About swimming and something else I realized... (part 1)
I don't know how to swim. It's sad that at my age I don't know how to swim, even if my parents had me take swimming lessons in UP one summer when I was in high school. Sadly, I wasn't able to finish my classes because I broke one of our window panes and I needed three stitches on a cut near my wrist. I only got to the part where they taught you about freestyle swimming, but I never got the hang of doing it properly with breathing so technically I still don't know how to do it. I don't know how to tread water either. It's kinda ironic that I've already had two boyfriends who are excellent swimmers and I still don't know how to swim. The first one had plenty of opportunity to teach me but didn't have the patience to do so, while the second one had all the patience in the world to teach me, but did not get the opportunity to do so. Although, when I think about it, I should learn to swim not because someone's going to teach me but because I want to learn to swim. There are a lot of organizations who offer swimming lessons, even UP has them for its employees every summer. So what's stopping me from learning? I can't really say that I don't have the time, because as someone once told me, if you really wanted to do something, you'll find the time to do it. That means something else is stopping me from wanting to swim and making that first step to really learn how to.
So what is it? I finally had an idea what it was after a recent event.
I just came back from teaching a seminar in Cebu and as is our tradition in the faculty group I'm part of, we went to the beach, or in this case to a beach resort in Bantayan Island, during the weekend to relax and unwind. To get there, you had to take a 3-hour long bus ride and then a ferry to the island itself. We went during the wee hours of Saturday and arrived there at around 9am. The weather was hot when we arrived but in the afternoon it started to rain sporadically. It was still ok for staying in the beach because the wind was not that strong. I stayed in the shallow part while everyone else swam farther. (I didn't mind really, I went to the swimming pool instead since the water there was warm.) However, the weather the next day was another matter. (We only stayed one night there because of work on Monday.) While we were in the pier waiting for the ferry to take us back to the main Cebu island, strong winds kept buffeting us, which meant that the trip across would definitely be hard, since the waves would be larger. Now, I have a mild case of travel sickness, but I know I feel fine as long as I am not in an enclosed space (the space for passengers in the ferry is open) and if I took Bonamine and keep mints ready. I thought I was all set, I even enjoyed the feel of the wind on my face while I listened to my iPod.
How presumptuous of me to have thought that everything would be ok.
What actually happened was not only did I felt nauseous and dizzy (usual symptoms of sea sickness), my arms and legs froze and went numb and it became harder for me to stay in control. If it wasn't for the kindness of my seatmate (our guide's gf, Ana) who noticed that I wasn't ok and took care of me (with the help of her bf) and the kindness of the lady in front of us who graciously gave me her efficascent oil to dab right below my nose (I didn't just dab, I poured a lot just to get me to feel better), I would have puked my guts out. The wind and the rain did not let up until we were near the pier, so I would freeze, dab oil below my nose, feel better for awhile, then start to freeze again, so the cycle continued. I practically owned the oil until I nearly lost consciousness. At that point, the rain had nearly stopped so I was able to sleep for a few minutes.
On the bus ride home, I was perfectly fine, no nausea, no dizziness, so I wondered why I had such a violent reaction. I've ridden different roller coasters and rides, felt turbulence in airplanes, rode through treacherous roads (with a ravine on the other side and no fence to stop a jeep) with a driver that had a death wish, but still felt ok for the most part. The only reason I could think of why this happened is that my fear of drowning (something that I used to not take much notice of) was so great that I practically froze with fear. My fear stemmed from the fact that I nearly drowned twice in my life, but I did not put much stock into it because I still was ok with going to beaches and pools. (The first was when I was swimming alone at the beach and the tide pulled me farther than I noticed. I couldn't reach the sea floor by then and I moved like crazy just to get nearer to the shore. The second was when a boat we were on overturned and I was below the boat for awhile. I'm not sure how I did it, but I think I kicked my way out of it to surface on the other side.) Apparently it has a larger effect than I thought. So now I will acknowledge to myself the truth, that I'm afraid of drowning, which is why I have not pushed myself to learn to swim. That statement is so ironic that I pity myself for it. I've never had the nerve to learn to swim again because most swimming instructors would just make you go to the pool and teach you the basics, but never really help you overcome your fear.
I looked in the internet what phobia it was, and it's called aquaphobia, but it's defined as a morbid fear of drowning. I don't think I'm at the point that I'm morbidly afraid of it because I still don't mind going to the beach and travel by sea. I guess it manifests itself only when there really is a possibility that I would drown, like if I were swimming alone or I'm not wearing a life jacket or there is a storm while I'm in a ship. I also saw this in an article online:
The fear of drowning is one fear, which is okay, because it is such a natural fear. In fact the US Navy Seal Teams spend a lot of time training to overcome the fear of drowning and those who cannot pass are expelled from the competition to become Navy Seal Team Members. If you fear drowning the most important thing is to know where this fear comes from if you wish to overcome it. Think on this.
I do wish to overcome it, though, because I'll never learn how to swim if I don't. And no, throwing me in a deep pool and let instinct take over will not work, because that might make it worse. :) I'll just have to find a way to do it.
Haay, ang haba na nito. If you've reached the end of this entry, thanks for bearing with me. However, as the title suggests, I realized something else after this, but I'll post that in my next entry.
So what is it? I finally had an idea what it was after a recent event.
I just came back from teaching a seminar in Cebu and as is our tradition in the faculty group I'm part of, we went to the beach, or in this case to a beach resort in Bantayan Island, during the weekend to relax and unwind. To get there, you had to take a 3-hour long bus ride and then a ferry to the island itself. We went during the wee hours of Saturday and arrived there at around 9am. The weather was hot when we arrived but in the afternoon it started to rain sporadically. It was still ok for staying in the beach because the wind was not that strong. I stayed in the shallow part while everyone else swam farther. (I didn't mind really, I went to the swimming pool instead since the water there was warm.) However, the weather the next day was another matter. (We only stayed one night there because of work on Monday.) While we were in the pier waiting for the ferry to take us back to the main Cebu island, strong winds kept buffeting us, which meant that the trip across would definitely be hard, since the waves would be larger. Now, I have a mild case of travel sickness, but I know I feel fine as long as I am not in an enclosed space (the space for passengers in the ferry is open) and if I took Bonamine and keep mints ready. I thought I was all set, I even enjoyed the feel of the wind on my face while I listened to my iPod.
How presumptuous of me to have thought that everything would be ok.
What actually happened was not only did I felt nauseous and dizzy (usual symptoms of sea sickness), my arms and legs froze and went numb and it became harder for me to stay in control. If it wasn't for the kindness of my seatmate (our guide's gf, Ana) who noticed that I wasn't ok and took care of me (with the help of her bf) and the kindness of the lady in front of us who graciously gave me her efficascent oil to dab right below my nose (I didn't just dab, I poured a lot just to get me to feel better), I would have puked my guts out. The wind and the rain did not let up until we were near the pier, so I would freeze, dab oil below my nose, feel better for awhile, then start to freeze again, so the cycle continued. I practically owned the oil until I nearly lost consciousness. At that point, the rain had nearly stopped so I was able to sleep for a few minutes.
On the bus ride home, I was perfectly fine, no nausea, no dizziness, so I wondered why I had such a violent reaction. I've ridden different roller coasters and rides, felt turbulence in airplanes, rode through treacherous roads (with a ravine on the other side and no fence to stop a jeep) with a driver that had a death wish, but still felt ok for the most part. The only reason I could think of why this happened is that my fear of drowning (something that I used to not take much notice of) was so great that I practically froze with fear. My fear stemmed from the fact that I nearly drowned twice in my life, but I did not put much stock into it because I still was ok with going to beaches and pools. (The first was when I was swimming alone at the beach and the tide pulled me farther than I noticed. I couldn't reach the sea floor by then and I moved like crazy just to get nearer to the shore. The second was when a boat we were on overturned and I was below the boat for awhile. I'm not sure how I did it, but I think I kicked my way out of it to surface on the other side.) Apparently it has a larger effect than I thought. So now I will acknowledge to myself the truth, that I'm afraid of drowning, which is why I have not pushed myself to learn to swim. That statement is so ironic that I pity myself for it. I've never had the nerve to learn to swim again because most swimming instructors would just make you go to the pool and teach you the basics, but never really help you overcome your fear.
I looked in the internet what phobia it was, and it's called aquaphobia, but it's defined as a morbid fear of drowning. I don't think I'm at the point that I'm morbidly afraid of it because I still don't mind going to the beach and travel by sea. I guess it manifests itself only when there really is a possibility that I would drown, like if I were swimming alone or I'm not wearing a life jacket or there is a storm while I'm in a ship. I also saw this in an article online:
The fear of drowning is one fear, which is okay, because it is such a natural fear. In fact the US Navy Seal Teams spend a lot of time training to overcome the fear of drowning and those who cannot pass are expelled from the competition to become Navy Seal Team Members. If you fear drowning the most important thing is to know where this fear comes from if you wish to overcome it. Think on this.
I do wish to overcome it, though, because I'll never learn how to swim if I don't. And no, throwing me in a deep pool and let instinct take over will not work, because that might make it worse. :) I'll just have to find a way to do it.
Haay, ang haba na nito. If you've reached the end of this entry, thanks for bearing with me. However, as the title suggests, I realized something else after this, but I'll post that in my next entry.