Make the Best of the Time We Have (Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, and the rest of the gang) Part 2 of 2
Title: Make the Best of the Time We Have
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Characters: Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Alex Louis Armstrong (gen- no pairings)
Word Count: 15,338
Rating: PG-13, some adult concepts.
Summary: Jean Havoc's life changes drastically. Will his life, or the lives of the people who care about him ever be the same?
Warnings: Has mentions of capture and abuse, one semi-graphic scene.
Notes: This is AU fic, set in an undetermined time soon after Hughes' death. Not specific to the anime or manga. I obviously don't own the characters, as much as I would like to. The cow does.
This was supposed to be done for the FMA_Big Bang, but unfortunately I had the worst month of my life in January, and I just couldn't finish it. It's a damn shame. I would have loved to see it illustrated. (Anyone wanna give it a shot??)
Thank you to Emma, Heather, and everyone else who helped this behemoth FINALLY come to life.
He was almost done with his coffee and had been perusing the morning paper when he heard a knock at the door. Roy looked nervously at the bedroom door down the hallway, but he didn't hear any noise coming from it. He quickly got up and went to the door.
“Hawkeye, thank you for coming.” As usual, she looked crisp and formal in her dress blues. She gave him a sharp look that softened after a moment.
“Sir, you look terrible. Is everything okay?”
“Come in, Lieutenant. We need to talk about some things. I have some coffee ready.”
A few minutes later, the officers were seated at the table with coffee and buttered toast. It wasn't much, but Roy wasn't hungry and wasn't up to making anything else, and Hawkeye was too worried to eat.
“Sir, is Lieutenant Havoc okay? Is he here?”
“He's here. I think he's asleep, so please, keep your voice down. I think it'll be best to let him sleep for as long as he can.”
“I imagine he's worn out. You look like you could use some sleep as well, sir.”
“I probably could, Lieutenant. But not now.” He ran his hand over his face, trying to figure out how to explain this. “I told you that Havoc is... not the same as he was. I think I need to explain what happened to him.”
“Sir?”
Roy took a sip of his coffee, and then started his tale.
When Roy finished his story, both of their coffees sat, cold and untouched. He leaned back in his chair, thoroughly drained. Throughout the whole thing, Hawkeye had sat- stiff and still in her chair, only letting out a couple small gasps of surprise. After Roy finished, she was quiet for a few moments, not sure what to say.
“He... is... a chimera.”
“Yes.”
“And he has.. ears, and claws, sharp teeth and a tail.”
“Yes.”
“So... what are we supposed to do now?”
“That's why I called this meeting, Lieutenant. Right now, he's so jumpy that I can hardly get close to him.” He had mercifully left out the two times that the chimera had urinated himself out of shock and fear. The poor man already had his last shreds of dignity taken away in that dirty lab in the warehouse district of Central City.
“I'm hoping we can come up with a plan. But for right now, he's going to have to stay here, at least until he can... stabilize a bit. He's a nervous wreck, and he needs to calm down a bit before we try to do anything else with him. “
“I think that's the best plan for now, sir. What can the rest of us do?”
“Well, I can't leave him alone here. I'm going to have to go back to work in a couple of days. I can take a few days of medical leave, perhaps if I tell the higher ups that the stress of looking for my subordinate has exhausted me. But they are going to want Havoc, or his body. We can't tell them what's happened to him. So we need to decide what to say. Then we all have to get on the same page, tell them the same thing, so they won't find out the truth.”
“I agree, sir, though I don't know what to tell the commanders.” Hawkeye admitted sheepishly.
“I'm not sure either. I'm hoping we can brainstorm and come up with what to explain to them, but we will have to-”
Roy's response was cut short when the door to the bedroom squeaked open, and the flat pad of footsteps came from the hallway. The alchemist only had a few moments to panic before Jean stood in front of them, stark naked, using the back of his hand to wipe the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes.
As soon as he saw the two wide eyed people looking at him from the kitchen table, he whimpered softly, tucked his tail between his legs, and ran back into the bedroom.
“Sir...”
“Yes, Lieutenant.”
“Havoc.”
“Yes, Lieutenant. That was Havoc. You didn't believe me until you saw him, did you?”
Roy was surprised to hear Hawkeye actually sputter over her words for a moment. In all the years under his command, he'd never seen her at a loss for words before.
“Well, sir... I had no reason to to think you were lying, but what you were telling me, it's a bit hard to believe. That is...”
“That is, until now.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I told him you guys were coming, and he got more lucid again. He said that he didn't want you all to see him because he's a monster. I told him he wasn't but... do you know what the worst part is, Lieutenant?”
“What, sir?”
“That even as I said it, it felt like a lie. He isn't a monster. He's so scared, and I am sure that he would never actually hurt anyone. But he isn't human any more. And if that isn't a monster, well, I'm not sure what is.”
The house was silent enough that both of them could clearly hear the loud whimpering coming from behind the still open door of the bedroom.
“Perhaps you should go talk to him, sir.” Her voice was soft but firm. She picked up the small duffel bag that she had filled with some of Jean's clothing and toiletries and handed it to the Colonel. “Maybe seeing his clothes will help him remember.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant.” He took the bag and walked back to the bedroom to find a large man shaped lump under the sheets. “Havoc, look. Lieutenant Hawkeye brought some of your stuff. Maybe this will help you relax a little.
The sheets rustled, and Jean poked his head out and blinked his bright blue eyes in a way that Roy would have almost found funny if the circumstances had been anything but what they were at this moment.
He kneeled down and opened up the bag, rifling through it for a moment before showing the chimera one of the fairly tight black short sleeve t-shirts that he usually wore underneath his uniform.
Roy could see the recognition flash in Jean's eyes, so he threw the shirt on the bed. It startled the blond for a moment, but when he determined that it was not a threat, he leaned close to it and started sniffing at it. It smelt so familiar, a particular kind of detergent that he remembered he used, the cologne that ended up soaking into the collar, and the brand of cigarettes that had always calmed his frayed nerves and relaxed his tensed muscles.
“My... shirt.” Jean whispered so low that Roy almost missed it.
“Yes, Havoc. It is. If you want, you can put it on.” He could only hope it would be that easy to get him dressed. Jean looked at the shirt, sniffing at it and turning it in different directions, taking it all in.
Roy took a step forward and he sighed when he saw the chimera tense again. “I can help you put it on if you want.” He took another step forward, and Jean eyed him warily, but didn't back away. It was a small victory.
“You'll have to get out from under the covers. Trust me, Lieutenant. I'm not going to hurt you. In all the time I've been here with you, I've never hurt you, have I?” Jean shook his head. “And all I want to do is help you get dressed. I promise. I won't touch you any more than I have to.”
Tentatively, nervously, Jean emerged from the sheets. Roy walked to the bed. Jean stiffened up, but he managed to stay still while Roy took the shirt and gathered up the material so it would go over his head faster.
“Okay, this has to go over your head, Jean.” He wished that Hawkeye had brought a button up shirt, but he hadn't specified, so this would have to do for now. “I don't want you getting scared. It's going to get dark for a second, then it'll be all over. Alright?” Jean cocked his head to the side in a puzzled glance. Roy had no idea if he understood, but it was too late to go back now.
In one swift moment the alchemist pulled the shirt over his head and tugged it downward. He heard Jean yelp in surprise and try to jerk away, but by then Roy already had it around his neck. He waited a few moments for the chimera to calm down, gently telling him that it was okay, the worst was over.
Roy looked down at the bed, expecting to find another product of Jean's surprise, but was pleasantly surprised that there was not a puddle on the bed. Still, he waited until the chimera had relaxed a little bit before finishing with the shirt. It took a little bit of struggling, but he finally got the shirt on Jean and sat back for a moment to admire his handiwork. Jean looked a bit surprised at this new predicament. Part of him remembered the scent and the feel of the material, but the chimera side of him didn't seem to know what to do.
“You used to wear these all the time. Do you remember?” There was hopefulness in the alchemist's voice.
“Not... sure.” Well, it was better than a 'no' Roy thought.
“I have some other clothes. It might help you feel more...” Normal? Human? Roy searched for the right word. “Warm.” It was weak reasoning, but he hoped that it would work. There was no answer forthcoming from the chimera, so he got back off the bed, picked up the duffel bag from the floor, and put it on the bed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to it. After rifling through it for a moment, he found a pair of Jean's boxers, and handed them to the chimera, who proceeded to touch and sniff at them with his usual wary curiosity.
“You... put them on your legs, and then pull them up. They'll keep you warm.” Despite everything that Roy had done so far, he was pretty sure he couldn't make himself help the chimera pull the boxers up if he didn't do it himself. But when Jean didn't make any move to show that he had understood, he knew that he was at least going to have to start to give him the idea.
He stood up again and took the boxers, carefully threading Jean's large feet through them, noting that the nails on his feet were closer to claws than toenails, just like his fingers. They weren't sharp, but he was sure that they could deal some damage if he wasn't careful.
“C-c-lothes?” Jean sounded slightly more in control of his facilities than he had been since the outburst where he called himself a monster.
“Yes, Havoc. Your clothes. I thought it might make you a little more comfortable if you were wearing them. Maybe it would help you remember. Just pull those up, okay?” he made the motion of pulling the boxers up on himself.
Jean looked down at the boxers that were pooled around his ankles. Roy made the motion again, and the chimera did the same thing to himself while not holding the material. Roy nodded and smiled and made the motion one more time. “Do that, while you are holding the boxers, so you pull them up to your waist.”
Finally, it seemed to click in Jean's head, and he pulled the boxers up, even shifting his weight off the bed to pull them all the way up to his waist, stopping right at the base of his tail, then he looked to the Colonel to gauge his reaction.
“Good boy!” Roy praised him with a smile, and he was surprised and glad to see Jean give a slight smile back. 'So I can praise him like a dog.' Roy thought to himself. 'Maybe that will help a little. But at least he had some clothes on. But he still needs pants if he's going to meet the rest of the group.' Roy looked at his watch. He didn't have much time before they arrived, but there was no way he was going to be able to rush Jean. That would only make it worse.
“Now, if you want, there is one more piece of clothing to put on.” He knew this one would require some extra help, especially with the button and fly, but at least there was something covering him up more fully. Roy pulled out a pair of black slacks from the bag. “You remember how you just pulled up those boxers? Well, these are the same. Just pull them up to the same place. You want to try it?”
Jean took the slacks from Roy's outstretched hand and sniffed at them, then looked back at Roy, cocking his head. The alchemist took the pants and gathered the material up again and put his feet through the legs and pulled them up to his knees, then stopped so Jean could finish.
“Can you do it the rest of the way?” The chimera nodded, unsure. He pulled the pants until they stopped where is boxers had, right below his tail. 'At least this makes it harder for him to tuck his tail between his legs' Roy thought to himself. 'Although, if he can't express his emotions with his body language it may make him feel more nervous. But this has to be done. I can think of a more permanent solution later. For now, this is the best I can do.'
“Stand up, please, Havoc.” Roy got up off the bed and took a step back to give Jean a comfortably wide berth. The chimera edged his way to the end of the bed and stood up. Unfortunately, the pants succumbed to gravity and fell back around his ankles, but Jean surprised the alchemist by leaning down and pulling them up and holding them there.
“Good boy.” Roy praised again, and Jean's smile was wider this time. “Now, we need to fasten the pants so they won't fall, okay?” Roy stepped forward again and gently buttoned the pants and zipped up the fly, then stepped away again. “There we go. Now you're dressed.” He decided that this was enough of a victory, and that trying for socks and shoes wouldn't be worth it, since he was staying inside the house for at least the foreseeable future. “How do you feel?”
Jean looked down at himself, pawing softly at the material of his shirt, then looked up to Roy, his ears flattening slightly into his hair. “Weird.” He answered simply.
Roy really didn't want to laugh at his former Lieutenant's predicament, but the honest, straightforward answer made him chuckle. Jean flashed Roy a confused look, and he immediately dropped his smile. “I'm sorry, Havoc. It's just the way you said it. I meant no offense.” Jean just continued to look at him, not giving any sort of response, so Roy changed the subject.
“As you may remember, Lieutenant Hawkeye is in the living room.” Roy hated to bring up that shock to the poor chimera's system, but if he was going to try to convince him to meet the rest of his men, then it was best to start with one and gradually work him up to the rest. “She'd like to meet with you, if you think you're up to it. Maybe she can help you start remembering more about who you are...” Roy couldn't bring himself to say 'was' instead of 'are', even if that was how he felt. “...then it may be good to talk to her. Don't you think?”
“Not... sure.” Jean sat back down on the bed and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I'm... different.”
“Yes, we're acutely aware of that. But you're still Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, the... man that we've worked with for years. We don't care what some monster did to you.” Roy cringed internally when he saw Jean's reaction at the word 'monster' and he made a mental note to use a different word.
“Not sure.” His voice sounded less convinced this time. Roy was fairly sure that his words were getting through to the more rational part of Jean. Somewhere inside, the more human side of him craved normalcy and the companionship of the few people who knew him best, outside his family.
Roy's eyes went wide. Family. He hadn't even thought about that. His family most likely had no idea that he had been missing for a week and a half, or what had happened to him. They deserved to know something. But what? That was something else he would have to discuss with his men when they arrived.
“You... okay?” Jean leaned in and sniffed at Roy. He could smell the fear and anxiety on the man, and it was making the chimera feel nervous. Roy immediately forced himself to calm down and pasted a smile on his face. He knew this would fool people in the office, but he also knew that the creature in front of him, that had formerly been his subordinate could read more than what was on the surface, He was just going to have to hope that he could convince him that he was okay.
Even though he wasn't.
“I'm fine, Havoc. I was just thinking about something I forgot to do at the office yesterday.” He lied. Jean didn't look too convinced, but he didn't press the point, much to Roy's relief.
“Would it be better if I asked her to come in here, since you feel more comfortable in this room? If you start to feel uncomfortable, I promise I'll ask her to leave. You can always put the bed covers over you.” Roy could only guess that going under the covers comforted the chimera by reminding him of a nice, cozy canine den. But if it calmed him down and helped, then that was fine with him.
“I'm going to go talk with her, and I'll tell her to stop in the doorway. You can talk with her there, and if you feel okay with it, maybe she can come in, okay?” Jean never made a movement or sound in the negative or positive, but the fact that he didn't immediately say no made Roy think that it might be okay. He could only hope that Jean was not going back into his catatonic state. It had been quite a while since he had retreated into himself, which was an encouraging sign.
“Okay, I'll be right back.” There was still no answer, and Roy headed back into the kitchen with nervous flutter to his stomach.
Hawkeye immediately put down the morning paper that she had been reading and stood up and saluted the Colonel, which he halfheartedly returned. “At ease, Lieutenant. Please, don't feel like you have to treat me like your superior here. You're a guest in my home.”
“Sir, about Lieutenant Havoc...”
Roy slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and sipped on the coffee that had long since turned cold, but right now he just didn't care. “I managed to get him dressed. I told him you wanted to talk to him. I thought that having his former coworkers talk to him, it might calm him down. He isn't as bad as when I first found him, but he's still pretty nervous.”
“Are you sure it's okay for me to go in there, sir? I'm not even sure what I would talk to him about.”
“I'd suggest normal topics. Make him feel like he never left. Talk about the weather, or something local. Perhaps talk about work, what's been going on in the office.”
“Okay. I will.” She folded the paper and stood up, taking a second to straighten out her blue jacket. “Are you going to be there?”
“I'll be behind you. I don't want to crowd him, but I want him to know that I'm there. I think he trusts me, so I will be around if he needs me. And I told him you'd stop at the door jamb. That way if he gets nervous, it'll be easy for you to leave if you need to.”
“You really thought this through, sir.” There was more than a little pride in her voice. “I just hope you're right about him wanting to talk to me.”
Roy downed the last of his cold coffee and stood up. “Let's go, Lieutenant. We don't have long before the others get here, and we need to see how he's going to react to company.”
Roy walked in front of her and stopped at the doorway of the bedroom, not surprised to see Jean in the exact same position that he had been. “Havoc, I brought Lieutenant Hawkeye. I'm going to be right here, but she wanted to talk to you for a few minutes, okay?” Knowing that he wouldn't get an answer if he waited, he stepped back, and Hawkeye stepped into the doorway.
“Hello, Lieutenant Havoc.” She waited a moment, waiting for a return greeting. When it became obvious that she wasn't going to get one, she cleared her throat. “It's nice to see you again. I'm glad you're alright. Everyone at the office was worried about you.” He tensed slightly but still stayed quiet, and she quickly changed the subject.
“It's much warmer outside than it was last night. The snow has almost melted away. Poor Hayate was disappointed. He loved running through the snow.” A small smile found its way onto Hawkeye's face. She was never one for unnecessary conversation, but she always enjoyed talking about her canine companion.
“Poor little guy is still so small that I was losing him in the snowdrifts. I had to keep reaching in to pull him out, using his barking to locate him. I finally had to bring him inside. My fingers were getting frozen and he was shaking from being cold and wet. But a warm blanket and some time in front of the radiator solved that issue.”
“Hayate.”
“Yes, Lieutenant. Do you remember? When Fuery first brought him in, you were joking around about how people in the east ...” She stopped, which made Jean regard her curiously.
“Well, never mind about that.” She had no idea how the chimera side would have reacted to him joking about eating dogs, so once again she changed the subject.
“There's nothing new going on in the office. Because of the weather, things have been pretty quiet. Armstrong was saying that his oldest sister would love this weather. She's the one that runs Briggs up north. I think the Colonel mentioned that you'd trained up north for a while. Is that right?”
“I... think I did.” He answered simply. She could tell that he was trying to remember something that just wouldn't come to him, so she pressed a little more, hoping to get more than a few words out of him.
“I met General Armstrong once. I don't think I've ever met anyone so adapted to where they were stationed. That woman made the snow feel warm.”
Both Roy and Hawkeye were amazed when a warm smile and a tiny chuckle came from Jean. “I... remember her.”
“I think she's one of those people that once you meet, you will never forget.” Hawkeye replied, and Jean nodded his head.
“You're doing great. He seems pretty relaxed.” Roy leaned in and whispered in her ear.
“I'm not sure what else to talk to him about. The last couple of weeks have been mostly about trying to find him. I don't think he wants to hear about that.”
“No, I'm sure he doesn't but other things are going on as well.”
Hawkeye looked back to Jean, who was looking at her patiently, waiting for her to say something else. She tried not to stare at the ears that were quizzically swiveling around, moving with each small sound in the room.
“There was going to be a Yule party in the office, but the bad weather made us cancel it.” She lied to him. It wouldn't make him feel any better that it had been canceled because the entire office was searching the length and breadth of Central for him.
“Gonna.. reschedule?” Riza could tell that he was trying so desperately to have a normal conversation, but he just wasn't sure what to say.
“No.” She said softly. “It's past New Years. So it would be pointless.” She forgot that Jean probably had no idea what day it was. “It is the 2nd today.”
“Oh.”
“It.. took us 10 days to find you, Lieutenant.” She sighed. No matter what she did, it always seemed to come back to what happened to him.
“Oh.”
“We searched the entire city and followed every single lead that we could, but even with all of our contacts, you were hidden pretty well.”
“Oh.”
Hawkeye wished he would say something else, but she guessed there really wasn't much for him to say in reply.
“But now you are here, and we're both glad to see you. And I'm sure that the rest of the office staff will be as well.” She paused when she saw him tense up again. “You don't have to see them all at once if you want to, but they'll be anxious to know that you're all right.”
“Not all right.”
“You are here, and you are alive. That is... more than we were expecting after 10 days of you being missing.” He could see the pain in her eyes. “So yes, you are all right.”
“I guess.”
Hawkeye looked back to her Colonel. He put a hand gently on her shoulder and pulled her back a little. “Let's let him relax for a few minutes before everyone gets here, and maybe we can have a couple of people come talk to him at a time, okay?”
“Yes sir.” There was obvious relief in her voice that she was released from talking to him. She didn't realize until she started to head back towards the kitchen how emotionally draining even that short conversation had been.
“Havoc, the rest of the men should be over shortly. If you want to take a little nap, I can wake you after they get there. We... have some things to discuss first. Then maybe, if you wanted to, you could talk to them, one or two at a time. I will do the same thing, just tell them to talk to you from the doorway. Would that be okay?”
“ 'M not okay.”
“Lieutenant Havoc,” Roy's voice took on an annoyed tone, “We've already discussed this. We can't change what's happened, but we're going to do everything we can to get your life back to normal. And it's important to re-establish the relationships with your coworkers.”
Jean looked down at himself, then over at Roy. “I guess.”
Roy sighed. He really didn't think he had the patience or energy to deal with this. But it had been thrust upon him, so he had no choice. “Just try to rest a little. I'll be back in a bit.” As he left, he closed the door softly behind him.
Hawkeye was reading the paper when he came in and collapsed into the chair once again. He rubbed his temples and let out a long breath. “I'm not sure if I can do this, Lieutenant. It's almost like babysitting a child. Sometimes he's okay, but he can fall to pieces at the drop of a hat.”
“With all due respect, sir, we really don't have a choice. I know it's hard, but we'll get through this. We're soldiers. It's what we do.”
Roy rubbed his eyes and sighed. “I know, Hawkeye. As usual, you're right.” He stood up and stretched languidly, then headed towards the ice box. “Would you like to help me start lunch? It's going to be simple, but I think everyone's going to have their minds on something other than food.”
“Yes, sir.” They made a tray of sandwiches surrounded by various fruits and vegetables, then set Roy's small table for 5 people and put the food and some pitchers of water and juice down.
“So, now all we can do is hurry up and wait.”
He had gotten through most of the first section of the paper when there was a knock on the door.
Roy sighed. “Well, here we go.” He put down the paper and let the rest of their group in.
“We're here, sir. Now what was it that you needed to talk to us about?” Breda's eyes widened slightly when he saw Hawkeye sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on a newly made cup of coffee.
“You sly dog, you!” Breda smiled and elbowed Roy in the ribs. “Not sure if you needed to invite us here to tell us that, but I'm happy for you.”
“Breda, stop being dense. That's not why I called you here. There's nothing going on between the Lieutenant and I. She's only been here a short time.”
“Okay, so why are we here?”
A few minutes later, they were all crowded around the small kitchen table, munching on sandwiches and drinking coffee and juice.
“You can guess that this isn't a social call.” Roy started, putting down his coffee. “We all know that Havoc had gone missing. I'm not sure if Hawkeye told you, but I found him.”
The gasps were audible. Everyone strained forward, waiting to hear what the Colonel had to say next.
“He was alive of course, but he was not the same.”
'What do you mean, not the same?” Breda's eyes thinned. He hadn't seen his best friend in close to two weeks, and he was tired of not knowing what was going on.'
“Shou Tucker found him first.” Roy was quiet for a moment. “He.. is a chimera.”
“A... what?”
“Chimera. Part human, part animal.”
“What... animal?”
“Some sort of dog, it seems. He looks mostly normal. Except for... well, he has ears and a tail.”
“Ears and a tail?” Breda stood up, pushing the chair back from the table so hard that it almost fell to the floor. “Where is he? I wanna see him.”
“Breda, he's sleeping right now. I think it'd be best to let him rest for a while. He's had a long night. I think we all have.”
The red haired man sat down and took a long draw from his coffee. “So.. we just sit here and wait.”
“I'll go check on him, see if he's still sleeping. He's still very jumpy, and I don't know if he can handle seeing all of you at once. He has seen me and he spoke with Hawkeye very briefly.”
“So... he can speak?” There was more than a small amount of hopefulness in Breda's voice.
“Well, yes, haltingly. Sometimes he wants to and sometimes he... doesn't. He just shuts himself off from the rest of the world. But that seems to be happening less, at least so far this morning. I'm hoping that's a trend that continues.”
Roy stood up. “Pardon me for a moment. I'll be right back.”
A good portion of the alchemist didn't want to disturb Jean if he was sleeping, but he knew that the others wanted reassurance that he was alright, and were curious about what he had become. And the sooner they got the shock out of their system, the better.
He didn't bother knocking on the door, he just opened it with a soft creak and peeked his head inside. Roy almost jumped back a foot when he saw the two reflective eyes staring back at him, barely peeking over the covers.
“Havoc. You're awake.”
“Yes.”
“Your coworkers are here.” Roy replied, trying to get his thumping heart back under control. “Breda especially wants to talk with you.”
“Breda.”
“Yes. Lieutenant Breda. You and him are good friends.”
“Yes.”
“So...” Awkward pause. “Do you want to speak with him?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I will send him in, just him. Fuery and Falman are here too. We're all in the kitchen if you think you would like to join us.”
“Dunno.”
“I'm not going to force you to. If you're not ready, then it's okay.”
“Breda.”
Roy smiled softly. “I'll go and send him in, and you can decide what you want to do after, okay?”
“Yes.”
With the way Jean was replying, Roy was a little worried that he was going to retreat back into himself like when he had first been found. But it was a good sign that he apparently wanted to speak to his best friend.
“Breda, Havoc wants to speak to you. I'd suggest that you stay in the doorway. It's best not to crowd him. He's still a bit skittish. I'll come back and check on you guys in a few minutes.” He gently put his hand on Breda's wide shoulder as a show of support, then pulled away and took a seat at the kitchen table.
About five minutes later, Roy was just getting up to walk back to the bedroom to see how it was going when Breda came back. His face was ashen white, and his hands were shaking.
“I... didn't really believe you. But you're right. He.. is a chimera. I.. saw his ears, and his fangs, and the claws on his hands. He... he's a chimera.”
Roy shared a knowing look with Hawkeye, who just rolled her eyes at him.
“I know. It was hard for me to believe when I first saw him. But he is what he is. And that's why I brought you all here. We need to decide what we're going to do. Right now, the rest of the world thinks that he's missing, or dead. It's up to us to decide who we can trust with the knowledge of what really happened to him.
***
They sat around the table, staring silently at each other as they tried to come to a conclusion as to what should be done about their unfortunate coworker. They'd mulled over several ideas, such as sending the blond back to live with his parents. This seemed like a likely solution as Roy would no longer be responsible for taking care of the flighty chimera, something the alchemist was hoping for.
Of course he cared about Jean's welfare, but Roy wasn't sure that he was the best person to be caring for him. What if he got sick? Or injured? What would he do, then? He'd only been caring for him for a day and he was already at his wit's end.
If the chimera ended up living with his parents in the countryside then he would be far from the prying eyes of Central and he would be much safer than he if he stayed in the large city. But, at the same time, he couldn't push the burden of caring for him off on the man's parents. He wasn't even sure Jean wanted to see them, yet. And he definitely wasn't sure if his parents were ready for the shock of what had happened to their only child.
Another option they'd considered was that Jean would stay with Roy and live out his life there, like some bizarre pet. Havoc trusted Roy, apparently more than he trusted anyone else. But Roy vehemently rejected that idea. He didn't have the patience to take care of Jean forever, and it seemed unfair to Jean to have him cooped up for the foreseeable future in this small house.
That left option number three. Try and teach Jean how to act human again, how to blend in with the rest of society and function normally once more. But this relied heavily on Jean. Would the chimera even want to be human again? And if he did, was he capable of becoming human enough to be able to go out in public?
Breda insisted that he would, but Roy wasn't so sure. Jean was terrified of anything that moved. It would be impossible to anticipate everything out in the world. There was a very high likelihood that it wouldn't work. The blond could freak out at something simple and ruin everything that they had worked on. It was a plan guaranteed to result in failure. Utter, complete failure for everyone involved.
Which brought them back to where they had started, staring wordlessly at each other as if the answer would simply fall from the sky.
"He'll just have to stay with me for a while." Roy said finally, feeling his sanity crack at the mere suggestion of having to care for the frustrating chimera even longer. He didn't know what he'd hoped to accomplish in calling them all together. Maybe some miracle, who knows. Either way, the end result was plainly clear for them all to see. There was no other option. Until Jean began to regain some semblance of who he had been before he became a chimera, he couldn't be allowed to go outside. If, at some point, he recovered enough of his humanity back, he could start to relearn how to function in public. But, for now, they were stuck with no other options.
His staff left a short time later, leaving Roy once again alone with a man, a monster, a chimera in his home- scared and feeling just as alone as the alchemist was the moment.
Roy sighed softly as he opened the door to his bedroom, pausing in the door frame to watch the sleeping chimera. He felt a sort of... familial affection for the poor man. Perhaps it was because he'd already spent so much energy taking care of him, but the idea of dealing with him just a little bit longer didn't suddenly sound so terrible. He went in, quietly padding across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the blond. Pale, graceful fingers brushed the hair back from his forehead, gently rubbing the downy soft ears. Blue eyes fluttered open and Roy tensed- ready for the worst, but it seemed that Havoc was too exhausted from the strain of the day to react with any more than a confused glance. Or maybe Jean was finally starting to trust him. It seemed unlikely, but it was a nice thought.
"Sorry to wake you, Lieutenant." he murmured, pulling his hand away. "I'll give you some space." He stood to go, moving a step towards the door with a stiff drink at the forefront of his mind when a soft whine from behind made him pause.
Clawed fingers hesitantly reached out to grip the hem of his shirt.
"Do you want me to stay, Havoc?" Roy asked, turning to look back at him. Jean was quiet as he withdrew back under the covers before he saw the almost imperceptible nod. Not sure if he was dreaming this, the alchemist sat down on the edge of the bed again. "Alright, Lieutenant. I'll stay."
He sat there for a moment with his hands gripping the bed on either side of him when something soft rubbed against his wrist. He blinked and looked down to see that Jean was rubbing his head plaintively against him. He lifted his hand and watched as the blond settled back on his haunches, blue eyes wary and uncertain.
Slowly, Roy raised his hand and began to pet him once more, cautiously rubbing at the soft, furry ears and golden hair. The tenseness melted from Havoc's body and he slowly settled back down on the bed once more, his eyes slowly closing.
Roy smiled, stifling a chuckle at how content Jean seemed with something as simple as an ear rub. It was strange, to say the least, but after everything that the chimera had accomplished today, he deserved to be able to relax, and enjoy Roy petting him as he fell asleep.
He waited until the Lieutenant's breathing became slower and more rhythmic and he was entirely limp before he stood, carefully tucking the blankets in around Jean to keep from waking him. "Goodnight, Havoc." he murmured, giving his soft hair one last pat before he left. It would be hard, taking care of the chimera, that much was certain. But after all the loyalty that Jean had shown him over the years that they had worked together, it seemed that the least Roy could do was offer him somewhere safe to live.
He knew that he couldn't fix Jean or change what had already happened. But what he could do was become Fuhrer and offer the chimera his protection. Without a cruel dictatorship in control, Roy wouldn't have to worry about the blond being carted off to a lab.
Until that day came, however, Roy could only offer Jean one thing. The thing he needed most right now. A home.
Epilogue
Jean settled into the bar stool, waving the bartender over to request another beer. He tilted his head to the side- carefully- to keep his hat on his head, even though it was a half size smaller than what he would have normally wore. But even the headache that wearing it gave him after a long day was worth it, because it meant his freedom.
He didn't mind the odd stares that people gave him when he didn't take off the cap inside. It went against his years of military training, and he had caught himself more than once almost ready to remove it in public. If anyone asked him about it, he explained that he had a very bad scar on his head that he preferred not to show, and most of the time it worked. When it didn't, he simply found another place to go.
Now that he could finally get out of the house, he wasn't going to let something as simple as wearing a hat ruin the fact that he was able to do things that normal humans took for granted every day of their lives. He lamented with a smile that most people had no idea of the freedoms that they enjoyed day in and day out, and how even the simplest of things could be taken away so quickly.
He would never forget the first time he walked out of Roy's house. It'd been a bombastic deluge of sights and smells and sounds that overwhelmed his newly attuned senses and made him whimper and run back inside and under Roy's bed, where he hid for the better part of an hour. It had taken quite a bit of cajoling and bribing to get Jean out from underneath it. And it took weeks before he had dared to want to go out again.
Each time he went outside, it got a little better. The second time he stepped out of the threshold of Roy's house, he actually got down the front steps before he turned around and went back inside. That time he simply went in the house and closed the door behind him instead of hiding and curling up into a little ball of fear and anxiousness.
“Havoc.” Roy's voice cut through his thoughts, and he looked over at the man, a small grin on his face.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about.. things.” He didn't need to say anything more. Jean hadn't even realized that he was drumming his fingernails on the bar until he heard the telltale clicking that rang loudly in his ears. The chimera immediately stopped, looking around nervously. Deep in his mind, he knew that normal human ears wouldn't pick up the difference in tone from his nails that had been cut back and filed down to look as human as they could, but to him it was painfully obvious, and it made him shift nervously in his seat.
“Please, Havoc. Relax. I know this is a little strange, but it's fine. You're a patron of this establishment, just like everyone else.”
A canted grin filled Jean's face. “Just like everyone else.” He parroted, which made Roy wince slightly. It hadn't been that long ago when that was all that the chimera would do. He had come so far, but it had a road fraught with frustration. It was Jeans' determination and stubbornness that had gotten him this far. He simply didn't let himself give up. The road was long and hard, and he stumbled quite a bit, but he had a lot of friends to help him back up onto his feet when he fell. “I wish that was true.” It took all of his will power to not move the tail that he had tied down tight against his left leg, hiding it behind a pair of pants that were a couple of sizes too large to shield the extra bulk.
Roy nodded his head slightly, acknowledging that he understood and agreed with what Jean had said. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Roy raised his glass of scotch, clinking it against Jean's beer bottle. “Your life may be a lot different than it was before, and I am sure that it's not easy, but you're alive. And all we can do is make the best of the time we have.” A sadness came behind Roy's eyes, and Jean knew that the comment had not been directly solely at him.
“Yes, you're right.” Jean downed the rest of the beer in a few gulps, then slammed the empty bottle down onto the wooden bar. As much as he wanted to have another, to let sweet inebriation take him away from the dull, empty ache that he felt inside, he knew that it was a bad idea. He had to be careful- he couldn't handle beer like he used to, and he didn't dare get drunk and risk doing something stupid to expose his secret. Everything that they had worked so hard for, for almost a year, would be ruined.
“To the unknown future. Let's hope it only gets better from here.” Roy downed the rest of his scotch and smiled over at his former subordinate. It was obvious that Jean would never be the same, but at least for now, it looked like things might just be alright.
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Characters: Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Alex Louis Armstrong (gen- no pairings)
Word Count: 15,338
Rating: PG-13, some adult concepts.
Summary: Jean Havoc's life changes drastically. Will his life, or the lives of the people who care about him ever be the same?
Warnings: Has mentions of capture and abuse, one semi-graphic scene.
Notes: This is AU fic, set in an undetermined time soon after Hughes' death. Not specific to the anime or manga. I obviously don't own the characters, as much as I would like to. The cow does.
This was supposed to be done for the FMA_Big Bang, but unfortunately I had the worst month of my life in January, and I just couldn't finish it. It's a damn shame. I would have loved to see it illustrated. (Anyone wanna give it a shot??)
Thank you to Emma, Heather, and everyone else who helped this behemoth FINALLY come to life.
He was almost done with his coffee and had been perusing the morning paper when he heard a knock at the door. Roy looked nervously at the bedroom door down the hallway, but he didn't hear any noise coming from it. He quickly got up and went to the door.
“Hawkeye, thank you for coming.” As usual, she looked crisp and formal in her dress blues. She gave him a sharp look that softened after a moment.
“Sir, you look terrible. Is everything okay?”
“Come in, Lieutenant. We need to talk about some things. I have some coffee ready.”
A few minutes later, the officers were seated at the table with coffee and buttered toast. It wasn't much, but Roy wasn't hungry and wasn't up to making anything else, and Hawkeye was too worried to eat.
“Sir, is Lieutenant Havoc okay? Is he here?”
“He's here. I think he's asleep, so please, keep your voice down. I think it'll be best to let him sleep for as long as he can.”
“I imagine he's worn out. You look like you could use some sleep as well, sir.”
“I probably could, Lieutenant. But not now.” He ran his hand over his face, trying to figure out how to explain this. “I told you that Havoc is... not the same as he was. I think I need to explain what happened to him.”
“Sir?”
Roy took a sip of his coffee, and then started his tale.
When Roy finished his story, both of their coffees sat, cold and untouched. He leaned back in his chair, thoroughly drained. Throughout the whole thing, Hawkeye had sat- stiff and still in her chair, only letting out a couple small gasps of surprise. After Roy finished, she was quiet for a few moments, not sure what to say.
“He... is... a chimera.”
“Yes.”
“And he has.. ears, and claws, sharp teeth and a tail.”
“Yes.”
“So... what are we supposed to do now?”
“That's why I called this meeting, Lieutenant. Right now, he's so jumpy that I can hardly get close to him.” He had mercifully left out the two times that the chimera had urinated himself out of shock and fear. The poor man already had his last shreds of dignity taken away in that dirty lab in the warehouse district of Central City.
“I'm hoping we can come up with a plan. But for right now, he's going to have to stay here, at least until he can... stabilize a bit. He's a nervous wreck, and he needs to calm down a bit before we try to do anything else with him. “
“I think that's the best plan for now, sir. What can the rest of us do?”
“Well, I can't leave him alone here. I'm going to have to go back to work in a couple of days. I can take a few days of medical leave, perhaps if I tell the higher ups that the stress of looking for my subordinate has exhausted me. But they are going to want Havoc, or his body. We can't tell them what's happened to him. So we need to decide what to say. Then we all have to get on the same page, tell them the same thing, so they won't find out the truth.”
“I agree, sir, though I don't know what to tell the commanders.” Hawkeye admitted sheepishly.
“I'm not sure either. I'm hoping we can brainstorm and come up with what to explain to them, but we will have to-”
Roy's response was cut short when the door to the bedroom squeaked open, and the flat pad of footsteps came from the hallway. The alchemist only had a few moments to panic before Jean stood in front of them, stark naked, using the back of his hand to wipe the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes.
As soon as he saw the two wide eyed people looking at him from the kitchen table, he whimpered softly, tucked his tail between his legs, and ran back into the bedroom.
“Sir...”
“Yes, Lieutenant.”
“Havoc.”
“Yes, Lieutenant. That was Havoc. You didn't believe me until you saw him, did you?”
Roy was surprised to hear Hawkeye actually sputter over her words for a moment. In all the years under his command, he'd never seen her at a loss for words before.
“Well, sir... I had no reason to to think you were lying, but what you were telling me, it's a bit hard to believe. That is...”
“That is, until now.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I told him you guys were coming, and he got more lucid again. He said that he didn't want you all to see him because he's a monster. I told him he wasn't but... do you know what the worst part is, Lieutenant?”
“What, sir?”
“That even as I said it, it felt like a lie. He isn't a monster. He's so scared, and I am sure that he would never actually hurt anyone. But he isn't human any more. And if that isn't a monster, well, I'm not sure what is.”
The house was silent enough that both of them could clearly hear the loud whimpering coming from behind the still open door of the bedroom.
“Perhaps you should go talk to him, sir.” Her voice was soft but firm. She picked up the small duffel bag that she had filled with some of Jean's clothing and toiletries and handed it to the Colonel. “Maybe seeing his clothes will help him remember.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant.” He took the bag and walked back to the bedroom to find a large man shaped lump under the sheets. “Havoc, look. Lieutenant Hawkeye brought some of your stuff. Maybe this will help you relax a little.
The sheets rustled, and Jean poked his head out and blinked his bright blue eyes in a way that Roy would have almost found funny if the circumstances had been anything but what they were at this moment.
He kneeled down and opened up the bag, rifling through it for a moment before showing the chimera one of the fairly tight black short sleeve t-shirts that he usually wore underneath his uniform.
Roy could see the recognition flash in Jean's eyes, so he threw the shirt on the bed. It startled the blond for a moment, but when he determined that it was not a threat, he leaned close to it and started sniffing at it. It smelt so familiar, a particular kind of detergent that he remembered he used, the cologne that ended up soaking into the collar, and the brand of cigarettes that had always calmed his frayed nerves and relaxed his tensed muscles.
“My... shirt.” Jean whispered so low that Roy almost missed it.
“Yes, Havoc. It is. If you want, you can put it on.” He could only hope it would be that easy to get him dressed. Jean looked at the shirt, sniffing at it and turning it in different directions, taking it all in.
Roy took a step forward and he sighed when he saw the chimera tense again. “I can help you put it on if you want.” He took another step forward, and Jean eyed him warily, but didn't back away. It was a small victory.
“You'll have to get out from under the covers. Trust me, Lieutenant. I'm not going to hurt you. In all the time I've been here with you, I've never hurt you, have I?” Jean shook his head. “And all I want to do is help you get dressed. I promise. I won't touch you any more than I have to.”
Tentatively, nervously, Jean emerged from the sheets. Roy walked to the bed. Jean stiffened up, but he managed to stay still while Roy took the shirt and gathered up the material so it would go over his head faster.
“Okay, this has to go over your head, Jean.” He wished that Hawkeye had brought a button up shirt, but he hadn't specified, so this would have to do for now. “I don't want you getting scared. It's going to get dark for a second, then it'll be all over. Alright?” Jean cocked his head to the side in a puzzled glance. Roy had no idea if he understood, but it was too late to go back now.
In one swift moment the alchemist pulled the shirt over his head and tugged it downward. He heard Jean yelp in surprise and try to jerk away, but by then Roy already had it around his neck. He waited a few moments for the chimera to calm down, gently telling him that it was okay, the worst was over.
Roy looked down at the bed, expecting to find another product of Jean's surprise, but was pleasantly surprised that there was not a puddle on the bed. Still, he waited until the chimera had relaxed a little bit before finishing with the shirt. It took a little bit of struggling, but he finally got the shirt on Jean and sat back for a moment to admire his handiwork. Jean looked a bit surprised at this new predicament. Part of him remembered the scent and the feel of the material, but the chimera side of him didn't seem to know what to do.
“You used to wear these all the time. Do you remember?” There was hopefulness in the alchemist's voice.
“Not... sure.” Well, it was better than a 'no' Roy thought.
“I have some other clothes. It might help you feel more...” Normal? Human? Roy searched for the right word. “Warm.” It was weak reasoning, but he hoped that it would work. There was no answer forthcoming from the chimera, so he got back off the bed, picked up the duffel bag from the floor, and put it on the bed, sitting on the edge of the bed next to it. After rifling through it for a moment, he found a pair of Jean's boxers, and handed them to the chimera, who proceeded to touch and sniff at them with his usual wary curiosity.
“You... put them on your legs, and then pull them up. They'll keep you warm.” Despite everything that Roy had done so far, he was pretty sure he couldn't make himself help the chimera pull the boxers up if he didn't do it himself. But when Jean didn't make any move to show that he had understood, he knew that he was at least going to have to start to give him the idea.
He stood up again and took the boxers, carefully threading Jean's large feet through them, noting that the nails on his feet were closer to claws than toenails, just like his fingers. They weren't sharp, but he was sure that they could deal some damage if he wasn't careful.
“C-c-lothes?” Jean sounded slightly more in control of his facilities than he had been since the outburst where he called himself a monster.
“Yes, Havoc. Your clothes. I thought it might make you a little more comfortable if you were wearing them. Maybe it would help you remember. Just pull those up, okay?” he made the motion of pulling the boxers up on himself.
Jean looked down at the boxers that were pooled around his ankles. Roy made the motion again, and the chimera did the same thing to himself while not holding the material. Roy nodded and smiled and made the motion one more time. “Do that, while you are holding the boxers, so you pull them up to your waist.”
Finally, it seemed to click in Jean's head, and he pulled the boxers up, even shifting his weight off the bed to pull them all the way up to his waist, stopping right at the base of his tail, then he looked to the Colonel to gauge his reaction.
“Good boy!” Roy praised him with a smile, and he was surprised and glad to see Jean give a slight smile back. 'So I can praise him like a dog.' Roy thought to himself. 'Maybe that will help a little. But at least he had some clothes on. But he still needs pants if he's going to meet the rest of the group.' Roy looked at his watch. He didn't have much time before they arrived, but there was no way he was going to be able to rush Jean. That would only make it worse.
“Now, if you want, there is one more piece of clothing to put on.” He knew this one would require some extra help, especially with the button and fly, but at least there was something covering him up more fully. Roy pulled out a pair of black slacks from the bag. “You remember how you just pulled up those boxers? Well, these are the same. Just pull them up to the same place. You want to try it?”
Jean took the slacks from Roy's outstretched hand and sniffed at them, then looked back at Roy, cocking his head. The alchemist took the pants and gathered the material up again and put his feet through the legs and pulled them up to his knees, then stopped so Jean could finish.
“Can you do it the rest of the way?” The chimera nodded, unsure. He pulled the pants until they stopped where is boxers had, right below his tail. 'At least this makes it harder for him to tuck his tail between his legs' Roy thought to himself. 'Although, if he can't express his emotions with his body language it may make him feel more nervous. But this has to be done. I can think of a more permanent solution later. For now, this is the best I can do.'
“Stand up, please, Havoc.” Roy got up off the bed and took a step back to give Jean a comfortably wide berth. The chimera edged his way to the end of the bed and stood up. Unfortunately, the pants succumbed to gravity and fell back around his ankles, but Jean surprised the alchemist by leaning down and pulling them up and holding them there.
“Good boy.” Roy praised again, and Jean's smile was wider this time. “Now, we need to fasten the pants so they won't fall, okay?” Roy stepped forward again and gently buttoned the pants and zipped up the fly, then stepped away again. “There we go. Now you're dressed.” He decided that this was enough of a victory, and that trying for socks and shoes wouldn't be worth it, since he was staying inside the house for at least the foreseeable future. “How do you feel?”
Jean looked down at himself, pawing softly at the material of his shirt, then looked up to Roy, his ears flattening slightly into his hair. “Weird.” He answered simply.
Roy really didn't want to laugh at his former Lieutenant's predicament, but the honest, straightforward answer made him chuckle. Jean flashed Roy a confused look, and he immediately dropped his smile. “I'm sorry, Havoc. It's just the way you said it. I meant no offense.” Jean just continued to look at him, not giving any sort of response, so Roy changed the subject.
“As you may remember, Lieutenant Hawkeye is in the living room.” Roy hated to bring up that shock to the poor chimera's system, but if he was going to try to convince him to meet the rest of his men, then it was best to start with one and gradually work him up to the rest. “She'd like to meet with you, if you think you're up to it. Maybe she can help you start remembering more about who you are...” Roy couldn't bring himself to say 'was' instead of 'are', even if that was how he felt. “...then it may be good to talk to her. Don't you think?”
“Not... sure.” Jean sat back down on the bed and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “I'm... different.”
“Yes, we're acutely aware of that. But you're still Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, the... man that we've worked with for years. We don't care what some monster did to you.” Roy cringed internally when he saw Jean's reaction at the word 'monster' and he made a mental note to use a different word.
“Not sure.” His voice sounded less convinced this time. Roy was fairly sure that his words were getting through to the more rational part of Jean. Somewhere inside, the more human side of him craved normalcy and the companionship of the few people who knew him best, outside his family.
Roy's eyes went wide. Family. He hadn't even thought about that. His family most likely had no idea that he had been missing for a week and a half, or what had happened to him. They deserved to know something. But what? That was something else he would have to discuss with his men when they arrived.
“You... okay?” Jean leaned in and sniffed at Roy. He could smell the fear and anxiety on the man, and it was making the chimera feel nervous. Roy immediately forced himself to calm down and pasted a smile on his face. He knew this would fool people in the office, but he also knew that the creature in front of him, that had formerly been his subordinate could read more than what was on the surface, He was just going to have to hope that he could convince him that he was okay.
Even though he wasn't.
“I'm fine, Havoc. I was just thinking about something I forgot to do at the office yesterday.” He lied. Jean didn't look too convinced, but he didn't press the point, much to Roy's relief.
“Would it be better if I asked her to come in here, since you feel more comfortable in this room? If you start to feel uncomfortable, I promise I'll ask her to leave. You can always put the bed covers over you.” Roy could only guess that going under the covers comforted the chimera by reminding him of a nice, cozy canine den. But if it calmed him down and helped, then that was fine with him.
“I'm going to go talk with her, and I'll tell her to stop in the doorway. You can talk with her there, and if you feel okay with it, maybe she can come in, okay?” Jean never made a movement or sound in the negative or positive, but the fact that he didn't immediately say no made Roy think that it might be okay. He could only hope that Jean was not going back into his catatonic state. It had been quite a while since he had retreated into himself, which was an encouraging sign.
“Okay, I'll be right back.” There was still no answer, and Roy headed back into the kitchen with nervous flutter to his stomach.
Hawkeye immediately put down the morning paper that she had been reading and stood up and saluted the Colonel, which he halfheartedly returned. “At ease, Lieutenant. Please, don't feel like you have to treat me like your superior here. You're a guest in my home.”
“Sir, about Lieutenant Havoc...”
Roy slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and sipped on the coffee that had long since turned cold, but right now he just didn't care. “I managed to get him dressed. I told him you wanted to talk to him. I thought that having his former coworkers talk to him, it might calm him down. He isn't as bad as when I first found him, but he's still pretty nervous.”
“Are you sure it's okay for me to go in there, sir? I'm not even sure what I would talk to him about.”
“I'd suggest normal topics. Make him feel like he never left. Talk about the weather, or something local. Perhaps talk about work, what's been going on in the office.”
“Okay. I will.” She folded the paper and stood up, taking a second to straighten out her blue jacket. “Are you going to be there?”
“I'll be behind you. I don't want to crowd him, but I want him to know that I'm there. I think he trusts me, so I will be around if he needs me. And I told him you'd stop at the door jamb. That way if he gets nervous, it'll be easy for you to leave if you need to.”
“You really thought this through, sir.” There was more than a little pride in her voice. “I just hope you're right about him wanting to talk to me.”
Roy downed the last of his cold coffee and stood up. “Let's go, Lieutenant. We don't have long before the others get here, and we need to see how he's going to react to company.”
Roy walked in front of her and stopped at the doorway of the bedroom, not surprised to see Jean in the exact same position that he had been. “Havoc, I brought Lieutenant Hawkeye. I'm going to be right here, but she wanted to talk to you for a few minutes, okay?” Knowing that he wouldn't get an answer if he waited, he stepped back, and Hawkeye stepped into the doorway.
“Hello, Lieutenant Havoc.” She waited a moment, waiting for a return greeting. When it became obvious that she wasn't going to get one, she cleared her throat. “It's nice to see you again. I'm glad you're alright. Everyone at the office was worried about you.” He tensed slightly but still stayed quiet, and she quickly changed the subject.
“It's much warmer outside than it was last night. The snow has almost melted away. Poor Hayate was disappointed. He loved running through the snow.” A small smile found its way onto Hawkeye's face. She was never one for unnecessary conversation, but she always enjoyed talking about her canine companion.
“Poor little guy is still so small that I was losing him in the snowdrifts. I had to keep reaching in to pull him out, using his barking to locate him. I finally had to bring him inside. My fingers were getting frozen and he was shaking from being cold and wet. But a warm blanket and some time in front of the radiator solved that issue.”
“Hayate.”
“Yes, Lieutenant. Do you remember? When Fuery first brought him in, you were joking around about how people in the east ...” She stopped, which made Jean regard her curiously.
“Well, never mind about that.” She had no idea how the chimera side would have reacted to him joking about eating dogs, so once again she changed the subject.
“There's nothing new going on in the office. Because of the weather, things have been pretty quiet. Armstrong was saying that his oldest sister would love this weather. She's the one that runs Briggs up north. I think the Colonel mentioned that you'd trained up north for a while. Is that right?”
“I... think I did.” He answered simply. She could tell that he was trying to remember something that just wouldn't come to him, so she pressed a little more, hoping to get more than a few words out of him.
“I met General Armstrong once. I don't think I've ever met anyone so adapted to where they were stationed. That woman made the snow feel warm.”
Both Roy and Hawkeye were amazed when a warm smile and a tiny chuckle came from Jean. “I... remember her.”
“I think she's one of those people that once you meet, you will never forget.” Hawkeye replied, and Jean nodded his head.
“You're doing great. He seems pretty relaxed.” Roy leaned in and whispered in her ear.
“I'm not sure what else to talk to him about. The last couple of weeks have been mostly about trying to find him. I don't think he wants to hear about that.”
“No, I'm sure he doesn't but other things are going on as well.”
Hawkeye looked back to Jean, who was looking at her patiently, waiting for her to say something else. She tried not to stare at the ears that were quizzically swiveling around, moving with each small sound in the room.
“There was going to be a Yule party in the office, but the bad weather made us cancel it.” She lied to him. It wouldn't make him feel any better that it had been canceled because the entire office was searching the length and breadth of Central for him.
“Gonna.. reschedule?” Riza could tell that he was trying so desperately to have a normal conversation, but he just wasn't sure what to say.
“No.” She said softly. “It's past New Years. So it would be pointless.” She forgot that Jean probably had no idea what day it was. “It is the 2nd today.”
“Oh.”
“It.. took us 10 days to find you, Lieutenant.” She sighed. No matter what she did, it always seemed to come back to what happened to him.
“Oh.”
“We searched the entire city and followed every single lead that we could, but even with all of our contacts, you were hidden pretty well.”
“Oh.”
Hawkeye wished he would say something else, but she guessed there really wasn't much for him to say in reply.
“But now you are here, and we're both glad to see you. And I'm sure that the rest of the office staff will be as well.” She paused when she saw him tense up again. “You don't have to see them all at once if you want to, but they'll be anxious to know that you're all right.”
“Not all right.”
“You are here, and you are alive. That is... more than we were expecting after 10 days of you being missing.” He could see the pain in her eyes. “So yes, you are all right.”
“I guess.”
Hawkeye looked back to her Colonel. He put a hand gently on her shoulder and pulled her back a little. “Let's let him relax for a few minutes before everyone gets here, and maybe we can have a couple of people come talk to him at a time, okay?”
“Yes sir.” There was obvious relief in her voice that she was released from talking to him. She didn't realize until she started to head back towards the kitchen how emotionally draining even that short conversation had been.
“Havoc, the rest of the men should be over shortly. If you want to take a little nap, I can wake you after they get there. We... have some things to discuss first. Then maybe, if you wanted to, you could talk to them, one or two at a time. I will do the same thing, just tell them to talk to you from the doorway. Would that be okay?”
“ 'M not okay.”
“Lieutenant Havoc,” Roy's voice took on an annoyed tone, “We've already discussed this. We can't change what's happened, but we're going to do everything we can to get your life back to normal. And it's important to re-establish the relationships with your coworkers.”
Jean looked down at himself, then over at Roy. “I guess.”
Roy sighed. He really didn't think he had the patience or energy to deal with this. But it had been thrust upon him, so he had no choice. “Just try to rest a little. I'll be back in a bit.” As he left, he closed the door softly behind him.
Hawkeye was reading the paper when he came in and collapsed into the chair once again. He rubbed his temples and let out a long breath. “I'm not sure if I can do this, Lieutenant. It's almost like babysitting a child. Sometimes he's okay, but he can fall to pieces at the drop of a hat.”
“With all due respect, sir, we really don't have a choice. I know it's hard, but we'll get through this. We're soldiers. It's what we do.”
Roy rubbed his eyes and sighed. “I know, Hawkeye. As usual, you're right.” He stood up and stretched languidly, then headed towards the ice box. “Would you like to help me start lunch? It's going to be simple, but I think everyone's going to have their minds on something other than food.”
“Yes, sir.” They made a tray of sandwiches surrounded by various fruits and vegetables, then set Roy's small table for 5 people and put the food and some pitchers of water and juice down.
“So, now all we can do is hurry up and wait.”
He had gotten through most of the first section of the paper when there was a knock on the door.
Roy sighed. “Well, here we go.” He put down the paper and let the rest of their group in.
“We're here, sir. Now what was it that you needed to talk to us about?” Breda's eyes widened slightly when he saw Hawkeye sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on a newly made cup of coffee.
“You sly dog, you!” Breda smiled and elbowed Roy in the ribs. “Not sure if you needed to invite us here to tell us that, but I'm happy for you.”
“Breda, stop being dense. That's not why I called you here. There's nothing going on between the Lieutenant and I. She's only been here a short time.”
“Okay, so why are we here?”
A few minutes later, they were all crowded around the small kitchen table, munching on sandwiches and drinking coffee and juice.
“You can guess that this isn't a social call.” Roy started, putting down his coffee. “We all know that Havoc had gone missing. I'm not sure if Hawkeye told you, but I found him.”
The gasps were audible. Everyone strained forward, waiting to hear what the Colonel had to say next.
“He was alive of course, but he was not the same.”
'What do you mean, not the same?” Breda's eyes thinned. He hadn't seen his best friend in close to two weeks, and he was tired of not knowing what was going on.'
“Shou Tucker found him first.” Roy was quiet for a moment. “He.. is a chimera.”
“A... what?”
“Chimera. Part human, part animal.”
“What... animal?”
“Some sort of dog, it seems. He looks mostly normal. Except for... well, he has ears and a tail.”
“Ears and a tail?” Breda stood up, pushing the chair back from the table so hard that it almost fell to the floor. “Where is he? I wanna see him.”
“Breda, he's sleeping right now. I think it'd be best to let him rest for a while. He's had a long night. I think we all have.”
The red haired man sat down and took a long draw from his coffee. “So.. we just sit here and wait.”
“I'll go check on him, see if he's still sleeping. He's still very jumpy, and I don't know if he can handle seeing all of you at once. He has seen me and he spoke with Hawkeye very briefly.”
“So... he can speak?” There was more than a small amount of hopefulness in Breda's voice.
“Well, yes, haltingly. Sometimes he wants to and sometimes he... doesn't. He just shuts himself off from the rest of the world. But that seems to be happening less, at least so far this morning. I'm hoping that's a trend that continues.”
Roy stood up. “Pardon me for a moment. I'll be right back.”
A good portion of the alchemist didn't want to disturb Jean if he was sleeping, but he knew that the others wanted reassurance that he was alright, and were curious about what he had become. And the sooner they got the shock out of their system, the better.
He didn't bother knocking on the door, he just opened it with a soft creak and peeked his head inside. Roy almost jumped back a foot when he saw the two reflective eyes staring back at him, barely peeking over the covers.
“Havoc. You're awake.”
“Yes.”
“Your coworkers are here.” Roy replied, trying to get his thumping heart back under control. “Breda especially wants to talk with you.”
“Breda.”
“Yes. Lieutenant Breda. You and him are good friends.”
“Yes.”
“So...” Awkward pause. “Do you want to speak with him?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I will send him in, just him. Fuery and Falman are here too. We're all in the kitchen if you think you would like to join us.”
“Dunno.”
“I'm not going to force you to. If you're not ready, then it's okay.”
“Breda.”
Roy smiled softly. “I'll go and send him in, and you can decide what you want to do after, okay?”
“Yes.”
With the way Jean was replying, Roy was a little worried that he was going to retreat back into himself like when he had first been found. But it was a good sign that he apparently wanted to speak to his best friend.
“Breda, Havoc wants to speak to you. I'd suggest that you stay in the doorway. It's best not to crowd him. He's still a bit skittish. I'll come back and check on you guys in a few minutes.” He gently put his hand on Breda's wide shoulder as a show of support, then pulled away and took a seat at the kitchen table.
About five minutes later, Roy was just getting up to walk back to the bedroom to see how it was going when Breda came back. His face was ashen white, and his hands were shaking.
“I... didn't really believe you. But you're right. He.. is a chimera. I.. saw his ears, and his fangs, and the claws on his hands. He... he's a chimera.”
Roy shared a knowing look with Hawkeye, who just rolled her eyes at him.
“I know. It was hard for me to believe when I first saw him. But he is what he is. And that's why I brought you all here. We need to decide what we're going to do. Right now, the rest of the world thinks that he's missing, or dead. It's up to us to decide who we can trust with the knowledge of what really happened to him.
***
They sat around the table, staring silently at each other as they tried to come to a conclusion as to what should be done about their unfortunate coworker. They'd mulled over several ideas, such as sending the blond back to live with his parents. This seemed like a likely solution as Roy would no longer be responsible for taking care of the flighty chimera, something the alchemist was hoping for.
Of course he cared about Jean's welfare, but Roy wasn't sure that he was the best person to be caring for him. What if he got sick? Or injured? What would he do, then? He'd only been caring for him for a day and he was already at his wit's end.
If the chimera ended up living with his parents in the countryside then he would be far from the prying eyes of Central and he would be much safer than he if he stayed in the large city. But, at the same time, he couldn't push the burden of caring for him off on the man's parents. He wasn't even sure Jean wanted to see them, yet. And he definitely wasn't sure if his parents were ready for the shock of what had happened to their only child.
Another option they'd considered was that Jean would stay with Roy and live out his life there, like some bizarre pet. Havoc trusted Roy, apparently more than he trusted anyone else. But Roy vehemently rejected that idea. He didn't have the patience to take care of Jean forever, and it seemed unfair to Jean to have him cooped up for the foreseeable future in this small house.
That left option number three. Try and teach Jean how to act human again, how to blend in with the rest of society and function normally once more. But this relied heavily on Jean. Would the chimera even want to be human again? And if he did, was he capable of becoming human enough to be able to go out in public?
Breda insisted that he would, but Roy wasn't so sure. Jean was terrified of anything that moved. It would be impossible to anticipate everything out in the world. There was a very high likelihood that it wouldn't work. The blond could freak out at something simple and ruin everything that they had worked on. It was a plan guaranteed to result in failure. Utter, complete failure for everyone involved.
Which brought them back to where they had started, staring wordlessly at each other as if the answer would simply fall from the sky.
"He'll just have to stay with me for a while." Roy said finally, feeling his sanity crack at the mere suggestion of having to care for the frustrating chimera even longer. He didn't know what he'd hoped to accomplish in calling them all together. Maybe some miracle, who knows. Either way, the end result was plainly clear for them all to see. There was no other option. Until Jean began to regain some semblance of who he had been before he became a chimera, he couldn't be allowed to go outside. If, at some point, he recovered enough of his humanity back, he could start to relearn how to function in public. But, for now, they were stuck with no other options.
His staff left a short time later, leaving Roy once again alone with a man, a monster, a chimera in his home- scared and feeling just as alone as the alchemist was the moment.
Roy sighed softly as he opened the door to his bedroom, pausing in the door frame to watch the sleeping chimera. He felt a sort of... familial affection for the poor man. Perhaps it was because he'd already spent so much energy taking care of him, but the idea of dealing with him just a little bit longer didn't suddenly sound so terrible. He went in, quietly padding across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the blond. Pale, graceful fingers brushed the hair back from his forehead, gently rubbing the downy soft ears. Blue eyes fluttered open and Roy tensed- ready for the worst, but it seemed that Havoc was too exhausted from the strain of the day to react with any more than a confused glance. Or maybe Jean was finally starting to trust him. It seemed unlikely, but it was a nice thought.
"Sorry to wake you, Lieutenant." he murmured, pulling his hand away. "I'll give you some space." He stood to go, moving a step towards the door with a stiff drink at the forefront of his mind when a soft whine from behind made him pause.
Clawed fingers hesitantly reached out to grip the hem of his shirt.
"Do you want me to stay, Havoc?" Roy asked, turning to look back at him. Jean was quiet as he withdrew back under the covers before he saw the almost imperceptible nod. Not sure if he was dreaming this, the alchemist sat down on the edge of the bed again. "Alright, Lieutenant. I'll stay."
He sat there for a moment with his hands gripping the bed on either side of him when something soft rubbed against his wrist. He blinked and looked down to see that Jean was rubbing his head plaintively against him. He lifted his hand and watched as the blond settled back on his haunches, blue eyes wary and uncertain.
Slowly, Roy raised his hand and began to pet him once more, cautiously rubbing at the soft, furry ears and golden hair. The tenseness melted from Havoc's body and he slowly settled back down on the bed once more, his eyes slowly closing.
Roy smiled, stifling a chuckle at how content Jean seemed with something as simple as an ear rub. It was strange, to say the least, but after everything that the chimera had accomplished today, he deserved to be able to relax, and enjoy Roy petting him as he fell asleep.
He waited until the Lieutenant's breathing became slower and more rhythmic and he was entirely limp before he stood, carefully tucking the blankets in around Jean to keep from waking him. "Goodnight, Havoc." he murmured, giving his soft hair one last pat before he left. It would be hard, taking care of the chimera, that much was certain. But after all the loyalty that Jean had shown him over the years that they had worked together, it seemed that the least Roy could do was offer him somewhere safe to live.
He knew that he couldn't fix Jean or change what had already happened. But what he could do was become Fuhrer and offer the chimera his protection. Without a cruel dictatorship in control, Roy wouldn't have to worry about the blond being carted off to a lab.
Until that day came, however, Roy could only offer Jean one thing. The thing he needed most right now. A home.
Epilogue
Jean settled into the bar stool, waving the bartender over to request another beer. He tilted his head to the side- carefully- to keep his hat on his head, even though it was a half size smaller than what he would have normally wore. But even the headache that wearing it gave him after a long day was worth it, because it meant his freedom.
He didn't mind the odd stares that people gave him when he didn't take off the cap inside. It went against his years of military training, and he had caught himself more than once almost ready to remove it in public. If anyone asked him about it, he explained that he had a very bad scar on his head that he preferred not to show, and most of the time it worked. When it didn't, he simply found another place to go.
Now that he could finally get out of the house, he wasn't going to let something as simple as wearing a hat ruin the fact that he was able to do things that normal humans took for granted every day of their lives. He lamented with a smile that most people had no idea of the freedoms that they enjoyed day in and day out, and how even the simplest of things could be taken away so quickly.
He would never forget the first time he walked out of Roy's house. It'd been a bombastic deluge of sights and smells and sounds that overwhelmed his newly attuned senses and made him whimper and run back inside and under Roy's bed, where he hid for the better part of an hour. It had taken quite a bit of cajoling and bribing to get Jean out from underneath it. And it took weeks before he had dared to want to go out again.
Each time he went outside, it got a little better. The second time he stepped out of the threshold of Roy's house, he actually got down the front steps before he turned around and went back inside. That time he simply went in the house and closed the door behind him instead of hiding and curling up into a little ball of fear and anxiousness.
“Havoc.” Roy's voice cut through his thoughts, and he looked over at the man, a small grin on his face.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about.. things.” He didn't need to say anything more. Jean hadn't even realized that he was drumming his fingernails on the bar until he heard the telltale clicking that rang loudly in his ears. The chimera immediately stopped, looking around nervously. Deep in his mind, he knew that normal human ears wouldn't pick up the difference in tone from his nails that had been cut back and filed down to look as human as they could, but to him it was painfully obvious, and it made him shift nervously in his seat.
“Please, Havoc. Relax. I know this is a little strange, but it's fine. You're a patron of this establishment, just like everyone else.”
A canted grin filled Jean's face. “Just like everyone else.” He parroted, which made Roy wince slightly. It hadn't been that long ago when that was all that the chimera would do. He had come so far, but it had a road fraught with frustration. It was Jeans' determination and stubbornness that had gotten him this far. He simply didn't let himself give up. The road was long and hard, and he stumbled quite a bit, but he had a lot of friends to help him back up onto his feet when he fell. “I wish that was true.” It took all of his will power to not move the tail that he had tied down tight against his left leg, hiding it behind a pair of pants that were a couple of sizes too large to shield the extra bulk.
Roy nodded his head slightly, acknowledging that he understood and agreed with what Jean had said. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Roy raised his glass of scotch, clinking it against Jean's beer bottle. “Your life may be a lot different than it was before, and I am sure that it's not easy, but you're alive. And all we can do is make the best of the time we have.” A sadness came behind Roy's eyes, and Jean knew that the comment had not been directly solely at him.
“Yes, you're right.” Jean downed the rest of the beer in a few gulps, then slammed the empty bottle down onto the wooden bar. As much as he wanted to have another, to let sweet inebriation take him away from the dull, empty ache that he felt inside, he knew that it was a bad idea. He had to be careful- he couldn't handle beer like he used to, and he didn't dare get drunk and risk doing something stupid to expose his secret. Everything that they had worked so hard for, for almost a year, would be ruined.
“To the unknown future. Let's hope it only gets better from here.” Roy downed the rest of his scotch and smiled over at his former subordinate. It was obvious that Jean would never be the same, but at least for now, it looked like things might just be alright.