meant it in the moment, it's curious isn't it.

[secretsrot]

i feel just so fucking DUMB.

i feel so fucking STUPID. and i did this to myself. i find myself here, completely fucking surprised, how did i get into this situation? am i so fucking stupid? i've never suffered in this way before, it's different from all the rest.

i wanted it to be the best.
i wanted it to be happilyeverfuckingafter.

i always wanted that, i guess. i guess i just refuse to grow up. i'll be stupid and bitter and alone, forever. but i'll enjoy it- the way i play on the dance floors. i will clear the dance floor in my mockery.

i'll always question. i will always doubt, and i'll probably... never take another soul seriously ever again.

i don't know what it even means, the word "relationship." i don't even know what friendship fucking means. it's not you, it's me.

i'll lay myself bare for the world to pick apart,
it doesn't mean that WE ever meant anything.
it means that i WANTED it to mean something,
and to my disappointment, it didn't mean anything.

i am shock.
surprise.

but this too shall pass.
you got a few written words from me,
you can keep it. but from here on out,
you're dead to me.