(no subject)

[seezoeramble]

everything is still doing okay.

i didn't go to the hangart show. i may not go to the livingroom show.

here's what happens with me:
my world is fairly narrow. i hate to say it, but sometimes things are painfully black and white for me.
often i find one thing (be it a band or hobby or person or anything else) that i love and i want to spend all my time on it. i don't know. my little world is consumed by it.

dry river this summer did exactly that.
i love going to shows and i love the friends i made but it means that i didn't see anyone else enough. i didn't do anything else that i love and i missed a lot.
part of what's been driving me mad lately is this desire to do so many things at once

i am thinking things i never even considered before and all these ideas pop into my head and i just need to go act upon them right away. i have been painting weird things and talking to myself and am thinking so crazy.
but i'm really really happy.
my world just expanded in this ground-shattering way and i just don't know quite how to handle it yet.

i need a bigger world map.

anyway.
if i DO go to the show tomorrow, madeline may come.
she never is allowed to do anything but homework, yoga and reading, so i'm very excited to share this with her.

thom is coming down this weekend (not alone. just with other people i don't really know). he will be at emily's birthday dinner
we started talking again this week
he understands my existential crises
i want to give him a giant hug