my six hundred pound life

[seeking_joely]

i've mentioned plenty of times in the past that i don't see myself as *one of those people you see on a TLC show*.  however, i am.  in fact i'm pretty sure they had a show with the same title as my blog post.  yep.  just checked my dvr and there it is.  for some reason i can't bring myself to watch these episodes, even though they have been on

Comments

[punkyami_chan]

Been there. It's still weird to me now that at 250-272 lbs, I still see myself as that 440lb person. And it's maddening that I get treated as if I'm a "normal" person when I often was not treated that way at my highest weight. Kinda tells you what's wrong with our culture....But I totally remember and still do things to try and prevent embarrassment in public. I hate shopping in stores because I never seem to know what size I am. And the women's clothing industry doesn't help any. I can be a L, XL, 16, 18, 20 or a 22 depending on where I'm shopping. I hate buying food because I feel like people will see the big fat fatty eating and criticize me.

You can do this. I know it's tough. But you can get there. Has your doctor ever tested you to see if there is a physiological reason why you cannot seem full? I don't think I've ever asked. I know there is such a thing because three girls supported by my agency have a disorder that causes the same thing and their food literally has to be kept under lock and key, weighed and measured and divvied out to them at meal times. It's sad but freeing for them in many ways.

[seeking_joely]

yes! that is one of the things that scares me about losing weigh. maybe subconciously it holds me back? i'm so weirded out by how i know people will treat me once i'm *normal* sized. like...i'm still going to be the same person, just smaller, but now i'm good enough for you to talk to and to treat like a human??? ugh!

women's clothing sizes...don't even get me started, hahaha. if people weren't so obsessed with being a size 0, then they wouldn't have vanity sizing! for example, lane bryant saying you're a size 0 when you're clearly a 14/16 isn't fooling anyone! who cares what number it says on the label of your clothing, as long as it fits well and you feel good in it? again, ugh!

i hate grocery shopping for that very reason as well, since i know they are judging everything in my cart...good or bad.

i don't have the *switch* that tells me/my body that i am full, so it's a constant battle. sometimes i wish i could pay someone to ration out my food to me. everyone just seems to think i should have that control myself. i guess, i probably should and i have my good days, and my bad days, so it's something i'm working on.

[punkyami_chan]

The girls I work with don't have that switch either. And these girls are all tiny to boot. So their petite frames cannot handle the extra pounds. They also have ridiculously high pain tolerances. To the point that one of them walked around with a broken foot and didn't know it for several days.