You always fold just before you're found out
Tomorrow is weigh in #2 and I'm so nervous. I'm not sure why...I'm just afraid that I'm going to be disappointed. I know that I had an amazing first week and that the loss is going to slow down eventually, but I just don't want it to be this soon. I know that I definitely shouldn't be complaining because there are people out there who work harder and try harder than I do and they don't lose any weight, so I don't know...I guess I'm just in a weird mood today.
I thought I was ready to see the weight loss slow down...but I'm not. I've spent way too long at this weight and I want it gone as soon as possible. I know it's not going to go away overnight, I'm not stupid about that, but I don't want it to take years either - which it quite possibly could take since I'm so big. I don't want to rob myself of another three or four years. I want to enjoy my twenties and have the time of my life that I should be having.
I'm not sure why I'm so worried. I haven't cheated - which is a first! I've been very faithful to the plan. Well, most days. Some days I have a hard time getting all my food in because I'm just not hungry anymore (which is so weird, because I'm ALWAYS hungry!), so a few days I was pretty low in calories, but I'm really trying to make myself eat all my NS food and add-ins. I mean I guess this is a good thing - that I can go a whole day without thinking about food or stuffing my face with disgusting stuff, but at the same time, I know I can't let myself have too many days below my target of 1200 - 1500 calories a day. I just seriously don't feel hungry anymore.
Today was an exception though. I thought about food a lot today - not that I was physically hungry, I just wanted a lot of things I can't have. I'm proud to say I resisted each and every food I thought about because I'm remembering my progress, but I did think a lot about cheating today - but I wouldn't let myself do it. I don't even know why I thought about cheating - I DON'T EVEN WANT THOSE FOODS ANYMORE. I guess it was probably because it was Valentine's Day and everyone got candy or was going out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I had my NS Nutricrunch chocolates for dessert tonight so that filled my craving.
Today was just an off day. I just felt really fat today and I haven't felt that way since I started NS, so I think it threw me off. Someone messed with my chair at work and it was super low and I couldn't fix it (they broke it - bastards, hahaha), so my legs were in a weird position until I could find another chair, so they weren't getting the circulation they needed and my legs swelled up to how they used to before i lost my 23.8* pounds. I think that scared me. Even though I know it was because of the weird position my legs were in, I just kept thinking it was because I hadn't really lost any weight, that I was just kidding myself and the reason I felt fat was because I was still as fat as when I started - not 23.8* pounds and 22.75 inches less like I really am. I know these are things in my head that just happened to come out today and that I have lost weight and that I am doing good, but for some reason I had a hard time telling myself that today.
I guess because I have so much to lose it's going to take me a while to really notice that I'm losing weight, even though I do feel a million times better and do see that my clothes are a little baggier and that it's much easier for me to walk around without my back hurting. These are all proof (besides the scale), but I guess I would just like to see a drastic difference right away, even though I know it's going to take a while. The boy says he can see my face is thinning out, so that is nice because I hate my double (triple) chin and can't wait for it to be gone.
I don't know...today has really been an off day. I'm going to wake up in the morning and weigh myself and be happy with WHATEVER the scale says because I'm positive it's less than I weighed two weeks ago! I need to remember to be happy about the small things and just remember that the other things will come in time. I'm getting healthier and that is what is most important and I need to remember to be thankful for that every single day!
*Edit: 07.03.06 - Please read my post from today to find out why I have changed my starting weight. Due to math errors, I actually lost 21.8 pounds in my first week, still amazing!!!