Control your mind.
Somewhat after my last, slightly depressing post I went to bed - early night with all this tough skiing.
So, I'm exhausted and lying in bed, getting ready to sleep and more than anything I want someone to say it'll all be okay and that I can move forward... that things will be fine. But no one was there and although I could have gone to someone, I didn't.
Instead I took control of my mind and really forced myself to think about why I'm sad and lonely. What I want and the reason behind my sadness.
And you know what... I don't want anything, not one thing from him. Funny isn't it?! To feel sad about losing something, and realising I haven't lost anything I want.
I don't want what Ana (his new girlfriend) has... I don't want a boyfriend who calls me in the middle of the night, as a last thought. I don't want a boyfriend who tells me the day before he goes away... that he is going away. Or comes round late. Doesn't bother to take me out. Doesn't take me to see his friends. etc etc etc.
I want more than that, which is why this relationship came to an end. Because I asked for more, and he couldn't handle it. So it ended. If he hadn't of done it, I know I would have eventually.
But I realised that I'm sad because, I don't have any new guy to gush over, or to wonder whether he likes me... or even to ponder on whether he's hot or not lmao.
Just, no more interest... no place to just wonder about something rather fun, which it is... wondering whether so and so is nice, hot or not etc.
So, instead of leaning on an old relationship and thinking "I have no one else now and I don't know anyone who could be a new one" etc. I began to "day dream", to think of all the silly ways I could meet someone, what he'd look like, what he would be doing, where we would meet, how the beginning of the relationship (or even before that) would be like and then lots of different types. Just fun stuff.
And I cannot believe how much better I feel - I really mean it. It's amazing.
Aha, controlling the mind is a powerful thing.
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Today was the last day with Yves. We were going to fly, but this morning the front just hadn't quite cleared up and so Yves decided to stay in Verbier rather than take a helicopter up, and maybe not be able to see very well.
So, we went and had a wonderful run -- not one I've done before, and at a point it was a bit sticky. James really made sure we knew that Yves was checking for avalanches. We were traversing and it was a sticky point, where many people get caught. But it was fine - just a good reminder of the dangers though and also that, although the guide is good, they're not god and therefore you should always be aware of the conditions and not rely 100% on the guide - because they make mistakes like all humans do.
Nevertheless, wonderful last run of the week - we had another 50 minute skin, which was incredible and I really enjoyed it. I feel 10x more fit than I normally am and I'm going to have to do something to keep feeling like this, otherwise I'll go mad at home.
Saw Hugh for a drink this evening. His chalet is freaking amazing - it's the sort of thing I'd like to have one day. It's amazing + has an indoor pool, private gym, sauna and hot tub. And it looks... smooth.
Later on saw Freddie again - last time for a year unless we go to Mauritius again. But lots of fun.
I'm 100% exhausted and I still have to be up early for tomorrow morning. Going to ski with Fred - which really, is amazing. Considering he had cancer, has had extensive work done & a lot of his insides taken out. Incredible that he can actually ski.
I added new FB photos. Click me, the public link.
So, I'm exhausted and lying in bed, getting ready to sleep and more than anything I want someone to say it'll all be okay and that I can move forward... that things will be fine. But no one was there and although I could have gone to someone, I didn't.
Instead I took control of my mind and really forced myself to think about why I'm sad and lonely. What I want and the reason behind my sadness.
And you know what... I don't want anything, not one thing from him. Funny isn't it?! To feel sad about losing something, and realising I haven't lost anything I want.
I don't want what Ana (his new girlfriend) has... I don't want a boyfriend who calls me in the middle of the night, as a last thought. I don't want a boyfriend who tells me the day before he goes away... that he is going away. Or comes round late. Doesn't bother to take me out. Doesn't take me to see his friends. etc etc etc.
I want more than that, which is why this relationship came to an end. Because I asked for more, and he couldn't handle it. So it ended. If he hadn't of done it, I know I would have eventually.
But I realised that I'm sad because, I don't have any new guy to gush over, or to wonder whether he likes me... or even to ponder on whether he's hot or not lmao.
Just, no more interest... no place to just wonder about something rather fun, which it is... wondering whether so and so is nice, hot or not etc.
So, instead of leaning on an old relationship and thinking "I have no one else now and I don't know anyone who could be a new one" etc. I began to "day dream", to think of all the silly ways I could meet someone, what he'd look like, what he would be doing, where we would meet, how the beginning of the relationship (or even before that) would be like and then lots of different types. Just fun stuff.
And I cannot believe how much better I feel - I really mean it. It's amazing.
Aha, controlling the mind is a powerful thing.
---------
Today was the last day with Yves. We were going to fly, but this morning the front just hadn't quite cleared up and so Yves decided to stay in Verbier rather than take a helicopter up, and maybe not be able to see very well.
So, we went and had a wonderful run -- not one I've done before, and at a point it was a bit sticky. James really made sure we knew that Yves was checking for avalanches. We were traversing and it was a sticky point, where many people get caught. But it was fine - just a good reminder of the dangers though and also that, although the guide is good, they're not god and therefore you should always be aware of the conditions and not rely 100% on the guide - because they make mistakes like all humans do.
Nevertheless, wonderful last run of the week - we had another 50 minute skin, which was incredible and I really enjoyed it. I feel 10x more fit than I normally am and I'm going to have to do something to keep feeling like this, otherwise I'll go mad at home.
Saw Hugh for a drink this evening. His chalet is freaking amazing - it's the sort of thing I'd like to have one day. It's amazing + has an indoor pool, private gym, sauna and hot tub. And it looks... smooth.
Later on saw Freddie again - last time for a year unless we go to Mauritius again. But lots of fun.
I'm 100% exhausted and I still have to be up early for tomorrow morning. Going to ski with Fred - which really, is amazing. Considering he had cancer, has had extensive work done & a lot of his insides taken out. Incredible that he can actually ski.
I added new FB photos. Click me, the public link.