...the mean reds.
the mean reds are much worse than the blues.
it's not like the blues, when nothing is really wrong. you're just sad, that's all.
no with the mean reds, it's when you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.
it's an uncomfortable feeling. a sortof combination of icky, skin-crawling self-loathing, and a lonely, exhausted disdain for everything and everyone around.
especially the happy ones.
the mean reds are lonely.
everyone has got one cure. maybe more than one, but not by much.
anyway, mine is hope, coffee and melody.
i hope up with a wicked bad case of the mean reds. it hurt.
i was afraid, and i didn't know what i was afraid of.
i felt a dread, and a nagging gross sense that something, (or perhaps everything) was a hair off. out of place. wrong in general. i spent the morning walking in this strange mood i was in. coffee helped a little.
anyway, i had distance. from those i love, from the Lord, from my friends. maybe i was wierded out because sally was so out of touch, maybe i was just irritated at my family, maybe the distance is real. i sometimes do not know why i am doing some of the things that i am lately. me? God? sally? i feel broken today. this could be a good or a bad thing. in any case, i am going to go steal andy's track bike and ride it until i feel better.
go me.
i prayed today. i prayed in earnest, with my heart and not just my lips. i tried to reach down deep to find what was troubling my spirit so. i tried hard to remember all the folks for whom i have promised to pray. i prayed for peace, serenity, love, and grace to enter my relationship. i prayed for answers and clarity. i hope it comes.
i hope soon.
heart.
maybe that's the other thing....it is so hard not to feel alienated in my faith. people seem to respect it as long as i stay luke-warm. but when i get excited and devote myself to the only thing in my life truly worth complete devotion, i catch all kinds of flack. o well....he did say that this was going to happen, i guess.
please forgive me...i have less concentration tonight than i have patience.
until next time, my darlings...if anyone still reads.
it's not like the blues, when nothing is really wrong. you're just sad, that's all.
no with the mean reds, it's when you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.
it's an uncomfortable feeling. a sortof combination of icky, skin-crawling self-loathing, and a lonely, exhausted disdain for everything and everyone around.
especially the happy ones.
the mean reds are lonely.
everyone has got one cure. maybe more than one, but not by much.
anyway, mine is hope, coffee and melody.
i hope up with a wicked bad case of the mean reds. it hurt.
i was afraid, and i didn't know what i was afraid of.
i felt a dread, and a nagging gross sense that something, (or perhaps everything) was a hair off. out of place. wrong in general. i spent the morning walking in this strange mood i was in. coffee helped a little.
anyway, i had distance. from those i love, from the Lord, from my friends. maybe i was wierded out because sally was so out of touch, maybe i was just irritated at my family, maybe the distance is real. i sometimes do not know why i am doing some of the things that i am lately. me? God? sally? i feel broken today. this could be a good or a bad thing. in any case, i am going to go steal andy's track bike and ride it until i feel better.
go me.
i prayed today. i prayed in earnest, with my heart and not just my lips. i tried to reach down deep to find what was troubling my spirit so. i tried hard to remember all the folks for whom i have promised to pray. i prayed for peace, serenity, love, and grace to enter my relationship. i prayed for answers and clarity. i hope it comes.
i hope soon.
heart.
maybe that's the other thing....it is so hard not to feel alienated in my faith. people seem to respect it as long as i stay luke-warm. but when i get excited and devote myself to the only thing in my life truly worth complete devotion, i catch all kinds of flack. o well....he did say that this was going to happen, i guess.
please forgive me...i have less concentration tonight than i have patience.
until next time, my darlings...if anyone still reads.