DRRRIILLLLLL
too many of my good habits have vanished since i moved back here and they need to start coming back. my health has completely gone to shit and i really must start loving myself again.
my body has been hurting all over, and way too often. i don't know how i did it before, but i actually once felt free and light and blissful for the most part.
it seems no matter what i do, i can't ever be happy the way i used to be.
slowly but surely i'm letting go of the past, and it sucks. i realized i hate seeing things go to waste and that's why i struggle with letting go of people, memories, food, clothes, pictures, magazines, cd's, random nick-knacks, etc..
as much as i love being back in texas and surrounded by chill, nice people, i miss miami so much. especially the good times i had with krystel. god damn, i miss that crazy bitch to pieces, and it hurts. today we were on ichat and she said she hated me and asked why i had to leave. i immediately started sobbing and feeling chest pains. she was probably one of the best things i ever experienced while i was in miami. she brought genuine comfort and happiness to my life with just her grumpy presence alone. it really does hurt to think that i might not ever see her again, or at least not for quite a long time. but anyway...
i've realized that in the last three and a half years of my life i've been nothing but down right lazy. i'm such a slow paced person and i really do need to get with it, so to speak. granted, maybe i was getting myself even more lost within the process of trying to find myself. but i wasn't even trying to find myself, when i think about it. i was aimlessly going about in the world, with my dreams and hopes all completely forgotten.
life is what you make it. and 2008 will be what i make it. i'm setting new goals for myself this time around. i was blessed enough to go through a three year awakening and now is the time to set things right. there are too many people that can totally do 15 hrs plus a job and still have time for fun. why can't i? honestly, i have given no blood, sweat, or tears for my future, so now is as good a time as any.
all day, every day, i dream. dream about what it would be like to actually have that degree, save the earth, be one with the earth, be intellectually stimulated, travel, find myself, and so on. well it's time to stop being a dreamer; i need to get my head outta the fuckin' clouds. everyone is doing it, and for the first time, i should jump on the bandwagon for something deserving as such.
i'm going to get through these two fuckin' classes. i'm going to study fuckin' botany. i'm going to hold a fuckin' steady job. i'm going to not waste all my extra time getting fuckin' high. i'm going to ignore all possible negative fuckin' aspects...if it kills me.
now off i go to cram for my history mid-term.
my body has been hurting all over, and way too often. i don't know how i did it before, but i actually once felt free and light and blissful for the most part.
it seems no matter what i do, i can't ever be happy the way i used to be.
slowly but surely i'm letting go of the past, and it sucks. i realized i hate seeing things go to waste and that's why i struggle with letting go of people, memories, food, clothes, pictures, magazines, cd's, random nick-knacks, etc..
as much as i love being back in texas and surrounded by chill, nice people, i miss miami so much. especially the good times i had with krystel. god damn, i miss that crazy bitch to pieces, and it hurts. today we were on ichat and she said she hated me and asked why i had to leave. i immediately started sobbing and feeling chest pains. she was probably one of the best things i ever experienced while i was in miami. she brought genuine comfort and happiness to my life with just her grumpy presence alone. it really does hurt to think that i might not ever see her again, or at least not for quite a long time. but anyway...
i've realized that in the last three and a half years of my life i've been nothing but down right lazy. i'm such a slow paced person and i really do need to get with it, so to speak. granted, maybe i was getting myself even more lost within the process of trying to find myself. but i wasn't even trying to find myself, when i think about it. i was aimlessly going about in the world, with my dreams and hopes all completely forgotten.
life is what you make it. and 2008 will be what i make it. i'm setting new goals for myself this time around. i was blessed enough to go through a three year awakening and now is the time to set things right. there are too many people that can totally do 15 hrs plus a job and still have time for fun. why can't i? honestly, i have given no blood, sweat, or tears for my future, so now is as good a time as any.
all day, every day, i dream. dream about what it would be like to actually have that degree, save the earth, be one with the earth, be intellectually stimulated, travel, find myself, and so on. well it's time to stop being a dreamer; i need to get my head outta the fuckin' clouds. everyone is doing it, and for the first time, i should jump on the bandwagon for something deserving as such.
i'm going to get through these two fuckin' classes. i'm going to study fuckin' botany. i'm going to hold a fuckin' steady job. i'm going to not waste all my extra time getting fuckin' high. i'm going to ignore all possible negative fuckin' aspects...if it kills me.
now off i go to cram for my history mid-term.