Wanting Something Doesn't Make It Real...

[secondtheory]

Ever since I could remember, my parents always told me I could do anything that i put my mind to. While I understand that this is pure optimism and aimed directly to make me feel better about myself, I cannot help but fire back with some snide cynical remark. Every year that passes I do try more and more to be more optimistic and open minded to open possibilities. It's a half-assed attempt to follow the words of and wisdom of my parents. However it seems every year, the negativity that surrounds my heart, I get crushed each time following the road. Now, before one of you comment with the idea, "Matthew, it's not exactly the easiest road to follow, "...I know, that's why I try time and time again to believe in it. It seems the past years since the breakup, things have slowly progressed in a downward spiral, the only saving grace being my family, my Father in heaven, my best friends, and the troupe.

My birthday is a week away, and I am left pondering what I will wish for when I blow out the candles. What do I want?

What do I want?

A job? (honest)

A woman by my side so I don't feel so alone? (truthful)

A new pair of sandals? (truthful)

World peace? (honest)

Beefaroni? (sarcastic)

To lose weight so I can be slightly attractive to the female half of the human race? (cynical, truthful, and honest) --- Seriously ladies. I'm sensitive...strong...funny...Christian...and I'm fairly intelligent. I've never cheated on a woman. Does weight matter THAT flipping much?!

...and just because I wish for it...because I want it...does it make it real?

And if it doesn't then why do my dreams make me hurt so much?