Dream ЖЖ 006

[seeing_only_red]

{ooc: Dream includes an AMV not made by myself. Should the link ever die, I have the video saved and will reupload it. And skip the opening. Fast forward to 0:25.}

Comments

[seeingeyeshark]

[Kisame feels like such a stranger to Itachi right now. It's disconcerting and unsettling and a little upsetting--even frightening, really. His best friend is a stranger, and he would trust Itachi with his life, would follow him anywhere, would do almost anything he asked.... and yet, he knows nothing about him. Nothing at all. But the problem is that now he knows that he knows nothing about him--before, back when and where they were supposed to be, he had been content with supposing that they were both entitled to their secrets, and that they could be familiar with and close to each other regardless. But now....]

[Now, he can't help but feel somehow lonely, and he's not even sure why--after all, it isn't like anything has changed. Maybe it just feels like some part of their partnership has been a lie, or maybe he's just been blind and foolish the whole time. It must be the latter, he's sure--Itachi wouldn't lie to him. Not after all they've gone through together. ....Right?]

[He can't help but feel disgusted with himself too,

[seeing_only_red]

[Itachi is staring at Kisame's concerned face on his Hitomi and can't help but feel...relieved to see him. If there has been a constant in his life since that night, it was the partner he had gained once joining Akatsuki--and the irony does not escape him. And the hesitation in his voice, as if he is afraid to tread where he is not wanted...Itachi wonders how he had never noticed his partner's attention to his needs as he does now--after seeing that dream where he realized that Kisame may have seen him in a light Itachi had never considered before.

Itachi isn't sure how to bridge the gap that has been building between them, because he wants it gone. They have not been this careful with their words around each other since the first few months of their partnership. And he doesn't even know who's fault this chasm is, so he can do nothing to lessen it

[seeingeyeshark]

[Kisame's hair is still ruffled (moreso than usual, even) from sleep, and he isn't wearing his headband; the spikes almost make him look like an animal, with ears laid back against the sides of his head, the way an unsettled cat or dog might--like a confused, unhappy puppy left on its own, equally ready to whine or start barking madly. It might not even be too far from the truth; Kisame never has been (allowed to be) fully human.]

[He tilts his head a little, weighing his own thoughts, then just gives up and speaks; he trusts Itachi enough to at least say some of what's on his mind, even if he's not sure of enough of it himself to parse the whole messy slew of emotions the dream dug up.] It's just.... ridiculous. Something like this.... I should know this. I should remember it. It's not like this is some little nothing. It's just not right to have just forgotten something so important like this, you know? I mean, was there, so....

[Maybe a little less conviction on the last part, but it needs to be said, because he needs to have

[seeing_only_red]

[Itachi can see how much this is truly disturbing his partner, how much Kisame is struggling with having his memories taken away. Itachi personally prefers that Kisame not remember his death, or whether or not he had seen Itachi's lifeless body, because really he much prefers Kisame not thinking of him dead--and only now, does he wonder if Kisame even handled his death well at all--although the circumstances of why he does not remember are not ones Itachi is comfortable with.]

It's all right, Kisame. Perhaps you are right. [Although Itachi does not believe in gods and therefore does not believe they would intervene in such a way.]

We will find out how your memories were taken and return them to you. It is best now to not force it, as we do not know what blocks or traps have been put in place should we attempt to undo what has been done prematurely.

[Itachi is trying to be reassuring, but hopes he is not making his partner feel more uneasy.]

And I am not dead now. So perhaps the manner of which I died is not all that relevant to

[seeingeyeshark]

[Kisame doesn't often get upset. Or angry. Or.... well, a lot of things. He isn't typically a man of extremes, especially when it comes to his partner. But right now, he just wants to grab Itachi and just shake him until his Sharingan rattles. He wants to demand how the hell Itachi can be so callous, how he can value his own life so little that he can even consider claiming that the manner of his death isn't relevant, to either of them. How the hell can he act like he can just shrug off that kind of loss and just take in stride so many missing pieces in his life, that sort of fading and numbness and apathy?!]

[Kisame may not express himself powerfully, but that doesn't mean his emotions don't run deep; he wonders if the reason he started caring about Itachi as a person and partner over a teammate might not have been simply because Itachi hardly seemed to care about himself at all. Maybe he was just picking up the slack and filling in where Itachi wasn't putting forth the effort. It was unnatural for there to be so little regard

[seeing_only_red]

Gods

[seeingeyeshark]

Urd met Izanagi, she said, so there's obviously at least one god around here. And I mean, hell--if there's one, why wouldn't there be others? It's something to think about, at least--maybe if there was some way to contact them, we could get some answers.

[Answers about his memories, answers about this place, answers about where they are and why they're here, answers about what the hell happened, answers about why the dead are alive.... Everything. It would be a comfort to know what the hell was going on; Kisame doesn't like being powerless. He doesn't like the thought that he needs to be protected, but considering that it's quite possible he actually might need it after all, he appreciates the effort too--even if the seal feels rather stifling and invasive, in some regards.]

[He'll do his best to put it out of his mind as Itachi asks, but there is, at least, one problem that rather keeps him from being able to move past dwelling on it excessively.] You know.... do we really even have any current goals, beyond this whole war business