Post-op instructions for Dean Winchester
The things I learned this weekend (all right it was just the one thing, but it was important, so pay attention!).
Never, ever, attempt to vacuum until after you’ve had stitches removed. Because? Honestly, no matter where and how insignificant the surgery was, something’s going to give. Eventually, and probably when you are dragging the goddamned machine up the staircase into the possibly haunted attic. And like - ouch! Really, I don’t know how the Winchesters manage to keep up with the housework with all their injuries because … oh …. Right. Good point. No house = nada housework. Huh! So simple, when you take the time to think about it. Makes one wonder why the plastic surgeons don’t mention that on their ...
Post-op instructions for Dean Winchester Hasselhoff
Rest
Following your surgery you should go back to your fraudulently paid for motel room home and rest. You should elevate the area operated on using pillows if possible. It is not permissible to steal borrow all your brother’s pillows in this situation, because:
a) Your fake ID insists You are the oldest even if you are shorter
b) He ducked when the possessed dazed and confused paperboy jumped off his trailbike (WTH? I know we’re in Florida, but WTF?) and onto you and beat you to a pulp with a copy of the World Weekly Weekly World News
c) My head nurse says you are prettier hotter
d) You’re hurt and he isn’t. No matter how much he bitches comments about the papercut he got when he pulled that demon poor drugged out boy off you after you’d bashed the fucker’s head into the ground 10 times eased him gently and considerately to the ground after he collapsed from heat stroke
e) Papercuts do hurt. A lot. And you should be sensitive to his pain too. Even if it didn’t require stitches and all 5 of my nurses a nurse to hold you down
f) You are Dean WinchesterHasselhoff
As a last resort it is also totally acceptable to prop yourself up on Sammy. Because - like, duh! Ginormous. All that height has to be useful sometimes, right?
Bleeding
If the wound bleeds then all my nurses, and I have volunteered to come and simply apply firm pressure no, not that kind of pressure with a clean tissue for 15 minutes continually alternating with a cold shower pack for 15 minutes. If the wound is on a limb then apply a firm No, just … no bandage over the top of your dressing No, Mr Hasselhoff, wounds do not prefer to go “commando”. All bleeding will stop with elevation Now is not an appropriate time to say “Hold me up, Sammy” and pressure.
Wound Care
Keep clean No, that does not mean no porn and dry. Leave dressing on for two days following surgery.
If required, clean wound with saline solution (one (1) teaspoon of salt to one (1) cup of cooled boiled holy? Why would your brother ask if he should use holy? water twice a day.
Pain Relief
Take as many drugs as you can steal after hours paracetemol or paracetemol plus codeine for pain relief. Aspirin should be avoided, unless you are prescribed it, as it prolongs the time you will bleed. It is also recommended that alcohol Yes, this does mean beer, tequila, and whiskey be avoided for 24 hours.
Infection
If you want to call me any time, for any reason, please do not hesitate to contact my office, or my home at any time. Maybe we could even go out for a drink when you are better? If you experience increased pain, widespread redness or an offensive discharge coming from the wound you are best to contact me as you may have a wound infection and require antibiotics.
Physical Activity
Strenuous physical activity is contraindicated following surgery. Please avoid all of the following:
• Dusting
• Cleaning weapons
• Hanging washing Your brother is taller, let him to it
• Micro-waving food from mini-marts
• Putting your hair in a towel. It may look hot after a steam shower and cause fangirls and doctors and nurses to spontaneously combust place additional stress on your wounds
• Wandering around at night looking totally hot performing various acts of torch-fu
• Drinking coffee
• Putting gel in your hair
• Cross-indexing your brother’s tape collection by song title, artist, band, and genre Our apologies, that seems to have been duplicated here in error from the Post-op papercut instructions for Sam Hasselhoff
• Shooting things
• Putting gel in your brother’s hair
• Salting Burning bones household rubbish
• Playing with your brother’s hair
• Killing evil sons of bitches
• Vacuuming
Please contact Dr Rodney King, Florida West Day Surgery (ph: 555 9824), if you have any any queries. I am at your disposal at any time of the day or night.
Never, ever, attempt to vacuum until after you’ve had stitches removed. Because? Honestly, no matter where and how insignificant the surgery was, something’s going to give. Eventually, and probably when you are dragging the goddamned machine up the staircase into the possibly haunted attic. And like - ouch! Really, I don’t know how the Winchesters manage to keep up with the housework with all their injuries because … oh …. Right. Good point. No house = nada housework. Huh! So simple, when you take the time to think about it. Makes one wonder why the plastic surgeons don’t mention that on their ...
Post-op instructions for Dean Winchester Hasselhoff
Rest
Following your surgery you should go back to your fraudulently paid for motel room home and rest. You should elevate the area operated on using pillows if possible. It is not permissible to steal borrow all your brother’s pillows in this situation, because:
a) Your fake ID insists You are the oldest even if you are shorter
b) He ducked when the possessed dazed and confused paperboy jumped off his trailbike (WTH? I know we’re in Florida, but WTF?) and onto you and beat you to a pulp with a copy of the World Weekly Weekly World News
c) My head nurse says you are prettier hotter
d) You’re hurt and he isn’t. No matter how much he bitches comments about the papercut he got when he pulled that demon poor drugged out boy off you after you’d bashed the fucker’s head into the ground 10 times eased him gently and considerately to the ground after he collapsed from heat stroke
e) Papercuts do hurt. A lot. And you should be sensitive to his pain too. Even if it didn’t require stitches and all 5 of my nurses a nurse to hold you down
f) You are Dean WinchesterHasselhoff
As a last resort it is also totally acceptable to prop yourself up on Sammy. Because - like, duh! Ginormous. All that height has to be useful sometimes, right?
Bleeding
If the wound bleeds then all my nurses, and I have volunteered to come and simply apply firm pressure no, not that kind of pressure with a clean tissue for 15 minutes continually alternating with a cold shower pack for 15 minutes. If the wound is on a limb then apply a firm No, just … no bandage over the top of your dressing No, Mr Hasselhoff, wounds do not prefer to go “commando”. All bleeding will stop with elevation Now is not an appropriate time to say “Hold me up, Sammy” and pressure.
Wound Care
Keep clean No, that does not mean no porn and dry. Leave dressing on for two days following surgery.
If required, clean wound with saline solution (one (1) teaspoon of salt to one (1) cup of cooled boiled holy? Why would your brother ask if he should use holy? water twice a day.
Pain Relief
Take as many drugs as you can steal after hours paracetemol or paracetemol plus codeine for pain relief. Aspirin should be avoided, unless you are prescribed it, as it prolongs the time you will bleed. It is also recommended that alcohol Yes, this does mean beer, tequila, and whiskey be avoided for 24 hours.
Infection
If you want to call me any time, for any reason, please do not hesitate to contact my office, or my home at any time. Maybe we could even go out for a drink when you are better? If you experience increased pain, widespread redness or an offensive discharge coming from the wound you are best to contact me as you may have a wound infection and require antibiotics.
Physical Activity
Strenuous physical activity is contraindicated following surgery. Please avoid all of the following:
• Dusting
• Cleaning weapons
• Hanging washing Your brother is taller, let him to it
• Micro-waving food from mini-marts
• Putting your hair in a towel. It may look hot after a steam shower and cause fangirls and doctors and nurses to spontaneously combust place additional stress on your wounds
• Wandering around at night looking totally hot performing various acts of torch-fu
• Drinking coffee
• Putting gel in your hair
• Cross-indexing your brother’s tape collection by song title, artist, band, and genre Our apologies, that seems to have been duplicated here in error from the Post-op papercut instructions for Sam Hasselhoff
• Shooting things
• Putting gel in your brother’s hair
• Salting Burning bones household rubbish
• Playing with your brother’s hair
• Killing evil sons of bitches
• Vacuuming
Please contact Dr Rodney King, Florida West Day Surgery (ph: 555 9824), if you have any any queries. I am at your disposal at any time of the day or night.