is easiest always the bestest?
why are decisions to do things so intense, always? i feel like i can't just say "meh i'll take a year off." i gotta look at all the pros and cons, think about what my parents are going to think of my decision, think of where my friends will be, and think of how i can support myself
it seems like i used to not think these decisions were a big deal. looking back it seems like i was on autopilot for a large portion of my life. my parents knew what was up(or so i thought) so i would just take their advice and do what i was supposed to do. sports, homework, hanging out with "good kids," dressing like a nice little shit
at this point i like to think of myself as a different person in a lot of ways. but obviously there's no escaping your background. certain ways of looking at the world are undoubtly wired into my brain. ways of thinking have been reinforced by my parents and the other pressures in my life, and who knows if some of those routines will ever be changed. it's easy for me to do homework. sometimes i feel like homework can help me distract myself from thinking to much about everything. when i'm sad i definitely distract myself by doing homework. so it's really easy for me to just say, whatever i'll just go with what i got now, just finish college in one shot and see whats up next. but at the same time when i really think about college it seems like it's restricting me. i'm going to finish it for sure, cuz the opportunity is there for me. I can learn some cool stuff, regardless of the fact that what i'm getting out of college is probably not worth all the money that's going into it.
so although i think i have the option of going the easy route, i feel like maybe i should take a chance and do some other stuff for a year that might take a totally different kind of dedication/effort. doing school seems like the default to me, it's wired in, so it takes little dedication to do it.
but then there's the problem of what to do if i do take a year off. my mom would like me to do some shit like americorps or cityyear - some intense community service programs in the U.S. although i think a lot of those programs are great for what they are, i dunno if thats what i want to do. again i just don't want to just go with my mom's idea.
i'd love to just live in san fransico and skate all year. san fransisco is mad expensive to live in though, and my parents would probably give me shit if i tried to just get a shitty job out there and rough it. ah that would be so awesome though. i tried to look at some americorps shit in san fran but it's all so intense, and i gotta apply and there's skill requirements and transportation is an issue...some ski resorts out west have subsidized housing for people who work at ski resorts, and all kinds of shit like transportation(plus discounts and the ski shop and free skiing.) that would be pretty fun i'm sure too(although skateboarding is way better than snowboarding), and my mom actually seems to approve of this idea for some reason i have no idea though. i guess snowboarding is more legitimate than skateboarding in her eyes or something? it's so weird. and i feel like if i said to my parents that i would feel accomplished just skateboarding, they would probably not understand
what am i doing? i'm all over the place, with classes, interests, plans
it would be sick to save up money and go backpacking in europe or asia for a while.
shpageti
come visit me in new york city
it seems like i used to not think these decisions were a big deal. looking back it seems like i was on autopilot for a large portion of my life. my parents knew what was up(or so i thought) so i would just take their advice and do what i was supposed to do. sports, homework, hanging out with "good kids," dressing like a nice little shit
at this point i like to think of myself as a different person in a lot of ways. but obviously there's no escaping your background. certain ways of looking at the world are undoubtly wired into my brain. ways of thinking have been reinforced by my parents and the other pressures in my life, and who knows if some of those routines will ever be changed. it's easy for me to do homework. sometimes i feel like homework can help me distract myself from thinking to much about everything. when i'm sad i definitely distract myself by doing homework. so it's really easy for me to just say, whatever i'll just go with what i got now, just finish college in one shot and see whats up next. but at the same time when i really think about college it seems like it's restricting me. i'm going to finish it for sure, cuz the opportunity is there for me. I can learn some cool stuff, regardless of the fact that what i'm getting out of college is probably not worth all the money that's going into it.
so although i think i have the option of going the easy route, i feel like maybe i should take a chance and do some other stuff for a year that might take a totally different kind of dedication/effort. doing school seems like the default to me, it's wired in, so it takes little dedication to do it.
but then there's the problem of what to do if i do take a year off. my mom would like me to do some shit like americorps or cityyear - some intense community service programs in the U.S. although i think a lot of those programs are great for what they are, i dunno if thats what i want to do. again i just don't want to just go with my mom's idea.
i'd love to just live in san fransico and skate all year. san fransisco is mad expensive to live in though, and my parents would probably give me shit if i tried to just get a shitty job out there and rough it. ah that would be so awesome though. i tried to look at some americorps shit in san fran but it's all so intense, and i gotta apply and there's skill requirements and transportation is an issue...some ski resorts out west have subsidized housing for people who work at ski resorts, and all kinds of shit like transportation(plus discounts and the ski shop and free skiing.) that would be pretty fun i'm sure too(although skateboarding is way better than snowboarding), and my mom actually seems to approve of this idea for some reason i have no idea though. i guess snowboarding is more legitimate than skateboarding in her eyes or something? it's so weird. and i feel like if i said to my parents that i would feel accomplished just skateboarding, they would probably not understand
what am i doing? i'm all over the place, with classes, interests, plans
it would be sick to save up money and go backpacking in europe or asia for a while.
shpageti
come visit me in new york city