(no subject)
Ok, today was pretty cool. I did my usual monday morning work out at the fitness centre for three hours. I talked to Tony about cool things. I avoided Denis all day because I think that HEEEEEE should be THE ONE TO TALK TO ME!!!! and he thinks I'm angry at him (well I am but I want to talk to him and about wether or not he wants to wait or just call it off). I just want him to talk to me about it, not hide it. I think that's what I miss about Ian. He was direct, like he would keep certain things to himself (which I wound up figuring out because he's pretty easy to read most of the time...most...not ALL the time). I really miss Ian and talking to him. So I think I'll try to do something with him soon. I need my dose of him soon. I still really like him, he means a lot to me as a friend, he's been there often for me, and I think I've been there for him too. We're close in ways that I can't even begin to express verbally. Sometimes I miss being with him (even thougnI know that I couldn't be with him, not at the point I am in life, sometimes I wish we would have met later, but then again if we hadn't met then, there might not have been a later, he helped me come to terms with it...not deny who I was). So, I'm giving Denis to the end of the week to tell me what's up with him or to come talk to me, if he doesn't then that's too fucking bad for him because I'll have given him a chance. I mean, I know I'm
"seme" of this "relationship" but for christ's sake why the fuck can he not fucking just talk to me, I think he'll be too shy to do it. I really doubt he'll talk to me. I mean I'd rather not get my hopes up because I've gotten fucked before. If this doesn't work out, if he doesn't talk to me by friday I'm taking his answer quite literally, and NO WE CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS THAT'S FOR FUCKING SURE. I can stay friends with people who mean something to me or people who deserve it. He doesn't deserve it, not right now, he better fucking say something to me that's real nice if he expects me to "be friends" with him; he better talk to me (I don't care what his answer is if he's nice about it then I might consider being his friend...maybe) before friday or he will have astounded me with his level of shit for dating etiquette. JESUS CHIRST! I can't believe I am this pissed off over something that souldn't mean fuck to me! I mean, it's not like we were BF/BF yet, were we? I mean, I liked him/ like him. BUT LIKE WTF... WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? THIS IS SO FUCKING HETERO OF ME...AND SO VERY UNGAY...I WISH I COULD TAKE IT LIKE BRIAN.
WAIT, I ranted, oh yeah, I had organic chemistry and a physics lab, noth were boring to a degree of sin. They really tease me with their shit. I can't believe I listen to my terachers in class. I try as hard as I can to zone out sometimes it doesn't work...it's like a reflex.
anyhow, I gotta leave
~sebi-chan!~
"seme" of this "relationship" but for christ's sake why the fuck can he not fucking just talk to me, I think he'll be too shy to do it. I really doubt he'll talk to me. I mean I'd rather not get my hopes up because I've gotten fucked before. If this doesn't work out, if he doesn't talk to me by friday I'm taking his answer quite literally, and NO WE CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS THAT'S FOR FUCKING SURE. I can stay friends with people who mean something to me or people who deserve it. He doesn't deserve it, not right now, he better fucking say something to me that's real nice if he expects me to "be friends" with him; he better talk to me (I don't care what his answer is if he's nice about it then I might consider being his friend...maybe) before friday or he will have astounded me with his level of shit for dating etiquette. JESUS CHIRST! I can't believe I am this pissed off over something that souldn't mean fuck to me! I mean, it's not like we were BF/BF yet, were we? I mean, I liked him/ like him. BUT LIKE WTF... WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? THIS IS SO FUCKING HETERO OF ME...AND SO VERY UNGAY...I WISH I COULD TAKE IT LIKE BRIAN.
WAIT, I ranted, oh yeah, I had organic chemistry and a physics lab, noth were boring to a degree of sin. They really tease me with their shit. I can't believe I listen to my terachers in class. I try as hard as I can to zone out sometimes it doesn't work...it's like a reflex.
anyhow, I gotta leave
~sebi-chan!~