Make the Best of the Time We Have (Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, and the rest of the gang) Part 1 of 2
Title: Make the Best of the Time We Have
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Characters: Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Alex Louis Armstrong (gen- no pairings)
Word Count: 15,338
Rating: PG-13, some adult concepts.
Summary: Jean Havoc's life changes drastically. Will his life, or the lives of the people who care about him ever be the same?
Warnings: Has mentions of capture and abuse, one semi-graphic scene.
Notes: This is AU fic, set in an undetermined time soon after Hughes' death. Not specific to the anime or manga. I obviously don't own the characters, as much as I would like to. The cow does.
This was supposed to be done for the FMA_Big Bang, but unfortunately I had the worst month of my life in January, and I just couldn't finish it. It's a damn shame. I would have loved to see it illustrated. (Anyone wanna give it a shot??)
Thank you to Emma, Heather, and everyone else who helped this behemoth FINALLY come to life.
On Monday- the first day that Jean didn't show up for work- his coworkers figured that he was hungover, mourning yet another failed date, or sick; or some combination of the three. No one was terribly worried. Lieutenant Hawkeye called Jean's apartment on her lunch break, but there was no answer. She assumed that he was either asleep or in the shower, and she didn't think there was any reason to be concerned.
By Wednesday morning, when Jean still hadn't come into work, they were all worried, and Breda offered- no, demanded- to go find his best friend.
A call came back to the office about a half hour later. Breda had found signs of a struggle inside Jean's apartment, but there was absolutely no sign of him.
When Armstrong and the Investigations group arrived at Jean's apartment and started to question his neighbors, they were surprised to find that no one had heard anything, even through the thin apartment walls. Jean had kept to himself for the most part since moving in, and little attention had ever been paid to the smoking blond.
Jean probably would have found that ironically funny if he had been there to appreciate the joke.
But he wasn't.
And the manhunt was on.
It took ten days before the investigation of dozens of people and the searching in the seediest parts of the city paid off. And it was Mustang who had the unfortunate honor of finding out what had happened to Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc.
* * *
The room reeked of blood, antiseptic, urine and feces- and death. Roy put his gloved hand up to his nose, barely able to hold back the bile that rose in his throat.
As he scanned the dingy laboratory, his breath hitched at what came into his vision. There were cages in the room, packed into every single dank corner and dirty floor space possible. Some of the cages held animals, others held things that looked... vaguely human.
Vaguely.
He made the mistake of looking into one of the cages and came face to face with something that used to be a person- though he couldn't begin to guess what the twisted mass of flesh and hair was any more. The alchemist couldn't stop the vomit this time, and he retched up bile that burned his mouth, throat and lips. "Oh, don't be here, Lieutenant." He whispered, wiping the yellow green liquid dripping from his mouth with the back of his hand.
A few more minutes of searching brought him to a cage with a dark form in the back. It looked human- at least more human than most of the things that he had seen in the other cages- though through the shadow of the bars on the front of the prison, he couldn't see any details on who or what lay inside. "Please don't be who I think you are." Roy said softly as he opened the cage, making the contents of the small cage whimper in surprise and curl into a small ball in the opposite corner.
"Hey, it's okay." Roy said in a soft voice that broke at the end of the last word. He gently held out his hand, out palm up, as a gesture of friendliness. If the other cages were any indication, most of these chimeras-like beings seemed to be dog based, and he knew enough about canines to know that they need to sniff a person to gather information on them and gain their trust.
"Please, come forward a little. I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm not here to hurt you, I
promise. The one who hurt you..." he couldn't even say 'the man', "...he isn't able to do anything to you anymore."
Roy looked over his shoulder to the smoldering pile of flesh and bone that used to be Shou Tucker. It struck Roy as pathetically funny that throughout his military career, he had gotten so used to the smell of burning flesh that it hardly even registered over all of the other stenches in the room. He was so used to killing that the thought that he murdered Tucker barely upset him.
However, with what that... thing... had been doing, death was a much more merciful end than what he deserved.
"Won't... hurt?" Roy immediately snapped back from his thoughts to the form at the rear of the cage. The voice was oddly familiar, though it was low and broken and scared. But it was a voice that he knew well.
"Damn. Havoc.."
"Hav... oc."
"Yes, that's your name. Do you remember, Lieutenant?"
"Hav... oc.."
"Yes." Roy's voice wavered again, and a lump formed in his throat. How much had the man changed? Was he even human anymore? He could speak like a person, but the alchemist still hadn't been able to get a good look at him.
"Can you please come forward a little, Lieutenant?" He couldn't even bring himself to say the man's
name again. "I just need to make sure that you're okay."
"Not... okay." The chimera could smell the fear and anxiety of the man in front of him, but there was something familiar about him that he couldn't place. He smelled smoke and ash. Jean knew the smells from somewhere, but his mind- clouded by tranquilizers and confused with canine and human thoughts- couldn't place it.
"Please Lieu- please, Havoc. I.. need to see what you are."
Jean blinked his blue eyes as they adjusted to the low light of the lab. Roy sighed in relief as the blond moved into the light. His face was gaunt from malnourishment, and his eyes were dull and a bit sunken, but overall he didn't look like he was in terrible shape-
- Until he saw the ears that the blond had pinned back to the sides of his head in fear- two pointed canine ears above his human ones. They were almost the same color as his hair, just a few shades darker.
"Lieutenant..."
"S-s-ir..."
Roy gasped in surprise at the response. "You.. remember me?" Roy leaned in a little bit closer, and Jean panicked at the sudden movement- yelping in surprise and ducking back into the dark.
"No, please, Lieutenant. It's okay. I'm sorry. I was just surprised. Yes, I'm Colonel Mustang. You worked for me. Do you remember?"
"Mus... tang."
"Yes. Mustang." A soft, sad smile crossed his face. "Please, come back out, Lieutenant. I need to look you over, to make sure you don't need any immediate help."
"NO!" Roy almost fell backwards at the sharp, loud bark of a response. "No! No more... Leave me alone! "
Jean had almost sounded lucid at that moment, more like his human self than he had been since Roy discovered him. "It's okay, Lieutenant. I promise. If you don't want anyone else to look at you, that's fine. But please, I need to get you out of here. You don't want to stay here do you?"
"Don't... know."
"I know a place with a warm bed. You can eat food and drink water and no one will hurt you. I promise. But you'll have to come out first." Roy gently brought his hand forward again and smiled when he heard a soft snuffling noise from the dark. Roy wondered what else had changed. Could Jean smell better? See better? Hear better? How much of the Havoc that he had known was still there?
Roy cringed again when Jean came fully into view- slowly, shakily, moving into the light. The man was naked, and somewhere deep inside his mind Roy knew that should have made him uncomfortable, but he was so worried about his Lieutenant that the fact that he had no clothes on only registered for a moment, then it was gone with the millions of other questions about what had happened, and what to do next.
He was glad to see that Jean could almost pass as human, until he noticed the clicking noise on the metal cage and looked down at the man's hands. His nails looked more like small claws, rounded off to dull points. But Roy couldn't stop the gasp that came from his mouth when he saw the tail that extended from the base of Jean's spine. It was tucked tight between his legs now, and Roy knew that meant that he was scared and submissive.
"No longer a man, no longer an animal..." Roy mumbled under his breath. He gently reached towards the top of the chimera's head to try to give him a gentle, reassuring touch.
Jean felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. A growl rose in his throat and he snapped at the
dark haired man, baring his teeth, exposing his sharpened canines. Roy retreated a step, falling back on his ass a few feet away from the entrance of the cage.
"I'm sorry, Havoc. I didn't mean to scare you." Roy sighed when he saw that the chimera had retreated back to the rear of the cage again. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to get him out of here at this rate. "Please, Lieutenant. I promise, I won't try to touch you. But you need to come out of there. You aren't safe."
"Safe..."
"No, you're not safe. Not here." Technically, Roy knew that it wasn't totally true, because Tucker- the only immediate threat to his Lieutenant- was dead. But he knew that he needed to get Jean out of there before he either starved to death, or some else found him who would see him as a threat- or even worse- a prize.
What kind of future would a chimera have, anyways? He couldn't go back to work. He was so jumpy that Roy couldn't even get within a few feet of him. It flashed in Roy's mind that there was an alternative, a way to make Jean's pain go away for good. Roy actually got as far as holding up his gloved hand in front of the cage. He pressed his fingers together, obsidian eyes fixed on the shadow. One quick move, a simple snap, and the poor man would be free of his suffering forever.
"Dammit. I... I can't do it." Roy whispered dejectedly, putting a hand to his face and shaking his head. He saw a pair of blue eyes looking at him from the back of the cage- staring at him, trying to understand what was going on.
"Please, Jean. Come out." Roy's tone was defeated. He had no more to give. He just didn't know what to do any more.
"Jean?"
"Jean Havoc. Your name."
"Name... Jean Havoc."
"Yes. Are you starting to remember?" Flashes of memories flitted through the chimera's brain, but they
were so jumbled and blurry that he couldn't pick out specifics. It was like he was looking at a slide show on fast forward with the pictures purposefully blurred. He shook his head.
"You will, in time. But please come out. I want to help you. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do."
"I... am okay?"
"Yes, you are a good boy. I just want to take you home. This is a prison, not where you belong."
"Home."
"Yes, home."
Jean moved tentatively forward on his hands and knees until he was at the front of the cage, which was raised up about a foot off the floor. Roy had no idea if he could even stand up. If he couldn't, and the blond didn't let Roy touch him enough to at least help him to his feet, then he had no idea how they were going to get out of there.
"Lieutenant, can you stand up? I need for you to be strong for me so we can leave this place." Roy kept his distance but slowly stood, keeping his palms forward to show that he meant no harm. He saw the blond tense, but he didn't move away like before.
"Havoc. I need you to get out of the cage and stand up. I can help you, if you'll let me, but we have to leave. Can you do it?"
"Not.. sure.."
"Just try for me, please."
The chimera nodded his head. An unsteady hand went to the metal mesh of the front of the cage. He curled his fingers around the door and pulled himself out of the cage and up to a shaky standing position. His bare feet slapped down onto the dirty floor a moment before his legs gave out and he collapsed in a heap on the ground.
"Lieutenant!" Roy started to move towards the man, but a snarl stopped him in mid movement. "You need help. I'm not going to hurt you. Let me help you."
Roy took a step towards Jean. He saw the man tense up and curl up on himself. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're a good boy. I just want to help you." Roy kept repeating the mantra while he took another step closer. He heard the growl in the chimera's throat. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up. He took another step forward, now only one pace away.
"I'm here to help. I promise." Roy kneeled and offered his hand to the blond. There was a moment of
nothingness- no movement, no breath, no heartbeat- from either man nor chimera.. Then, finally, Jean moved a shaking hand towards him and Roy took it, noticing immediately how the man tensed and pulled away a little, even though he had willingly put his hand out. Roy wasted no time and grabbed the offered hand quickly and firmly before the chimera could panic and bolt back into the cage again. He pulled the blond to his feet and wrapped his arm around Jean's shoulder to help him stand.
The Lieutenant's eyes went wide, and Roy could feel his body go rigid- ready to run if he decided Roy proves to be a threat. "Please, Havoc. It's okay. We need to get out of here. Just let me help you to the car." The man's breathing was short and shallow, his hair plastered to his head with a mixture of dirt and sweat and who knows what else.
Roy took a few steps towards the door, practically dragging the taller, heavier man along with him. Whatever humanity Jean had been showing for brief moments was gone again, lost behind a wall of panic and fear. After a few more steps, Roy stopped for a moment to lean against a wall and catch his breath. He was exhausted from everything that had happened, but he knew they still had a long way to go to get home.
And then what?
Roy wasn't quite sure, but at least Jean would be safe. Or as safe as he could get, considering the circumstances.
It took almost ten more minutes of dragging to get the chimera to the large metal door that was still slightly ajar from when Roy burst in. "We are almost there. Look, you can see my car.” He pointed outside to the black car under the lamppost. “We just have a little bit further."
Under better circumstances, Roy would have smiled at the light snow that began to fall. He always thought that snow was beautiful as it floated down from the sky, even if it did render him almost as useless as the rain did. He moved the chimera outside, the bright snowflakes shining in the sparse light of the lampposts. It had been daytime when he went in- he hadn't realized how long he had actually been in that hellish laboratory.
Roy glanced over to the blond. Jean had stopped fighting and panicking and was back to the catatonic state that Roy had first found him in. As much as he hated to see him like this, he lamented that it at least made him a little easier to move since he wasn't fighting every little movement of brush against his skin. The alchemist opened the car's back door and maneuvered Jean inside, which only garnered a small whimper from the chimera.
As soon as he hit the seat, Jean curled up and wrapped his tail around himself again, a position that seemed to keep him at least somewhat calm. Roy paused for a moment to stare at him, curled up in the fetal position. Science said that humans and animals alike often did that in times of great stress or fear because it reminded them of being curled up, safe and sound, inside the womb.
"I'm going to drive you home, Havoc. It won't take long, then you'll be safe." Roy thought he almost heard the man try to mumble "home" but it just came out as a small, whimpering moan. He started the car and carefully drove off into snow that was falling harder and faster. As much as Roy wanted to rush home, he knew that he had to drive very carefully in this weather, and it would take a while to get across town. He could only hope that nothing would set Jean off into another panic attack that could cause a crash.
Roy looked at chimera curled up in the back seat every chance that he got. He smiled softly when he saw that Jean had fallen into a light sleep. It wasn't a peaceful rest, he still shifted and whimpered, but it was better than he had been before.
It took the better part of an hour to get to his small house. Roy hated to wake Jean- he had finally fallen into what almost seemed like a comfortable, peaceful sleep. He waited about ten more minutes, letting the car sit in idle so he could keep the heat on before he finally decided that they needed to move in before it got too snowy to walk the few steps to the front door.
The alchemist got out of the car and opened the back door, hoping that the sudden cold would wake him up. He was afraid of having to touch him after what had happened the first time. But when the chimera only stirred slightly at the squeak of the door, Roy knew what he had to do.
"Lieutenant Havoc. Wake up. We're here." A low groan came from the back seat. Gently, Roy reached in and touched the bottom of his ankle, and immediately the chimera woke up with a scream. He curled in on himself and whimpered.
"Havoc.. it's just me. Relax. We're here. I need you to come inside." The chimera shivered, and
Roy knew that it wasn't from the cold. As Jean shifted slightly, Roy picked up an odd smell. When he looked into the blond's face, he could see an undercurrent of embarrassment through the fear in those blue eyes.
"Oh, Havoc." Roy's face immediately softened. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'll clean that up later. But
we need to get you inside first. You'll catch a death of cold out here." Roy thanked the fates that he had never bothered to take out the small blanket that he had thrown in the back of the car weeks before. He wrapped it around Jean as best he could, to give him a bit of modesty and protection from the elements.
Somewhat mercifully, Jean had gone back into shell shock, and Roy was able to pull him up to a sitting position out of the small puddle of urine and get him out of the car and to his feet without too much trouble. He quickly rushed the naked man into the house, shutting out the cold behind them.
"Let's get you to bed. You're going to sleep in my room, and I'll sleep on the couch." If Jean heard him, he didn't give any indication. Carefully, Roy moved the chimera onto the bedroom. He knew the chimera needed a bath, and after the incident in the car, he was fairly sure that the blond had no idea how to use the bathroom, but he added that to the steadily increasing list of things that he would have to worry about later.
He kept Jean wrapped up in the blanket, to guard his sheets in case Havoc got spooked again. It definitely helped that he seemed to relax a little with the blanket's warmth wrapped tight around him. He gently laid the chimera down and pulled the covers up over him. "Sleep well, Lieutenant. I have to go clean the car. I'll be right back."
Roy stood at the bedroom door for a few minutes, until he heard a soft, steady breathing that indicated that Jean was asleep again, then went outside to try to clean the leather seats as best as he could. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to the officers in the motor pool, but he knew he that was low on his list of concerns right now.
When Roy went back inside, it was quiet, and he sighed a breath of relief. He could only hope that Jean would sleep through the night and he could deal with this in the morning He wasn't sure that he could take anything else tonight. Roy had left the bedroom door open, since the house was small enough that he could hear anything going on in there from the couch.
Roy was exhausted- mentally and physically, but after everything that had happened, he couldn't sleep. He hadn't had time to actually think about the whole incident and, now that his adrenalin was wearing off, the reality of the situation was starting to hit him.
"I think I need a drink."
Roy went to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bottle of whiskey, then wandered back to his couch. He poured a long finger and downed it, then did the same to a second, and a third. By the time Roy put the stopper back on the whiskey bottle and put it and the glass back, a good portion of both the bottle and the evening were gone.
"I should check up on him." As silently as he could, Roy walked down the short hallway and peered in
the doorway. Jean had managed to kick off the top blanket and was sprawled out on his back, his limbs were twitching fitfully. Soft whimpers fell from his lips.
The alchemist wondered if human contact would calm Jean's nightmares, but he remembered what had happened in the car, and he thought better of it, though it took all his willpower to not go comfort his former subordinate. "Havoc. What can I do to help?" Roy muttered.
A low sigh forced its way from Roy's mouth. He went back to the living room and finally took off his
boots, his dress blue jacket, and the 'skirt' on the back of his pants. As much as Roy would have loved to sleep in something more comfortable, there was no way he was going to go into his room and possibly wake the chimera up while rifling through his dresser. He knew it was going to be a rough sleep, but it would work for tonight at least.
He grabbed a blanket and a pillow from the hall closet, closing the door as carefully as he could, as it was just across from the bedroom where the chimera slept, then peered in again. For the moment at least, Jean seemed to be somewhat calm and relaxed.
He headed back to the couch and got himself situated, facing his head towards the bedroom just in case. Even though he was hazy with alcohol and exhausted, he tossed and turned for close to an hour before finally falling into a deep and thankfully dreamless sleep.
**
"AHHHHH!!!!!"
Roy immediately bolted up from the couch and got tangled up in his blanket, falling unceremoniously on the floor. Cursing to himself he stood up, kicked the blanket off and ran into the bedroom, to the source of the scream.
"Havoc! Havoc! are you okay?" the chimera stared- not at him, but through him. His eyes were wide, and his blond hair was matted flat to his head with sweat. He was sitting up, the blanket shredded under his sharpened fingernails. Roy smelt the odor of urine again.
"Havoc, it's okay. You're safe. You're at my house. Please calm down, Lieutenant." He knew better than to approach the chimera- he heard the low, menacing growl when he was in the doorway, and he saw the wild look in his eyes. "Havoc, do you want some water, maybe?"
"Water?"
"Are you thirsty?"
"I... thirsty."
"Okay. I'll be right back." Roy wasn't sure if he was really thirsty, or if he was just parroting what he heard- but at least there was the possibility that a drink would get the man's mind off whatever had woke him up.
Roy wasn't really sure he wanted to know what nightmares the chimera had been having.
The alchemist came back into the bedroom a moment later with a glass of water. He approached the bed carefully, taking small, slow steps. "Look, I have your water, Lieutenant." He held out the glass as he approached. Jean whimpered loudly and pulled what was left of the blanket up around his body, pushing backwards until his back was pressed hard against the headboard.
"It's okay. Look, I'll put it on the end table, and you can take it if you want it, okay?" He took a step closer until he was close enough to the table to put it down. "Okay, go ahead and drink it. It'll make you feel better."
Jean looked at the water, then back at Roy, then back at the water again, studying both of them.
Finally, he leaned over and sniffed at the water and opened his mouth and tried to lap at it like a
dog. The glass tipped over and spilled on the ground, spooking the chimera and sending him back to the opposite side of the bed.
Roy sighed and left the room again, coming back with some paper towels. He wiped up as much of the water as he could, and took the glass that had miraculously not broken after hitting the table then falling onto the carpeted floor.
The alchemist threw the paper towels away and put the empty glass back on the table. “Lieutenant, we need to get you out of that blanket. He approached the bed again. When Jean didn't do anything but rock softly back and forth, Roy knew that he was back to his catatonic state. So far, that had been the only way that Roy had been able to do anything with him.
He sat on the edge of the bed and gently tugged at the blanket. Jean made a little noise of surprise in his throat, but he didn't pull away. With a small tug, Roy pulled the fabric away. He immediately felt bad when Jean shivered, but he quickly pulled another blanket from the end of the bed- the one that Roy usually used to keep his feet warm- and wrapped him up in it.
Roy was very surprised when Jean let out what could only be called a small, almost contented sigh. He snuggled down into the blanket, and Roy had no trouble guiding him to a lying position. He pulled what remained of the covers back over the chimera and gently stroked his hair and ears until he closed his eyes again and his breathing got slow and steady.
The urge to comfort him kept Roy there for over half an hour- stroking at the dirty, matted hair and the surprisingly soft fur on Jean's ears. Roy's eyes started to droop, and he almost climbed into bed with Jean. He would have if he hadn't honestly been scared of what Jean's reaction would be when he woke up with someone in the same bed with him.
He finally decided on a compromise. Roy went to the living room and grabbed his pillow and blanket, and laid down on the floor next to the bed. The alchemist fell almost immediately to sleep as the sun started to rise in the sky.
A soft whimpering noise woke Roy from a surprisingly deep sleep. He looked up at the bed. The sunlight coming through the window allowed the alchemist to get his first really good look at his former Lieutenant as a chimera. His ears were up, twitching around at the smallest noise, and he had his head was canted up towards the ceiling while he sniffed at the air.
Roy made a soft throat clearing noise, hoping to not scare the poor man. Unfortunately it didn't work, and Jean startled, scooting back in the bed and looking down at Roy.
“Havoc. It's me, Colonel Mustang. Remember? I rescued you last night and brought you here.”
“Must... ang.”
“Yeah, your Colonel. You used to call me 'Chief'' at work.”
“Chief.”
“Do you remember?”
Havoc thought for a moment, then shook his head. Roy sighed. He knew it wasn't going to be that easy, but he could hope. It was worth a shot.
“Come on, Havoc. I'm sure you need to use the restroom.” Roy remembered the puddle in the car and the smaller stain on his blanket. “I need you to use my restroom when you need to relieve yourself. Do you understand?”
Havoc looked at Roy. He looked like he wanted to understand, but he didn't give any indication that he had. “Can you stand for me?” Roy stood up to show him what he meant. “Stand up.”
Slowly, unsteadily, Havoc scooted to the edge of the bed, put his feet on the floor, and stood up shakily, holding onto the bed for support. Roy gave him a broad smile. “Good boy!” He said with a grin, hoping that he could appeal to the more canine side of the man and praise him like a master would do with a puppy.
“Okay, let's head to the bathroom now.” Roy tried not to look at the naked creature standing in his bedroom- a chimera that was looking at him like he had never seen a human before in his life. The alchemist walked towards the bathroom, stopping outside the door and looking back at the blond. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up a little. Can you come here please, Havoc?”
The chimera took a step back, growling softly. But a small flash of recognition sparked in his eyes for a brief moment. “S-s-sir?”
“Yes!” Roy said, a grin filling his face. “Do you remember, Lieutenant?”
“A... little.”
“Okay, well that's a good start, but let's get you in the bathroom first. We need to get you cleaned up.”
“O... kay.” Roy was sure that this semi-lucidity would not last long, so he wanted to do as much as he could while he had the opportunity.
Jean walked slowly towards the bathroom, hesitating as he got closer to Roy. The alchemist backed away a step, and the chimera walked inside. He looked around the bathroom, sniffing at the new smells, and familiarizing himself with its layout. After a moment, he spotted the toilet, put the seat up, and relieved himself while Roy looked the other way, breathing a sigh of relief.
He heard a flush, then a quick splash of water. Roy looked inside, and took a step towards the bathroom. “You're a good boy, Havoc. A good boy.” He was very glad when he saw Jean visibly relax a small bit with the reassurance from Roy.
Roy steeled himself for the next part. He had no idea how it was going to work, but it needed to be done. “Havoc. I need for you to do me a big favor. I need to get you in the shower so you can get clean. You want to get clean, right?”
“Clean?”
“Yeah, wash...” He wanted to say 'that hellhole', but he held his tongue, “... all the dirt off you.”
“Clean.”
The alchemist pointed to the shower. “Yes, Lieutenant. All you have to do is step in the shower over there. I'll turn on the water, and you can scrub yourself clean.”
“Clean.”
Roy wished that he could get him to do more than just repeat what he was saying. He hadn't gotten the chimera to say more than a couple of words so far, except for the one angry outburst at the lab. He could only hope that with time the Lieutenant would come back to his own.
“Yes. Get in, please.”
Jean looked at the shower and took a step towards it, sniffing at the curtain like it was going to give him some sort of information. Roy had no idea how the chimera was going to handle the water. He debated turning on the water first, in case it spooked him- and he was sure it would- but he was worried that if Jean bolted he would never get him inside..
Roy walked into the bathroom, carefully moving as far from Havoc as he could in the small area. He put the toilet seat down and sat, then turned the water on. As expected, Havoc did stiffen and whimper softly, but to Roy's ultimate relief, he stayed still. The alchemist took a moment to get the water to a temperature he thought was acceptable, then smiled at the chimera and swept his hand towards the shower. “Get in, please, Havoc.”
Jean gave him an unsure look, but he did as he was told. When he had stepped in, he looked back at Roy, wondering what was supposed to happen next.
“Okay, I'm going to turn on the shower. I want you to stay calm. It'll feel a little weird, but you need to get clean. It's important that you stay still when it starts, okay?” He leaned in from his sitting position and put one hand close to Havoc's arm in case he tried to bolt, and the other hand on the lever, which he slowly moved to the shower position.
The chimera let out a yelp of surprise and tried to turn away from the water and jump out of the shower, but Roy was just as quick. He sprung to his feet and grabbed at Havoc's arms, holding him tight so he wouldn't trip and fall while trying to fight his way out.
After a couple of moments of trying to fight against Roy's grip, Jean fell back into his catatonic state and stood under the shower, not moving. The alchemist sighed. He was afraid that he might have to do this, but he was hoping to avoid it. He stepped inside the shower, still wearing his shirt and dress blue pants. He had absolutely no intention of being as naked as Jean.
The alchemist took the soap and started to scrub at the chimera's hands and arms, then moved up to his shoulders. Every once in a while he would look at the blond's face to make sure he wasn't going to panic again. But there was nothing there. It was as if a light had shut off in his mind. Roy was never sure what was going to trigger Jean's panic attacks. He was grateful that so far he had had some semi concious moments, but he had no idea if the... thing that had once been his Lieutenant was going to ever be okay, or if he would shut his mind down one day and never come back.
But he couldn't think about that now. All he could do was try and help Jean as much as he could. And right now, he was trying to help him regain some semblance of humanity by getting the filth of that place off of him.
The alchemist moved around and scrubbed at the chimera's back. He heard a small whimper from Jean's mouth, but he stayed still and let Roy continue to work. Roy cleaned as much as he could stomach doing- including his knees that had been caked with dirt from sitting on his hands and knees, then gently pushed Jean until he was completely under the water. He let the man relax under the warmth of the spray for a few minutes- hoping that it would help him calm down a bit, then turned it off, which surprisingly garnered a small whine from Jean. Roy felt a little guilty about stopping the shower. Maybe Jean had been enjoying it more he thought. But he couldn't stay in forever, and Roy could already feel the water start to cool as he finished washing Jean.
“Do you think you can towel yourself off?” Roy asked as he stepped out, his soaked shirt and pants dripping puddles onto the tiled floor. He tried to hand Jean a towel, but he didn't move, other than his chest rising and falling as he breathed. “Lieutenant?” Fear welled up inside of him. Had it finally happened? Had the man totally snapped, lost within his own mind?
“S-s-ir.”
Roy sighed and handed the man a towel. “Please towel yourself off. I'm going to try to find some clothes for you.” He hated to leave the chimera alone, even for a moment, but his sanity was not going to let Jean continue to walk around naked. But there were two problems. Jean was much larger than him, and that damned tail that was going to make wearing pants much tougher.
The ringing of the phone woke him from his thoughts, and that was when it dawned on him. He hadn't told anyone that he had found Jean yet. He knew there were very few people he could trust enough to explain what happened. As the phone rang a second time, he was fairly sure who was calling, and he knew what he had to do.
“This is Mustang.”
“Sir, you're back. When did you get back in? Were you... successful?”
Hawkeye. He could always count on her to get right to the point. “I found him, Lieutenant.” He could hear the audible sigh on the other side of the line.
“Is he okay?”
“He's alive, but..." he paused a second, trying to decide what to say. “He isn't quite the same.”
“A couple of weeks of capture can do that to a person, sir.”
“I'm afraid it's a bit more literal than that, Hawkeye.”
“Sir?”
“Lieutenant, please call Breda, Fuery, and Falman. I want you all at my house at...” he paused to look at the clock on the wall- it was just past 0800 hours. “1200 hours. We'll have lunch and I'll explain what happened.”
“Yes, sir.” He could hear the confusion in her voice, but this was the best he could do on an unsecured line. Moreover, he doubted she would believe him even if he did try to explain it.
Roy put the phone down and went back to the bedroom to find Jean holding the towel and looking around the room like he was lost. He sighed. Even if he had wanted to give the blond some clothes, one quick glance in his closet confirmed that he had nothing that was going to fit. There was only one recourse- he had to call Hawkeye back and have her stop by Jean's apartment.
Years ago, Roy had insisted that Hawkeye get a copy of each person's house key from his staff. He had hoped that it was just a precaution that would never have to be used, but he was glad that he had insisted on it now.
“Havoc, sit on the bed for just a minute, please. I have to make a phone call, then I'll be right back, okay?” The chimera let out a small whimper, but did as he was told.
“Lieutenant Hawkeye?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I need to ask you a huge favor.”
“Yes, sir?”
“I need you to come by my house as soon as you can, before everyone else gets here.”
“Yes, sir.”
“But I need you to make a stop before you come. It's a strange request, but I'll explain why once you get here.”
“Sir?”
“Stop by Lieutenant Havoc's apartment and grab some clothes, something easy to put on.”
“Sir... what is going on there?”
“First Lieutenant Hawkeye, that's an order. I'll explain when you arrive. I want you here in 30 minutes.” He'd never had to raise his voice or snap an order at her before, but the stress of the events of the last 24 hours was starting to wear his patience thin.
“Yes, sir.” The line went silent. He sighed and rubbed his temples again, then headed back to the bedroom. He wasn't terribly surprised when Jean was still sitting on the bed, holding the towel almost like a child would hold a beloved blanket. He hadn't moved an inch from before.
“Havoc, I have someone coming over. I want you to meet with some of your coworkers. I'm hoping maybe they can help you jog your memory.” There was no response from the chimera. He just continued to stare at Roy, a stare that was frankly becoming rather unnerving.
“Do you remember Lieutenants Hawkeye and Breda, and Warrant Officer Falman, and Master Sergeant Fuery? We all used to work together.”
“Bre.. da?”
“Yeah, he's a good friend of yours. He works with us. He'll be coming by to see you. They're all worried about you. We were-”
“NOOoooooooo...” the word was a howl as much as it was a yell. He dropped the towel to the bed and backed up against the back of the headboard, his ears pinned back and his tail between his legs. “Can't see this...”
“I won't force you to talk to them if you don't want to, but they... we... are all worried about you.” Roy seized upon this moment when Jean seemed to be more human to reason with him. “I promise, you'll be safe. They just want to make sure that you are alright .”
“I... I'm a monster.”
“Havoc, you're not a monster.”
“I am!” he growled, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.
“Lieutenant Havoc, I order you calm down!”
The chimera looked at him, stunned for a moment, then seemed to shut himself off again. He curled up into a little ball and rocked back and forth softly, a small keening noise falling from his lips.
“Damn it.” Jean was back to his catatonic state. Roy sighed. Getting him dressed was going to be a chore, even with him not fighting back. And he was still not sure how he was going to wear pants with that tail. He shook his head. Yet another problem he had to push back temporarily.
Roy needed a break for a moment, so he went into the kitchen in his dripping wet clothes and put some water on to boil for coffee. He would have liked something stiffer, but he knew that would be a very bad idea. After he got the coffee started, he went back to the bedroom and pulled out a white button up shirt, comfortable black dress slacks, and some fresh boxers and socks from his dresser.
A quick look over to Jean showed that he was still rocking softly back and forth, tiny whimpers punctuating each movement. He didn't want to, but he had to leave Jean like that for the moment. Roy took his clothes into the bathroom, took a quick shower, and did his normal morning routine. When he stepped out about 10 minutes later, he felt at least a tiny bit better.
Jean had managed to fall back asleep, clutching the towel tightly close to his chest. As quietly as he could, Roy shut the door almost completely and went back into the kitchen to try to have some vague semblance of a normal morning.
On to part 2
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Characters: Jean Havoc, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Alex Louis Armstrong (gen- no pairings)
Word Count: 15,338
Rating: PG-13, some adult concepts.
Summary: Jean Havoc's life changes drastically. Will his life, or the lives of the people who care about him ever be the same?
Warnings: Has mentions of capture and abuse, one semi-graphic scene.
Notes: This is AU fic, set in an undetermined time soon after Hughes' death. Not specific to the anime or manga. I obviously don't own the characters, as much as I would like to. The cow does.
This was supposed to be done for the FMA_Big Bang, but unfortunately I had the worst month of my life in January, and I just couldn't finish it. It's a damn shame. I would have loved to see it illustrated. (Anyone wanna give it a shot??)
Thank you to Emma, Heather, and everyone else who helped this behemoth FINALLY come to life.
On Monday- the first day that Jean didn't show up for work- his coworkers figured that he was hungover, mourning yet another failed date, or sick; or some combination of the three. No one was terribly worried. Lieutenant Hawkeye called Jean's apartment on her lunch break, but there was no answer. She assumed that he was either asleep or in the shower, and she didn't think there was any reason to be concerned.
By Wednesday morning, when Jean still hadn't come into work, they were all worried, and Breda offered- no, demanded- to go find his best friend.
A call came back to the office about a half hour later. Breda had found signs of a struggle inside Jean's apartment, but there was absolutely no sign of him.
When Armstrong and the Investigations group arrived at Jean's apartment and started to question his neighbors, they were surprised to find that no one had heard anything, even through the thin apartment walls. Jean had kept to himself for the most part since moving in, and little attention had ever been paid to the smoking blond.
Jean probably would have found that ironically funny if he had been there to appreciate the joke.
But he wasn't.
And the manhunt was on.
It took ten days before the investigation of dozens of people and the searching in the seediest parts of the city paid off. And it was Mustang who had the unfortunate honor of finding out what had happened to Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc.
* * *
The room reeked of blood, antiseptic, urine and feces- and death. Roy put his gloved hand up to his nose, barely able to hold back the bile that rose in his throat.
As he scanned the dingy laboratory, his breath hitched at what came into his vision. There were cages in the room, packed into every single dank corner and dirty floor space possible. Some of the cages held animals, others held things that looked... vaguely human.
Vaguely.
He made the mistake of looking into one of the cages and came face to face with something that used to be a person- though he couldn't begin to guess what the twisted mass of flesh and hair was any more. The alchemist couldn't stop the vomit this time, and he retched up bile that burned his mouth, throat and lips. "Oh, don't be here, Lieutenant." He whispered, wiping the yellow green liquid dripping from his mouth with the back of his hand.
A few more minutes of searching brought him to a cage with a dark form in the back. It looked human- at least more human than most of the things that he had seen in the other cages- though through the shadow of the bars on the front of the prison, he couldn't see any details on who or what lay inside. "Please don't be who I think you are." Roy said softly as he opened the cage, making the contents of the small cage whimper in surprise and curl into a small ball in the opposite corner.
"Hey, it's okay." Roy said in a soft voice that broke at the end of the last word. He gently held out his hand, out palm up, as a gesture of friendliness. If the other cages were any indication, most of these chimeras-like beings seemed to be dog based, and he knew enough about canines to know that they need to sniff a person to gather information on them and gain their trust.
"Please, come forward a little. I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm not here to hurt you, I
promise. The one who hurt you..." he couldn't even say 'the man', "...he isn't able to do anything to you anymore."
Roy looked over his shoulder to the smoldering pile of flesh and bone that used to be Shou Tucker. It struck Roy as pathetically funny that throughout his military career, he had gotten so used to the smell of burning flesh that it hardly even registered over all of the other stenches in the room. He was so used to killing that the thought that he murdered Tucker barely upset him.
However, with what that... thing... had been doing, death was a much more merciful end than what he deserved.
"Won't... hurt?" Roy immediately snapped back from his thoughts to the form at the rear of the cage. The voice was oddly familiar, though it was low and broken and scared. But it was a voice that he knew well.
"Damn. Havoc.."
"Hav... oc."
"Yes, that's your name. Do you remember, Lieutenant?"
"Hav... oc.."
"Yes." Roy's voice wavered again, and a lump formed in his throat. How much had the man changed? Was he even human anymore? He could speak like a person, but the alchemist still hadn't been able to get a good look at him.
"Can you please come forward a little, Lieutenant?" He couldn't even bring himself to say the man's
name again. "I just need to make sure that you're okay."
"Not... okay." The chimera could smell the fear and anxiety of the man in front of him, but there was something familiar about him that he couldn't place. He smelled smoke and ash. Jean knew the smells from somewhere, but his mind- clouded by tranquilizers and confused with canine and human thoughts- couldn't place it.
"Please Lieu- please, Havoc. I.. need to see what you are."
Jean blinked his blue eyes as they adjusted to the low light of the lab. Roy sighed in relief as the blond moved into the light. His face was gaunt from malnourishment, and his eyes were dull and a bit sunken, but overall he didn't look like he was in terrible shape-
- Until he saw the ears that the blond had pinned back to the sides of his head in fear- two pointed canine ears above his human ones. They were almost the same color as his hair, just a few shades darker.
"Lieutenant..."
"S-s-ir..."
Roy gasped in surprise at the response. "You.. remember me?" Roy leaned in a little bit closer, and Jean panicked at the sudden movement- yelping in surprise and ducking back into the dark.
"No, please, Lieutenant. It's okay. I'm sorry. I was just surprised. Yes, I'm Colonel Mustang. You worked for me. Do you remember?"
"Mus... tang."
"Yes. Mustang." A soft, sad smile crossed his face. "Please, come back out, Lieutenant. I need to look you over, to make sure you don't need any immediate help."
"NO!" Roy almost fell backwards at the sharp, loud bark of a response. "No! No more... Leave me alone! "
Jean had almost sounded lucid at that moment, more like his human self than he had been since Roy discovered him. "It's okay, Lieutenant. I promise. If you don't want anyone else to look at you, that's fine. But please, I need to get you out of here. You don't want to stay here do you?"
"Don't... know."
"I know a place with a warm bed. You can eat food and drink water and no one will hurt you. I promise. But you'll have to come out first." Roy gently brought his hand forward again and smiled when he heard a soft snuffling noise from the dark. Roy wondered what else had changed. Could Jean smell better? See better? Hear better? How much of the Havoc that he had known was still there?
Roy cringed again when Jean came fully into view- slowly, shakily, moving into the light. The man was naked, and somewhere deep inside his mind Roy knew that should have made him uncomfortable, but he was so worried about his Lieutenant that the fact that he had no clothes on only registered for a moment, then it was gone with the millions of other questions about what had happened, and what to do next.
He was glad to see that Jean could almost pass as human, until he noticed the clicking noise on the metal cage and looked down at the man's hands. His nails looked more like small claws, rounded off to dull points. But Roy couldn't stop the gasp that came from his mouth when he saw the tail that extended from the base of Jean's spine. It was tucked tight between his legs now, and Roy knew that meant that he was scared and submissive.
"No longer a man, no longer an animal..." Roy mumbled under his breath. He gently reached towards the top of the chimera's head to try to give him a gentle, reassuring touch.
Jean felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. A growl rose in his throat and he snapped at the
dark haired man, baring his teeth, exposing his sharpened canines. Roy retreated a step, falling back on his ass a few feet away from the entrance of the cage.
"I'm sorry, Havoc. I didn't mean to scare you." Roy sighed when he saw that the chimera had retreated back to the rear of the cage again. He wasn't sure if he was ever going to get him out of here at this rate. "Please, Lieutenant. I promise, I won't try to touch you. But you need to come out of there. You aren't safe."
"Safe..."
"No, you're not safe. Not here." Technically, Roy knew that it wasn't totally true, because Tucker- the only immediate threat to his Lieutenant- was dead. But he knew that he needed to get Jean out of there before he either starved to death, or some else found him who would see him as a threat- or even worse- a prize.
What kind of future would a chimera have, anyways? He couldn't go back to work. He was so jumpy that Roy couldn't even get within a few feet of him. It flashed in Roy's mind that there was an alternative, a way to make Jean's pain go away for good. Roy actually got as far as holding up his gloved hand in front of the cage. He pressed his fingers together, obsidian eyes fixed on the shadow. One quick move, a simple snap, and the poor man would be free of his suffering forever.
"Dammit. I... I can't do it." Roy whispered dejectedly, putting a hand to his face and shaking his head. He saw a pair of blue eyes looking at him from the back of the cage- staring at him, trying to understand what was going on.
"Please, Jean. Come out." Roy's tone was defeated. He had no more to give. He just didn't know what to do any more.
"Jean?"
"Jean Havoc. Your name."
"Name... Jean Havoc."
"Yes. Are you starting to remember?" Flashes of memories flitted through the chimera's brain, but they
were so jumbled and blurry that he couldn't pick out specifics. It was like he was looking at a slide show on fast forward with the pictures purposefully blurred. He shook his head.
"You will, in time. But please come out. I want to help you. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do."
"I... am okay?"
"Yes, you are a good boy. I just want to take you home. This is a prison, not where you belong."
"Home."
"Yes, home."
Jean moved tentatively forward on his hands and knees until he was at the front of the cage, which was raised up about a foot off the floor. Roy had no idea if he could even stand up. If he couldn't, and the blond didn't let Roy touch him enough to at least help him to his feet, then he had no idea how they were going to get out of there.
"Lieutenant, can you stand up? I need for you to be strong for me so we can leave this place." Roy kept his distance but slowly stood, keeping his palms forward to show that he meant no harm. He saw the blond tense, but he didn't move away like before.
"Havoc. I need you to get out of the cage and stand up. I can help you, if you'll let me, but we have to leave. Can you do it?"
"Not.. sure.."
"Just try for me, please."
The chimera nodded his head. An unsteady hand went to the metal mesh of the front of the cage. He curled his fingers around the door and pulled himself out of the cage and up to a shaky standing position. His bare feet slapped down onto the dirty floor a moment before his legs gave out and he collapsed in a heap on the ground.
"Lieutenant!" Roy started to move towards the man, but a snarl stopped him in mid movement. "You need help. I'm not going to hurt you. Let me help you."
Roy took a step towards Jean. He saw the man tense up and curl up on himself. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're a good boy. I just want to help you." Roy kept repeating the mantra while he took another step closer. He heard the growl in the chimera's throat. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up. He took another step forward, now only one pace away.
"I'm here to help. I promise." Roy kneeled and offered his hand to the blond. There was a moment of
nothingness- no movement, no breath, no heartbeat- from either man nor chimera.. Then, finally, Jean moved a shaking hand towards him and Roy took it, noticing immediately how the man tensed and pulled away a little, even though he had willingly put his hand out. Roy wasted no time and grabbed the offered hand quickly and firmly before the chimera could panic and bolt back into the cage again. He pulled the blond to his feet and wrapped his arm around Jean's shoulder to help him stand.
The Lieutenant's eyes went wide, and Roy could feel his body go rigid- ready to run if he decided Roy proves to be a threat. "Please, Havoc. It's okay. We need to get out of here. Just let me help you to the car." The man's breathing was short and shallow, his hair plastered to his head with a mixture of dirt and sweat and who knows what else.
Roy took a few steps towards the door, practically dragging the taller, heavier man along with him. Whatever humanity Jean had been showing for brief moments was gone again, lost behind a wall of panic and fear. After a few more steps, Roy stopped for a moment to lean against a wall and catch his breath. He was exhausted from everything that had happened, but he knew they still had a long way to go to get home.
And then what?
Roy wasn't quite sure, but at least Jean would be safe. Or as safe as he could get, considering the circumstances.
It took almost ten more minutes of dragging to get the chimera to the large metal door that was still slightly ajar from when Roy burst in. "We are almost there. Look, you can see my car.” He pointed outside to the black car under the lamppost. “We just have a little bit further."
Under better circumstances, Roy would have smiled at the light snow that began to fall. He always thought that snow was beautiful as it floated down from the sky, even if it did render him almost as useless as the rain did. He moved the chimera outside, the bright snowflakes shining in the sparse light of the lampposts. It had been daytime when he went in- he hadn't realized how long he had actually been in that hellish laboratory.
Roy glanced over to the blond. Jean had stopped fighting and panicking and was back to the catatonic state that Roy had first found him in. As much as he hated to see him like this, he lamented that it at least made him a little easier to move since he wasn't fighting every little movement of brush against his skin. The alchemist opened the car's back door and maneuvered Jean inside, which only garnered a small whimper from the chimera.
As soon as he hit the seat, Jean curled up and wrapped his tail around himself again, a position that seemed to keep him at least somewhat calm. Roy paused for a moment to stare at him, curled up in the fetal position. Science said that humans and animals alike often did that in times of great stress or fear because it reminded them of being curled up, safe and sound, inside the womb.
"I'm going to drive you home, Havoc. It won't take long, then you'll be safe." Roy thought he almost heard the man try to mumble "home" but it just came out as a small, whimpering moan. He started the car and carefully drove off into snow that was falling harder and faster. As much as Roy wanted to rush home, he knew that he had to drive very carefully in this weather, and it would take a while to get across town. He could only hope that nothing would set Jean off into another panic attack that could cause a crash.
Roy looked at chimera curled up in the back seat every chance that he got. He smiled softly when he saw that Jean had fallen into a light sleep. It wasn't a peaceful rest, he still shifted and whimpered, but it was better than he had been before.
It took the better part of an hour to get to his small house. Roy hated to wake Jean- he had finally fallen into what almost seemed like a comfortable, peaceful sleep. He waited about ten more minutes, letting the car sit in idle so he could keep the heat on before he finally decided that they needed to move in before it got too snowy to walk the few steps to the front door.
The alchemist got out of the car and opened the back door, hoping that the sudden cold would wake him up. He was afraid of having to touch him after what had happened the first time. But when the chimera only stirred slightly at the squeak of the door, Roy knew what he had to do.
"Lieutenant Havoc. Wake up. We're here." A low groan came from the back seat. Gently, Roy reached in and touched the bottom of his ankle, and immediately the chimera woke up with a scream. He curled in on himself and whimpered.
"Havoc.. it's just me. Relax. We're here. I need you to come inside." The chimera shivered, and
Roy knew that it wasn't from the cold. As Jean shifted slightly, Roy picked up an odd smell. When he looked into the blond's face, he could see an undercurrent of embarrassment through the fear in those blue eyes.
"Oh, Havoc." Roy's face immediately softened. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'll clean that up later. But
we need to get you inside first. You'll catch a death of cold out here." Roy thanked the fates that he had never bothered to take out the small blanket that he had thrown in the back of the car weeks before. He wrapped it around Jean as best he could, to give him a bit of modesty and protection from the elements.
Somewhat mercifully, Jean had gone back into shell shock, and Roy was able to pull him up to a sitting position out of the small puddle of urine and get him out of the car and to his feet without too much trouble. He quickly rushed the naked man into the house, shutting out the cold behind them.
"Let's get you to bed. You're going to sleep in my room, and I'll sleep on the couch." If Jean heard him, he didn't give any indication. Carefully, Roy moved the chimera onto the bedroom. He knew the chimera needed a bath, and after the incident in the car, he was fairly sure that the blond had no idea how to use the bathroom, but he added that to the steadily increasing list of things that he would have to worry about later.
He kept Jean wrapped up in the blanket, to guard his sheets in case Havoc got spooked again. It definitely helped that he seemed to relax a little with the blanket's warmth wrapped tight around him. He gently laid the chimera down and pulled the covers up over him. "Sleep well, Lieutenant. I have to go clean the car. I'll be right back."
Roy stood at the bedroom door for a few minutes, until he heard a soft, steady breathing that indicated that Jean was asleep again, then went outside to try to clean the leather seats as best as he could. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to the officers in the motor pool, but he knew he that was low on his list of concerns right now.
When Roy went back inside, it was quiet, and he sighed a breath of relief. He could only hope that Jean would sleep through the night and he could deal with this in the morning He wasn't sure that he could take anything else tonight. Roy had left the bedroom door open, since the house was small enough that he could hear anything going on in there from the couch.
Roy was exhausted- mentally and physically, but after everything that had happened, he couldn't sleep. He hadn't had time to actually think about the whole incident and, now that his adrenalin was wearing off, the reality of the situation was starting to hit him.
"I think I need a drink."
Roy went to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bottle of whiskey, then wandered back to his couch. He poured a long finger and downed it, then did the same to a second, and a third. By the time Roy put the stopper back on the whiskey bottle and put it and the glass back, a good portion of both the bottle and the evening were gone.
"I should check up on him." As silently as he could, Roy walked down the short hallway and peered in
the doorway. Jean had managed to kick off the top blanket and was sprawled out on his back, his limbs were twitching fitfully. Soft whimpers fell from his lips.
The alchemist wondered if human contact would calm Jean's nightmares, but he remembered what had happened in the car, and he thought better of it, though it took all his willpower to not go comfort his former subordinate. "Havoc. What can I do to help?" Roy muttered.
A low sigh forced its way from Roy's mouth. He went back to the living room and finally took off his
boots, his dress blue jacket, and the 'skirt' on the back of his pants. As much as Roy would have loved to sleep in something more comfortable, there was no way he was going to go into his room and possibly wake the chimera up while rifling through his dresser. He knew it was going to be a rough sleep, but it would work for tonight at least.
He grabbed a blanket and a pillow from the hall closet, closing the door as carefully as he could, as it was just across from the bedroom where the chimera slept, then peered in again. For the moment at least, Jean seemed to be somewhat calm and relaxed.
He headed back to the couch and got himself situated, facing his head towards the bedroom just in case. Even though he was hazy with alcohol and exhausted, he tossed and turned for close to an hour before finally falling into a deep and thankfully dreamless sleep.
**
"AHHHHH!!!!!"
Roy immediately bolted up from the couch and got tangled up in his blanket, falling unceremoniously on the floor. Cursing to himself he stood up, kicked the blanket off and ran into the bedroom, to the source of the scream.
"Havoc! Havoc! are you okay?" the chimera stared- not at him, but through him. His eyes were wide, and his blond hair was matted flat to his head with sweat. He was sitting up, the blanket shredded under his sharpened fingernails. Roy smelt the odor of urine again.
"Havoc, it's okay. You're safe. You're at my house. Please calm down, Lieutenant." He knew better than to approach the chimera- he heard the low, menacing growl when he was in the doorway, and he saw the wild look in his eyes. "Havoc, do you want some water, maybe?"
"Water?"
"Are you thirsty?"
"I... thirsty."
"Okay. I'll be right back." Roy wasn't sure if he was really thirsty, or if he was just parroting what he heard- but at least there was the possibility that a drink would get the man's mind off whatever had woke him up.
Roy wasn't really sure he wanted to know what nightmares the chimera had been having.
The alchemist came back into the bedroom a moment later with a glass of water. He approached the bed carefully, taking small, slow steps. "Look, I have your water, Lieutenant." He held out the glass as he approached. Jean whimpered loudly and pulled what was left of the blanket up around his body, pushing backwards until his back was pressed hard against the headboard.
"It's okay. Look, I'll put it on the end table, and you can take it if you want it, okay?" He took a step closer until he was close enough to the table to put it down. "Okay, go ahead and drink it. It'll make you feel better."
Jean looked at the water, then back at Roy, then back at the water again, studying both of them.
Finally, he leaned over and sniffed at the water and opened his mouth and tried to lap at it like a
dog. The glass tipped over and spilled on the ground, spooking the chimera and sending him back to the opposite side of the bed.
Roy sighed and left the room again, coming back with some paper towels. He wiped up as much of the water as he could, and took the glass that had miraculously not broken after hitting the table then falling onto the carpeted floor.
The alchemist threw the paper towels away and put the empty glass back on the table. “Lieutenant, we need to get you out of that blanket. He approached the bed again. When Jean didn't do anything but rock softly back and forth, Roy knew that he was back to his catatonic state. So far, that had been the only way that Roy had been able to do anything with him.
He sat on the edge of the bed and gently tugged at the blanket. Jean made a little noise of surprise in his throat, but he didn't pull away. With a small tug, Roy pulled the fabric away. He immediately felt bad when Jean shivered, but he quickly pulled another blanket from the end of the bed- the one that Roy usually used to keep his feet warm- and wrapped him up in it.
Roy was very surprised when Jean let out what could only be called a small, almost contented sigh. He snuggled down into the blanket, and Roy had no trouble guiding him to a lying position. He pulled what remained of the covers back over the chimera and gently stroked his hair and ears until he closed his eyes again and his breathing got slow and steady.
The urge to comfort him kept Roy there for over half an hour- stroking at the dirty, matted hair and the surprisingly soft fur on Jean's ears. Roy's eyes started to droop, and he almost climbed into bed with Jean. He would have if he hadn't honestly been scared of what Jean's reaction would be when he woke up with someone in the same bed with him.
He finally decided on a compromise. Roy went to the living room and grabbed his pillow and blanket, and laid down on the floor next to the bed. The alchemist fell almost immediately to sleep as the sun started to rise in the sky.
A soft whimpering noise woke Roy from a surprisingly deep sleep. He looked up at the bed. The sunlight coming through the window allowed the alchemist to get his first really good look at his former Lieutenant as a chimera. His ears were up, twitching around at the smallest noise, and he had his head was canted up towards the ceiling while he sniffed at the air.
Roy made a soft throat clearing noise, hoping to not scare the poor man. Unfortunately it didn't work, and Jean startled, scooting back in the bed and looking down at Roy.
“Havoc. It's me, Colonel Mustang. Remember? I rescued you last night and brought you here.”
“Must... ang.”
“Yeah, your Colonel. You used to call me 'Chief'' at work.”
“Chief.”
“Do you remember?”
Havoc thought for a moment, then shook his head. Roy sighed. He knew it wasn't going to be that easy, but he could hope. It was worth a shot.
“Come on, Havoc. I'm sure you need to use the restroom.” Roy remembered the puddle in the car and the smaller stain on his blanket. “I need you to use my restroom when you need to relieve yourself. Do you understand?”
Havoc looked at Roy. He looked like he wanted to understand, but he didn't give any indication that he had. “Can you stand for me?” Roy stood up to show him what he meant. “Stand up.”
Slowly, unsteadily, Havoc scooted to the edge of the bed, put his feet on the floor, and stood up shakily, holding onto the bed for support. Roy gave him a broad smile. “Good boy!” He said with a grin, hoping that he could appeal to the more canine side of the man and praise him like a master would do with a puppy.
“Okay, let's head to the bathroom now.” Roy tried not to look at the naked creature standing in his bedroom- a chimera that was looking at him like he had never seen a human before in his life. The alchemist walked towards the bathroom, stopping outside the door and looking back at the blond. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up a little. Can you come here please, Havoc?”
The chimera took a step back, growling softly. But a small flash of recognition sparked in his eyes for a brief moment. “S-s-sir?”
“Yes!” Roy said, a grin filling his face. “Do you remember, Lieutenant?”
“A... little.”
“Okay, well that's a good start, but let's get you in the bathroom first. We need to get you cleaned up.”
“O... kay.” Roy was sure that this semi-lucidity would not last long, so he wanted to do as much as he could while he had the opportunity.
Jean walked slowly towards the bathroom, hesitating as he got closer to Roy. The alchemist backed away a step, and the chimera walked inside. He looked around the bathroom, sniffing at the new smells, and familiarizing himself with its layout. After a moment, he spotted the toilet, put the seat up, and relieved himself while Roy looked the other way, breathing a sigh of relief.
He heard a flush, then a quick splash of water. Roy looked inside, and took a step towards the bathroom. “You're a good boy, Havoc. A good boy.” He was very glad when he saw Jean visibly relax a small bit with the reassurance from Roy.
Roy steeled himself for the next part. He had no idea how it was going to work, but it needed to be done. “Havoc. I need for you to do me a big favor. I need to get you in the shower so you can get clean. You want to get clean, right?”
“Clean?”
“Yeah, wash...” He wanted to say 'that hellhole', but he held his tongue, “... all the dirt off you.”
“Clean.”
The alchemist pointed to the shower. “Yes, Lieutenant. All you have to do is step in the shower over there. I'll turn on the water, and you can scrub yourself clean.”
“Clean.”
Roy wished that he could get him to do more than just repeat what he was saying. He hadn't gotten the chimera to say more than a couple of words so far, except for the one angry outburst at the lab. He could only hope that with time the Lieutenant would come back to his own.
“Yes. Get in, please.”
Jean looked at the shower and took a step towards it, sniffing at the curtain like it was going to give him some sort of information. Roy had no idea how the chimera was going to handle the water. He debated turning on the water first, in case it spooked him- and he was sure it would- but he was worried that if Jean bolted he would never get him inside..
Roy walked into the bathroom, carefully moving as far from Havoc as he could in the small area. He put the toilet seat down and sat, then turned the water on. As expected, Havoc did stiffen and whimper softly, but to Roy's ultimate relief, he stayed still. The alchemist took a moment to get the water to a temperature he thought was acceptable, then smiled at the chimera and swept his hand towards the shower. “Get in, please, Havoc.”
Jean gave him an unsure look, but he did as he was told. When he had stepped in, he looked back at Roy, wondering what was supposed to happen next.
“Okay, I'm going to turn on the shower. I want you to stay calm. It'll feel a little weird, but you need to get clean. It's important that you stay still when it starts, okay?” He leaned in from his sitting position and put one hand close to Havoc's arm in case he tried to bolt, and the other hand on the lever, which he slowly moved to the shower position.
The chimera let out a yelp of surprise and tried to turn away from the water and jump out of the shower, but Roy was just as quick. He sprung to his feet and grabbed at Havoc's arms, holding him tight so he wouldn't trip and fall while trying to fight his way out.
After a couple of moments of trying to fight against Roy's grip, Jean fell back into his catatonic state and stood under the shower, not moving. The alchemist sighed. He was afraid that he might have to do this, but he was hoping to avoid it. He stepped inside the shower, still wearing his shirt and dress blue pants. He had absolutely no intention of being as naked as Jean.
The alchemist took the soap and started to scrub at the chimera's hands and arms, then moved up to his shoulders. Every once in a while he would look at the blond's face to make sure he wasn't going to panic again. But there was nothing there. It was as if a light had shut off in his mind. Roy was never sure what was going to trigger Jean's panic attacks. He was grateful that so far he had had some semi concious moments, but he had no idea if the... thing that had once been his Lieutenant was going to ever be okay, or if he would shut his mind down one day and never come back.
But he couldn't think about that now. All he could do was try and help Jean as much as he could. And right now, he was trying to help him regain some semblance of humanity by getting the filth of that place off of him.
The alchemist moved around and scrubbed at the chimera's back. He heard a small whimper from Jean's mouth, but he stayed still and let Roy continue to work. Roy cleaned as much as he could stomach doing- including his knees that had been caked with dirt from sitting on his hands and knees, then gently pushed Jean until he was completely under the water. He let the man relax under the warmth of the spray for a few minutes- hoping that it would help him calm down a bit, then turned it off, which surprisingly garnered a small whine from Jean. Roy felt a little guilty about stopping the shower. Maybe Jean had been enjoying it more he thought. But he couldn't stay in forever, and Roy could already feel the water start to cool as he finished washing Jean.
“Do you think you can towel yourself off?” Roy asked as he stepped out, his soaked shirt and pants dripping puddles onto the tiled floor. He tried to hand Jean a towel, but he didn't move, other than his chest rising and falling as he breathed. “Lieutenant?” Fear welled up inside of him. Had it finally happened? Had the man totally snapped, lost within his own mind?
“S-s-ir.”
Roy sighed and handed the man a towel. “Please towel yourself off. I'm going to try to find some clothes for you.” He hated to leave the chimera alone, even for a moment, but his sanity was not going to let Jean continue to walk around naked. But there were two problems. Jean was much larger than him, and that damned tail that was going to make wearing pants much tougher.
The ringing of the phone woke him from his thoughts, and that was when it dawned on him. He hadn't told anyone that he had found Jean yet. He knew there were very few people he could trust enough to explain what happened. As the phone rang a second time, he was fairly sure who was calling, and he knew what he had to do.
“This is Mustang.”
“Sir, you're back. When did you get back in? Were you... successful?”
Hawkeye. He could always count on her to get right to the point. “I found him, Lieutenant.” He could hear the audible sigh on the other side of the line.
“Is he okay?”
“He's alive, but..." he paused a second, trying to decide what to say. “He isn't quite the same.”
“A couple of weeks of capture can do that to a person, sir.”
“I'm afraid it's a bit more literal than that, Hawkeye.”
“Sir?”
“Lieutenant, please call Breda, Fuery, and Falman. I want you all at my house at...” he paused to look at the clock on the wall- it was just past 0800 hours. “1200 hours. We'll have lunch and I'll explain what happened.”
“Yes, sir.” He could hear the confusion in her voice, but this was the best he could do on an unsecured line. Moreover, he doubted she would believe him even if he did try to explain it.
Roy put the phone down and went back to the bedroom to find Jean holding the towel and looking around the room like he was lost. He sighed. Even if he had wanted to give the blond some clothes, one quick glance in his closet confirmed that he had nothing that was going to fit. There was only one recourse- he had to call Hawkeye back and have her stop by Jean's apartment.
Years ago, Roy had insisted that Hawkeye get a copy of each person's house key from his staff. He had hoped that it was just a precaution that would never have to be used, but he was glad that he had insisted on it now.
“Havoc, sit on the bed for just a minute, please. I have to make a phone call, then I'll be right back, okay?” The chimera let out a small whimper, but did as he was told.
“Lieutenant Hawkeye?”
“Yes, sir?”
“I need to ask you a huge favor.”
“Yes, sir?”
“I need you to come by my house as soon as you can, before everyone else gets here.”
“Yes, sir.”
“But I need you to make a stop before you come. It's a strange request, but I'll explain why once you get here.”
“Sir?”
“Stop by Lieutenant Havoc's apartment and grab some clothes, something easy to put on.”
“Sir... what is going on there?”
“First Lieutenant Hawkeye, that's an order. I'll explain when you arrive. I want you here in 30 minutes.” He'd never had to raise his voice or snap an order at her before, but the stress of the events of the last 24 hours was starting to wear his patience thin.
“Yes, sir.” The line went silent. He sighed and rubbed his temples again, then headed back to the bedroom. He wasn't terribly surprised when Jean was still sitting on the bed, holding the towel almost like a child would hold a beloved blanket. He hadn't moved an inch from before.
“Havoc, I have someone coming over. I want you to meet with some of your coworkers. I'm hoping maybe they can help you jog your memory.” There was no response from the chimera. He just continued to stare at Roy, a stare that was frankly becoming rather unnerving.
“Do you remember Lieutenants Hawkeye and Breda, and Warrant Officer Falman, and Master Sergeant Fuery? We all used to work together.”
“Bre.. da?”
“Yeah, he's a good friend of yours. He works with us. He'll be coming by to see you. They're all worried about you. We were-”
“NOOoooooooo...” the word was a howl as much as it was a yell. He dropped the towel to the bed and backed up against the back of the headboard, his ears pinned back and his tail between his legs. “Can't see this...”
“I won't force you to talk to them if you don't want to, but they... we... are all worried about you.” Roy seized upon this moment when Jean seemed to be more human to reason with him. “I promise, you'll be safe. They just want to make sure that you are alright .”
“I... I'm a monster.”
“Havoc, you're not a monster.”
“I am!” he growled, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.
“Lieutenant Havoc, I order you calm down!”
The chimera looked at him, stunned for a moment, then seemed to shut himself off again. He curled up into a little ball and rocked back and forth softly, a small keening noise falling from his lips.
“Damn it.” Jean was back to his catatonic state. Roy sighed. Getting him dressed was going to be a chore, even with him not fighting back. And he was still not sure how he was going to wear pants with that tail. He shook his head. Yet another problem he had to push back temporarily.
Roy needed a break for a moment, so he went into the kitchen in his dripping wet clothes and put some water on to boil for coffee. He would have liked something stiffer, but he knew that would be a very bad idea. After he got the coffee started, he went back to the bedroom and pulled out a white button up shirt, comfortable black dress slacks, and some fresh boxers and socks from his dresser.
A quick look over to Jean showed that he was still rocking softly back and forth, tiny whimpers punctuating each movement. He didn't want to, but he had to leave Jean like that for the moment. Roy took his clothes into the bathroom, took a quick shower, and did his normal morning routine. When he stepped out about 10 minutes later, he felt at least a tiny bit better.
Jean had managed to fall back asleep, clutching the towel tightly close to his chest. As quietly as he could, Roy shut the door almost completely and went back into the kitchen to try to have some vague semblance of a normal morning.
On to part 2