oh hey...yeah, i'm still alive!!!
holy crap...long time, no talk. sorry about that. things have been absolutely insane on my end (yet, i find mulitple hours every day to feed my facebook addiction...weird) and i'm sorry i haven't updated in a long, long time.
i'll start with the good news first. tuesday was my 10 week weigh in and i was down another 3.2 pounds (which was a shocker...you'll find out why soon enough) and i'm beyond excited to say that i am down a total of 63.2 pounds in 10 weeks!!! I'm ALMOST back into the 400's...YAY!!! i've also shed 13 inches from my waist, 7 inches from my hips, 60+ other inches, dropped two pant sizes (which they are now hanging on me...along with my shirts being much, much bigger), and a shoe size. to say i feel amazing, is quite an understatement.
the biggest news though is that on march 8th i took a major step forward. i don't know if you guys remember or not, but about a year ago i took two fitness classes that were being offered through my work. i loved the cardio dance class and was iffy on the strength training class, although it didn't end up mattering because they ended up only being demo classes and we never heard anything about them again. until a few weeks ago when they decided to start offering eight week sessions. this time around there were different offerings (i guess based on the feedback they got before?) and i one class - a cardio/strength mixture - caught my eye. however, i was extremely worried about having to pay $34 if it was something i wasn't going to be able to do physically. so i e-mailed the instructor to see if she remembered me, i explained my story a little bit, and also told her how i was (at the time) 37 pounds down and really just getting back into working out more, but wanted to add this to the mix if it was something she thought i could do. she e-mailed me back with the nicest response and told me it was something i HAD to do and that she signed me up, hahaha. i was very excited and really glad that she remembered me, thought it was something i could do, and congratulated me. she also said that the trainer leading the class would also give modifications to each move, so i should do any modifications i felt necessary and take as many breaks as necessary.
fast forward to march 8th when the class is to begin. my friend who was going to be doing the class with me (same person as before) was sick that day. when she called me in the morning to tell me she was calling out of work, i immediately burst into tears when i hung up the phone. the boy told me that i would fine without her and that i could do it. all day i was wavering between going and not going. part of me wanted to, part of me was scared to death...just like before, but this time i had no one but myself pushing me to go. so at 4:20 i decided that i just needed to do it. and i did. and it was AMAZING!!!
when i got to class there were about 20 other people and i would say that i was definitely the heaviest by 300 (if not more) pounds, so i was dying on the inside, but i just knew it was something i had to do. i'm not going to lie...i couldn't do everything that was required, but i tried my best and if i could do something they were doing, i either did the modification or i did something else (like when they were doing planks, i made up my own move as there really is no variation for planks, hahaha) to keep me going. i sweated my ass off (burned well over 700 calories), but i never gave up and i never rested (other than what was called for in the class). i walked out of that class crying, but i was crying tears of joy, because i did it and i did ALONE!!!
but, now on to the bad news. on the 15th i was *laid off* from my job. they let me and three other people in our office go, but it was made quite clear to me that even if they pick up again, we won't be back. i was obviously pretty upset...i had been there for a total of four years (if you count my time i temped with them) and while i didn't exactly like my job anymore, i'm not in the place to not have a job. what really annoyed me about the whole thing was she tried to play it off as *i didn't want to have to do this* (well, yes you did or you could have picked someone else to lay off since i was the person who did the most and made the least...you would have gotten rid of some of the losers who make six figures and do NOTHING all day) and *i don't know how we're going to survive without you* (again, yes you do or you wouldn't have gotten rid of me).
i'm pretty much over it and that place, but the part that hurts the most is that i lost the better of the two gyms i was going to (plus it was the free one!!!) and i can't go to my exercise class anymore...which i really want to and which i paid $34 for one session of!!! i'm not going to lie...losing my job has thrown me into a tizzy exercise wise. granted i haven't been eating the best (although i still haven't binged since 2009 and that is definitely a huge accomplishment because had i gotten laid off a few months ago, i would have been bingeing for the past two weeks or worse), i'm just not making the best choices on things to eat and i've been going over my calories almost every day (not too horribly, but still over) and i haven't worked out at all since i got *laid off*. and that is what annoys me the most. i was on such a tear with working out. i was working out six days a week, sometimes twice a day and now nothing. and the messed up part is...i have ALL day to work out now, but i've gotten my schedule all mixed up. you see the boy works 3rd shift now, so i've basically been staying up all night and sleeping all day and by the time i get up, i just don't want to do anything. this is not good for me. he's almost done with his two week stint (he's had to work every night for the past two weeks), so things should be going back to semi-normal this week. this is also why i'm suprised that i've actually lost weight the past two weeks, even though it's not even close to what i had been losing.
however, i'm done being in my funk...starting tomorrow it's back to kicking ass and taking names. the boy said he would give up lots of stuff before i give up my gym membership, so i need to go back and take advantage of that membership. i really like that gym for it's weight machines, but their treadmills SUCK!!! I'm well over the weight limit and so i feel like i'm going to break them all the time. however, there are no other cardio machines for me to do (they have weird ellipticals that if i stepped on one i know it would break instantly and my feet can't handle the recumbant bikes), so i need to suck it up because $35 a month for three times a week (how many days i do strenght training) isn't worth it to me. plus if i cancel now, when i am able to do more of my cardio there they will have a $59 enrollment fee on top of the monthly fee, so i don't want to cancel just yet. and i'm not brave enough to go to one of the bigger gyms yet.
if i can come up with some money to buy *brazil but lift* and *hip hop abs* i may consider cancelling my membership and just doing all my workouts at home. i have some good strength training dvds that i would be okay with doing in place of the weight machines at the gym, but that's only if i can find the funds to buy those cardio dvds. i also have mapped out a walking area that i plan to go to every morning. it's at a park near my house and it's exactly one mile around the pond that is there, so i'm going to start doing that. i may even work up to jogging around it!!! we will see...
i had a job interview this past wednesday and i want this job so badly, but i'm pretty sure i didn't get it. it's super close to my house (18 miles round trip versus 60 miles round trip) and it would only be a 20 cent pay decrease, which i can handle with all the gas i'd be saving. it went how it normally goes. people think i'm *perfect* for the job, until they see me. however, this time the interview was completely different...the guy could barely look at me!!! it was pretty demeaning, but i still want to work (yes, i'm crazy!!!) there because it is something that i know i'd be perfect at (although, who knows...maybe he was just nervous and isn't good with eye contact?). he did however compliment me on my resume...he said it was one of the nicest ones he has ever seen. like i said, i'm pretty sure i didn't get it, but again, we will see. if i don't get it, i won't let it crush me like i have in the past...it will just be their loss.
as per usual i hope to keep updating more (especially now that i have more time)...but you just never know with me, hahaha.