Demons aren't supposed to wake up in a cold sweat
I think my dreams have finally stopped. Not feeling tired anymore, anyway. And Dama's shut his trap about it- I guess he's not gonna confirm it either way. Good times.
Means I'm back, man! Properly. No fucking around, this time- and I mean that FIGURATIVELY, ladies, don't get disappointed. 'Cause actually there'll be plenty of fucking around. Just- not in the ways of chasing Italians. Well, not Italian dudes, anyway. Aw, hell, this isn't coming out right!
Anyway! No more sleeping, and cooking lasses at the community centre with Kitty, and more horny demonesses than you could shake a stick at. All of those things make me pretty frickin' happy. Even having missions again is pretty sweet. I even get a power boost, seeing as I'm covering for Jad. Dama can't get that guy out of his house for a second. I guess Jad's on daddy-maternity-leave, or what? Dude, that guy is way too domestic for a demon. Wonder if that's why Loire made a guy like me on her second go-round.
I haven't been to see 'dini in way too long. I hope her and Death are still getting along or I'll never see her again. Which is totally fucked up.
Oh, did I mention that my dreams were the frickin' Moral Tales of Adi? I've got like- 10 commandments to follow, or accept, or whatever. Actually, yeah, I like the sound of that. Let me see if I can spell it out.
10 COMMANDMENTS OF DEMONKIND, FIRST AND PROBABLY THE ONLY DRAFT 'CAUSE ADI'S GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THEN REVISE SHIT.
1. Thou art not your human form. Calvin Thomas is a douchebag who tripped on a fucking balcony railing and spread his brains over the pavement like jam on toast. You should be happy you are not stupid Calvin Thomas.
2. Thou art not to tell anybody your human form knew that they're a soul trapped in thy body. No, for serious. You will fuck their poor little minds up.
3. Sure, thou can travel through time, but don't go nuts. Time travel is not for making a fortune on the New York Stock exchange so you can literally screw all the best whores in all of history.
4. Thou must obey the campsite rule in dealings with mortals. "Always leave them in better shape than you found them". This also goes for if you're a Cougar giving head to some first year college student, FYI.
5. Honor and Obey your Demon Lord/Lady. ESPECIALLY DAMA. OR HE WILL FUCKING CUT YOU.
6. Thou will never really understand what's going on here. So don't even waste your time trying.
7. Thou shalt not get attached to fragile things. So far as I can tell they mean mortals, here.
8. Never ask favors of Death. ...I'm pleadin' the 5th in two different ways, here.
9. Thou shalt not avoid your human form's last wish. Not consciously, apparently. Maybe that's why Dama hasn't told me what Calvin's wish was yet?
10. Thou hast no soul of your own. When you "die", you just disappear. Don't expect there to be some sorta 'other side'- you've seen it. And demons don't go there unless they're on vacation
Fun facts! Hope I didn't- y'know- traumatize anybody already screwing a demon or nothing.
Means I'm back, man! Properly. No fucking around, this time- and I mean that FIGURATIVELY, ladies, don't get disappointed. 'Cause actually there'll be plenty of fucking around. Just- not in the ways of chasing Italians. Well, not Italian dudes, anyway. Aw, hell, this isn't coming out right!
Anyway! No more sleeping, and cooking lasses at the community centre with Kitty, and more horny demonesses than you could shake a stick at. All of those things make me pretty frickin' happy. Even having missions again is pretty sweet. I even get a power boost, seeing as I'm covering for Jad. Dama can't get that guy out of his house for a second. I guess Jad's on daddy-maternity-leave, or what? Dude, that guy is way too domestic for a demon. Wonder if that's why Loire made a guy like me on her second go-round.
I haven't been to see 'dini in way too long. I hope her and Death are still getting along or I'll never see her again. Which is totally fucked up.
Oh, did I mention that my dreams were the frickin' Moral Tales of Adi? I've got like- 10 commandments to follow, or accept, or whatever. Actually, yeah, I like the sound of that. Let me see if I can spell it out.
10 COMMANDMENTS OF DEMONKIND, FIRST AND PROBABLY THE ONLY DRAFT 'CAUSE ADI'S GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THEN REVISE SHIT.
1. Thou art not your human form. Calvin Thomas is a douchebag who tripped on a fucking balcony railing and spread his brains over the pavement like jam on toast. You should be happy you are not stupid Calvin Thomas.
2. Thou art not to tell anybody your human form knew that they're a soul trapped in thy body. No, for serious. You will fuck their poor little minds up.
3. Sure, thou can travel through time, but don't go nuts. Time travel is not for making a fortune on the New York Stock exchange so you can literally screw all the best whores in all of history.
4. Thou must obey the campsite rule in dealings with mortals. "Always leave them in better shape than you found them". This also goes for if you're a Cougar giving head to some first year college student, FYI.
5. Honor and Obey your Demon Lord/Lady. ESPECIALLY DAMA. OR HE WILL FUCKING CUT YOU.
6. Thou will never really understand what's going on here. So don't even waste your time trying.
7. Thou shalt not get attached to fragile things. So far as I can tell they mean mortals, here.
8. Never ask favors of Death. ...I'm pleadin' the 5th in two different ways, here.
9. Thou shalt not avoid your human form's last wish. Not consciously, apparently. Maybe that's why Dama hasn't told me what Calvin's wish was yet?
10. Thou hast no soul of your own. When you "die", you just disappear. Don't expect there to be some sorta 'other side'- you've seen it. And demons don't go there unless they're on vacation
Fun facts! Hope I didn't- y'know- traumatize anybody already screwing a demon or nothing.