(no subject)
I can't find peace holding in all my bullshit. I must again come to this place to spitout all which i cannot say to another. I have grown to see that he will never be the one. As long as i wait or as much as i pray he will forever be a boy who thinks of only himself. In time it has even gotten worse. I use to think that his band and video games would be the worst i would deal with but know i battle for his time agains alchohol, drugs, and the eternal line or deatbeat friends at his door. How can i compete with all that? I have become a berden on him... I'm not even sure why he keeps me around or why i stay for that matter.
When did I grow up and when did shit get so fucked up. I should have felt when i was young and did not care. Why did i wait 91/2 years to want to go, when it seams so imposible to breath without him at my side. For me it is not just love, he is my lifeline. Even thinking in this irrational why makes me want to smack myself for being so stupid but the thought stil doesn't go away. I must finally let go.....
When did I grow up and when did shit get so fucked up. I should have felt when i was young and did not care. Why did i wait 91/2 years to want to go, when it seams so imposible to breath without him at my side. For me it is not just love, he is my lifeline. Even thinking in this irrational why makes me want to smack myself for being so stupid but the thought stil doesn't go away. I must finally let go.....