"I need to calculate what creates my own madness"
umm...ok...so I kinda blew up in my last entry lol...but I think everyone will agree I definitely had a right to. I've been going through so much shit lately it's unbelievable...kinda sad what I've come to notice though. The reason I'm so stressed if because I don't even bother trying to fix anything. Someone actually told me that all I do is "make up excuses" for everything, and lie to hide it all, just to believe my life is paved with gold. Weird part is...I'm not mad about that comment at all, because it's true. I'm so stressed because in truth, I now know I've been living a lie. I've lived being paranoid of what people think of me...so I've gotten to the point that I'd do anything to make people see me as a great person, a good friend, everything...I've seriously become the person that everyone knows they can walk all over...that I'll do what they want at the snap of a finger. Well, I'm done with that. I love my friends to death, I really do...even the ones that have done this to me. All I have to say to those people are FUCK YOU!! What great friends you are...and you probably think you are too...well what kind of friend uses another just to gain something. It should be that you're willing to give up everything for your friends...hell...I'm willing to take a bullet for the people closest to me, and they all know it. Really...all I'm here to say is it's time everyone saw a new side of me...no more second-guessing what I do or say, no more keeping in what's on my mind...I'm to the point that I'll throw everything away to get out what's on my mind...if you don't like it, then fuck off. I'll find out who my real friends are...they'll be the ones beside me after all this. This is me...get used to it cause nothin can change who I am...