(no subject)
Title: The Twisting, Turning Path of Love
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Artist: ?
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: R to NC-17
Word Count ?
Characters/Pairings: Jean Havoc/Rebecca Catalina (main), also Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye, Denny Brosh/Maria Ross, and non pairings- Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Gracia and Elysia Hughes, Tim Marcoh, Dr. Knox, General Grumman, and some minor OC's (like Jean's mother).
Warnings: Goes AU after the Promised Day, so spoilers for the whole series. Contains sexual situations and graphic portrayals of death, pregnancy, and childbirth. And of course, I am only playing with Arakawa's characters. I'll give them back when I am done. (Clings to Havoc)
Summary : Jean Havoc thought that his life was finally taking a turn for the better. After having the Philosopher's Stone used on his legs, he was learning how to walk again, and he was happily dating a women (of whom he was confident that Mustang wouldn't steal this time). But one night, something happened that would put him on a twisting, turning path through highs and lows that would change his life forever.
Author's Notes: I have done extensive research to try to make the medical facts as true as I could to the approximate area and time period- the US in the 1920's. It isn't perfect, but it is hard to find much on the subject, so please take the facts with a grain of salt.
The basic idea is based on an online RP that I did with . So, thanks, Emma.
One last thing.. I apologize to everyone, but I am posting this even though it is unfinished. It is very close to being done, but I just ran out of time and frankly for a while I ran out of inspiration. But I swear, it will be done soon.
PROLOGUE: After the Promised Day
“Come to Central? What in the world for?” There was a pause while he tapped out the excess ash on his cigarette. “Whadda ya mean I'll find out when I get there? I can't just up and leave the store.” Annoyance pooled in Jean's voice. Breda made it sound so easy, like he could just up and leave, shirking all of his responsibilities. And then there was his damned wheelchair. What took most people a few seconds to do could take him several minutes. When it came to being able to reach things, being six foot three didn't matter when you were only four feet tall sitting down.
“Fine, whatever. I'll try to get there sometime.” He slammed the receiver down, which caused his mother to look up from her paperwork on the other side of the store.
“What is it, Jean, dear?”
“'Breda. He says that it's vitally important that I come to Central as soon as I can.” he said with sarcastic emphasis.
“It's the slow season, dear. Summer isn't coming for another couple of months. You could take a few weeks off to visit your friends if you wanted to. I have your cousins Robert and Sarah to help me if I need it, they always like making a few extra cenz after school.”
Jean sighed and ran his hand through this shaggy blond hair. He had gotten out of the habit of keeping it militarily short, and it was getting rather unkempt. More than anything else, he dreaded going to the barber shop in town. He hated the looks of sympathy he got. 'Oh look at poor Jean. I hear he got injured when he was in the military. What a pity, half a man.'
He'd heard it all before- seen it in their faces, heard it when they thought he wasn't listening. Damn snipers' ears. He loathed his senses sometimes but his instincts had been honed through many years of being a solider. He couldn't turn it off.
The one time that he had forgone the barber shop and let his mother shave his hair to 'regulation length' he had ended up with a bald spot on the back of his head that took most of the fall to grow back. He swore he could still feel the difference, though his mother had insisted that it looked perfectly fine.
“I can't just waltz onto a train, Ma.” he argued. “It's a pain in the ass to haul myself and everything I need with me.”
“I'll take you to the station and get you situated, and I'm sure that Heymans will pick you up. He's such a good boy.”
“You always did like him best.” Jean chuckled, snuffing out the butt of the cigarette and immediately putting a new one in his mouth. He rolled his tongue around the end, savoring that initial tingle of nicotine that it gave him. “As soon as you met my roomie at the Academy, you never sent me a care package without sending him one, too.”
“Well he didn't have his Ma to spoil him, and I have enough love for two...” Her voice trailed off. Ah, there it was- the elephant in the room. She had wanted more kids, but had never gotten the chance. Jean immediately felt guilty for reminding her of that yet again.
“Sorry, Ma.” he frowned. “I... didn't mean to bring that up.” One thing that he was an expert in was putting his foot in his mouth.
She walked up to him and ruffled his wild hair, then kissed him on the forehead. “It's okay, dear.” She said with a smile. “Just go to Central and see what Heymans wants. It must be important if he's asking you to make a trip out there. Maybe he finally found a girl to marry, or even better, found you one!”
“Ma!” He tried to protest, but the only response he got was laughter.
**
It didn't take long for all of the arrangements to be made. Breda would be at the station to pick him up, and Colonel Mustang had found that Central Hospital had some rooms that were used for long term patients who needed wheelchairs. All of the furniture in the room was spaced out so a wheelchair could move around, and even the bathroom was set up for use with a chair. It wasn't really what Jean wanted- to spend more time at the hospital, but Breda had insisted that it was the best that they could do.
**
Jean had forgotten how much he missed the hustle and bustle of the big city until the train rolled into town. As the looming towers of stone and brick, slowly came into view, he smiled. Country life was nice and all, but there was nothing like the city- with all of its cars, and people, and congestion.
The train jerked to a halt, almost throwing him out of his seat. Jean had to wait for the rest of the car to clear out so the conductor could bring his chair to him, since it had to be stored in the back of the train car. It was so fucking humiliating. He was reliant on that damned chair- if he had to use the restroom, he had to get help. Even after all these months, he hated having to rely on others. It wasn't a soldier's way.
But it was his way now. He was going to have to live with it for the rest of his life.
Or so he thought.
**
“Havo! Long time no see!”
“Hey Breda.”
Jean was lowered, wheelchair and all, down off the steps of the train by a couple of muscular engineers. “Grab my bags, Breda. I don't need to be pushed.” His best friend could tell by his tone of voice that it was best not to argue, so he grabbed the two small bags and started walking. “This way, Havo. The Colonel wants you to stop by his hospital room first, then we can get you situated.”
Breda had warned him over the phone that both Roy and Riza had been injured and were in the hospital- along with Ed and Alphonse, who was now back in his human form. That was something that Jean wanted to see- Alphonse, finally in the flesh.
'What in the world could Mustang want that was so damn important?' Jean wondered while they made their way through the crowds towards the awaiting car. Apparently they had thought of everything, the car had a hatched back with a large storage area where the chair would fit. Jean transferred into the car and situated himself, while Breda stored the chair, and soon after they were off towards Central Hospital.
“Hey, boss. Someone to see ya.”
“Ah, Havoc. Welcome back.” Even knowing that Roy had lost his sight, it was still terribly disconcerting to look into those milky gray eyes. Sure, he couldn't walk, but Roy had lost so much more. He couldn't even imagine not being able to see- it was the first time that he actually felt guilty for his injury.
“Sir.” He saluted, even though he was retired, and Roy couldn't see it anyway- but it was just a force of habit.
“It's nice to see you, Havoc.” He turned towards that familiar voice- Lieutenant Hawkeye. She looked pale, but those eyes- always strong, always alert. He knew better than to think that she was weak, even as she was healing from had been described as grievous wounds.
Falman and Fuery were in the room as well, standing to Roy's side. Jean smiled and nodded a greeting to them. “So, sir. the whole gang is back, I see.” He grinned. “What kind of plans do you have for us? More paperwork that you're too lazy to finish?” He looked over at the other two people in the room. One he knew in passing as Marcoh- an alchemist who looked a lot worse for wear. He had no idea who the other person was.
Roy looked over in Marcoh's general direction and nodded. Marcoh took something out of his pocket and walked towards Jean. There was a stone in his hands- despite never having seen one before, he knew immediately what it was from dealing with a certain volatile little alchemist.
“How'd you get one of those?”
“That's no matter.” Marcoh replied. “Mustang won't let me use this on him until I use it on you first. This will let you feel your legs again. But you will still have plenty of hard times in front of you. Your legs are going to be atrophied after having not been used for so long. You'll need intensive therapy before you'll be able to walk again. I would suggest that you stay here in Central, the doctors will be able to help you on your road to recovery. It won't be easy, but I'm sure that you will walk again with the stone's help.”
“Walk?” He had been in the wheelchair for months now. The entire time he had been wrestling with the fact that he was going to be stuck in it for the rest of his life. Now this doctor was telling him that he could walk if he used that stone?
And what about his mother? She was going to need him in the busy summer months. It wasn't fair to leave her- she wasn't getting any younger, and who knew how long his cousins would stay before they got too bored with it or they eschewed their responsibilities for a hot date? They were only teenagers, after all. And Jean had done his fair share of shirking his job for a night with a pretty farm girl.
“It shouldn't be a hard decision, Havoc.” Roy's voice cut through the millions of thoughts that were running through his head.
“I...” How could he even think about saying no? Of course his mom would understand. If he didn't take this chance now, she would never forgive him. “Yes.” He said simply.
**
He still couldn't believe it- he told his body to wiggle his toes and he could see them wiggle. Oh damn, he wanted to try to get up and walk, but he knew how weak his legs were- he could see it every time he showered, how the muscle mass had just been eaten away. They looked like skinny toothpicks, which was why he never wore anything but long, baggy pants- not even in front of his mother, he knew how she would worry. Mothers were so good at that.
“Now for you.” Marcoh turned to Roy, and for the second time in just a few minutes, a bright flash of red alchemical light filled the room.
In the span of five minutes, two lives were changed forever.
CHAPTER 1: The Recovery
Jean didn't get any time to relax or think about what had just happened to him- as soon as Marcoh and Knox were done examining both him and Roy, he was whisked off to another part of the hospital, where he was introduced to the room that would be his home for the foreseeable future.
It wasn't home, but at least it was easy to move around in. It had one main living area with a low couch and chair and a small coffee table that could double as a dining table, and a tiny kitchenette area with a low sink, an icebox, and a couple of shelves, and another bookshelf in the living room. Off to the right was the bedroom, just a bed, a low beside table, and a couple of drawers and a bathroom to the right of that. Overall not too bad, though it kind of reminded him of a hotel room.
As soon as he got situated and got his stuff unpacked, he made a phone call. He had to admit that that was one positive thinking about the room being like a hotel- there was a phone in the room. That would make things a bit easier.
“Hey Ma. You'll never guess what happened.”
“No, I didn't get a girlfriend.”
“No, neither did Breda. “
“Nope that isn't it either.” He sighed. It was so hard to get her to stop talking sometimes. “Ma, look. I know this is going to be hard to believe, but... Colonel Mustang... he... found a way to get feeling back in my legs.”
Jean had to hold the phone away from his head while his mom screamed in excitement on the other side of the line. It took nearly 5 minutes of hysterical crying and questions to finally get her to calm down enough that he could explain.
“No, I'm sorry. I can't tell you how. I... really am not exactly sure myself, but all I know is that I can feel my legs.”
“But... you see... the problem is this. They could get the feeling back, but the muscles, they're really weak. So... I have to stay in Central for a while. I'm supposed to have a physical therapist coming by soon. They want to assess the damage and then make a plan on how best to get me back on my feet. But I was warned, it could take months. I... I'm sorry, Ma. If you need money to hire someone full time, I am still getting a military stipend. I can send some down. I won't need much here. I'm living at the hospital. All I'll need is food and such.”
“Of course I'll write and call every week to update you, Ma. I promise. “
“Yes, Ma. I'll say hello to Breda for you.”
“Thank you, Ma. I... I love you too.” He sighed softly as he hung up the phone. Overall she had taken it well, all the screaming and crying aside.
He had hardly gotten off the phone before there was a knock at his door. When he opened it, a shorter, older gentleman, who brown hair started to show streaks of silver smiled down at him. “Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, I presume?”
Jean frowned. He really hated being reminded that he was no longer in the military. “Yes.” He said, slightly curtly. This was not going well so far.
“My name is Paul Barrett. I'm going to be your physical therapist.” That was what Jean was afraid of. It was not a great first impression. The man put out his hand and Jean shook it, still a bit wary.
“If you could follow me, please. I'll give you a quick tour of the therapy facilities and then I want to take a look at where you are and we will determine where we will go from there.” He turned around and headed out. 'Well,' Jean thought to himself, 'at least someone must have warned in that I don't like people pushing me. That's a step in the right direction'.
It was a very quick tour. On the fifth floor of the hospital there was a shower/changing/locker room, and beside that a few offices for the physical therapists, then past those were the therapy rooms. They all seemed to have various implements of torture in them- weights, stationary bikes, a weird inflatable giant ball which Jean had no idea what he would do with, and other things that he didn't know what they were but he had a feeling that he would get quite intimately introduced to over the coming months.
The examination was much more grueling that he thought it would be. By the end of it, he was tired, sweaty, and ready to climb into bed, even in the middle of the afternoon. He was subjected to poking and prodding, been put through the paces of exercises, and had been asked questions about things that he would rather not have thought about. He felt quite violated.
**
Jean transferred over to his bed and collapsed down. It was weird to think that his legs were aching- actually FUCKING ACHING, but they were. He could feel them, and they were as tired, along with the rest of him. It hadn't been all bad news- his legs were very weak and thin, but the therapist seemed very confident that with some hard work, he could be standing before the end of the year.
As he fell asleep, he dreamed of being able to walk up to his Ma and give her one of the bone crushing hugs that lifted her off the ground like he used to do all those years ago, before he joined the military- before his life had changed forever.
**
Days melded into weeks and months of intense therapy. Some days weren’t so bad, and others he was reduced to a whimpering, crying huddled mass of frustration and pain. But thankfully, he had his friends to help him through. Falman had moved back up north- while stationed up there he had started a family, but he came to visit when he was in town. Breda and Fuery were pretty regular visitors.
He hadn't worked with them much, but Denny Brosh and Maria Ross- the woman he helped so many months ago in that dingy alley in Central, came by once in a while. While he was gone, they had gotten married- and now they were expecting a child. “Well, at least some good came of all of this crap that we went through.” Jean commented the first time they came to visit him. It was easy to tell how happy they were together, Denny's hand resting on his wife's slightly rounded stomach.
The most surprising group of visitors had to have been the Elric brothers. Al was human now- that was quite a shock the first time that they visited, despite being told about it.. Al was in the same hospital for quite a while, eating and getting his strength back. As soon as Al was healthy enough, they had left the hospital and headed back to Resembool. He was genuinely sad to see them go, but he knew they would be back. Those boys never stayed in one place long. It wasn't in their nature.
It was less often that the Colonel and his adjunct were able to visit. After the coup he got a promotion to Brigadier General, and Hawkeye was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. Because of that, they didn't have a lot of free time. They worked closely with Fuhrer Grumman, and there was a lot to do to get the country back to peace and prosperity. He always looked forward to their infrequent visits.
As their work started to pile up, Roy's visits became even less frequent, but Riza tried to visit when she could. At first, she would visit him while he was in physical therapy by herself, but after a while she started to bring someone with her, someone he was at least vaguely familiar with.
“Jean, this is First Lieutenant Rebecca Catalina. She's a good friend of mine. I know you guys corresponded through phone calls to help us with the coup. She was interested in seeing who she had been talking to all those months.
'Man, she's beautiful.' Jean thought to himself. 'If I'd known that,I would have suggested that she come out to the East to meet me in person.' He held out his hand to her. “Sorry. I... ah... am a bit sweaty.”
Rebecca put her hand out without hesitation and shook it- much stronger than a normal woman's handshake, he noticed. “Nice to meet you finally. Havoc.”
“Uh,, likewise...” He wasn't sure what to call her... “Lieutenant Catalina.”
“I have to get back to work, Becky. I trust you can keep Jean entertained.” Riza waved as she left the room, not even giving either of them a chance to say anything. If Jean hadn't know any better, he would have sworn that Riza had just set him up with a date...
“So.. Uh.. Lieutenant, “ Jean stammered- he knew nothing about her and had no idea where to start a conversation. “You know, if you have somewhere else to be, you don't have to stay, if you don't want to. Contrary to popular belief, I don't need to be babysat. I can't quite do everything, but I get by, day to day.”
For a moment, Rebecca was quiet, studying him with the intense scrutiny that only snipers had. He didn't know if she was indeed a sniper like Hawkeye and himself but as he withered under her lingering gaze, he had a pretty good guess that she was. What was she thinking, he wondered?
“If you don't want me around...”
“No!” he didn't even let her finish the sentence. “No.” he said calmer this time. It's... nice to have someone here. It makes the drudgery of physical therapy bearable. Besides, I would much rather look at you than my therapist.”
For a moment- just a heartbeat or two- a blush came to her cheeks. It was a nice thing for him to say- except that she had already told herself that she was going to marry a rich, handsome man and settle down. A former Lieutenant was not rich, but... she had to admit, he didn't look too bad. She quickly shook those thoughts out of her head.
“Well, what are you waiting for, then?” She asked, with a bit of a wicked grin. It wouldn't hurt just to spend a little time with him, right? “Get to work. You want to be able to walk with me to get a coffee, right?”
Jean was slack jawed. Had she just asked him out on a date? Walking with her to get coffee was a long way down the line, but still... “I... ah... yeah. Of course.” He went back to the weights that he had been using, getting into his routine full force.
**
The visits from Rebecca turned from once in a while to once a week, then every day. Most days she would make small talk while he worked on strengthening his muscles and readied himself to stand and eventually walk. When the therapy sessions were over, Havoc would take a brief shower and get changed in the locker room, and then they would head down to either the hospital's cafeteria, or if they were feeling particularly adventurous, to a cafe just down the street from the hospital to get some coffee.
Over coffee they would argue over various topics- politics and the military was what they usually fell back on- it was what they both knew best. Jean liked that she was tough and opinionated and didn't back down, even when he thought that he had her backed into a corner during a debate. He never claimed to be the smartest man in the world, but he was proud that he could go toe to to and hold his own against such an intelligent woman.
It didn't go unnoticed that the two were spending a lot of time together. Breda of course wasted no opportunity to give Jean a hard time about that. As much as Breda liked to poke at Jean, it was obvious to him how happy Jean was when he was with Rebecca, and the almost dreamy look he got on his face when he talked about her when she wasn't around. She was the only person who he would allow to actually push him in his wheelchair- he wouldn't even let his best friend do it.
**
The day that Jean finally stood up for the first time after the incident in the fifth lab, almost exactly a year after the injury- Rebecca and Paul were in the room with him. Slowly but steadily, Jean rose from his chair and stood up, holding onto a wooden bar attached to the wall- set at the right height for a person in a wheelchair to use for balance.
Sweat beaded on his brow and his arms- muscular from wheeling himself around, shook with the effort of lifting his two hundred pound frame from the chair and up to a height that he hadn't seen in what seemed like a lifetime. Jean had gotten to used to seeing the world from the waist height of most people, he had almost forgotten what it was like to be taller than most everyone that he met.
“Jean!” Rebecca ran over and hugged him, which caused him to lose his balance and fall with a loud 'oof'' back into the chair, taking her with him. “Oh, sorry.” She laughed, though it was quite evident in her tone that she was really not sorry at all. “I'm really proud of you.” Her face hovered so close to his, she could smell the sweat, feel the heavy, warm exhale of his breath. She leaned in a little closer, just millimeters from his face, his lips.
But a soft, polite clearing of the throat from Paul cause her to flush with embarrassment and pull away, quickly rising back to her feet and smiling nervously. “Oh, um. Sorry...” She stuttered out.
**
Summer gave way to fall, and winter soon followed. As the leaves on the tree withered and fell, and the land died, their relationship grew. Jean gained strength, first standing for short periods of time- then for longer, and finally, finally after so long, taking his first steps since the event that had so drastically changed him.
“Hey Beck,” Jean said over their normal cup of coffee post-therapy, after a particularly good day where he had actually managed to get halfway down what he not so lovingly called “The Contraption”. It was a slightly raised walkway with wooden bars on either side so Jean could practice walking with support.
“Mustang and his crew are having a Winter Solstice party at the office. Even Falman's coming back into town for it. I hear from Breda that his girlfriend will be there. And even Fuery's bringing some girl that he's been seeing for a while. This will be the first time that I've met her. I keep telling him that she must be imaginary. But it'll be nice to finally see who this mystery girl is.” He paused for a moment. “I... ah... I... was thinking maybe... you would, ya know, wanna go with me. I mean I know technically neither of us work for him, but I got an invite, and you know all the guys and...”
Rebecca put a finger to his lips to stop his mindless, inane babbling. “Of course, Jean. I'll go with you.” A wide smile filled Jean's face, but it fell a moment later. “Most likely it'll just be an excuse to drink and swap manly stories.”
“Well. Maybe. But I 'm just going to rub it in that I'm with the prettiest, sexiest woman in the room,” He smiled and leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. After the therapist had interrupted them on the day that he had stood for the first time, it had taken Jean over a week before he could pluck up the courage to try again. He had been waiting for the right moment- and he remembered the day fondly when it had finally come.
After a particularly tough round of physical therapy, they had been heading back to his 'bachelor pad', and he had paused at the door. She looked at him, just about to ask him if something was wrong, when he rose unsteadily to his feet and gave her a light, chaste kiss on the lips.
Since then, they had grown closer, but the displays of affection were still few and far between. It wasn't that they didn't care about each other- they knew they did- but they were both still a bit unsure. They didn't have a lot in common, and they seemed unsure that the relationship would work on a long term basis. But the longer they were together, the more they saw how much they really, deeply cared for one another- and slowly but surely, their affection grew as well. They looked forward to the Winter Solstice and the coming year, hoping it would bring even more good times.
It would bring change to both of their lives- changes they would never had expected.
CHAPTER TWO: The Party
The eve of the Winter Solstice loomed. Jean, not usually one who cared much about what he looked like, fretted for days over what he was going to wear. It was supposed to be casual, but he wanted to look good for Rebecca without looking like he was trying to go too over the top. Since he was in Central on a somewhat permanent basis, he had been slowly amassing a small wardrobe of clothes again.
He had brought very little with him from back east. Even in Central it was hard to find stores with aisles wide enough for his chair, and since he could still only stand for short periods of time, and walk even less, he was somewhat limited in where he could go. Eventually, with some help from Breda, he had purchased a nice pair of black slacks, with a white shirt and casual jacket for the occasion. He already had his military issued parade shoes shined so well that even a drill sergeant couldn't have complained. Jean was ready.
He would have preferred to be the gentleman and pick her up at her place (which he hadn't seen yet because it was on the second story of a building that he couldn't drive to anyway). But since that was impossible, they had to settle for her picking him up at the hospital and driving them the short distance to Central Command, where the party was being held in their old office.
“Ah, just like old times!” He exclaimed as he opened the door and wheeled himself into the room. He was determined to show them what he could do, he had been keeping it somewhat under wraps that he could walk short distances now. They knew he could stand, but he wanted to show them all the progress that he had made.
“Havo!” Breda came over and slapped him hard enough on the back that he nearly toppled forward out of the chair. “This is Jennifer, my girlfriend.” If Jean hadn't been so in love with Rebecca, she would have been the type of girl that he would have gone for. Nice and busty, with thick blonde hair and pretty green eyes. But his heart was Rebecca's and he didn't give her another thought. “It's very nice to meet you.” He took her hand and gave the back of it a soft, gentlemanly kiss, which made her giggle.
“This is Becky, my gal.” He smiled up at Rebecca, who nodded and smiled a greeting. “I'm sorry if I don't get up.” He chuckled, self deprecating humor had always been always a strong point of his. For a moment, Jennifer looked concerned, even though she hadn't said anything, but Breda put a hand softly on her back.
“Don't worry. You get used to Havo's shitty humor after a while. Can I get you a drink?”
“Yes, please. “ She turned back to Jean and Rebecca. “It was nice to meet both of you. I'm sure we will talk more tonight.”
“I look forward to it.” That comment earned Jean a smack on the back of his head from Rebecca. “What? I was just trying to be nice!”
“I saw you looking at her ass as she walked away.”
“Well that's how I see everybody.” he replied with a somewhat evil grin. “You don't think that I was looking at your ass when you walked into the therapy room months ago?”
It earned him another well deserved smack, but he smiled more, all the same.
**
The party went on well into the late hours of the night. Jean had a great time showing off that he could walk the short distance from where his desk used to be, to where Mustang's old desk still stood. Of course after that, he was thoroughly winded, but still- he was walking, which was just one more reason for celebrating, and more alcohol.
As Rebecca had predicted, some of the boys did indeed get into a drinking contest. Falman had excused himself early. He had an early, long train ride back to the North- he was anxious to get back to his wife and new child. Fuery made an excuse not long after that- he had never been much of a drinker, and he preferred to get home on his own power while he still could. That left Breda, Roy, and Jean to battle it out for the drinking champion while Jennifer, Riza, and Rebecca waited to see who was going to have to carry their boyfriend home- they agreed that it would most likely be all three of them.
In the end, there was not really one person who could be declared the winner. The girls- Riza specifically- called off the drinking game. There was some grumbling from the inebriated men, but the distraction of being close to their girlfriends was a good enough incentive for them to stop.
“Hey, I was gonna win..” Jean complained halfheartedly. It was hard to take him seriously when he couldn’t even enunciate his words well enough to make his point. But Rebecca had a secret weapon that quickly shut him up- She sat in his lap and wiggled slightly.
“Oh you cruel, cruel woman.” His grin was positively feral. He leaned up and nibbled on the shell of her ear. “Hmm.. You know my place isn't too far from here.” He whispered, with mirth in his voice. “What say I take you home and prove to you that everything is working quite well?”
'Wow, that was cheesy', she thought to herself, but he was pretty drunk, and she was a bit tipsy herself- just tipsy enough to let that comment slide past her. “I think that you better get going before one or both of us gets too tired to do anything but sleep.”
“Yes, ma'am.” He said. With her still on his lap, he said his goodbyes to the few people who had survived to the end of the party, and rolled out of the office and back to his room.
Thankfully, there was only a neighboring room on one side of him, and he knew that it was unoccupied at the moment- though by the time they got to the room, he was beyond caring what people would think. They had been kissing and groping the entire time back, which had made the trip much longer than it would have been otherwise. By the time the arrived, no words had to be spoken.
Jean moved Rebecca from his lap to the bed and transferred over himself. Gently, he laid her back and kissed her deeply, his hands roaming across her body, over the tight blouse that showed off all of her ample curves, and down to the hem of her skirt- she had thankfully already kicked off those high heels of hers. “Becca...” It was as much of a statement of her name as it was a question- one he already knew the answer to.
She didn't say anything, she just reached up and pulled his jacket off, tossing it haphazardly to the floor. Quickly, his shirt was unbuttoned and it met the same fate. Had he been more sober, he would have felt a twinge of self consciousness. He still had the scars- the remnants of the holes where he was pierced, and the burns where his Colonel had saved his life, but this was Rebecca- she knew his wounds. She was one of the few outside Mustang's office who knew the whole story, and she loved him, scars and all.
No time was wasted in removing the rest of their offending clothing. Jean had a particularly good time using his teeth to undo the garter that held each of her stockings up and slowly pushing them down her curvacious legs. By the time he was done, she was begging him to finish, moaning his name in a low, sultry tone that only meant one thing.
He moved back up her body, kissing as he went- her leg, her inner thigh, her belly, each nipple, until he got back to her lips, giving her a long, lingering kiss. One broad, calloused hand found its way between her legs and he slipped a finger inside. Oh damn, she was so wet already, his alcohol clouded mind reminded him- she was wet and ready for him, because of him. She wanted him, and damn did he want her back.
When he moved his finger in and out of her, she bucked at his touch, his name rolling off her lips like some sacred prayer. There was no way he was going to draw this out any more than he had to. One of his hand wrapped around her, holding her tight to him, he kissed her while his other hand positioned himself and slowly, surprisingly gently for how inebriated he was, he pushed inside of her.
“Becca... my Becca.” His voice was a low, lusty moan when he pressed on, pushing deep until he was fully ensconced in her. He held it for just a moment, savoring this feeling before starting into a rhythm, slow and steady at first. Desperately they clung to each other, kissing, groping, arching as they rocked together- the pace picking up steadily, a symphony rising to the crescendo. They crashed down together, two bodies now one, they rose and fell, and when they had both reached their peak, they laid close, sweaty and out of breath, satiated and happy.
Jean gently pulled out and collapsed down on the bed next to her- he wasn’t used to this much physical activity outside of his therapy, and it had indeed drained him in more than one way. He snuggled up to her, his eyes already starting to dip low. “I love you...” He said softly in a sleepy tone that was still slurred, while he nibbled on the bottom of her ear lobe. His eyes closed and he slept against her, a soft smile on his face. She followed him soon after, clinging to him tightly.
By the time Jean woke up and rolled over, the spot next to him was empty. His head was pounding, he was naked, and as he slowly blinked his eyes awake, he was cognizant enough to remember what had happened last night. “Damn.” He said, slowly rubbing his throbbing temples. “Oh, shit. I fucked up. We haven't been dating that long, I shouldn't have done that. Damnit.”
Even a nice long, hot shower didn't make him feel any better. He wondered,, would he ever see her again? He rarely ever got to Central Command, even though it was just down the road, and there wasn't any reason for her to come to the hospital- besides to watch him while he was in therapy. But now he doubted that she would come see him any more. He sighed, closing his eyes under the water- as hot as he could stand it. It was over. He had fucked up in the worst possible way.
He had no idea.
CHAPTER THREE: The Aftermath
The next few weeks were awkward, to say the least. It took almost a week before Rebecca came to see him in the hospital. For the most part, they didn't talk very much on that first visit. She watched him work- he was getting much better at walking, but he still had balance and stamina issues.
One afternoon, Jean was finally tired of feeling like he was constantly skating on thin ice. He had secretly been training very hard for her. He had been working on being able to haul both himself and his chair- which he still needed for treks more than just a few minutes- up the two flights of stairs to her apartment. It had taken weeks of extra work after therapy to get to this point, but he was sure that he could make it now. It was time. After she had left his latest round of therapy, he showered, got dressed, bought some flowers at the hospital gift store, and made his way to her apartment.
The trip down there took less time than it did to get up the stairs. It took some finagling to figure out how he was going to both hold the chair and the railing to aid in his ascent, but he slowly made his way up. He had to stop a couple of times, but he eventually made it. Winded and sweating again, he knocked on her door.
“Jean..” She was quite surprised to see him at her door. It must have taken everything that he had to get here. He looked exhausted. “Please, come in.” He had never seen her place before, he just wished that it had been under less awkward circumstances. “I'm sorry. It's a bit of a mess. I... wasn't expecting any guests.”
'It was a nice place', he thought, as he used the last of his energy to slump down onto her couch. It wasn't really messy, much better than his place. It wasn't that much bigger than where he was living, which surprised him quite a bit. He figured that she would have a nice place, but it was quite humble.
“Tea?” She asked, taking him out of his thoughts.
“Um... yes, please.” She went into the kitchenette and came back a few minutes later with a couple of glasses of tea for them. The ticking of the clock on the wall counted the quiet time between them. They sipped on their teas, not saying a word, until Jean got tired of it and sighed loudly.
“Jean, this is ridiculous.” He tensed up, not sure if she meant this awkwardness between them or their relationship. He caught a sharp breath, waiting for her to continue her thoughts.
“It was just one night, we were both drunk.” Rebecca was as mad at herself for allowing it to happen as she was at him for that night. “I still love you. We... just need to be more careful. You were wonderful, but we don't need to rush into that.”
Oh thank goodness, she doesn't hate me. Jean let out a long, relaxing breath. “Of course, Beck. You know I love you. I wasn't thinking. Well, I think a part of me was thinking, but not the right part.” He chuckled softly. “So... we... are okay?”
Rebecca put her cup down, leaned over, and gave Jean a soft kiss on the lips. “Yes, we are okay.”
“Oh good, so I can do this.” He kissed her back. “I missed that.”
“Me too, Jean. Me too.”
**
The world moved on- winter raged outside, and Jean continued to improve, and Rebecca continued to watch as many of his therapy sessions as she could. Jean noticed that something seemed to be bothering her, but every time he asked, she waved it off and insisted that she was fine. He noticed that she had to get up to use the restroom more than she used to. That in and of itself wasn't so odd, but she also seemed to be getting tired, and was sweating- which was off because he was the one doing the hard work, and for some odd reason, she seemed to be the one that was suffering.
“Hey, Beck. You're here in the hospital anyways. I'd feel a lot better if you got checked out. I bet it's just a bug. But I don't want you to feel bad.” He put his hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze. She had been feeling bad on and off for a couple of weeks, and he was probably right, she figured.
“Alright, I'll make an appointment.” She shook her head and smiled. It was so sweet that he was worried about her. She had actually been feeling worse than he even knew, she had been getting pretty good at covering it up, but she didn't want to worry him. And if she had to be honest with herself, she was worried about what the doctors would tell her. But he was right, she really didn't need to put it off any longer.
Rebecca made the appointment, and when she got home, she made a phone call to her best friend.
“Hey. Riza. You busy?”
“For you? Of course not. What is going on, Beck?”
“Hey, could you come over? I wanna talk to you.”
“Of course. I'll come over after work. The Brigadier General has some important meetings later today, I will head out of work once they adjourn.” Her voice dropped a bit. “Everything is okay, right? You're worrying me a little bit.”
“I hope so, Riza. I hope so.
**
It wasn't hard to get an appointment, and a few days after the call Riza was there with her friend in the office for moral support. Even though this clinic was close to the hospital where Jean was, she didn't tell him when specifically the appointment was because she wanted to find out herself. The doctor- a heavyset, older, balding man with gray hair listened to her concerns, making “hmm”, “ah” and “uh huh” noises as she spoke. She hadn't been too scared when she missed her first monthly- she had never been the most consistent when it came to her... womanly time. But she had noticed that she was often tired, using the restroom a lot, she always seemed to be hot, and sometimes certain random smells would make her feel sick to her stomach. When she was done explaining her symptoms, he took a sample of blood and urine and did the normal checkup, blood pressure, temperature, pulse.
“Alright. We should have the test results in a few days. We will call you to come back in when they are available.”
The call came four days later. Once again, Riza went with her, and they sat in the same small, cramped office. She was fidgeting nervously until the doctor came back in with a smile on his face, reading as chart as he entered.
“Congratulations, Miss Catalina.”
“Congratulations? What for?”
“You're pregnant.”
**
The ride back to Rebecca's apartment was totally silent. Once they got there, Riza made them some tea, and they sat in the living room quietly until Riza spoke up.
“It's Havoc's, isn't it?” She asked quietly, and Rebecca nodded slightly. She had been so strong this entire time- but finally, she let the tears fall.
“He has no idea, does he?”
“No.”
More silence hung thickly in the air.
“You need to tell him.”
“I know.”
“Do... you want me to be here when you tell him?”
A pause.
“No, I want to talk with him alone. But... thanks.”
There was an unspoken thought that flew around the room, but Riza didn't dare ask.
“I... want to keep it.” Well, that answered that question, Riza thought.
“You should call him.”
“I know.”
“The sooner, the better.”
“I know.” There was frustration in Rebecca's voice.
Riza put her cup and saucer down on the table. She got up and put a hand on her best friend's shoulder. “I think I need to get going now. If you need to, call any time. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the night. It'll be fine. I'll be here for you through this.”
“Thanks.”
Rebecca stared at the phone, like it was going to catch on fire if she touched it. How in the world could she tell him? How was he going to react? Would he ask her to... get rid of it? Would he reject her? She wasn't ready for a baby. Hell, she wasn't even sure that had ever really wanted any kids. She was never the motherly type- she had been an only child, so she hadn't had a lot of experience with children.
A shaking hand reached for the phone, but then pulled away again. Her heart was racing as fast as her mind. A child- she was going to have a child. There was no mistaking when it had happened- which meant that she was about six weeks along already. Her hand moved over her stomach. It was still perfectly flat, but in a couple of months, there would be no mistaking that there was a life growing inside of her, a life that had been made in one night of drunken passion.
The dial-tone seemed impossibly loud in her ear when she dialed Jean's number.
“Jean? Can you come over? We... need to talk.”
CHAPTER FOUR: The Reveal
Jean hurried, as much as he could, towards her apartment. He had enough stamina to walk from the hospital to her apartment complex that sat right off of the Central Command grounds. It was a popular place for low and mid-ranking soldiers to stay since it was so close to work. He bought some flowers on the way from one of the many carts on the side of the road.
As soon as she opened the door after he knocked, he could see that she had been crying. Fuck, there was something really wrong. She never cried. His heart dropped- suddenly flowers seemed like a pretty trite gesture, but he offered them to her anyways.
“Thanks..” She took them and sniffed them, then backed away from the door. “Come in, please.” While he came in and closed the door, she went to the kitchen and got a vase to put them in. When she was done, she came back and sat down.
'She didn't even offer me tea? Something is really wrong.' He thought to himself. He took her hands in his and rubbed the backs on her palms. “Rebecca, please... tell me what's wrong. I'm really worried. What did the doctor say?”
“I...” Her voice faltered, her throat dry. She tried to tell him, but she couldn't get the words out.
“Is.. it bad? You... aren't really sick are you?” Worry filled his voice, fear pooling in the pit of his stomach. “How... bad is it?”
“I'm... not sick Jean.”
He breathed much easier, a little smile coming to his face. “Oh, you worried me, Becca! I was thinking the worst. You seemed so upset on the phone, and when you opened the door..” Maybe he was seeing things, just imagined that she had been crying. “So it is just a minor illness, something that will go away in a bit?”
'Oh it'll go away... in 7 months..' she thought to herself, but she bit her lip to keep from saying it. “It... isn't an illness.”
The smile that was on his face faded. He didn't like how cryptic that she was being. Why couldn't she just tell him what in the hell was going on? “Rebecca. Please. Please tell me what's going on.”
“I...” She looked deep into his blue eyes and swallowed loudly, her hands still in his.
“I... I'm... pregnant.”
**
The room was as silent as a grave, only the ticking of the clock broke the oppressive emptiness of the room.
“You... you're... sure?”
Well, that wasn't what she had expected him to say. She was hoping he would say that he was happy, excited for her- for them. She pulled her hands away from his and scowled at him.
“Yes, I'm sure. And yes, it's yours. You were the last person I slept with. Although I don't know if you remember that drunken romp after the Solstice party.”
Ouch, that had stung. Well, he had to admit that he didn't remember everything about that night, but he knew damn well what they had done. “But... it was just once...”
She sighed and rubbed her temples. “Jean, you know it only takes one time, one night when we were both too drunk to know better.”
“A baby...” His voice trailed off. “I can't even live on my own yet. I don't have a job. How can I take care of a child?”
Anger rose from deep inside of her. He wasn't ready for a child- she could tell that. In some ways, he was still a kid himself.
As quick as a flash, her hand came up and she slapped him hard on the cheek. Her face was flushed red with seething anger. “Get out, Jean.” He opened his mouth to argue, but she spoke before he could say anything, tears already streaming down her face again. “You can come back if you are ever ready to be a father.”
“But, I..”
“GET. OUT.”
Jean sighed. What could he say? He had fucked up, and now he'd just made a bad situation even worse. Maybe they just both needed a little bit of time to calm down. This was life changing for both of them. He... he was going to be a father? Well, maybe he wasn’t, he thought bitterly, not with the way that he was acting.
“I... I love you, Becca. And I will love this child.” He whispered while he got up from where he had been sitting. “Nothing will change that.” Without another word, he walked out the door and closed it softly behind him.
After the door closed, Rebecca picked up the vase that she had just filled with his flowers and water and hurled it at the door. It shattered into dozens of shards, a rain of water and glass and flowers painting the door and the floor.
Tears mixed with the water while she cleaned it up and sopped up the water from the hardwood floor. Once it was clean, Rebecca picked up the phone and dialed Riza.
“Hawkeye residence.”
“Riza... can you come over?”
“It... didn't go well.” Riza said simply. It was clear to hear how upset Rebecca was. “I'll be over in about 30 minutes. I'll bring Hayate and pick up some food.”
“Thanks.”
**
An hour later, after a lot of talking, some take out Xingese food, and half a container of ice cream, Rebecca was starting to feel at least a tiny bit better.
“Why don't you take a day or two off from work? I know your boss. I think I can convince him to give you a few days of sick leave.”
“Considering you have him by the short and curlies, I would hope that you could.” Rebecca actually managed a little bit of a smile, albeit a sad one.
There was a bit of an awkward pause. The evening was starting to pick up a little bit, and Riza was a tad hesitant to breech the subject, but she had to know.
“So... you... are happy about this. There are...”
Rebecca cut her off. “Yes, despite everything, I'm happy. I'm not sure how, but I will do this, even if I have to do it by myself.”
'Somehow I don't think that will be necessary. I'm sure he'll be back, maybe he will have a ring with him.”
“After all of this, I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for that.”
“Becca, if you two really love each other, if you want to raise this child together, it will be much better for the child if you were married before it was born.”
Anger was was she felt first, but she calmed herself, down. Riza was just trying to look out for her, telling her what was best, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear right now. “You're right, I know.” She said with a resigned sigh. “But for now, I need to think about this baby.” She touched her flat stomach. It was amazing- and terribly frightening- to think that there was a tiny life growing inside of her. It was really starting to hit her, she was going to be a mother, have to take care of this tiny life, be its whole world.
“I think we need more ice cream.”
“I agree.”
**
For the better part of the next two days, the women were mostly inseparable. Mostly they talked about almost everything except Jean Havoc and their unborn child. But it was like the elephant in the room, they pussyfooted around it- it was always there, just waiting for one of them to breech the subject.
On the evening of the second day, not long after they had finished another round of Xingese delivery food, there was a knock on the door.
“I'll get it.” Riza got up and opened the door to see a rather disheveled Jean Havoc. It looked like he had hardly gotten any sleep, or showered or shaved. But at least he was wearing different clothes than he had been two days before- that was a step in the right direction, she thought to herself.
Riza quickly grabbed Hayate and his leash, and called back to Rebecca in the other room 'I'm going to walk Hayate. I will be back later. “ She flashed a look to Jean, silently warning him not to upset her, before she left.
“Riz, who was it?” Rebecca called back. “Riza?”
“It's me, Beck.” Jean's voice was low and contrite.
“Oh.” It stung, but he really couldn't be surprised by the venom in that one word, the way that the one little syllable slapped him across the face as hard as he had physically a couple of days before.
“I'll leave if you want me to, but I... really wanna talk to you. Can... I... come in?”
Becca flopped down in a seat and offered him the couch, which he took, sitting stiffly, like he was sitting on a piece of broken glass.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” 'She liked to just plunge the knife deeper and twist it', Jean though to himself. She sounded so cold, like it was an annoyance to have him here.
“If I can, just let me speak for a minute. And then if you are still mad at me, if you... never want to see me again, then I'll leave and never come back.” He took a deep breath, then started.
“I know you're mad, and I understand.” He started. “I was an idiot. I'm still trying to get my own life in order, and now I...we... have created a new life. I was scared. I... I am scared still, I'll admit that. Even if you don't want me here, I am still going to help you, and the baby. I get a little stipend from the military. I don't need much to live on, so everything I don't need will go to you two.”
Jean closed his eyes, his head was bowed, he just couldn't get the courage to look at her. He had hurt her so badly, and he didn't think that she would ever forgive him. “I... am going to stop smoking, for you and the baby.” Oh , he wanted to reach out and touch her stomach, where their child, that little life, was slowly growing. But he kept his hands to himself, twiddling them nervously.
Finally, he looked up at her, it was the hardest thing that he had ever done- and he had been through so much in the past year. “I know this won't help, but I love you. I love you so much. And I am happy that you are pregnant, that we are going to have a baby. I will love you both with all of my heart.”
The silence was deafening. For a moment, Rebecca couldn't answer. Jean ducked his head down again, figuring that was his answer, that she hadn't forgiven him, that it really was over. Still not looking, he got up from the couch.
“I'll be going now.” But a hand reached out and took his, squeezing it. When he looked up, he saw tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.
“Don't go.. please.” She said softly. “I... am still mad at you, but...” Her hand went to her stomach, the same hand that was holding his. “This is... our child. I am not going to deny you. I am not that cruel.”
“You are a wonderful woman.” He leaned in and kissed her, softly. He could feel her stomach rising and falling as she breathed in and out. “I love you.” He leaned down and kissed her stomach. “And I love you too.”
Things weren't totally alright, but Jean could only hope that in time, they would be.
Author: Seaweed_FMA
Artist: ?
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Angst, Romance
Rating: R to NC-17
Word Count ?
Characters/Pairings: Jean Havoc/Rebecca Catalina (main), also Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye, Denny Brosh/Maria Ross, and non pairings- Heymans Breda, Vato Falman, Kain Fuery, Gracia and Elysia Hughes, Tim Marcoh, Dr. Knox, General Grumman, and some minor OC's (like Jean's mother).
Warnings: Goes AU after the Promised Day, so spoilers for the whole series. Contains sexual situations and graphic portrayals of death, pregnancy, and childbirth. And of course, I am only playing with Arakawa's characters. I'll give them back when I am done. (Clings to Havoc)
Summary : Jean Havoc thought that his life was finally taking a turn for the better. After having the Philosopher's Stone used on his legs, he was learning how to walk again, and he was happily dating a women (of whom he was confident that Mustang wouldn't steal this time). But one night, something happened that would put him on a twisting, turning path through highs and lows that would change his life forever.
Author's Notes: I have done extensive research to try to make the medical facts as true as I could to the approximate area and time period- the US in the 1920's. It isn't perfect, but it is hard to find much on the subject, so please take the facts with a grain of salt.
The basic idea is based on an online RP that I did with . So, thanks, Emma.
One last thing.. I apologize to everyone, but I am posting this even though it is unfinished. It is very close to being done, but I just ran out of time and frankly for a while I ran out of inspiration. But I swear, it will be done soon.
PROLOGUE: After the Promised Day
“Come to Central? What in the world for?” There was a pause while he tapped out the excess ash on his cigarette. “Whadda ya mean I'll find out when I get there? I can't just up and leave the store.” Annoyance pooled in Jean's voice. Breda made it sound so easy, like he could just up and leave, shirking all of his responsibilities. And then there was his damned wheelchair. What took most people a few seconds to do could take him several minutes. When it came to being able to reach things, being six foot three didn't matter when you were only four feet tall sitting down.
“Fine, whatever. I'll try to get there sometime.” He slammed the receiver down, which caused his mother to look up from her paperwork on the other side of the store.
“What is it, Jean, dear?”
“'Breda. He says that it's vitally important that I come to Central as soon as I can.” he said with sarcastic emphasis.
“It's the slow season, dear. Summer isn't coming for another couple of months. You could take a few weeks off to visit your friends if you wanted to. I have your cousins Robert and Sarah to help me if I need it, they always like making a few extra cenz after school.”
Jean sighed and ran his hand through this shaggy blond hair. He had gotten out of the habit of keeping it militarily short, and it was getting rather unkempt. More than anything else, he dreaded going to the barber shop in town. He hated the looks of sympathy he got. 'Oh look at poor Jean. I hear he got injured when he was in the military. What a pity, half a man.'
He'd heard it all before- seen it in their faces, heard it when they thought he wasn't listening. Damn snipers' ears. He loathed his senses sometimes but his instincts had been honed through many years of being a solider. He couldn't turn it off.
The one time that he had forgone the barber shop and let his mother shave his hair to 'regulation length' he had ended up with a bald spot on the back of his head that took most of the fall to grow back. He swore he could still feel the difference, though his mother had insisted that it looked perfectly fine.
“I can't just waltz onto a train, Ma.” he argued. “It's a pain in the ass to haul myself and everything I need with me.”
“I'll take you to the station and get you situated, and I'm sure that Heymans will pick you up. He's such a good boy.”
“You always did like him best.” Jean chuckled, snuffing out the butt of the cigarette and immediately putting a new one in his mouth. He rolled his tongue around the end, savoring that initial tingle of nicotine that it gave him. “As soon as you met my roomie at the Academy, you never sent me a care package without sending him one, too.”
“Well he didn't have his Ma to spoil him, and I have enough love for two...” Her voice trailed off. Ah, there it was- the elephant in the room. She had wanted more kids, but had never gotten the chance. Jean immediately felt guilty for reminding her of that yet again.
“Sorry, Ma.” he frowned. “I... didn't mean to bring that up.” One thing that he was an expert in was putting his foot in his mouth.
She walked up to him and ruffled his wild hair, then kissed him on the forehead. “It's okay, dear.” She said with a smile. “Just go to Central and see what Heymans wants. It must be important if he's asking you to make a trip out there. Maybe he finally found a girl to marry, or even better, found you one!”
“Ma!” He tried to protest, but the only response he got was laughter.
**
It didn't take long for all of the arrangements to be made. Breda would be at the station to pick him up, and Colonel Mustang had found that Central Hospital had some rooms that were used for long term patients who needed wheelchairs. All of the furniture in the room was spaced out so a wheelchair could move around, and even the bathroom was set up for use with a chair. It wasn't really what Jean wanted- to spend more time at the hospital, but Breda had insisted that it was the best that they could do.
**
Jean had forgotten how much he missed the hustle and bustle of the big city until the train rolled into town. As the looming towers of stone and brick, slowly came into view, he smiled. Country life was nice and all, but there was nothing like the city- with all of its cars, and people, and congestion.
The train jerked to a halt, almost throwing him out of his seat. Jean had to wait for the rest of the car to clear out so the conductor could bring his chair to him, since it had to be stored in the back of the train car. It was so fucking humiliating. He was reliant on that damned chair- if he had to use the restroom, he had to get help. Even after all these months, he hated having to rely on others. It wasn't a soldier's way.
But it was his way now. He was going to have to live with it for the rest of his life.
Or so he thought.
**
“Havo! Long time no see!”
“Hey Breda.”
Jean was lowered, wheelchair and all, down off the steps of the train by a couple of muscular engineers. “Grab my bags, Breda. I don't need to be pushed.” His best friend could tell by his tone of voice that it was best not to argue, so he grabbed the two small bags and started walking. “This way, Havo. The Colonel wants you to stop by his hospital room first, then we can get you situated.”
Breda had warned him over the phone that both Roy and Riza had been injured and were in the hospital- along with Ed and Alphonse, who was now back in his human form. That was something that Jean wanted to see- Alphonse, finally in the flesh.
'What in the world could Mustang want that was so damn important?' Jean wondered while they made their way through the crowds towards the awaiting car. Apparently they had thought of everything, the car had a hatched back with a large storage area where the chair would fit. Jean transferred into the car and situated himself, while Breda stored the chair, and soon after they were off towards Central Hospital.
“Hey, boss. Someone to see ya.”
“Ah, Havoc. Welcome back.” Even knowing that Roy had lost his sight, it was still terribly disconcerting to look into those milky gray eyes. Sure, he couldn't walk, but Roy had lost so much more. He couldn't even imagine not being able to see- it was the first time that he actually felt guilty for his injury.
“Sir.” He saluted, even though he was retired, and Roy couldn't see it anyway- but it was just a force of habit.
“It's nice to see you, Havoc.” He turned towards that familiar voice- Lieutenant Hawkeye. She looked pale, but those eyes- always strong, always alert. He knew better than to think that she was weak, even as she was healing from had been described as grievous wounds.
Falman and Fuery were in the room as well, standing to Roy's side. Jean smiled and nodded a greeting to them. “So, sir. the whole gang is back, I see.” He grinned. “What kind of plans do you have for us? More paperwork that you're too lazy to finish?” He looked over at the other two people in the room. One he knew in passing as Marcoh- an alchemist who looked a lot worse for wear. He had no idea who the other person was.
Roy looked over in Marcoh's general direction and nodded. Marcoh took something out of his pocket and walked towards Jean. There was a stone in his hands- despite never having seen one before, he knew immediately what it was from dealing with a certain volatile little alchemist.
“How'd you get one of those?”
“That's no matter.” Marcoh replied. “Mustang won't let me use this on him until I use it on you first. This will let you feel your legs again. But you will still have plenty of hard times in front of you. Your legs are going to be atrophied after having not been used for so long. You'll need intensive therapy before you'll be able to walk again. I would suggest that you stay here in Central, the doctors will be able to help you on your road to recovery. It won't be easy, but I'm sure that you will walk again with the stone's help.”
“Walk?” He had been in the wheelchair for months now. The entire time he had been wrestling with the fact that he was going to be stuck in it for the rest of his life. Now this doctor was telling him that he could walk if he used that stone?
And what about his mother? She was going to need him in the busy summer months. It wasn't fair to leave her- she wasn't getting any younger, and who knew how long his cousins would stay before they got too bored with it or they eschewed their responsibilities for a hot date? They were only teenagers, after all. And Jean had done his fair share of shirking his job for a night with a pretty farm girl.
“It shouldn't be a hard decision, Havoc.” Roy's voice cut through the millions of thoughts that were running through his head.
“I...” How could he even think about saying no? Of course his mom would understand. If he didn't take this chance now, she would never forgive him. “Yes.” He said simply.
**
He still couldn't believe it- he told his body to wiggle his toes and he could see them wiggle. Oh damn, he wanted to try to get up and walk, but he knew how weak his legs were- he could see it every time he showered, how the muscle mass had just been eaten away. They looked like skinny toothpicks, which was why he never wore anything but long, baggy pants- not even in front of his mother, he knew how she would worry. Mothers were so good at that.
“Now for you.” Marcoh turned to Roy, and for the second time in just a few minutes, a bright flash of red alchemical light filled the room.
In the span of five minutes, two lives were changed forever.
CHAPTER 1: The Recovery
Jean didn't get any time to relax or think about what had just happened to him- as soon as Marcoh and Knox were done examining both him and Roy, he was whisked off to another part of the hospital, where he was introduced to the room that would be his home for the foreseeable future.
It wasn't home, but at least it was easy to move around in. It had one main living area with a low couch and chair and a small coffee table that could double as a dining table, and a tiny kitchenette area with a low sink, an icebox, and a couple of shelves, and another bookshelf in the living room. Off to the right was the bedroom, just a bed, a low beside table, and a couple of drawers and a bathroom to the right of that. Overall not too bad, though it kind of reminded him of a hotel room.
As soon as he got situated and got his stuff unpacked, he made a phone call. He had to admit that that was one positive thinking about the room being like a hotel- there was a phone in the room. That would make things a bit easier.
“Hey Ma. You'll never guess what happened.”
“No, I didn't get a girlfriend.”
“No, neither did Breda. “
“Nope that isn't it either.” He sighed. It was so hard to get her to stop talking sometimes. “Ma, look. I know this is going to be hard to believe, but... Colonel Mustang... he... found a way to get feeling back in my legs.”
Jean had to hold the phone away from his head while his mom screamed in excitement on the other side of the line. It took nearly 5 minutes of hysterical crying and questions to finally get her to calm down enough that he could explain.
“No, I'm sorry. I can't tell you how. I... really am not exactly sure myself, but all I know is that I can feel my legs.”
“But... you see... the problem is this. They could get the feeling back, but the muscles, they're really weak. So... I have to stay in Central for a while. I'm supposed to have a physical therapist coming by soon. They want to assess the damage and then make a plan on how best to get me back on my feet. But I was warned, it could take months. I... I'm sorry, Ma. If you need money to hire someone full time, I am still getting a military stipend. I can send some down. I won't need much here. I'm living at the hospital. All I'll need is food and such.”
“Of course I'll write and call every week to update you, Ma. I promise. “
“Yes, Ma. I'll say hello to Breda for you.”
“Thank you, Ma. I... I love you too.” He sighed softly as he hung up the phone. Overall she had taken it well, all the screaming and crying aside.
He had hardly gotten off the phone before there was a knock at his door. When he opened it, a shorter, older gentleman, who brown hair started to show streaks of silver smiled down at him. “Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, I presume?”
Jean frowned. He really hated being reminded that he was no longer in the military. “Yes.” He said, slightly curtly. This was not going well so far.
“My name is Paul Barrett. I'm going to be your physical therapist.” That was what Jean was afraid of. It was not a great first impression. The man put out his hand and Jean shook it, still a bit wary.
“If you could follow me, please. I'll give you a quick tour of the therapy facilities and then I want to take a look at where you are and we will determine where we will go from there.” He turned around and headed out. 'Well,' Jean thought to himself, 'at least someone must have warned in that I don't like people pushing me. That's a step in the right direction'.
It was a very quick tour. On the fifth floor of the hospital there was a shower/changing/locker room, and beside that a few offices for the physical therapists, then past those were the therapy rooms. They all seemed to have various implements of torture in them- weights, stationary bikes, a weird inflatable giant ball which Jean had no idea what he would do with, and other things that he didn't know what they were but he had a feeling that he would get quite intimately introduced to over the coming months.
The examination was much more grueling that he thought it would be. By the end of it, he was tired, sweaty, and ready to climb into bed, even in the middle of the afternoon. He was subjected to poking and prodding, been put through the paces of exercises, and had been asked questions about things that he would rather not have thought about. He felt quite violated.
**
Jean transferred over to his bed and collapsed down. It was weird to think that his legs were aching- actually FUCKING ACHING, but they were. He could feel them, and they were as tired, along with the rest of him. It hadn't been all bad news- his legs were very weak and thin, but the therapist seemed very confident that with some hard work, he could be standing before the end of the year.
As he fell asleep, he dreamed of being able to walk up to his Ma and give her one of the bone crushing hugs that lifted her off the ground like he used to do all those years ago, before he joined the military- before his life had changed forever.
**
Days melded into weeks and months of intense therapy. Some days weren’t so bad, and others he was reduced to a whimpering, crying huddled mass of frustration and pain. But thankfully, he had his friends to help him through. Falman had moved back up north- while stationed up there he had started a family, but he came to visit when he was in town. Breda and Fuery were pretty regular visitors.
He hadn't worked with them much, but Denny Brosh and Maria Ross- the woman he helped so many months ago in that dingy alley in Central, came by once in a while. While he was gone, they had gotten married- and now they were expecting a child. “Well, at least some good came of all of this crap that we went through.” Jean commented the first time they came to visit him. It was easy to tell how happy they were together, Denny's hand resting on his wife's slightly rounded stomach.
The most surprising group of visitors had to have been the Elric brothers. Al was human now- that was quite a shock the first time that they visited, despite being told about it.. Al was in the same hospital for quite a while, eating and getting his strength back. As soon as Al was healthy enough, they had left the hospital and headed back to Resembool. He was genuinely sad to see them go, but he knew they would be back. Those boys never stayed in one place long. It wasn't in their nature.
It was less often that the Colonel and his adjunct were able to visit. After the coup he got a promotion to Brigadier General, and Hawkeye was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. Because of that, they didn't have a lot of free time. They worked closely with Fuhrer Grumman, and there was a lot to do to get the country back to peace and prosperity. He always looked forward to their infrequent visits.
As their work started to pile up, Roy's visits became even less frequent, but Riza tried to visit when she could. At first, she would visit him while he was in physical therapy by herself, but after a while she started to bring someone with her, someone he was at least vaguely familiar with.
“Jean, this is First Lieutenant Rebecca Catalina. She's a good friend of mine. I know you guys corresponded through phone calls to help us with the coup. She was interested in seeing who she had been talking to all those months.
'Man, she's beautiful.' Jean thought to himself. 'If I'd known that,I would have suggested that she come out to the East to meet me in person.' He held out his hand to her. “Sorry. I... ah... am a bit sweaty.”
Rebecca put her hand out without hesitation and shook it- much stronger than a normal woman's handshake, he noticed. “Nice to meet you finally. Havoc.”
“Uh,, likewise...” He wasn't sure what to call her... “Lieutenant Catalina.”
“I have to get back to work, Becky. I trust you can keep Jean entertained.” Riza waved as she left the room, not even giving either of them a chance to say anything. If Jean hadn't know any better, he would have sworn that Riza had just set him up with a date...
“So.. Uh.. Lieutenant, “ Jean stammered- he knew nothing about her and had no idea where to start a conversation. “You know, if you have somewhere else to be, you don't have to stay, if you don't want to. Contrary to popular belief, I don't need to be babysat. I can't quite do everything, but I get by, day to day.”
For a moment, Rebecca was quiet, studying him with the intense scrutiny that only snipers had. He didn't know if she was indeed a sniper like Hawkeye and himself but as he withered under her lingering gaze, he had a pretty good guess that she was. What was she thinking, he wondered?
“If you don't want me around...”
“No!” he didn't even let her finish the sentence. “No.” he said calmer this time. It's... nice to have someone here. It makes the drudgery of physical therapy bearable. Besides, I would much rather look at you than my therapist.”
For a moment- just a heartbeat or two- a blush came to her cheeks. It was a nice thing for him to say- except that she had already told herself that she was going to marry a rich, handsome man and settle down. A former Lieutenant was not rich, but... she had to admit, he didn't look too bad. She quickly shook those thoughts out of her head.
“Well, what are you waiting for, then?” She asked, with a bit of a wicked grin. It wouldn't hurt just to spend a little time with him, right? “Get to work. You want to be able to walk with me to get a coffee, right?”
Jean was slack jawed. Had she just asked him out on a date? Walking with her to get coffee was a long way down the line, but still... “I... ah... yeah. Of course.” He went back to the weights that he had been using, getting into his routine full force.
**
The visits from Rebecca turned from once in a while to once a week, then every day. Most days she would make small talk while he worked on strengthening his muscles and readied himself to stand and eventually walk. When the therapy sessions were over, Havoc would take a brief shower and get changed in the locker room, and then they would head down to either the hospital's cafeteria, or if they were feeling particularly adventurous, to a cafe just down the street from the hospital to get some coffee.
Over coffee they would argue over various topics- politics and the military was what they usually fell back on- it was what they both knew best. Jean liked that she was tough and opinionated and didn't back down, even when he thought that he had her backed into a corner during a debate. He never claimed to be the smartest man in the world, but he was proud that he could go toe to to and hold his own against such an intelligent woman.
It didn't go unnoticed that the two were spending a lot of time together. Breda of course wasted no opportunity to give Jean a hard time about that. As much as Breda liked to poke at Jean, it was obvious to him how happy Jean was when he was with Rebecca, and the almost dreamy look he got on his face when he talked about her when she wasn't around. She was the only person who he would allow to actually push him in his wheelchair- he wouldn't even let his best friend do it.
**
The day that Jean finally stood up for the first time after the incident in the fifth lab, almost exactly a year after the injury- Rebecca and Paul were in the room with him. Slowly but steadily, Jean rose from his chair and stood up, holding onto a wooden bar attached to the wall- set at the right height for a person in a wheelchair to use for balance.
Sweat beaded on his brow and his arms- muscular from wheeling himself around, shook with the effort of lifting his two hundred pound frame from the chair and up to a height that he hadn't seen in what seemed like a lifetime. Jean had gotten to used to seeing the world from the waist height of most people, he had almost forgotten what it was like to be taller than most everyone that he met.
“Jean!” Rebecca ran over and hugged him, which caused him to lose his balance and fall with a loud 'oof'' back into the chair, taking her with him. “Oh, sorry.” She laughed, though it was quite evident in her tone that she was really not sorry at all. “I'm really proud of you.” Her face hovered so close to his, she could smell the sweat, feel the heavy, warm exhale of his breath. She leaned in a little closer, just millimeters from his face, his lips.
But a soft, polite clearing of the throat from Paul cause her to flush with embarrassment and pull away, quickly rising back to her feet and smiling nervously. “Oh, um. Sorry...” She stuttered out.
**
Summer gave way to fall, and winter soon followed. As the leaves on the tree withered and fell, and the land died, their relationship grew. Jean gained strength, first standing for short periods of time- then for longer, and finally, finally after so long, taking his first steps since the event that had so drastically changed him.
“Hey Beck,” Jean said over their normal cup of coffee post-therapy, after a particularly good day where he had actually managed to get halfway down what he not so lovingly called “The Contraption”. It was a slightly raised walkway with wooden bars on either side so Jean could practice walking with support.
“Mustang and his crew are having a Winter Solstice party at the office. Even Falman's coming back into town for it. I hear from Breda that his girlfriend will be there. And even Fuery's bringing some girl that he's been seeing for a while. This will be the first time that I've met her. I keep telling him that she must be imaginary. But it'll be nice to finally see who this mystery girl is.” He paused for a moment. “I... ah... I... was thinking maybe... you would, ya know, wanna go with me. I mean I know technically neither of us work for him, but I got an invite, and you know all the guys and...”
Rebecca put a finger to his lips to stop his mindless, inane babbling. “Of course, Jean. I'll go with you.” A wide smile filled Jean's face, but it fell a moment later. “Most likely it'll just be an excuse to drink and swap manly stories.”
“Well. Maybe. But I 'm just going to rub it in that I'm with the prettiest, sexiest woman in the room,” He smiled and leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. After the therapist had interrupted them on the day that he had stood for the first time, it had taken Jean over a week before he could pluck up the courage to try again. He had been waiting for the right moment- and he remembered the day fondly when it had finally come.
After a particularly tough round of physical therapy, they had been heading back to his 'bachelor pad', and he had paused at the door. She looked at him, just about to ask him if something was wrong, when he rose unsteadily to his feet and gave her a light, chaste kiss on the lips.
Since then, they had grown closer, but the displays of affection were still few and far between. It wasn't that they didn't care about each other- they knew they did- but they were both still a bit unsure. They didn't have a lot in common, and they seemed unsure that the relationship would work on a long term basis. But the longer they were together, the more they saw how much they really, deeply cared for one another- and slowly but surely, their affection grew as well. They looked forward to the Winter Solstice and the coming year, hoping it would bring even more good times.
It would bring change to both of their lives- changes they would never had expected.
CHAPTER TWO: The Party
The eve of the Winter Solstice loomed. Jean, not usually one who cared much about what he looked like, fretted for days over what he was going to wear. It was supposed to be casual, but he wanted to look good for Rebecca without looking like he was trying to go too over the top. Since he was in Central on a somewhat permanent basis, he had been slowly amassing a small wardrobe of clothes again.
He had brought very little with him from back east. Even in Central it was hard to find stores with aisles wide enough for his chair, and since he could still only stand for short periods of time, and walk even less, he was somewhat limited in where he could go. Eventually, with some help from Breda, he had purchased a nice pair of black slacks, with a white shirt and casual jacket for the occasion. He already had his military issued parade shoes shined so well that even a drill sergeant couldn't have complained. Jean was ready.
He would have preferred to be the gentleman and pick her up at her place (which he hadn't seen yet because it was on the second story of a building that he couldn't drive to anyway). But since that was impossible, they had to settle for her picking him up at the hospital and driving them the short distance to Central Command, where the party was being held in their old office.
“Ah, just like old times!” He exclaimed as he opened the door and wheeled himself into the room. He was determined to show them what he could do, he had been keeping it somewhat under wraps that he could walk short distances now. They knew he could stand, but he wanted to show them all the progress that he had made.
“Havo!” Breda came over and slapped him hard enough on the back that he nearly toppled forward out of the chair. “This is Jennifer, my girlfriend.” If Jean hadn't been so in love with Rebecca, she would have been the type of girl that he would have gone for. Nice and busty, with thick blonde hair and pretty green eyes. But his heart was Rebecca's and he didn't give her another thought. “It's very nice to meet you.” He took her hand and gave the back of it a soft, gentlemanly kiss, which made her giggle.
“This is Becky, my gal.” He smiled up at Rebecca, who nodded and smiled a greeting. “I'm sorry if I don't get up.” He chuckled, self deprecating humor had always been always a strong point of his. For a moment, Jennifer looked concerned, even though she hadn't said anything, but Breda put a hand softly on her back.
“Don't worry. You get used to Havo's shitty humor after a while. Can I get you a drink?”
“Yes, please. “ She turned back to Jean and Rebecca. “It was nice to meet both of you. I'm sure we will talk more tonight.”
“I look forward to it.” That comment earned Jean a smack on the back of his head from Rebecca. “What? I was just trying to be nice!”
“I saw you looking at her ass as she walked away.”
“Well that's how I see everybody.” he replied with a somewhat evil grin. “You don't think that I was looking at your ass when you walked into the therapy room months ago?”
It earned him another well deserved smack, but he smiled more, all the same.
**
The party went on well into the late hours of the night. Jean had a great time showing off that he could walk the short distance from where his desk used to be, to where Mustang's old desk still stood. Of course after that, he was thoroughly winded, but still- he was walking, which was just one more reason for celebrating, and more alcohol.
As Rebecca had predicted, some of the boys did indeed get into a drinking contest. Falman had excused himself early. He had an early, long train ride back to the North- he was anxious to get back to his wife and new child. Fuery made an excuse not long after that- he had never been much of a drinker, and he preferred to get home on his own power while he still could. That left Breda, Roy, and Jean to battle it out for the drinking champion while Jennifer, Riza, and Rebecca waited to see who was going to have to carry their boyfriend home- they agreed that it would most likely be all three of them.
In the end, there was not really one person who could be declared the winner. The girls- Riza specifically- called off the drinking game. There was some grumbling from the inebriated men, but the distraction of being close to their girlfriends was a good enough incentive for them to stop.
“Hey, I was gonna win..” Jean complained halfheartedly. It was hard to take him seriously when he couldn’t even enunciate his words well enough to make his point. But Rebecca had a secret weapon that quickly shut him up- She sat in his lap and wiggled slightly.
“Oh you cruel, cruel woman.” His grin was positively feral. He leaned up and nibbled on the shell of her ear. “Hmm.. You know my place isn't too far from here.” He whispered, with mirth in his voice. “What say I take you home and prove to you that everything is working quite well?”
'Wow, that was cheesy', she thought to herself, but he was pretty drunk, and she was a bit tipsy herself- just tipsy enough to let that comment slide past her. “I think that you better get going before one or both of us gets too tired to do anything but sleep.”
“Yes, ma'am.” He said. With her still on his lap, he said his goodbyes to the few people who had survived to the end of the party, and rolled out of the office and back to his room.
Thankfully, there was only a neighboring room on one side of him, and he knew that it was unoccupied at the moment- though by the time they got to the room, he was beyond caring what people would think. They had been kissing and groping the entire time back, which had made the trip much longer than it would have been otherwise. By the time the arrived, no words had to be spoken.
Jean moved Rebecca from his lap to the bed and transferred over himself. Gently, he laid her back and kissed her deeply, his hands roaming across her body, over the tight blouse that showed off all of her ample curves, and down to the hem of her skirt- she had thankfully already kicked off those high heels of hers. “Becca...” It was as much of a statement of her name as it was a question- one he already knew the answer to.
She didn't say anything, she just reached up and pulled his jacket off, tossing it haphazardly to the floor. Quickly, his shirt was unbuttoned and it met the same fate. Had he been more sober, he would have felt a twinge of self consciousness. He still had the scars- the remnants of the holes where he was pierced, and the burns where his Colonel had saved his life, but this was Rebecca- she knew his wounds. She was one of the few outside Mustang's office who knew the whole story, and she loved him, scars and all.
No time was wasted in removing the rest of their offending clothing. Jean had a particularly good time using his teeth to undo the garter that held each of her stockings up and slowly pushing them down her curvacious legs. By the time he was done, she was begging him to finish, moaning his name in a low, sultry tone that only meant one thing.
He moved back up her body, kissing as he went- her leg, her inner thigh, her belly, each nipple, until he got back to her lips, giving her a long, lingering kiss. One broad, calloused hand found its way between her legs and he slipped a finger inside. Oh damn, she was so wet already, his alcohol clouded mind reminded him- she was wet and ready for him, because of him. She wanted him, and damn did he want her back.
When he moved his finger in and out of her, she bucked at his touch, his name rolling off her lips like some sacred prayer. There was no way he was going to draw this out any more than he had to. One of his hand wrapped around her, holding her tight to him, he kissed her while his other hand positioned himself and slowly, surprisingly gently for how inebriated he was, he pushed inside of her.
“Becca... my Becca.” His voice was a low, lusty moan when he pressed on, pushing deep until he was fully ensconced in her. He held it for just a moment, savoring this feeling before starting into a rhythm, slow and steady at first. Desperately they clung to each other, kissing, groping, arching as they rocked together- the pace picking up steadily, a symphony rising to the crescendo. They crashed down together, two bodies now one, they rose and fell, and when they had both reached their peak, they laid close, sweaty and out of breath, satiated and happy.
Jean gently pulled out and collapsed down on the bed next to her- he wasn’t used to this much physical activity outside of his therapy, and it had indeed drained him in more than one way. He snuggled up to her, his eyes already starting to dip low. “I love you...” He said softly in a sleepy tone that was still slurred, while he nibbled on the bottom of her ear lobe. His eyes closed and he slept against her, a soft smile on his face. She followed him soon after, clinging to him tightly.
By the time Jean woke up and rolled over, the spot next to him was empty. His head was pounding, he was naked, and as he slowly blinked his eyes awake, he was cognizant enough to remember what had happened last night. “Damn.” He said, slowly rubbing his throbbing temples. “Oh, shit. I fucked up. We haven't been dating that long, I shouldn't have done that. Damnit.”
Even a nice long, hot shower didn't make him feel any better. He wondered,, would he ever see her again? He rarely ever got to Central Command, even though it was just down the road, and there wasn't any reason for her to come to the hospital- besides to watch him while he was in therapy. But now he doubted that she would come see him any more. He sighed, closing his eyes under the water- as hot as he could stand it. It was over. He had fucked up in the worst possible way.
He had no idea.
CHAPTER THREE: The Aftermath
The next few weeks were awkward, to say the least. It took almost a week before Rebecca came to see him in the hospital. For the most part, they didn't talk very much on that first visit. She watched him work- he was getting much better at walking, but he still had balance and stamina issues.
One afternoon, Jean was finally tired of feeling like he was constantly skating on thin ice. He had secretly been training very hard for her. He had been working on being able to haul both himself and his chair- which he still needed for treks more than just a few minutes- up the two flights of stairs to her apartment. It had taken weeks of extra work after therapy to get to this point, but he was sure that he could make it now. It was time. After she had left his latest round of therapy, he showered, got dressed, bought some flowers at the hospital gift store, and made his way to her apartment.
The trip down there took less time than it did to get up the stairs. It took some finagling to figure out how he was going to both hold the chair and the railing to aid in his ascent, but he slowly made his way up. He had to stop a couple of times, but he eventually made it. Winded and sweating again, he knocked on her door.
“Jean..” She was quite surprised to see him at her door. It must have taken everything that he had to get here. He looked exhausted. “Please, come in.” He had never seen her place before, he just wished that it had been under less awkward circumstances. “I'm sorry. It's a bit of a mess. I... wasn't expecting any guests.”
'It was a nice place', he thought, as he used the last of his energy to slump down onto her couch. It wasn't really messy, much better than his place. It wasn't that much bigger than where he was living, which surprised him quite a bit. He figured that she would have a nice place, but it was quite humble.
“Tea?” She asked, taking him out of his thoughts.
“Um... yes, please.” She went into the kitchenette and came back a few minutes later with a couple of glasses of tea for them. The ticking of the clock on the wall counted the quiet time between them. They sipped on their teas, not saying a word, until Jean got tired of it and sighed loudly.
“Jean, this is ridiculous.” He tensed up, not sure if she meant this awkwardness between them or their relationship. He caught a sharp breath, waiting for her to continue her thoughts.
“It was just one night, we were both drunk.” Rebecca was as mad at herself for allowing it to happen as she was at him for that night. “I still love you. We... just need to be more careful. You were wonderful, but we don't need to rush into that.”
Oh thank goodness, she doesn't hate me. Jean let out a long, relaxing breath. “Of course, Beck. You know I love you. I wasn't thinking. Well, I think a part of me was thinking, but not the right part.” He chuckled softly. “So... we... are okay?”
Rebecca put her cup down, leaned over, and gave Jean a soft kiss on the lips. “Yes, we are okay.”
“Oh good, so I can do this.” He kissed her back. “I missed that.”
“Me too, Jean. Me too.”
**
The world moved on- winter raged outside, and Jean continued to improve, and Rebecca continued to watch as many of his therapy sessions as she could. Jean noticed that something seemed to be bothering her, but every time he asked, she waved it off and insisted that she was fine. He noticed that she had to get up to use the restroom more than she used to. That in and of itself wasn't so odd, but she also seemed to be getting tired, and was sweating- which was off because he was the one doing the hard work, and for some odd reason, she seemed to be the one that was suffering.
“Hey, Beck. You're here in the hospital anyways. I'd feel a lot better if you got checked out. I bet it's just a bug. But I don't want you to feel bad.” He put his hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze. She had been feeling bad on and off for a couple of weeks, and he was probably right, she figured.
“Alright, I'll make an appointment.” She shook her head and smiled. It was so sweet that he was worried about her. She had actually been feeling worse than he even knew, she had been getting pretty good at covering it up, but she didn't want to worry him. And if she had to be honest with herself, she was worried about what the doctors would tell her. But he was right, she really didn't need to put it off any longer.
Rebecca made the appointment, and when she got home, she made a phone call to her best friend.
“Hey. Riza. You busy?”
“For you? Of course not. What is going on, Beck?”
“Hey, could you come over? I wanna talk to you.”
“Of course. I'll come over after work. The Brigadier General has some important meetings later today, I will head out of work once they adjourn.” Her voice dropped a bit. “Everything is okay, right? You're worrying me a little bit.”
“I hope so, Riza. I hope so.
**
It wasn't hard to get an appointment, and a few days after the call Riza was there with her friend in the office for moral support. Even though this clinic was close to the hospital where Jean was, she didn't tell him when specifically the appointment was because she wanted to find out herself. The doctor- a heavyset, older, balding man with gray hair listened to her concerns, making “hmm”, “ah” and “uh huh” noises as she spoke. She hadn't been too scared when she missed her first monthly- she had never been the most consistent when it came to her... womanly time. But she had noticed that she was often tired, using the restroom a lot, she always seemed to be hot, and sometimes certain random smells would make her feel sick to her stomach. When she was done explaining her symptoms, he took a sample of blood and urine and did the normal checkup, blood pressure, temperature, pulse.
“Alright. We should have the test results in a few days. We will call you to come back in when they are available.”
The call came four days later. Once again, Riza went with her, and they sat in the same small, cramped office. She was fidgeting nervously until the doctor came back in with a smile on his face, reading as chart as he entered.
“Congratulations, Miss Catalina.”
“Congratulations? What for?”
“You're pregnant.”
**
The ride back to Rebecca's apartment was totally silent. Once they got there, Riza made them some tea, and they sat in the living room quietly until Riza spoke up.
“It's Havoc's, isn't it?” She asked quietly, and Rebecca nodded slightly. She had been so strong this entire time- but finally, she let the tears fall.
“He has no idea, does he?”
“No.”
More silence hung thickly in the air.
“You need to tell him.”
“I know.”
“Do... you want me to be here when you tell him?”
A pause.
“No, I want to talk with him alone. But... thanks.”
There was an unspoken thought that flew around the room, but Riza didn't dare ask.
“I... want to keep it.” Well, that answered that question, Riza thought.
“You should call him.”
“I know.”
“The sooner, the better.”
“I know.” There was frustration in Rebecca's voice.
Riza put her cup and saucer down on the table. She got up and put a hand on her best friend's shoulder. “I think I need to get going now. If you need to, call any time. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the night. It'll be fine. I'll be here for you through this.”
“Thanks.”
Rebecca stared at the phone, like it was going to catch on fire if she touched it. How in the world could she tell him? How was he going to react? Would he ask her to... get rid of it? Would he reject her? She wasn't ready for a baby. Hell, she wasn't even sure that had ever really wanted any kids. She was never the motherly type- she had been an only child, so she hadn't had a lot of experience with children.
A shaking hand reached for the phone, but then pulled away again. Her heart was racing as fast as her mind. A child- she was going to have a child. There was no mistaking when it had happened- which meant that she was about six weeks along already. Her hand moved over her stomach. It was still perfectly flat, but in a couple of months, there would be no mistaking that there was a life growing inside of her, a life that had been made in one night of drunken passion.
The dial-tone seemed impossibly loud in her ear when she dialed Jean's number.
“Jean? Can you come over? We... need to talk.”
CHAPTER FOUR: The Reveal
Jean hurried, as much as he could, towards her apartment. He had enough stamina to walk from the hospital to her apartment complex that sat right off of the Central Command grounds. It was a popular place for low and mid-ranking soldiers to stay since it was so close to work. He bought some flowers on the way from one of the many carts on the side of the road.
As soon as she opened the door after he knocked, he could see that she had been crying. Fuck, there was something really wrong. She never cried. His heart dropped- suddenly flowers seemed like a pretty trite gesture, but he offered them to her anyways.
“Thanks..” She took them and sniffed them, then backed away from the door. “Come in, please.” While he came in and closed the door, she went to the kitchen and got a vase to put them in. When she was done, she came back and sat down.
'She didn't even offer me tea? Something is really wrong.' He thought to himself. He took her hands in his and rubbed the backs on her palms. “Rebecca, please... tell me what's wrong. I'm really worried. What did the doctor say?”
“I...” Her voice faltered, her throat dry. She tried to tell him, but she couldn't get the words out.
“Is.. it bad? You... aren't really sick are you?” Worry filled his voice, fear pooling in the pit of his stomach. “How... bad is it?”
“I'm... not sick Jean.”
He breathed much easier, a little smile coming to his face. “Oh, you worried me, Becca! I was thinking the worst. You seemed so upset on the phone, and when you opened the door..” Maybe he was seeing things, just imagined that she had been crying. “So it is just a minor illness, something that will go away in a bit?”
'Oh it'll go away... in 7 months..' she thought to herself, but she bit her lip to keep from saying it. “It... isn't an illness.”
The smile that was on his face faded. He didn't like how cryptic that she was being. Why couldn't she just tell him what in the hell was going on? “Rebecca. Please. Please tell me what's going on.”
“I...” She looked deep into his blue eyes and swallowed loudly, her hands still in his.
“I... I'm... pregnant.”
**
The room was as silent as a grave, only the ticking of the clock broke the oppressive emptiness of the room.
“You... you're... sure?”
Well, that wasn't what she had expected him to say. She was hoping he would say that he was happy, excited for her- for them. She pulled her hands away from his and scowled at him.
“Yes, I'm sure. And yes, it's yours. You were the last person I slept with. Although I don't know if you remember that drunken romp after the Solstice party.”
Ouch, that had stung. Well, he had to admit that he didn't remember everything about that night, but he knew damn well what they had done. “But... it was just once...”
She sighed and rubbed her temples. “Jean, you know it only takes one time, one night when we were both too drunk to know better.”
“A baby...” His voice trailed off. “I can't even live on my own yet. I don't have a job. How can I take care of a child?”
Anger rose from deep inside of her. He wasn't ready for a child- she could tell that. In some ways, he was still a kid himself.
As quick as a flash, her hand came up and she slapped him hard on the cheek. Her face was flushed red with seething anger. “Get out, Jean.” He opened his mouth to argue, but she spoke before he could say anything, tears already streaming down her face again. “You can come back if you are ever ready to be a father.”
“But, I..”
“GET. OUT.”
Jean sighed. What could he say? He had fucked up, and now he'd just made a bad situation even worse. Maybe they just both needed a little bit of time to calm down. This was life changing for both of them. He... he was going to be a father? Well, maybe he wasn’t, he thought bitterly, not with the way that he was acting.
“I... I love you, Becca. And I will love this child.” He whispered while he got up from where he had been sitting. “Nothing will change that.” Without another word, he walked out the door and closed it softly behind him.
After the door closed, Rebecca picked up the vase that she had just filled with his flowers and water and hurled it at the door. It shattered into dozens of shards, a rain of water and glass and flowers painting the door and the floor.
Tears mixed with the water while she cleaned it up and sopped up the water from the hardwood floor. Once it was clean, Rebecca picked up the phone and dialed Riza.
“Hawkeye residence.”
“Riza... can you come over?”
“It... didn't go well.” Riza said simply. It was clear to hear how upset Rebecca was. “I'll be over in about 30 minutes. I'll bring Hayate and pick up some food.”
“Thanks.”
**
An hour later, after a lot of talking, some take out Xingese food, and half a container of ice cream, Rebecca was starting to feel at least a tiny bit better.
“Why don't you take a day or two off from work? I know your boss. I think I can convince him to give you a few days of sick leave.”
“Considering you have him by the short and curlies, I would hope that you could.” Rebecca actually managed a little bit of a smile, albeit a sad one.
There was a bit of an awkward pause. The evening was starting to pick up a little bit, and Riza was a tad hesitant to breech the subject, but she had to know.
“So... you... are happy about this. There are...”
Rebecca cut her off. “Yes, despite everything, I'm happy. I'm not sure how, but I will do this, even if I have to do it by myself.”
'Somehow I don't think that will be necessary. I'm sure he'll be back, maybe he will have a ring with him.”
“After all of this, I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for that.”
“Becca, if you two really love each other, if you want to raise this child together, it will be much better for the child if you were married before it was born.”
Anger was was she felt first, but she calmed herself, down. Riza was just trying to look out for her, telling her what was best, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear right now. “You're right, I know.” She said with a resigned sigh. “But for now, I need to think about this baby.” She touched her flat stomach. It was amazing- and terribly frightening- to think that there was a tiny life growing inside of her. It was really starting to hit her, she was going to be a mother, have to take care of this tiny life, be its whole world.
“I think we need more ice cream.”
“I agree.”
**
For the better part of the next two days, the women were mostly inseparable. Mostly they talked about almost everything except Jean Havoc and their unborn child. But it was like the elephant in the room, they pussyfooted around it- it was always there, just waiting for one of them to breech the subject.
On the evening of the second day, not long after they had finished another round of Xingese delivery food, there was a knock on the door.
“I'll get it.” Riza got up and opened the door to see a rather disheveled Jean Havoc. It looked like he had hardly gotten any sleep, or showered or shaved. But at least he was wearing different clothes than he had been two days before- that was a step in the right direction, she thought to herself.
Riza quickly grabbed Hayate and his leash, and called back to Rebecca in the other room 'I'm going to walk Hayate. I will be back later. “ She flashed a look to Jean, silently warning him not to upset her, before she left.
“Riz, who was it?” Rebecca called back. “Riza?”
“It's me, Beck.” Jean's voice was low and contrite.
“Oh.” It stung, but he really couldn't be surprised by the venom in that one word, the way that the one little syllable slapped him across the face as hard as he had physically a couple of days before.
“I'll leave if you want me to, but I... really wanna talk to you. Can... I... come in?”
Becca flopped down in a seat and offered him the couch, which he took, sitting stiffly, like he was sitting on a piece of broken glass.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” 'She liked to just plunge the knife deeper and twist it', Jean though to himself. She sounded so cold, like it was an annoyance to have him here.
“If I can, just let me speak for a minute. And then if you are still mad at me, if you... never want to see me again, then I'll leave and never come back.” He took a deep breath, then started.
“I know you're mad, and I understand.” He started. “I was an idiot. I'm still trying to get my own life in order, and now I...we... have created a new life. I was scared. I... I am scared still, I'll admit that. Even if you don't want me here, I am still going to help you, and the baby. I get a little stipend from the military. I don't need much to live on, so everything I don't need will go to you two.”
Jean closed his eyes, his head was bowed, he just couldn't get the courage to look at her. He had hurt her so badly, and he didn't think that she would ever forgive him. “I... am going to stop smoking, for you and the baby.” Oh , he wanted to reach out and touch her stomach, where their child, that little life, was slowly growing. But he kept his hands to himself, twiddling them nervously.
Finally, he looked up at her, it was the hardest thing that he had ever done- and he had been through so much in the past year. “I know this won't help, but I love you. I love you so much. And I am happy that you are pregnant, that we are going to have a baby. I will love you both with all of my heart.”
The silence was deafening. For a moment, Rebecca couldn't answer. Jean ducked his head down again, figuring that was his answer, that she hadn't forgiven him, that it really was over. Still not looking, he got up from the couch.
“I'll be going now.” But a hand reached out and took his, squeezing it. When he looked up, he saw tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.
“Don't go.. please.” She said softly. “I... am still mad at you, but...” Her hand went to her stomach, the same hand that was holding his. “This is... our child. I am not going to deny you. I am not that cruel.”
“You are a wonderful woman.” He leaned in and kissed her, softly. He could feel her stomach rising and falling as she breathed in and out. “I love you.” He leaned down and kissed her stomach. “And I love you too.”
Things weren't totally alright, but Jean could only hope that in time, they would be.