t work there either.
When two mech's interfaced, if they were connected, they could bear a sparkling.
Cyclonus: And if they were not connected, someone needs to go back and read the user manual.
Scourge: *finally climbs back into his chair* Look, we all know where this is going, spare us the lecture trying to justify it and just go to the porn.
The sparkbearer would be dependant on the sparkgiver for the duration of the sparkling's development, and would die without the support. Spark energy would have to be passed ornly, or the sparkbearers spark would be drained for the sparkling. Once a sparkling was concieved, there were no known ways of seperating it from the sparkbearer until it was ready to be placed in the protoform.
Scourge: I see this writer’s gotten their technoanatomy degree from the University of Out-Of-My-Exhaust-Pipe.
Cyclonus: What a very convenient set-up. Completely irrational, but ideally engineered to make me dependent on an idiot.
Galvatron: So remove his limbs, tie him to a wall, and use him at your pleasure. I see no reason why Shockwave’s health interferes with Cyclonus’.
If Shockwave planned to use Cyclonus as a host for his parasite, there was nothing Cyclonus could do to stop it.
Galvatron: *derisive snort* At least they’re calling it what it is this time.
Scourge: Am I the only one finding it weird that we’re complimenting the mpreg on being better than the other mpreg? I’ve been at this too long.
Shockwave placed Cyclonus on the berth and looked down at him, Cyclonus inwardly shuddering over the intense stare of that single optic. Shockwave changed hand, which had previously been a gun, reached out and caught Cyclonus' chin in a painful grasp, turning his head this way and that.
Galvatron: Not the other, though.
Cyclonus: He has an extra hand hidden somewhere? I wonder what other appendages he has.
Scourge: Gun for business, hand for company, and you don’t want to know what he has for pleasure.
When he spoke again, his voice had deepened and darkened into lust, revolting Cyclonus who was used to the more familiar touches of his triad.
Cyclonus: I’m revolted and I’m just reading this.
Scourge: Wait…triad? *optics widen a bit as he goes back and rereads that bit as a grin begins to spread across his face* YES! I get credit! Ha!
Cyclonus: *disturbed* I’m being forcibly impregnated and you’re happy?
Scourge: Ecstatic. ^_^ I’m finally getting the pairing respect I deserve.
Galvatron: In a bad mpreg slashfic. I’m so proud of you, Scourge.
"Oh my beautiful second, I am going to enjoy this."
Galvatron: How dare he steal my lines!
Scourge: And mangle them so badly, too.
Shockwave started fondling the long sensors on Cyclonus's head,
Scourge: Seems someone’s done his research.
Cyclonus: Probably from your recordings.
while the fingers on his other hand ventured lower till they were brushing hatches just above the codpiece. Cyclonus' processor started working double time as he realised that yes, Shockwave was serious about the whole Sparkling thing.
Scourge: Shockwave as a closet Twilight fan. Who knew?
Cyclonus: *head falls back against the seat* Primus below, it’s one of those.
Scourge: I always get the feeling that the fangirls don’t actually know what a codpiece looks like. Now Megatron, he had a codpiece.
Galvatron: That wasn’t a codpiece, that was a trigger.
Cyclonus paused in his thoughts, then offlined his optics and cleared his CPU. This allowed him to formulate a stratagy without panicking.
Scourge: You’re being remarkably calm for a would-be rape victim.
Cyclonus: It’s a welcome change. At least I seem to be in character, it’s the world that’s gone mad.
Galvatron: Or just Shockwave.
Shockwave had become foolish, thinking that a threat to his life would turn him from Galvatron. Afterall, sparks weren't picky about who they took energy from, maybe Galvatron and Scourge would allow him to take spark energy from them, therefore turning Shockwave's sparkling into theirs.
Scourge: I have enough problems with the Sweeps, thanks.
Galvatron: That means you’ve got more experience with parenthood than we do, no? *smirk*
Cyclonus: *frowns* Couldn’t we just apply a captive Autobot twice a day until the parasite detached?
As long as there were two sources, neither source would be affected, and neither would the reciptiant, Cyclonus. However, he could not think of a single thing to do that would help him.
Galvatron: Comm for help? No, that might actually do something.
Scourge: If anyone can give the…whatever’s being given, there’s no reason Shockwave would be needed even if he did knock up Cyclonus. I don’t think someone thought his clever plan all the way through.
Cyclonus realised the drugs were beginning to wear off slightly, and he could move slightly. While not in time to save him from Shockwave's intentions, he could use his strength afterwards and get away. He refused to be a slave to the other's whim, even if it meant his life.
Galvatron: As it should be!
Cyclonus: *sits up a bit straighter and smiles quietly*
Scourge: It shouldn’t be that hard anyway, given that this fic can’t even decide if Shockwave’s idiocy would work or not.
Shockwave began fiddling with his chassis, trying to get his chest plates to open. Cyclonus however, used as much CPU power as he could to keep them shut. He wasn't about to let Shockwave do Primus-knows-what to his insides as well as infecting himself with his spawn.
Scourge: This sounds disturbing similar to a description of a teenage human fumbling desperately to get his prom date’s bra open and it’s making this far more hilarious than it already it is.
Cyclonus: I thought Shockwave was the large-chested one, not me.
Finally, shockwave seemed to get angry that Cyclonus wouldn't open up to him, and subspaced a long energy knife, which he then used to cut open Cyclonus. It slid through the Unicron made armour like a fusion cannon blast through a cassette.
Cyclonus: *winces*
Galvatron: While the cassettes have never done anything bad enough to warrant the full heat of my wrath, a fusion cannon blast would cause them to explode into a thousand shrieking fragments. It certainly doesn’t “slide”.
Scourge: Unless you take it to a water park.
"Be grateful that I'm using this on you, I had planned to use it on your lord," stated Shockwave. Cyclonus nearly lost his composure and would have used what little strength he had to try and injure Shockwave at that point.
Cyclonus: *and he’s not the only Cyclonus trying not to lose his composure here. Cyclonus’ hands are close to breaking the edge of the armrest off*
Scourge: You would think Shockwave would at least tie him up or something. Even if he’s lost all concern for his own safety, the drug’ll wear off eventually.
No one threatened Galvatron in his presence, ever since Swindle and Motormaster had nearly lost their lives after the whole Torkulon incident was over.
Scourge: Question: Is it physically possible for someone to write Galvatron and Cyclonus together without mentioning Torkulon at any point? It wasn’t exactly a romantic setting and we have done other interesting things together.
Galvatron: Lost their lives over what? How could they have been involved? Why would threatening me involve the Torkulon debacle? Why would such a paltry threat on my life cause anything but their deaths?
Cyclonus: *hurriedly* Badfic, my lord, you can’t expect it to have any sense or truth in it.
Scourge: *aside* Nice save.
Shockwave was now intent on his exposed systems, and then reached out and stroked his spark chamber. Cyclonus screamed in his mind as the casing to his very soul was violated. Shockwave raised his head so his optic seemed to be looking directly into Cyclonus' optics.
Scourge: But what he was really doing was looking directly into Cyclonus’ optics. He’s clever that way.
"Query, did you know that the sparkling will develop within your own sparkchamber? This means you will have to get accostomed to myself opening it to give you spark energy.
Scourge: Now we know why he’s crazy, he’s gotten himself confused with HK-47.
Cyclonus: I’m not sure why he’s telling me all this. It’s like a human explaining to another human that their masticated fuel will enter their stomach after they swallow.
Stop hesitating and open yourself to me so that we may begin the process. I will have you Cyclonus, so stop provaricating." Cyclonus would have laughed at Shockwave for the insane thought that he would open his spark chamber for any but his triad.
Scourge: Triad! Hee. *gleeful expression*
Cyclonus: Stop looking like a fangirl. You are far too easily amused.
Galvatron: Give him one of those paddles with the ball and string and he’ll be occupied for the rest of the fic.
Cyclonus inwardly tensed as Shockwave left the berth, and collected what looked like more energon. He then returned, and poured it forcefully down Cyclonus' throat. In his current drugged state, Cyclonus was helpless to stop him, but vowed that Shockwave would pay for whatever he was up to.
Cyclonus: …he’s explained it at least three times. I think we all know what he’s up to by now.
Scourge: Shockwave has some really, really good rohypnol.
The moment the fuel hit his tanks, Cyclonus realised that Shockwave had just poured an aphrodisiac down his throat and he was heating up fast. He wanted to pull Shockwave's CPU out before going to his Triad. He didn't want Shockwave touching him at all, but it looked like his wishes were to ignored.
Scourge: In this fic, the part of Cyclonus will be played by Captain Obvious.
Shockwave restraddled him and opened his and Cyclonus' codpieces. With the aphrodisiac in Cyclonus' systems, Shockwave didn't have to bother preparing him and Shockwave was planning on taking full advantage of this. His single optic glowed in the screen that served as his face, as he swiftly penetrated Cyclonus.
Galvatron: It would be helpful, albeit horribly distasteful, if they actually explained what this ‘aphrodisiac’ did besides raise his temperature a bit. As it stands, it’s pointless.
Cyclonus: Much like every other bit of exposition in this damned fic.
Cyclonus sneered in his mind. Dispite Shockwave's roughness, he was pitifully inadaquate, and Cyclonus could tell that he was inexperianced as well.
Cyclonus: *smirks* Well, I suppose this makes a welcome change from trembling in fear.
Scourge: After Galvatron, I’m pretty sure Shockwave’d look like Bumblebee in the roughness department.
Cyclonus had a feeling that Scourge would win his bet that Shockwave slept with his clones.
Scourge: …wait, his clones or mine? *bit worried now*
Cyclonus: I think if your Sweeps were necrophiliacs, we’d know about it by now.
Dispite his poor technique, Cyclonus knew that when Shockwave reached overload, Shockwave's systems would briefly align with his, and send information to his sparkchamber to make a sparkling.
If Shockwave could get his Spark-chamber open after that, then he would bond with the sparkling and no other would be able to give their energy.
Cyclonus: What sort of idiot designs a reproductive system this way? If the other party dies or is separated from the host during the process, there’d be no way of replacing the energy source with something else.
Scourge: If you go by the right legends, Primus created our sparks. So if anyone’s to blame here it’s him.
Galvatron: Of course. If Primus did it, it can’t possibly be reasonable.
Scourge glared at yet another empty room. Galvatron was screaming for Cyclonus, and yet the second in command was no where to be found. Resigning himself to continue the search, Scourge turned and almost ran into one of his sweeps.
Scourge: Hooray, I have screen time! ^_^
Galvatron: Use that face again and I may divert some of my wrath from this fic to you.
Scourge: ;_;
Galvatron: And that one as well.
Cyclonus: Still forgetting the commlinks. And the base intercom.
"Scourge, the constructicons overheard Shockwave asking Cyclonus to come to his quarters to discuss the recent energon shortfalls. Cyclonus agreed, and now Shockwave's door is locked. No one has the authority to open it so far."
Cyclonus: A Sweep being useful? Now that’s out of character.
Scourge: *deadpan* Ha ha.
Galvatron: We’re the high command! We have authority to open everyone’s doors. And everything else, for that matter.
Scourge frowned. Cyclonus had been meaning to chat to Shockwave about his odd behaviour for a while know, and he knew that Cyclonus would have jumped at the chance to corner the one-opticed mech.
Galvatron: Why corner him when we can just hang him from the ceiling and ask him questions at whip-point? That’s far more entertaining! ^_^
Scourge: Why does he get to do it and I don’t?
Cyclonus: Because he’s Galvatron.
Scourge: …fair point.
But for the door to be locked and Cyclonus still to be in there was worrisome. Exiting with his Sweeps, he came to Shockwave's door and added in the security code.
Cyclonus: It was just one Sweep a moment ago…
Scourge: *horrified gasp* Sweet Cybertonium, they’ve started reproducing on their own! We’re doomed!
Access denied. Scourge narrowed his optics at the door, before retrying with the same results. Shockwave's door was to thick for his weaponry to affect it, time to call in the really big gun.
Scourge: Because in this army, we only need one. *grins as he looks at Galvatron*
Cyclonus: *disgruntled* Stop agreeing with the fic!
Cyclonus wanted nothing more at this moment than to seriously damage Shockwave as the purple mech shoved into him again. He would only be doing the universe a favour, and he was more than sure that the pit would enjoy having an occupant as odious as Shockwave.
Galvatron: Apparently not, they spat him back out again.
His CPU ran through another stratagy to get out of this and came up with a poor success rate.
Galvatron: He might have more success if he tried a strategy instead.
Scourge: The alternative is more rape, I don’t see why a low success rate means he shouldn’t give it a go anyway.
At this moment, his hope rested on having enough strength to severly damage Shockwave when he was at his least guarded.
Galvatron: Yes, severing him would damage him quite satisfyingly.
He would wait till Shockwave was preparing to transfer spark energy, and then hit him as hard as he could in the screen he called a face. If it shattered, Cyclonus should have enough time to escape, and then bring his triad's wrath down on Shockwave's head.
Cyclonus: I can bring wrath down perfectly well by myself, thank you.
Scourge: If his face shattered, I don’t think Shockwave’s going to have much head anyway.
It was painfully obvious that Shockwave was inexperianced, as he was rapidly approaching overload while Cyclonus was hardly stimulated. Shockwave bent his head, grunting as he slammed into Cyclonus so hard that Cyclonus could actually feel it. Shockwave's hands groped at his hips, pulling them closer. Cyclonus just was embarressed by Shockwave at this point, and hoped he would finish soon so that this humiliating experiance could be over.
Scourge: Yes, we know, Shockwave has a small tool and was most likely driven insane by being a six million year old virgin. Enough already.
Cyclonus: They make it sound like I’m more humiliated by how bad he is at raping me than the rape itself. I’m not sure whether to be pleased with this.
"Mine... you will be all mine... soon..." grated out the clearly insane mech on top of Cyclonus. As if he'd ever leave Galvatron for such an fool. "You'll be my second, my sparkbearer, mine!"
Cyclonus: I’d find this a bit easier to stomach if he was the only one who thought you could create parasites through spark-merging. Shockwave going completely mad would at least be within the realms of realism.
Cyclonus was starting to feel violated by the sheer possessiveness in Shockwave's voice.
Scourge: I’m…pretty sure he felt violated before that, too.
Shockwave suddenly pulled him tightly up against him and overloaded. Their systems locked, and fell into sync. Cyclonus' spark tore, and he was nearly overcome by pain as his spark detached a fragment. This fragment would grow under the energy of the spark-giver.
Scourge: Ow. That should not even be physically possible, unless you’re Rampage or something.
Cyclonus: Sparks do not work that way. New Transformers do not work that way. Nothing works that way.
Cyclonus began to gather all the strength he currently had, as Shockwave began opening his own chest plates. Just as Shockwave leant down to open his sparkchamber, Cyclonus pulled his fist back and smashed it as hard as he could into the head of Shockwave.
Scourge: Yes, but which head? Either way he’ll be in a lot of pain, but one will stop the rape problem very quickly.
Instantly the glass cracked, forming a spiderwebs pattern. Cyclonus rolled off the bed, dragging himself to his feet.
Cyclonus: Finally, something reasonable is happening.
Galvatron: After six pages of forgetting you have a comlink, it’s little comfort.
Scourge: Sudden Tarantulas cameo, didn’t see that coming.
He made it halfway to the floor when he tackled onto the floor. Rough hands flipped him over, and Shockwave's damaged face appeared in his view.
Scourge: It’s already been established that Shockwave couldn’t rough his way out of a paper bag. This is nothing.
Galvatron: Why would you try to make it to the floor while you’re standing up, this makes no sense at all!
"Suggestion," snarled the furious mech, "do not do that again." To accentuate his final words, Shockwave's fist came down violently on his unprotected spark chamber. Cyclonus cried out in pain, even as Shockwave tried to forcibly open his spark chamber.
Cyclonus: Excellent idea, beat on the exposed spark of the person who’s about to be carrying your parasite and has several people poised to torture you horribly in the event of his death. I see no way in which this could go badly.
It was at this point the door exploded, taking most of the wall around it with it.
Scourge: As metaphors for orgasms go, that’s a pretty freaky one. Not the worst I’ve seen, mind you.
Cyclonus tilted his head back, and saw his lord Galvatron standing in the remains of the doorway, cannon smoking, with Scourge standing on his left hand side.
Scourge: Just a little one?
Galvatron: No.
Scourge: But I’m heroically coming to the rescue!
Galvatron: *cannon begins to heat up as Galvatron turns and glares at him*
Scourge: *sinks back down in his chair and sulks*
Neither looked pleased, their expressions turning fast to fury when they saw the positions of Shockwave and Cyclonus.
Scourge: You’ve got the straps all wrong! What is it with gunformers and not reading the instruction manual?
Galvatron: The official Decepticon position is nationalized health care for all troops. Stop voting Republican this instant!
It had been several days since Cyclonus had been rescued from Shockwave's hands.
Cyclonus: *optic flicker* Well, that was…fast.
Scourge: I was going to go with ‘lazy’. I think the author just gave up and tried to end it as fast as possible.
Galvatron: Finally, it shows some intelligence!
The sparkling had been destroyed by being ripped out of his sparkcasing by Galvatron.
Scourge: Wait, I thought they couldn’t do that.
Cyclonus: You’re complaining?
Scourge: Didn’t say that.
Noone had dared think such blasphamy as killing a sparkling before it even recieved it's first spark energy before, and Cyclonus was recovering exceptionally well.
Cyclonus: One of these sentence fragments is not like the others.
Galvatron: We are Decepticons. Killing defenseless creatures is one of our most popular hobbies. I highly doubt we’re the first.
Scourge: So is the author pro or anti abortion? I’m getting mixed messages here.
Beings made by Unicron had little to no reason to hold life within themselves, and thus the sparkling would have died anyway, taking Cyclonus with it.
Scourge: Unicron’s the one who can’t stop popping out Mini-Cons and Heralds every time he switches continuities, if anyone would have a breeding fetish it would be him.
Shockwave had been terminated within a breem of Galvatron entering the room.
Galvatron: Bah! For that treachery, far too quickly!
Scourge: I still like the ‘hang Shockwave on the wall’ option.
Scrouge had run to Cyclonus' side, only to find that Cyclonus was carrying.
Scourge: I told him to get a shopping trolley, but he always wants to do it himself.
Cyclonus: Look, Scrouge is back. I’d almost missed that twisted doppelganger.
Galvatron had not been pleased and ordered Cyclonus to open his chamber,
Cyclonus: It was already open. Sliced down the center, as I recall.
Scourge: Your chest is getting a serious workout here.
on which Scourge had bonded with Cyclonus' spark to give it energy while Galvatron ripped away the parasite clinging to Cyclonus.
Galvatron: What, no gloating about selflessly saving Cyclonus’ spark from extinction?
Scourge: *scratches scope* I’d gloat, but I’m not completely sure what I actually did.
Cyclonus had been mended by the constructions, and was now on his way to full health.
Cyclonus: …hooray? *confused*
Galvatron: What, is that it? Did the writer die mid-paragraph or did they just get lazy and walk away from the computer?
Cyclonus: Anti-climactic in every sense of the term.
Scourge: Blech. I hate this human obsession with making us breed. We’ve got a perfectly good way of creating new Transformers without resorting to disgusting organic techniques, why would we want to go through that much pain and body distortion when the Constructicons are one floor down?
*the theater door creaks open and several Sweeps poke their heads inside*
Sweep: Hey, Dad? The Stunticons are hogging the big-screen again and we want to watch Top Gun. Come kick them off for us.
Scourge: *waves dismissively* In a second. Not to mention the fact that our martial society and distinct dislike for weakness mean that we’re entirely unsuited to parenting. Giving years of training to helpless beings on the off chance they’ll actually turn into decent warriors is utterly pointless.
Sweep: Yeah, speaking of that. Do we really have to do flight drills tomorrow? Nobody else has to do them and they’re boring.
Scourge: *glares at the huddled clones* You’ll do them or I’m cutting your energon rations for a week, deal with it. *turns back* The entire process has no basis in reality, even after you stop calling them something ridiculous like “sparklings”. Where do humans get these stupid ideas?
Cyclonus: …
Galvatron: …
Scourge: …what?
Cyclonus should have been aware the second Shockwave invited him for energon in his personal quarters that something was amiss.
Scourge: I call rape scene.
Galvatron: Again? *snarls as Cyclonus sighs resignedly*
Scourge: Sorry, Cyc. I think it’s the horns.
Shockwave had been elusive these past few orns, and Cyclonus had wanted to find out exactly what he was up to The invitation had seemed inconspicuous enough, and Cyclonus had taken the oppotunity to find what the mech was hiding.
Cyclonus: The last I checked he was up to being dead.
Scourge: Then it would be very suspicious if he invited you over for drinks, wouldn’t it?
Cyclonus: *conceding nod* Point.
So like a fool, he had drunk the energon given to him, while he and Shockwave played cat and mouse with information, Soundwave making him work to get even the slightest hint.
Galvatron: At least you had the sense to bring Soundwave along for backup, even if he is being an unhelpful glitch.
Scourge: No such luck, it’s a typo. You’d think it would be easy to tell the purple uptight mouthless freak whose name ends in ‘wave’ from the blue uptight mouthless freak whose name ends in ‘wave’.
Infurated to his limit and not wishing to kill or otherwise maim one of the high command and be branded forever like Galvatron in unprincipled rage,
Galvatron: I would have you know that my rage is very principled! *pats his cannon smugly* They just happen to be my own principles.
Scourge: Would he even be in the high command if he wasn’t under about five stories worth of rubble? It isn’t as if we need anyone keeping an eye on Cybertron for us anymore, we have the whole Autobot army doing it for us.
Cyclonus: Either way I would doubt anyone would care if I mangled him. He isn’t tremendously popular.
Cyclonus had stood and begun to leave when the drugs in the energon finally took effect. He had collapsed to the floor, servos and circits unresponsive to his increasingly frantic CPU.
Scourge: And here we go.
Cyclonus: At least they acknowledge I could easily overpower him without being impaired.
A slow set of footfalls stopped by him, and Shockwave bent to pick him up. Cyclonus could not see where he was being carried, immobilised as he was, but he knew that this could not be good.
Scourge: You never know, he might be taking you to a surprise party or a nice soothing bath.
Cyclonus: Or we could be going by comics canon and he’s going to tie my mutilated body to the wall.
He cursed his ineffective body, his now over-active CPU, his stupidity in trusting in Shockwave, and most of all Shockwave himself. The fragger had deliberately set a plot for him, knowing that he would come.
Scourge: *feels obliged to make a pun about Cyclonus coming, but feels it would be inappropriate. And by inappropriate, he means liable to get him shot*
He just wish he knew why the blasted fragger wanted him immobalised. Terrible possiblites ran through his head, Galvatron being killed due to his absense only one of them.
Galvatron: Bah! As if I need a babysitter.
"I believe I owe you an explanation Cyclonus." The regal tone had Cyclonus' attention immediately. "Do not attempt to speak, you will be unable to.
Cyclonus: *thoughtful* Interesting. I may have to borrow the recipe.
Scourge: Don’t look at me like that.
Galvatron's reign will bring ruin to all decepticons with his madness. I should rule the decepticons, alone having the capability.
Galvatron: How dare he! *levels a heavy blast at the fic screen, which bulges and wobbles slightly before snapping back into place*
Cyclonus: *winces* My lord, it’s only a story, none would dare challenge your rightful leadership over the Decepticons.
Galvatron: They had better not, or they will face a worse fate than Shockwave’s! *settles down again with a scowl*
Scourge: *is cowering behind his chair, his huge wings the only things protruding out over the seat back*
However, I will need a second, strong enough to rule with me, yet subveriant to my will. Cyclonus, you should be honoured to be my chosen second, but as you are hopelessly attached to that Galvatron, it appears I must take precautions.
Cyclonus: …how DARE he! *barely manages not to throw himself at the screen*
Scourge: *from behind the seat* You know, I think I’ll just stay down here for the rest of the fic.
You will bear my sparkling, and thus you will have to bend to my rule." Cyclonus' processors stalled in horror.
Cyclonus: I second the horror, what?
Galvatron: Oh, not this nonsense again.
Scourge: *pokes nose up over the seat back* I think I’ve seen this technique on Jerry Springer. It didn’t work there either.
When two mech's interfaced, if they were connected, they could bear a sparkling.
Cyclonus: And if they were not connected, someone needs to go back and read the user manual.
Scourge: *finally climbs back into his chair* Look, we all know where this is going, spare us the lecture trying to justify it and just go to the porn.
The sparkbearer would be dependant on the sparkgiver for the duration of the sparkling's development, and would die without the support. Spark energy would have to be passed ornly, or the sparkbearers spark would be drained for the sparkling. Once a sparkling was concieved, there were no known ways of seperating it from the sparkbearer until it was ready to be placed in the protoform.
Scourge: I see this writer’s gotten their technoanatomy degree from the University of Out-Of-My-Exhaust-Pipe.
Cyclonus: What a very convenient set-up. Completely irrational, but ideally engineered to make me dependent on an idiot.
Galvatron: So remove his limbs, tie him to a wall, and use him at your pleasure. I see no reason why Shockwave’s health interferes with Cyclonus’.
If Shockwave planned to use Cyclonus as a host for his parasite, there was nothing Cyclonus could do to stop it.
Galvatron: *derisive snort* At least they’re calling it what it is this time.
Scourge: Am I the only one finding it weird that we’re complimenting the mpreg on being better than the other mpreg? I’ve been at this too long.
Shockwave placed Cyclonus on the berth and looked down at him, Cyclonus inwardly shuddering over the intense stare of that single optic. Shockwave changed hand, which had previously been a gun, reached out and caught Cyclonus' chin in a painful grasp, turning his head this way and that.
Galvatron: Not the other, though.
Cyclonus: He has an extra hand hidden somewhere? I wonder what other appendages he has.
Scourge: Gun for business, hand for company, and you don’t want to know what he has for pleasure.
When he spoke again, his voice had deepened and darkened into lust, revolting Cyclonus who was used to the more familiar touches of his triad.
Cyclonus: I’m revolted and I’m just reading this.
Scourge: Wait…triad? *optics widen a bit as he goes back and rereads that bit as a grin begins to spread across his face* YES! I get credit! Ha!
Cyclonus: *disturbed* I’m being forcibly impregnated and you’re happy?
Scourge: Ecstatic. ^_^ I’m finally getting the pairing respect I deserve.
Galvatron: In a bad mpreg slashfic. I’m so proud of you, Scourge.
"Oh my beautiful second, I am going to enjoy this."
Galvatron: How dare he steal my lines!
Scourge: And mangle them so badly, too.
Shockwave started fondling the long sensors on Cyclonus's head,
Scourge: Seems someone’s done his research.
Cyclonus: Probably from your recordings.
while the fingers on his other hand ventured lower till they were brushing hatches just above the codpiece. Cyclonus' processor started working double time as he realised that yes, Shockwave was serious about the whole Sparkling thing.
Scourge: Shockwave as a closet Twilight fan. Who knew?
Cyclonus: *head falls back against the seat* Primus below, it’s one of those.
Scourge: I always get the feeling that the fangirls don’t actually know what a codpiece looks like. Now Megatron, he had a codpiece.
Galvatron: That wasn’t a codpiece, that was a trigger.
Cyclonus paused in his thoughts, then offlined his optics and cleared his CPU. This allowed him to formulate a stratagy without panicking.
Scourge: You’re being remarkably calm for a would-be rape victim.
Cyclonus: It’s a welcome change. At least I seem to be in character, it’s the world that’s gone mad.
Galvatron: Or just Shockwave.
Shockwave had become foolish, thinking that a threat to his life would turn him from Galvatron. Afterall, sparks weren't picky about who they took energy from, maybe Galvatron and Scourge would allow him to take spark energy from them, therefore turning Shockwave's sparkling into theirs.
Scourge: I have enough problems with the Sweeps, thanks.
Galvatron: That means you’ve got more experience with parenthood than we do, no? *smirk*
Cyclonus: *frowns* Couldn’t we just apply a captive Autobot twice a day until the parasite detached?
As long as there were two sources, neither source would be affected, and neither would the reciptiant, Cyclonus. However, he could not think of a single thing to do that would help him.
Galvatron: Comm for help? No, that might actually do something.
Scourge: If anyone can give the…whatever’s being given, there’s no reason Shockwave would be needed even if he did knock up Cyclonus. I don’t think someone thought his clever plan all the way through.
Cyclonus realised the drugs were beginning to wear off slightly, and he could move slightly. While not in time to save him from Shockwave's intentions, he could use his strength afterwards and get away. He refused to be a slave to the other's whim, even if it meant his life.
Galvatron: As it should be!
Cyclonus: *sits up a bit straighter and smiles quietly*
Scourge: It shouldn’t be that hard anyway, given that this fic can’t even decide if Shockwave’s idiocy would work or not.
Shockwave began fiddling with his chassis, trying to get his chest plates to open. Cyclonus however, used as much CPU power as he could to keep them shut. He wasn't about to let Shockwave do Primus-knows-what to his insides as well as infecting himself with his spawn.
Scourge: This sounds disturbing similar to a description of a teenage human fumbling desperately to get his prom date’s bra open and it’s making this far more hilarious than it already it is.
Cyclonus: I thought Shockwave was the large-chested one, not me.
Finally, shockwave seemed to get angry that Cyclonus wouldn't open up to him, and subspaced a long energy knife, which he then used to cut open Cyclonus. It slid through the Unicron made armour like a fusion cannon blast through a cassette.
Cyclonus: *winces*
Galvatron: While the cassettes have never done anything bad enough to warrant the full heat of my wrath, a fusion cannon blast would cause them to explode into a thousand shrieking fragments. It certainly doesn’t “slide”.
Scourge: Unless you take it to a water park.
"Be grateful that I'm using this on you, I had planned to use it on your lord," stated Shockwave. Cyclonus nearly lost his composure and would have used what little strength he had to try and injure Shockwave at that point.
Cyclonus: *and he’s not the only Cyclonus trying not to lose his composure here. Cyclonus’ hands are close to breaking the edge of the armrest off*
Scourge: You would think Shockwave would at least tie him up or something. Even if he’s lost all concern for his own safety, the drug’ll wear off eventually.
No one threatened Galvatron in his presence, ever since Swindle and Motormaster had nearly lost their lives after the whole Torkulon incident was over.
Scourge: Question: Is it physically possible for someone to write Galvatron and Cyclonus together without mentioning Torkulon at any point? It wasn’t exactly a romantic setting and we have done other interesting things together.
Galvatron: Lost their lives over what? How could they have been involved? Why would threatening me involve the Torkulon debacle? Why would such a paltry threat on my life cause anything but their deaths?
Cyclonus: *hurriedly* Badfic, my lord, you can’t expect it to have any sense or truth in it.
Scourge: *aside* Nice save.
Shockwave was now intent on his exposed systems, and then reached out and stroked his spark chamber. Cyclonus screamed in his mind as the casing to his very soul was violated. Shockwave raised his head so his optic seemed to be looking directly into Cyclonus' optics.
Scourge: But what he was really doing was looking directly into Cyclonus’ optics. He’s clever that way.
"Query, did you know that the sparkling will develop within your own sparkchamber? This means you will have to get accostomed to myself opening it to give you spark energy.
Scourge: Now we know why he’s crazy, he’s gotten himself confused with HK-47.
Cyclonus: I’m not sure why he’s telling me all this. It’s like a human explaining to another human that their masticated fuel will enter their stomach after they swallow.
Stop hesitating and open yourself to me so that we may begin the process. I will have you Cyclonus, so stop provaricating." Cyclonus would have laughed at Shockwave for the insane thought that he would open his spark chamber for any but his triad.
Scourge: Triad! Hee. *gleeful expression*
Cyclonus: Stop looking like a fangirl. You are far too easily amused.
Galvatron: Give him one of those paddles with the ball and string and he’ll be occupied for the rest of the fic.
Cyclonus inwardly tensed as Shockwave left the berth, and collected what looked like more energon. He then returned, and poured it forcefully down Cyclonus' throat. In his current drugged state, Cyclonus was helpless to stop him, but vowed that Shockwave would pay for whatever he was up to.
Cyclonus: …he’s explained it at least three times. I think we all know what he’s up to by now.
Scourge: Shockwave has some really, really good rohypnol.
The moment the fuel hit his tanks, Cyclonus realised that Shockwave had just poured an aphrodisiac down his throat and he was heating up fast. He wanted to pull Shockwave's CPU out before going to his Triad. He didn't want Shockwave touching him at all, but it looked like his wishes were to ignored.
Scourge: In this fic, the part of Cyclonus will be played by Captain Obvious.
Shockwave restraddled him and opened his and Cyclonus' codpieces. With the aphrodisiac in Cyclonus' systems, Shockwave didn't have to bother preparing him and Shockwave was planning on taking full advantage of this. His single optic glowed in the screen that served as his face, as he swiftly penetrated Cyclonus.
Galvatron: It would be helpful, albeit horribly distasteful, if they actually explained what this ‘aphrodisiac’ did besides raise his temperature a bit. As it stands, it’s pointless.
Cyclonus: Much like every other bit of exposition in this damned fic.
Cyclonus sneered in his mind. Dispite Shockwave's roughness, he was pitifully inadaquate, and Cyclonus could tell that he was inexperianced as well.
Cyclonus: *smirks* Well, I suppose this makes a welcome change from trembling in fear.
Scourge: After Galvatron, I’m pretty sure Shockwave’d look like Bumblebee in the roughness department.
Cyclonus had a feeling that Scourge would win his bet that Shockwave slept with his clones.
Scourge: …wait, his clones or mine? *bit worried now*
Cyclonus: I think if your Sweeps were necrophiliacs, we’d know about it by now.
Dispite his poor technique, Cyclonus knew that when Shockwave reached overload, Shockwave's systems would briefly align with his, and send information to his sparkchamber to make a sparkling.
If Shockwave could get his Spark-chamber open after that, then he would bond with the sparkling and no other would be able to give their energy.
Cyclonus: What sort of idiot designs a reproductive system this way? If the other party dies or is separated from the host during the process, there’d be no way of replacing the energy source with something else.
Scourge: If you go by the right legends, Primus created our sparks. So if anyone’s to blame here it’s him.
Galvatron: Of course. If Primus did it, it can’t possibly be reasonable.
Scourge glared at yet another empty room. Galvatron was screaming for Cyclonus, and yet the second in command was no where to be found. Resigning himself to continue the search, Scourge turned and almost ran into one of his sweeps.
Scourge: Hooray, I have screen time! ^_^
Galvatron: Use that face again and I may divert some of my wrath from this fic to you.
Scourge: ;_;
Galvatron: And that one as well.
Cyclonus: Still forgetting the commlinks. And the base intercom.
"Scourge, the constructicons overheard Shockwave asking Cyclonus to come to his quarters to discuss the recent energon shortfalls. Cyclonus agreed, and now Shockwave's door is locked. No one has the authority to open it so far."
Cyclonus: A Sweep being useful? Now that’s out of character.
Scourge: *deadpan* Ha ha.
Galvatron: We’re the high command! We have authority to open everyone’s doors. And everything else, for that matter.
Scourge frowned. Cyclonus had been meaning to chat to Shockwave about his odd behaviour for a while know, and he knew that Cyclonus would have jumped at the chance to corner the one-opticed mech.
Galvatron: Why corner him when we can just hang him from the ceiling and ask him questions at whip-point? That’s far more entertaining! ^_^
Scourge: Why does he get to do it and I don’t?
Cyclonus: Because he’s Galvatron.
Scourge: …fair point.
But for the door to be locked and Cyclonus still to be in there was worrisome. Exiting with his Sweeps, he came to Shockwave's door and added in the security code.
Cyclonus: It was just one Sweep a moment ago…
Scourge: *horrified gasp* Sweet Cybertonium, they’ve started reproducing on their own! We’re doomed!
Access denied. Scourge narrowed his optics at the door, before retrying with the same results. Shockwave's door was to thick for his weaponry to affect it, time to call in the really big gun.
Scourge: Because in this army, we only need one. *grins as he looks at Galvatron*
Cyclonus: *disgruntled* Stop agreeing with the fic!
Cyclonus wanted nothing more at this moment than to seriously damage Shockwave as the purple mech shoved into him again. He would only be doing the universe a favour, and he was more than sure that the pit would enjoy having an occupant as odious as Shockwave.
Galvatron: Apparently not, they spat him back out again.
His CPU ran through another stratagy to get out of this and came up with a poor success rate.
Galvatron: He might have more success if he tried a strategy instead.
Scourge: The alternative is more rape, I don’t see why a low success rate means he shouldn’t give it a go anyway.
At this moment, his hope rested on having enough strength to severly damage Shockwave when he was at his least guarded.
Galvatron: Yes, severing him would damage him quite satisfyingly.
He would wait till Shockwave was preparing to transfer spark energy, and then hit him as hard as he could in the screen he called a face. If it shattered, Cyclonus should have enough time to escape, and then bring his triad's wrath down on Shockwave's head.
Cyclonus: I can bring wrath down perfectly well by myself, thank you.
Scourge: If his face shattered, I don’t think Shockwave’s going to have much head anyway.
It was painfully obvious that Shockwave was inexperianced, as he was rapidly approaching overload while Cyclonus was hardly stimulated. Shockwave bent his head, grunting as he slammed into Cyclonus so hard that Cyclonus could actually feel it. Shockwave's hands groped at his hips, pulling them closer. Cyclonus just was embarressed by Shockwave at this point, and hoped he would finish soon so that this humiliating experiance could be over.
Scourge: Yes, we know, Shockwave has a small tool and was most likely driven insane by being a six million year old virgin. Enough already.
Cyclonus: They make it sound like I’m more humiliated by how bad he is at raping me than the rape itself. I’m not sure whether to be pleased with this.
"Mine... you will be all mine... soon..." grated out the clearly insane mech on top of Cyclonus. As if he'd ever leave Galvatron for such an fool. "You'll be my second, my sparkbearer, mine!"
Cyclonus: I’d find this a bit easier to stomach if he was the only one who thought you could create parasites through spark-merging. Shockwave going completely mad would at least be within the realms of realism.
Cyclonus was starting to feel violated by the sheer possessiveness in Shockwave's voice.
Scourge: I’m…pretty sure he felt violated before that, too.
Shockwave suddenly pulled him tightly up against him and overloaded. Their systems locked, and fell into sync. Cyclonus' spark tore, and he was nearly overcome by pain as his spark detached a fragment. This fragment would grow under the energy of the spark-giver.
Scourge: Ow. That should not even be physically possible, unless you’re Rampage or something.
Cyclonus: Sparks do not work that way. New Transformers do not work that way. Nothing works that way.
Cyclonus began to gather all the strength he currently had, as Shockwave began opening his own chest plates. Just as Shockwave leant down to open his sparkchamber, Cyclonus pulled his fist back and smashed it as hard as he could into the head of Shockwave.
Scourge: Yes, but which head? Either way he’ll be in a lot of pain, but one will stop the rape problem very quickly.
Instantly the glass cracked, forming a spiderwebs pattern. Cyclonus rolled off the bed, dragging himself to his feet.
Cyclonus: Finally, something reasonable is happening.
Galvatron: After six pages of forgetting you have a comlink, it’s little comfort.
Scourge: Sudden Tarantulas cameo, didn’t see that coming.
He made it halfway to the floor when he tackled onto the floor. Rough hands flipped him over, and Shockwave's damaged face appeared in his view.
Scourge: It’s already been established that Shockwave couldn’t rough his way out of a paper bag. This is nothing.
Galvatron: Why would you try to make it to the floor while you’re standing up, this makes no sense at all!
"Suggestion," snarled the furious mech, "do not do that again." To accentuate his final words, Shockwave's fist came down violently on his unprotected spark chamber. Cyclonus cried out in pain, even as Shockwave tried to forcibly open his spark chamber.
Cyclonus: Excellent idea, beat on the exposed spark of the person who’s about to be carrying your parasite and has several people poised to torture you horribly in the event of his death. I see no way in which this could go badly.
It was at this point the door exploded, taking most of the wall around it with it.
Scourge: As metaphors for orgasms go, that’s a pretty freaky one. Not the worst I’ve seen, mind you.
Cyclonus tilted his head back, and saw his lord Galvatron standing in the remains of the doorway, cannon smoking, with Scourge standing on his left hand side.
Scourge: Just a little one?
Galvatron: No.
Scourge: But I’m heroically coming to the rescue!
Galvatron: *cannon begins to heat up as Galvatron turns and glares at him*
Scourge: *sinks back down in his chair and sulks*
Neither looked pleased, their expressions turning fast to fury when they saw the positions of Shockwave and Cyclonus.
Scourge: You’ve got the straps all wrong! What is it with gunformers and not reading the instruction manual?
Galvatron: The official Decepticon position is nationalized health care for all troops. Stop voting Republican this instant!
It had been several days since Cyclonus had been rescued from Shockwave's hands.
Cyclonus: *optic flicker* Well, that was…fast.
Scourge: I was going to go with ‘lazy’. I think the author just gave up and tried to end it as fast as possible.
Galvatron: Finally, it shows some intelligence!
The sparkling had been destroyed by being ripped out of his sparkcasing by Galvatron.
Scourge: Wait, I thought they couldn’t do that.
Cyclonus: You’re complaining?
Scourge: Didn’t say that.
Noone had dared think such blasphamy as killing a sparkling before it even recieved it's first spark energy before, and Cyclonus was recovering exceptionally well.
Cyclonus: One of these sentence fragments is not like the others.
Galvatron: We are Decepticons. Killing defenseless creatures is one of our most popular hobbies. I highly doubt we’re the first.
Scourge: So is the author pro or anti abortion? I’m getting mixed messages here.
Beings made by Unicron had little to no reason to hold life within themselves, and thus the sparkling would have died anyway, taking Cyclonus with it.
Scourge: Unicron’s the one who can’t stop popping out Mini-Cons and Heralds every time he switches continuities, if anyone would have a breeding fetish it would be him.
Shockwave had been terminated within a breem of Galvatron entering the room.
Galvatron: Bah! For that treachery, far too quickly!
Scourge: I still like the ‘hang Shockwave on the wall’ option.
Scrouge had run to Cyclonus' side, only to find that Cyclonus was carrying.
Scourge: I told him to get a shopping trolley, but he always wants to do it himself.
Cyclonus: Look, Scrouge is back. I’d almost missed that twisted doppelganger.
Galvatron had not been pleased and ordered Cyclonus to open his chamber,
Cyclonus: It was already open. Sliced down the center, as I recall.
Scourge: Your chest is getting a serious workout here.
on which Scourge had bonded with Cyclonus' spark to give it energy while Galvatron ripped away the parasite clinging to Cyclonus.
Galvatron: What, no gloating about selflessly saving Cyclonus’ spark from extinction?
Scourge: *scratches scope* I’d gloat, but I’m not completely sure what I actually did.
Cyclonus had been mended by the constructions, and was now on his way to full health.
Cyclonus: …hooray? *confused*
Galvatron: What, is that it? Did the writer die mid-paragraph or did they just get lazy and walk away from the computer?
Cyclonus: Anti-climactic in every sense of the term.
Scourge: Blech. I hate this human obsession with making us breed. We’ve got a perfectly good way of creating new Transformers without resorting to disgusting organic techniques, why would we want to go through that much pain and body distortion when the Constructicons are one floor down?
*the theater door creaks open and several Sweeps poke their heads inside*
Sweep: Hey, Dad? The Stunticons are hogging the big-screen again and we want to watch Top Gun. Come kick them off for us.
Scourge: *waves dismissively* In a second. Not to mention the fact that our martial society and distinct dislike for weakness mean that we’re entirely unsuited to parenting. Giving years of training to helpless beings on the off chance they’ll actually turn into decent warriors is utterly pointless.
Sweep: Yeah, speaking of that. Do we really have to do flight drills tomorrow? Nobody else has to do them and they’re boring.
Scourge: *glares at the huddled clones* You’ll do them or I’m cutting your energon rations for a week, deal with it. *turns back* The entire process has no basis in reality, even after you stop calling them something ridiculous like “sparklings”. Where do humans get these stupid ideas?
Cyclonus: …
Galvatron: …
Scourge: …what?