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Happy
Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy
I am so fucking happy (I could go and use a fancy synonym for happy, because I've used the word 12 times already... but I'm just plain and simple h-a-p-p-y happy(13))
No person I have ever met in my life has made me this happy. I go to sleep at night thinking about him. I get up in the morning thinking about him. I want to spend every waking minute with him, talking to him, hugging him, kissing him, cuddling with him, joking around with him, punching him, poking him, watching tv with him. I want to tell everyone I know about him. I want to tell every complete stranger I meet about him.
He told me I'm the best thing to happen to him in a while. He told me I'm beautiful, even gorgeous. He told me I'm driving him crazy. He told me how happy it made him when Buddy referred to him as "My Man" and how he can't wait to call me his girlfriend.
Everything just feels absolutely amazing. Every conversation. Every hug. Every kiss. Every smile. Every serious moment. Every joke. It's all amazing. It's all new. And I don't mean "new" as in "never before" because I've talked to boys and I've hugged boys and god knows I've kissed boys. I mean new as it's never felt like this before.
Recently I was getting sick of random hookups and one night stands. Although fun- none of which meant anything. None of which had that "special something". And by "special something".... I mean that something that you realize when your eyes are closed and you just smile. He asks why you're smiling and you say "Nothing" with a cute little grin. But it's not nothing. It's something. It's a really big something. He means something to me. He means a whole lot of that something to me.
My history teaches me not to trust. And so I'm scared. I'm scared to trust him. I'm scared because I was told "Don't get attached". I'm scared because of the distance- and not because he's an hour away when I need him, but because distance causes problems. I'm scared that I'll fuck up. I'm scared that I'll get hurt. I'm scared that I'll hurt him. I'm scared that other people might tear us apart.
I'm scared because I think I'm falling for him.
But who the hell am I kidding?
I'm scared because I fell for him.
And I'm falling harder and harder every single day. But because of that, I can say "fuck it". Fuck being scared, fuck my insecurities, fuck other people's opinions. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. And when I say happy- I mean happy.
I'm "head over heals" happy. I'm "little kid on Christmas morning" happy. I'm "walkin' on fucking sunshine" happy.
I'm "reach for the stars over the fence world series kinda thing" happy.
And it is absolutely out-
of-
this-
world.